We are not drowning a man in the motel pool. He’s telling us to stop so we aren’t stopping. The sky is drenched in itself, moon blue-lit, Hazel’s mouth stupid with love. Something like water is dripping down from the fog above. Hazel spent three hours picking splinters from the wooden table outside our room but if I don’t say anything, it didn’t happen.
Scandal Review, Episode 505, You've Been Served...
Well waddaya know, two episodes in a row, and I’m still mostly happy. Of course I knew that Zahir McGee would have to call Olivia some kind of derogatory name during the episode, he never disappoints. He did it through Edison, but he still did it. Overall it was a really good episode, and I was all set for giving him so much kudos for Olivia’s speech, only to find out that somebody else apparently wrote it. So sorry Zahir, you are still a douche to me. To be honest, even if you had written Liv’s amazing monologue, you’d still be like shit on my shoe.
Anyway, let’s get on with it shall we?
What I Hated
Every scene with Jake’s irrelevant ass of course.
Why can’t he just be killed off? Why Shonda, why?
And to find out that they cut the scenes of Liv and Fitz on an actual public date, just so we could watch Jake feed Olivia Gettysburgers? Really? Did anybody actually give a fuck about that scene? Did it even add anything to the episode? Even the fact that he finally admitted Elise was his wife was anti-climactic because as we saw, Olivia didn’t give a shit. What a waste of two minutes that could have been spent on that date and on this goodness right here:
God I hate Jake so much. I hate him in every capacity, and I will hate him forever and ever, Amen.
What I Loved
1. Michael: "We talked about this, we talked about keeping it together, didn’t we?“
Oh my fucking God, the show finally remembered that Cyrus is married! Woohoo! I liked that he seemed to be the voice of reason for an ever spiraling Cyrus. Now all we need is to see his adorable brown baby.
2. Mellie voting yes to open an investigation into impeaching her husband.
Oh Mellie, you are such a tool. How the fuck does this woman not realize that involving herself in this mess will, A, scupper her chances of being voted in as president, and B, her hands are as dirty as the rest of them. Mellie Girl, you had an affair with Andrew, the guy who had Olivia kidnapped in the first place. The guy who blackmailed Fitz into choosing between going to war for her, or letting her die. Mellie, you are the flaming idiot who handed the names of 16 jurors to the man who arranged for them to be slain. Mellie, you were a key part of Defiance. Mellie, Daniel Douglas was murdered because of what you and Cyrus did, and you helped cover it up.
Mellie, where the fuck are your brains? Right now, you’re just an embarrassment and I’m not sure what Shonda is trying to do with you. We keep being told that you’re usually the smartest woman in the room, but guuurl, you haven’t been the smartest person in the room for five seasons now, even when it was just you and Baby Teddy. Girl go get your life and learn to strategize for the love of all things Oprah.
3. Fitz and Olivia on a date.
Fitz looked so proud bless him, he has not one fuck left to give. He has Olivia by his side, and that’s all he cares about. My blinkered little romantic you. Olivia on the other hand looked like she was going to a lynching. This is not who she is at all. All this attention from the press. Literally her worst nightmare come true. As a Fitz and Olivia fan though? I squeed like a two year old. I love the idea of them just stepping into their truth and finally doing what we’ve longed for them to do for 4 long seasons.
4. Fitz: ”I have done nothing wrong and I certainly haven’t committed any impeachable offences.“
Fitz sweetie, you need to sit down with that mess. You’ve done a whole lot of shit during your tenure as president, it’s just that nobody knows about them. Yet.
5. David: "I’m just here to say, you need a lawyer.”
David was actually great in this scene. How often can we say that? Bless his cotton socks, but the truth is, he’s usually surplus to requirement.
6. David telling Fitz not to talk to Olivia about the possibility of impeachment.
Oh how I laughed. David, Sweetie, have you met this man? That’s like asking him not to breathe.
7. Olivia putting up all the newspaper headlines about her.
Sorry, all I could think was how pretty she looked in that black and white blouse, and her hair was flawless. Shallow much? Well I guess it was better than reading some of those awful headlines.
8. Quinn: “A lawyer can’t do all that.” Leo: "No, but I can.“ Quinn: ”You hired Leo?“ Leo: ”Thing 1, and Thing 2, and a new additions to the bestiary? Hold on, familiar face, recent headliner, yes, the man who hid in a closet while the mayor’s wife was being filleted. The coward of the county, Marcus Walker! If this bunch is your go-to, you obviously called me just in time.“
Oh how I love Leo’s presence. Olivia needs somebody as ruthless as him in her corner. I love that she was being proactive and trying to take control. Unlike Mellie who was still walking around clueless, without a solid plan. We’ll get to her later.
9. Leo: ”We’re going to take what the public views as a cheap and tawdry affair between the president and his former Communications and we are going to spin it, into the greatest romance ever told. Olivia and Fitz, a love like no other. See my plan even has a name.“
Who was surprised that A, Liv said no, and B, that she would have to change her stance by the end of the episode? I have to give her props though, the ”Olivia Pope, woman of the people“ slant was working until the discovery of Doux Bebe. Which I’m still confused about, but we’ll address that later.
10. Leo: ”That’s the thing about the great ones, they perform no matter what utter crap they are dealt.“
Leo has Jokes, and he made me