as far as i am taking this today

Dear former self, this ones for you. 
I’m sorry, I truly am. I’m sorry for everything, not only for what I let others do to you but what what I did too. I’m sorry for when things went wrong I took it all out on you. I’m sorry for the mutilation of you and for the times I went too far. I’m sorry for holding onto others longer than I ever held onto you. I’m sorry for never putting you first. I’m sorry for letting you and everything that made you, you, erode away. I’m sorry for letting everyone who left take a part of you. 
Most of all, I am sorry for being completely incapable of loving you.
Today I stand here, possibly too far from who you used to be, but I promise to preserve you till I am worthy of being you again. 
Love, the person you’d never be.
—  Lamiya Waheed / I should have written this a long time ago

Hi, babies! I hope it is nice where you are as it is where I am today!
It’s one of the nicest days we’ve seen so far, which is something that is taking some getting used to since moving up north, which is quite a change since I grew up in the south!

This little bottle is, as it says, for happiness. Pure happiness, in and out. Everyone needs a little bit of sunshine in their day, right?! Right! Let’s get on with this guy then!

  • sea salt - for protection
  • basil - for confidence and courage
  • marjoram - for happiness
  • rosemary - for matters of the heart 
  • oregano - for joy
  • mint - for peace
  • orange peel - for emotional peace

This jar was made with the intent of happiness inside and out, because I’m a believer that happiness with yourself is so so important, because you are worthy of love and happiness, always!

As you fill it up, declare what each herb is going to do for you, and FEEL that happiness in your voice as you declare it (believe it!) cork that up, and seal it (I used yellow, lemon scented wax because what is happier than yellow and lemons to me? Not much! Also I have a tutorial of how I seal bottles with wax here!)

Carry it around when you need some sunshine in your day!

I would love to see your recreations! Please tag me if you do!

I hope this was helpful, let me know if you make it, send me photos of yours!
You can also check out my other jars here!

Have a beautiful day, babies! Take care of yourself!

Went to a new bookstore and got A Gathering of Shadows by V.E Schwab and I am so excited to begin reading it! I am reading Emma by Jane Austen for my English class and all I want to read is fantasy!!

                                      What is your favorite genre?

I am taking a TON of photos for the booklr today and I am so excited about how they are turning out so far! 

Important messages in Gerard Way and MCR lyrics

• it’s not love if it’s just fucking
• Don’t ask a lot, and you won’t lose a lot
• We don’t need no shows
• Every night, there’s a chance we can walk away
• Don’t give a damn about the wreck you leave in
• Let’s use our magic powers with the children
• It hurts, but I understand
• Just keep it together somehow
• We’re not just dreamers
• I’m with you
• You’re never facing them alone today
• Take my fucking hand and never be afraid again
• Think happy thoughts
• You are not alone in this
• We’ll go so far
• I’m trying
• We’ll show them all how much we mean
• We’ll meet again
• You’re beautiful!
• We are young and we don’t care
• We’ll love again, we’ll laugh again
• We’ll carry on
• Go and try, you’ll never break me
• I won’t explain or say I’m sorry.
• I’m unashamed, I’m gonna show my scar
• I am not afraid to keep on living
• I am not afraid to walk this world alone
• Come on Angel, don’t you cry
• Let me see your jazz hands
• You’ve got to see what tomorrow brings
• Raise your voice every single time they try to shut your mouth
• You’ve got to be what tomorrow needs
• Ain’t nobody gonna take my life
• Ain’t nobody gonna get the best of me
• Get off the ledge and drop the knife
• I’ll keep you safe tonight
• You can run away with me any time you want
• Sparkle like Bowie in the morning sun
• We are not afraid, and we are not ashamed
• You’ll never fight alone
• The world is ugly, but you’re beautiful to me
• Dry your eyes and start believing
• Never let them take the light behind your eyes
• Just remember you will always shine as bright
• Be strong and hold my hand
• Give me all you’ve got, I can take it
• I’m not ashamed of what I am
• There are so many special things about you

The Discovery

(Your boyfriend Jin is reluctant to allow his sexual fantasy to become a reality.)

Warning: Smut, male dom, female sub, spanking, fellatio, teasing, intercourse, dirty talk. I am so going to hell for writing stuff like this.

“Jin.  Jin!  Jinnie! Yah, KIM SEOKJIN WAKE UP!”

Your attempts to gently nudge your boyfriend awake had failed, so you shook him awake instead.  You had already been up for an hour, had showered, dressed, did your hair and makeup and were ready to go do something fun for the day.  Your boyfriend, Jin, was always so busy with work it was rare to have a whole day for just the two of you.  You had spent the night at his place so you could get an early start on your plans for the day.  First was a bike ride in the park, then a picnic lunch, a trip to the aquarium, a puppy café, a movie, dinner, late night bowling and drinks.  Jin had laughed at you when you told him your list of what you had planned, and he was right, it would be impossible to do everything, but you wanted to try to do as much as you could.

Jin wrapped his arms around you and pulled you down onto the bed so your head was against his chest. He held you tightly so you couldn’t move much. “Baby, why don’t we just sleep a little while longer.   You wore me out last night.”

You smiled thinking of last night.  Making love with Jin was always such a pleasure.  He wasn’t adventurous in bed, but he was a generous lover, always making sure you were well taken care of.  You sometimes missed the wilder sexual activities you experienced with previous boyfriends, but you wouldn’t trade Jin for anyone else in the world. He was by far the kindest boyfriend you had ever had.

Keep reading

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. (You guys I am seriously going to hell. I’m sorry if the ghosts of the founding fathers find this, full permission to haunt my ass. ALSO! Credit to the artist :) )

“Bad boys don’t get to come. Bad boys get punished, am I clear?” Alexander addressed.

John Laurens whimpered signaling a yes, but that didn’t work for Hamilton.

“I said, do I make myself clear? Repeat what I said,” Hamilton growled, taking off John’s shirt and boxers in a quick motion.

“Daddy said that bad boys don’t get to come with Daddy. Bad boys get spankies and punishment,” John repeated.

“You’re not getting spankies, not today, I am far too tired from my meeting today little one. What ever shall I do to my boy?” Hamilton asked, pulling open the drawer and pulling out lube and a light pink vibrator.

John whimpered at the sight of what was in his hands.

“Oh wait- How could I forget?” Hamilton said, turning around to get rope.

John sat there naked on his lower half, shaking at his fear of what Hamilton was going to do. Hamilton directed John to get on his hands and knees, well not exactly his hands, but to lean on his shoulders and knees as his daddy tied his hands behind his back, making sure they were secure. Hamilton lubed up the vibrator without saying a word or making a sound. Hamilton shoved the vibrator in his bum without prep, making John cry out in pain and pleasure.

“I will be back in 40 minutes. If you can make it without coming, I will reward you. If you come, I will start the 40 minutes over again. Do I make myself clear?” Hamilton clarified.

“Yes,” John said, shaking his head violently.

Hamilton set an alarm for 40 minutes and put the vibrator on the lowest it would go. Hamilton kissed John’s lower back and left the room, closing the door behind him.

When Hamilton’s alarm went off, he sat up from the couch and opened the door, revealing his little shaking on the bed. Hamilton had been listening to John’s moans and screams for the last 40 minutes. John was lying in the same position when Hamilton entered the room.

“Did you come?” Hamilton asked.

“N-No, I-I di-didn’t Daddy,” John stuttered as Hamilton turned the vibrator off, making him sigh.

“Good boy. Did you learn your lesson, Prince?” Hamilton sighed as he slowly took out the vibrator.

John moaned as the vibrator was removed. Hamilton began to untie his hands.

“Y-Yes Daddy. Ma-May I come?” John croaked.

“Go ahead,” Hamilton smirked as his baby exploded with pleasure. “Good boy. I’ll go clean you up. Stay here,” Hamilton said as he opened their bathroom in their room and got paper towels and a makeup remover wipe.

Hamilton returned, setting John on his bum. Hamilton cleaned up all the cum that got onto the bed and the cum on John. Hamilton took the pomegranate scented makeup wipe and wiped away the running mascara and John’s baby pink lipgloss.

“Cuddle?” John whined as he threw away the dirty wipes.

Hamilton smiled and got into the bed with him, throwing the fuzzy black blanket and comforter over them. John sighed and laid his head on Hamilton’s cozy chest, lightly rising and dropping. John kissed his chest where he was laying.

“I love you, Daddy. Thank you,” John yawned tiredly.

“Mhm, love you too baby.”

2

10/11/16 I spent yesterday afternoon in the sitting room in Glodney with my friend Clodagh trying to get more of my essay done. I want to finish it but wednesday latest so that I can proofread it and make it exactly as I want it, but I am worried that I won’t have enough time to go to quidditch practise if I don’t finish it in enough time! The sunset was so beautiful that I had to take a photo, I hope you guys think so too. I find taking photos with my studyblr in mind gives me far more motivation to do work than maybe even the possibility of running out of time? Call me crazy. My life is pretty good right now. My friend lizzie literally said today “emily your life is like a john green book without the cancer.” so thats pretty great if you ask me. Might not be posting too much until Thursday when my deadline’s gone! Love you all! xoxoxoxo emily

today, i found myself browsing through facebook, scrolling through the wonderful accomplishments of old friends, through engagements, baby showers, brand new homes, and incredible jobs. and i thought to myself, why am i so far behind? but you know, that’s unfair.

i’ve always thought that for every step i’ve taken, my friends have taken a thousand more. but really it’s the opposite. and that’s the case for all of us survivors. for every easy step our friends have taken, we have trudged on with thousand pound weights dragging us down.

so please, take a moment to be proud of yourself today. maybe you aren’t exactly where you want to be in life (god knows i’m not) but think back to all those times you thought you just couldn’t go on, and count the amount of steps you’ve taken since then. you’re alive. you’re breathing. you’re still trying. and i am so goddamn proud of you. 

Friday night i went to watch my son play baseball. It was an exciting game, and my son made some great plays. I was feeling like a teenage girl watching her boyfriend play. I was practically soaking through my panties. After the game i gave him a big hug outside the dugout and had to control myself as not to let anyone know how much i wanted him. We walked a short distance away and he kissed me in the shadows. My son leaned in and told me he was going to the after game celebration. He saw the disappointment on my face. Told me ’ I’ll be home at midnight, you be ready.’.

I groaned and he smacked my ass as he returned to the locker room. I went home and called my daughter. She decided to have a sleep over at her friends house. I was nervous as i waited for my son to return home. I did as i was told however. I spent the next 3 hours on my bed teasing myself and imagining my son’s thick cock. I was edging myself toward the peak of a mind numbing orgasm when i heard the door open. I immediately leaned back and spread myself for him.. He groaned upon entering my bedroom and i hear him ask if i had cum yet. I told him no i hadn’t but soon he was telling me he thought i was lying and that he should go to his bed. I begged him not to go. And dropped to my knees.

I looked up at him and saw the smile streching across his face. At the same moment his pants hit the floor and a new scent filled my brain. I looked at him and he nodded. Then told me that his girlfriend was at the party. I needed no further instructions. I and kissed and licked every inch of him cleaning the juices off of him. I groaned and felt my juices running down my thighs as i cleaned my own sons postcotial juices off his cock. I gazed into his eyes as i felt him swell and he groaned as i swirled my tongue around the head until he came in my mouth.

Soon after that we were on the bed. He fucked me until dawn. We wore up today and showered spending most of the day in my room talking and fucking. I love how dominate and take charge he has become. He is currently asleep in my bed and yes i am headed back there but i wante yo let everyone know about my weekend so far.

Flash FanFic...

Camila and Lauren meet after the troubled departure of Camila from the band.

Lauren: What is so important that you can not wait until tomorrow to talk?
Camila: I needed to see you.
Lauren: Now you need to see me? After you leave and let me get out of the closet so fucking alone???
Camila: Lauren, you have to forgive me!
Lauren: No!!
Camila: Lauren, please! It’s my dream… we can still together.
Lauren: No!!!! I told you, Camila… I’m not gonna hide this anymore.
Camila: Lauren, please…
Lauren: No!!! You didn’t think of me, why should I think of you now?
Camila: I thought of you, but I did it anyway cuz I know we can do both.

Silence.

Camila: Lauren, please… you have to forgive me.
Lauren: No!! I’m sorry…. I can’t. I’m hurt. I don’t want this fucking toxic relationship anymore.

Camila: Lauren, you have to forgive me. You have to forgive me…
Lauren: I’m sorry…

Lauren leaves the room and Camila cries.

3 Years Later…

Camila: Lauren, what are you doing here?
Lauren: I had to see you. Don’t do it!
Camila: Lauren, this is my wedding…are you out of your mind?
Lauren: Yes, I’m out of my mind, I’ve never been so out of my mind as I am now. You can not do that!! I love you! I really really do!
Camila: I tried to get back with you for a long time. I begged your forgiveness. I made all possible statements. You deny it every time. You kept me far for all these years. I’m getting married today!
Lauren: Camz, please, don’t do it!
Camila: I’m sorry!

Later in the marriage…

The Priest: Camila, will you take John to be your husband; love, honor, and cherish him now and forevermore?

Camila: Shit!!!
All the church: What?
Camila: I’m sorry…. I’m so so sorry…
Sinu: What’s going on? Oh… it’s her…
The groom: Her?? Who?? Camila, what’s going on?
Camila: I’m sorry!! I can’t!! You are great….but I really can’t.

Camila runs away from the church and met Lauren standing on the stairs.

Magazine’s cover the next day: Camila Cabello leaves her groom at the altar to stay with Lauren Jauregui, her ex-partner in Fifth Harmony.

Camren Is Finally Real Now!!!

Happy 2020, guys!!!

today is Transgender Day of Visibility! so here is a picture of me. my name is dante, i use he pronouns for the most part, and i’m the guy behind this blog. i only started transitioning about two years ago, but i’ve already come so far from where i started. i used to be deadnamed and misgendered constantly, and i was too afraid to present as my true self. now i am known by my real name to friends and family, i dress and style myself the way i want, and i am going to be starting HRT soon. so to all trans kids out there who are uncertain about the future, there is hope!!! let’s all take today as a day to amplify trans voices, educate ourselves, and for those of us who are trans, share our stories.

Changed Education (Alexander Hamilton x Reader)

Requested By: Anonymous

Summary: You are a strong, independent, and outspoken woman who fights for what she believes in. Your passion just so happens to be changing the education system. Watch as you meet Alexander and try to achieve your goal.

Warnings: None

Time Period: Hamiltime

Words: 2000

A/N: Yes, I am alive. I know this took way longer than it should have, but I needed to take the time to get it so I liked it. To apologize, staring today, I will post a new story every day for the next 5-7 days.To the requester I hope this is what you were looking for. I enjoyed writing this so much, it was an interesting topic I wouldn’t have explored without this request. I hope you and enjoy and have a wonderful day!

It was extremely difficult for a woman to advance far in education, especially during the 1700′s. Most narrow-minded men believed a woman should only need to know how to write her name and read her religious book. Other than that, men only expected a woman to know how to cook, clean, and take of children.

Luckily, you had grown up in a household with your mother who was a strong, independent woman, and you father who supported women in their fight for education equality. They both disagreed with society’s expectations of a women and began educating you from a young age.

Unlike many girls of your time, you had the opportunity to study literature, writing, arithmetic, science, and even a bit of politics. This combined with your upbringing, turned you into a woman who was unafraid to stand up against egotistical men who believed women were beneath them. Many a times, you had almost gone head to head with somebody over a comment on your knowledge.

However, while you were extremely proud of your intelligence, it made it hard to hold friendships and even harder to find a man who wanted to court you. Most times when you would start a relationship, you were told by the men to stop reading because it wasn’t right for a woman. If they ever did say this, you would slap them, remind them that woman were just as, if not more, capable as men, and would leave.

For this reason, you tried to avoid balls and other social situations as much as possible. They were often an uncomfortable event where you found yourself off to the side, alone, while you watched your best friend Angelica Schuyler dance the night away.

Angelica was similar to you, really. She was intelligent, witty, outspoken, and very stubborn. So stubborn that she was able to convince you to join her at the Winter’s Ball that was being hosted at the end of the week. Although you tried to get out of it, she begged and pleaded with you until you couldn’t say no.

The night of, she let you borrow one of her dresses and helped you to curl your hair to perfection. As you stood in front of the mirror, gazing at your reflection, you had to admit that you looked beautiful. With all the work you did, it was uncommon for you to dress up, so it was a nice change.

Walking side by side, Angelica made you promise her something.

“Promise me you will find at least one man to dance with tonight.” she pleaded.

“Angelica, you know it’s unlikely I will find anyone to dance with tonight.” you sighed, fiddling with your dress.

Eventually, you ended up promising her that you would dance at least once tonight. Not long after you both entered the ball, Angelica was swept away by a solider who had been tripping over himself just to impress her.

You smiled from the side as you watched Angelica go from one man to the next, dancing the night away. The familiar feeling of awkwardness feel over you as you stood alone. Looking around the room, you sighed once you realized nearly every man was dancing with a woman already.

In all honest, you were about to leave when someone began to head your way. As the mysterious man drew closer, you groaned internally when you recognized him as Charles Lee. While you had never met the man, you had heard from multiple people that he was highly annoying.

Now standing directly in front of you, Lee gave a small bow, and you curtsied back only because it was polite. He held out an arm for you and had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes.

“Would you allow me the honor of accompanying you for a dance?” he asked you.

Silently, you nodded and let him lead you to the dance floor. He rested his one arm on your waist and took hold of the other hand, while your free hand rested on his shoulder. Then the dance began and you prayed for it to be over. Eventually, he tried to make small conversation.

“Tell me something about yourself, Miss. (y/ln).” he commanded gently with a smile.

You thought for a moment before you spoke. “Well, right now I am trying to raise enough money to become a certified teacher and then open up a school for girls, I-” you stated explaining passionately before you were interrupted.

“Ha!” Lee laughed after you. “I would quit your dreams now. Women have no reason to get an education, and it makes even less sense for them to be teaching.” he jeered.

Instantly, you stopped dancing and stared incredulously at the man in front of you. “How dare you?” you accused. “Do you not realize that education is wasted on egotistical men who are too blind and stuck up to appreciate what they have. Woman are just as capable, even more, as men and we do deserve to get out education.” you shouted.

“Do not attempt to contact me the rest of the night.” you warned and slapped Lee before storming away back to the corner you stood in originally.

Keep reading

Cheating|| H.S. (your P.O.V)

His P.O.V.: http://blackmilkshake.tumblr.com/post/156212433502/cheating-harry-styles-imagine

Cheating Your P. O. V. 

This whole month has been the most tiring one of the year. I would stay in my office till midnight sometimes, all of these because I want to do as much as I can before Harry and I start to plan out the wedding and get married, achieve everything I have proposed before the wedding. 

I touch the engagement ring he gave me a few months ago and just the thought of marrying the love of my life makes me so happy. I stand up from my cubicle and look out, the sky is amazingly grey and it kind of scares me. It’s definitely going to rain. Again

Yesterday I had to stay at my best friend’s because mine and Harry’s house was way too far from my job. But today, hopefully, I would get home before the storm starts. I think about sending Harry a message but I just want to surprise him. It’s Tuesday and I haven’t seen him properly since last Friday, since my schedule has gone crazy I only see him for breakfast and before he falls sleep, if I am lucky enough to see him before he falls sleep. His life is much more tiring than mine so I totally get it. I take my car and drive to the closest restaurant and grab his favorite. On my way home I think about how lucky I am for having such an amazing and caring fiancé. Even though I feel like we are a little distant it may be because of our tight schedules. 

It will end soon tho, I am pretty sure my boss is giving a promotion and I want it, yes it is supposed to be more tiring but it will actually allow me to work it from home if I wanted to, I would also get to travel, so I would not feel so alone when Harry leaves for touring. That’s why I’ve been working so hard too. It couldn’t be so far, my boss has been giving me little hints about it, giving me extra tips and more responsibilities. I may even get that promotion next week, as I have heard. 

I am so excited. 

As I get to our house entrance I feel something weird inside me. Like… if something was not right. All the lights are on and Harry never turns on all the lights, he prefers dark rooms. Once I open the front door I hear moans coming from upside and my stomach twists. I close my eyes as I feel my heartbeat speed faster than I can tell. And for the first time ever I wish he’s just watching porn. 

Once I’m the top of the stairs I hear a very deep and low “fuck” that I can recognize as Harry’s voice and then her answer “oh fuck, Harry I want you inside of me so bad.” It takes me a couple of seconds to actually realize what’s happening. I feel my heart breaking and at the same time dying with each groan coming from their mouths, making me unable to move a single muscle. I know what will happen if I open that door and a huge part of me doesn’t want it to happen. Why is all of this happening to me? Was I just not enough? “Fuck, love I’m gonna fuck you so hard.” Harry’s deep moan makes me want to throw up, that’s the way he calls me yet that word feels so gross in this very moment. I can’t take it any longer. But…Do I really want to look at that? Do I really want to see my fiancé -or should I say ex fiancé- fucking another girl in what used to be our bed? Before they can do anything else I open the door widely, trying to keep all the tears inside of me, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction to see me broken. 

As soon as I enter Harry quickly stands up, pushing the girl that he had beneath him in the process, his eyes so wide open that I felt as if they would fall at any moment. He opens his mouth, yet no word leaves, then he clears his throat, definitely caught off guard. Of course he did not expect me coming home earlier and I cannot help but wonder if he had done this before. “Kitten…” he whispers as he tries to fix himself but I can only stare at the girl that has a huge grin of satisfaction all over her face and then I feel all the insecurities I had ever felt blossoming in me. She was like a model, tall, fit, with long blonde hair, big eyes- summing up, ridiculously pretty.  He tries to take my hand in his but I just can’t stand his touch, not when my head goes this fast. It burns me. That woman winks at me and I feel a wave of rage all over my body, yet I don’t move. 

Of course she wanted it. 

Everyone wanted Harry and I apart, management, the fans, his girl friends. I thought we were strong. Guess they weren’t that wrong. 

They’ve won. 

Tears roll down my face as that woman walks out of the room, finally sinking in the fact that the love of my life didn’t think I was good enough for him. He lied to me, of course. He can get any girl in the world.  Why stay stuck with me his whole life? 

How far would have he gone if I had not entered? How long has this been happening? My own thoughts eating me alive. I feel dizzy and my stomach upside down, like if I could throw up at any moment. I close my eyes for a moment and look at the ground, hoping that everything stops spinning.

“Love” Harry calls me almost with fright but I feel even sicker at that pet name. He called that… that woman love while she was beneath him. I shake my head no.
I want to take that image out of my head. 

Suddenly the ring on my finger feels too heavy in my hand and I feel like taking it off, my eyes still on the ground. He takes a step closer again and I’m too weak to take a step back so I just stay there, lifeless as he takes my hand. 

And I suddenly feel hate. Hate towards myself. 

I promised myself I would never forgive something like this yet my heart wants to forgive him even when he hasn’t even said a word worth my forgiveness. I hate that I love him. I hate that I gave him my whole self. 

“Why, Harry? I trusted you.” It’s all I can manage without breaking more. I can’t even look at him in the eyes. His hand still on mine feels so right, his warmth sending chills down my spine just like the first time I met him. He doesn’t answer my question and that only makes me feel worst, cause I’m not even worth a reason to him. 

“I.. I don’t know. I love you, so much… don’t misunderstand this, please. I’m such an idiot… and please forgive me, I’ll do anything… babe please.”
Lies. Lies. Lies. I don’t want to believe them. That’s what I want my heart to understand. I can’t trust him anymore. Inside of me there is a huge battle between my morals and my feelings.
“Please… hit me, yell at me, make me feel like the worst man on earth, just… do something.”  He begs, sounding so desperate and I can feel him crying, his hand trembling in mine, cold and sweaty but it’s the first time I don’t confort him. It definitely breaks me, but I’m just too broken to fix anyone else, even him. 

I put up with the hate that I received on social media, the stalking, the paps watching every step I took, I had a thick skin for all of that and not even in my wildest dreams I expected the betray from him, it makes me feel so lost, so alone.

I thought it was us against the world.

Out of nowhere he leans down and kisses me and I want to quit so bad because those lips where on her before but it feels so right, his warmth and I feel so weak that I can´t help but kiss him back, even when I feel dirty. He was with someone else two minutes ago. I scold myself. The kiss is full of something I hadn’t felt in a while and I’ve just come to notice. He’s kissing me with so much love and passion that I hadn’t felt in a long time, probably since the proposal. Love that I had always given him. Love that I didn’t notice he had stopped feeling towards me. It feels like the first kiss. But it may the last one. 

I can’t let a man do something like that to me and then expect me to act like if nothing ever happened. He never breaks our kiss, and we slowly lay down right there, on the floor, taking as much of each other as our hands can bare.  

I try to memorize each part of him as we both undress each other. 
His hair.
His big green eyes.
His mouth.
His nose.
His tattoos.
His torso.
All of him. 

I want to remember him like this, making love to me, making me feel loved, staining me. He lets out slow deep moans that only reminds me of what I’ve just seen and my mouth lets out groans against my will. Partly because of all the pain inside of me. Harry takes a minute to look at my face and then he hugs me while we become one, with so much care and delicacy, like if he does not want to harm me, but I am already hurt, from the inside. Moans are left in my ear and moans leave my mouth as his hands travel all over my body, giving me pleasure so slowly, like if there was no rush, making me cry in agony.
How long has it been since we actually made love? I quickly swipe the tears as he looks at my face. As we hit the highest point he moans my name in my ear and says an “I love you” that I can’t answer after knowing what I was about to do. 

Not even the heat of the fireplace can warm up the cold growing inside of me. I look at him, lying right next to me, with his angelic self. I would have never thought he would do something like that. Tears fall down my face as a wave of rage hits me again.  I did nothing to deserve this. No one deserves this. I stand up slowly so I don’t wake Harry up. It’s three in the morning when I start packing all my stuff, leaving behind all of the things he gave me, including the necklace that came with the engagement ring. I call a cab when I’m done, but I feel empty and I want him to know how I feel so I write him a letter even when I feel so stupid. 

Dear Harry.

I know I should not be explaining myself but here I am. 
I used to believe that we were inseparable, but time showed me wrong. Forgiving is harder than you can expect and right now I don’t know if what I need is time or to be away from you, so I’m doing both. I love you, I always will and that’s what’s bothering me if I’m honest. I can’t be with you now. But you have such and amazing heart… yes, even after what you did, and you deserve someone that loves you as I do, but at the same time someone you can love too as much as I did, and I hope you can find that girl that makes you feel like you made me feel. 

All the love to you, (y/n). 

Tears stream down my face as I hear the taxi parking outside the house.

“Bye Harry” I whisper as I take out my engagement ring and place it in his hand and I give him a last kiss on his soft lips. I have to bit my lip so a sob doesn’t wake him up. That’s the last thing I need now. While I’m in the cab I call my mom so she can pick up my car later and my best friend so they know that I’ll be gone for a while and I don’t want to be chased by anyone, including them and Harry. At six o'clock I’m at the airport and I contact my boss accepting the offer he gave me two months ago about moving to branch office of his company instead of the promotion and he gladly gives it to me. I had to leave everything behind even when it broke me because how can someone ever forgive a cheater? How can you cheat on someone you say you love? 

However a part of me wants to fight, to forgive him. Because I love him. 

Always have. 

Always will. 


—————————————

If you would like to read more of my blurbs, here is my -tiny-Masterlist: http://blackmilkshake.tumblr.com/masterlist

And if you have any request do not be shy. 

ATL

2

-9℃ ☁️☃🌨 

 25-26/100 days of productivity

I started learning korean!!😱 I love learning learning new things, especially languages. I really hope to stay motivated enough to keep going because i really like it so far! I’m only starting and i am a slow learner, so I’m going to take my time. Today i started learning how to read and write hangul:) 

likiliki12  asked:

Anarchy is controversal and stupid it denyes itself. If only rule is that there are no rules than it's a paradox. And let us not get started on the topic of how uncivilazied the whole concept is. So my question is what makes anarchist so diffrent from somebody like caveman? They didn't have any gods, pope, bishops, laws, govorment, presidents, or any tax to pay at all just like your preachings. So what makes you better than them?

From the look of your blog you seem primarily concerned with using short replies to insult people who are trying to make the world a little better. I don’t really expect that you will take the time to read my long answer. But maybe other people do want to read it so I am writing it anyway for the people who are interested. Maybe that includes you maybe it doesn’t. 

I could say so many different things to this, starting with the fact that most evidence shows that cave dwelling people actually had very few wars, took care of the sick and disabled and had a far more equal distribution of food and goods than we do today. Historians have often imagined the ‘uncivilized’ caveman’s life to be full of rape and warfare but there is no evidence for that at all. Many died at 30, sure, but that was because they did not yet have the technology to do 21th century health care. 

I do not want to get back to a caveman like lifestyle. All I am saying here is: the system we live in now brings out the worst in humanity. When people are not forced into a system of huge wealth unequality that forces people to work meaningless jobs for long hours under bad conditions for scraps, they’re actually pretty nice. When people have to distribute what they have in their own communities, they never come up with a ‘I keep 99% and you lot can devide this 1%’ system. You need the extensive system of capitalism to achieve that. 

Anarchy is not just about ‘no rules’, that is a twisted version of the concept that is being repeated over and over again by opponents and has no basis in real anarchism. Some of the main building blocks of anarchism are:

- The systems that are currently creating massive inequality need to be destroyed. That means dismantling capitalism, the state, borders, prisons, cops, and the distribution of money as we know it but it also means we need to dismantle white supremacy, the patriarchy, cissexism, heteronormativity, ableism, neuronormativity etc. 

- Distribution of goods should take place based on everyone getting what they need to live comfortably, and everyone working in ways that they want and can do comfortably. We can easily feed the world that way because we’ll no longer have to give 99% to the ultra rich. 

- All organization, be it a family, a factory or a whole city, should be organized around group-decision making and should be entirely voluntary. No systems should be set up that you can not leave.

- A lot of organizing involved setting rule together, things like ‘don’t put stuff on the wheelchair ramp’ and ‘everyone on this farm who can physically do the work needs to show up for the harvest because we need to get all the food inside before the weather turns bad’. But these are not rules as laws, they are rules as communication: stuff we agree on together because it makes our lives better. If someone feels that the rules they have set with a community no longer fit there is no punishment, there is a conversation about why they don’t fit and a search for a better way to organize the rules. If someone is harmful to others, there is a focus on protecting victims and simultaneously working with the harmful person to figure out what made them act in harmful ways and what they need to change. 

There is more, and there are a lot of groups within anarchism that would emphasize different aspects of anarchism, but as you can see, it’s definitely about a lot more than ‘no rules’. 

I once thought that Anarchy was just ‘no rules’ and it frightened me. Without rules, how would a small, neuroatypical, queer trans person like me be safe? How would my friends be safe? But I realized that anarchism is actually primarily concerned with breaking down all the systems that are creating an unsafe world for me and that the alternatives anarchists build focus on working together to create real safety in a way that the legal systems under capitalism can never provide. 

If you’re interested, check out the many books at The Anarchist Library

Or start with my favorite book Anarchy Works. 

anonymous asked:

Saeran and V reactions to that prompt about finding out MC is trans when theyre about to have their first time

Saeran

  • he realizes MC is tensing up under his touch
  • it’s slight- maybe he’s even imagining it- but he can’t ignore it
  • MC is a bit surprised when he stops kissing and sits up, looking straight at them
    • “What’s wrong, MC?”
  • MC’s mouth runs a bit dry at the question
  • it’s not that anything is wrong, really…
    • “You love me for who I am, right, Sae?”
  • Saeran seems almost confused by the sudden question
  • of course he does
  • he trusts MC with his world
  • MC feels as if they might have killed the mood, gentl sitting up and telling Saeran they’re trans
    • “So do you want to stop here? It’s ok if you want to leave it here for today, MC…”
  • instead of acting surprised, Saeran seems almost worried that he was taking things too far for MC’s comfort
  • MC blushes a deep red because now they have to tell him they want to keep going
    • “Ah… W-well, if you’d like, then I also want to… Keep going…”
  • saeran can’t help but smile at MC’s beet red face as his arms wrap around them, tangled in the bedsheets

V

  • MC was so lost in the sea of gentle, cotton-soft kisses V was delivering that for a second they forgot
  • forgot that V still didn’t know
  • when V was toying with the hem of their shirt, it hit them like a freight train
  • how could they just forget to tell their lover beforehand??
  • a deep blush spreads across MC’s face as they put their hands on top of V’s and speak up
    • “V? Before you go on, maybe we should… Uh… Well, you know what a trans person is, right…?”
  • V listens carefully and nods, and before MC can keep talking, V puts his hand on MC’s cheek
    • “I fell in love with you, with your soul, ok? I love your everything. Every part of you. Please don’t think that changes anything for me or how I feel… Ok?”
  • MC has always been surprised at how smooth and romantic V can be, but this time it soothes them rather than embarrass them
Netflix will trip you up everytime

The other day I was talking with Ang. She asked me about drabble requests and I thought ‘I don’t know if I can do that’. So she flooded my inbox with some gif’s. If I have done OK with these then that may be what I do when I hit 1.5K followers (which I am not to terribly away from hitting!)

So with that being said, I worked on 3 of them last night… hope I did all the gif’s justice Angelina… enjoy!

This is the first of 3 drabbles…. as always if you want off or on the tag list just let me know… And leave me some feedback, let me know how I am doing as far as these GIF drabbles things go.

(I’m not totally sure if these actually count as drabbles considering their length… maybe they are more like snipets???)

Mama’s Master List

Another Thursday and the brothers were still gone. This hunt was taking just a tad longer than they had hoped. Well longer than Dean had hoped anyways. Thankfully, I wasn’t much of a wanderer. With him gone, I was perfectly content to hang out in the bunker just doing my thing.

Coming back from the kitchen with my tenth Hot Pocket today, I jumped into the bed and got bundled up under the covers. I grabbed the remote and hit play. I really did hate it when Dean was gone but I have to admit, it did give me time to do my binge watching. S2 e11 of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. started playing. I was seriously not liking the new Simmons and her new attitude!

Half way through the episode, my phone rang. I paused the show and snatched the phone up. That better be Dean, I thought to myself.

“Hello.” I said into the speaker.

“Hey sweetheart. Whatcha doing?” Dean replied.

“Oh nothing. Just sitting here. How are y’all doing?”

“Everything went good. The job is finished.”

“So are you heading home now?”

“Yep. I should be there this evening.”

“Thank goodness. I have missed you!”

“I’m sure you have. What have you eaten today?”

“I’ve had a couple of Hot Pockets. Why?”

“Step away from the Netflix, baby.”

I started laughing. I could picture the look on his face at that moment, one total exasperation.

“It’s not funny. I bet you have been binge watching the entire time I’ve been gone, huh? And you have probably gone through two boxes of those nasty things.”

“Not true,” I said, still laughing. “I did stop watching for a bit and washed a load of clothes.”

Dean started laughing too. I even heard Sam chuckle in the background.

“Ok, so you haven’t  been watching Netflix every single minute I have been gone. I gotcha.”

“Baby, don’t hate on Netflix. It keeps me from missing you too much when you are gone.”

“Really? How much do you really miss me then?”

“Oh baby. You have no idea. I miss your kisses. I miss the way those hands…”

“Hey, hey… take it off speakerphone Dean. That’s a little more than I need to know.” I heard Sam say in the background. I couldn’t help but bust out laughing.

“Well Sammy isn’t quite in the mood for us to share with him tonight. So I tell you what, get off Netflix and be prepared to show me exactly how much you miss me when I get there, ok?”

“Baby you know that is NOT a problem!”

“Ok, love you and I will see you in about two hours.”

Keep reading

A new start, part 4

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1656

Warning: Language

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

 

You went to bed that night thinking of the whole situation.  Everything felt so jumbled up in your mind making it difficult to make sense of things that previously made perfect sense.  It was probably due to the fact; you finally admitted to yourself that you had feelings for Chris, that you had always had feelings for Chris. However, with everything you had gone through, you did not want to think about the possibilities of what you would do once you gave yourself a chance to feel again. You tossed and turned the whole night. By the time you woke up the next day you were a bitchy zombie.  Jake, your older brother, let himself in through the sliding glass door that looked out over the pond.  You sat at the counter with a cup of coffee trying to decide how to plan your day, as you were going back to North Carolina today.

“Well good morning, Sunshine.  I take it that is the only cup so far.  You look like hell.”  With an over sugary sweet smile you gave him the finger.  He laughed moving over to give you a side hug.  “Love you too sis.”  The only response from you was to take another sip from your Tinkerbell mug.  Jake poured himself a cup, leaving it black. You never understood drinking coffee like that.  It was like drinking bitter gasoline.  “Are you leaving today? Or are you going to try and avoid him for another day?”  Setting the cup down, you rubbed your face before putting your chin on your hands.

“I am not avoiding him and yes I have to leave today.  I have a couple scenes tonight that I have to shoot.”  Jake raised a brow at you as he took a long sip of his coffee.

“Okay since you are leaving I will email the bills for the vet visit and the farrier quote for the horses. You still plan to look into more goats? If so we are going to have to expand their house and fence.”  You nodded letting a smile creep onto your face.  The three goats currently making a mess in their fenced area outside the barn were your little loves.  You wanted more to add to their fun little bunch.

“Yeah, but I wanted to make sure the vet cleared these guys before we added any more.”  He nodded his agreement but had not taken his eyes off you. You knew what he was doing.  He was trying to gauge your mood before he started to get into your personal life.

“Tell me about the guy. And don’t give me that shit, ‘what guy.’ [Y/N/N], he makes you smile.  I just want to make sure you are okay.  You are my baby sister and I love you.  The hurt that asshole caused messed you up. I know it.  But you are actually smiling now.”  You hated it when he went all ‘big brother’ on you.  Jake, though, did love you.  So you relaxed your position and sighed.

“He is my costar. Nothing is going on.  We just talk a lot and text.  He has helped me a lot recently and he is my friend.”  It was then; your phone pinged with a text message. You did not have to look; you already knew whom it was from.  Jake laughed downing the rest of the mug.

“Is that him?”  You nodded as you glanced down at the message.

Are you ok? You haven’t responded in a while.

You set the phone, face down on to the counter, not sure how to respond.  Or even sure if you would respond right now.  Jake set a hand on your shoulder.  “Give him a chance.  You deserve something good.”

“How do you know he even has those sorts of feelings?”  Your brother rolled his eyes and shoved your shoulder lightly.

“You are an idiot. You may be the smart one of the family but you are an idiot.  Trust me, as a guy; he wants something more with you.”  There was an argument that was brewing on your tongue but instead you stood up and hugged him.

“God, you are so much like dad.  I will figure something out, I just need time.”  He returned the hug for a moment before ruffling your hair.

“I know you will figure it out.  Just don’t waste too much time.  You don’t want to lose the opportunity.”  You groaned trying to fix your mess of hair.

“Fine, fine.  Go away.  I need to get ready to go.”  

Over the next hour, you packed up your SUV.  You did finally respond back to Chris’s text.  

Yeah I’m fine.    

His return text was quick in response.  Fine?

The message stared at you for close to thirty minutes before you threw the phone onto your passenger seat. There is sat for the remainder of your almost six-hour trip.  More messages came in throughout.  Some were from him others from your mom.  You were not in mood to answer either.  Plus you were driving and refused to get into an accident because of the damn phone.  The drive gave you a lot of time to think. Not only about Chris but also about everything.  Where your career was going, what may happen over the next few months at home.  You were relieved that Chris was not going to be back until the next day.  The scenes tonight did not include him, so he was flying back from Boston in the morning.  It gave you time to come up with what you wanted to say to him.

You drove straight to the set.  With the long drive, you did not want to waste any time by stopping by the beach house. The scenes were not too involved and you were finished within a few hours.  When you got back to your trailer, you checked your phone.  The only message there was from Kaley about sending a few prospective scripts for you to read through.  Your heart sunk realizing Chris had not texted you since you got back.  The words of your brother coming back to haunt you.  You were not trying to scare any one off or push them away. You just wanted some time to figure things out.  But honestly, what was there to figure out?  There were feelings there; you just had to act on them.  If he did not feel the same then you could finish the movie out and go crawl in a hole for a while.  No, you were going to think positive and hope for the best.  

The drive home from the set was quiet, as the radio in the SUV was off.  With it being as late as it was, nearly eleven, you figured the quiet might calm your busy mind to let you sleep.  It did just that until you pulled into the driveway next to a familiar car. Then the quiet only made the “oh fuck” that came out of your mouth sound even louder.  Chris sat on the front stoop, looking at you as you pulled in. Your heart beat stuttered seeing him. Pulling your bag out of the car and slamming the door you took slow tentative steps towards the house.

“Chris, what are you doing here?  I thought you were in Boston until tomorrow.”  He could hear in your voice the pausing and fumbling.

“I flew back because I was worried about you.  You have barely answered me since yesterday, and that ‘fine’ you gave me is bullshit and you know it.”  He stood as he spoke, you walked closer.  Guilt flared inside you.

“You didn’t have to do that. I’ve just got… I’ve got things on my mind I am trying to figure out.”  The short laugh he gave sounded flat.

“Things on your mind? [Y/N], you went from talking to me constantly to radio silence in a matter of an hour.  What the hell is going on?”  Chris’s voice grew louder towards the end of his question.  He was bordering on yelling.  You groaned and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards the door of the house.

“We are not going to have an argument in the middle of the damn yard at eleven o clock at night.”  Unlocking the door, you walked inside, turned on the lights and threw your bag on the chair. Chris followed close behind almost slamming the door.

“We aren’t arguing. We are discussing.”  He said as he stood in the middle of the living room.  You crossed your arms over your chest; this conversation was not what you envisioned for when you saw him next.  “Tell me what is going on.  I thought we were close.  Hell, I know we are close.  What happened?  Did I do something to upset you?  If I did, I’m sorry.  This silence is killing me.  Talk to me.” The pleading in his voice hurt your heart.

“You didn’t do anything wrong!  I was just trying to have some time to think about a few things.”  He stopped to look at you and your voice had grown louder.

“You couldn’t have messaged me back and said that?  Come on [Y/N].  What is so difficult that you can’t talk to me about it?  Damn, over the last few months we have told each other everything. At least I have told you everything. By the sounds of it I am starting to doubt you have with me.”  Your temper flared as you stood there before him.  

“Fine you want to know what I was thinking about?  I was thinking about you, you ass.  I like you. Like, really like you.  And it scares the shit out of me.”  The words just fell out of your mouth.  

Chris’s jaw dropped. It was not a response he had been expecting.  It rendered him almost speechless.  The only thing he could manage to say was, “Oh…”

(Hope you enjoyed it. )

Part 5

@thegirlwithnodragontattoo @magellan-88  @jensenxnina @thedoctorsnerdgirl  @waywardswain  @feelmyroarrrr @bolontiku @aquabrie  @tacohead13

10

So I’m watching their concert right now on periscope, and when they were introducing themselves THEY WERE SPEAKING ENGLISH AND I SWEAR TO GOD THEIR ENGLISH HAS IMPROVED SOOO MUCH MY HEART ACTUALLY CAN’T TAKE IT!! They were speaking to the audience in English, you know hyping them up and that, and it was just so pleasing to watch I actually wanted to cry :)
They also performed (so far) Not today, baepsae and Dope and am I wrong :)
also here are some photos of the struggles of an international army :)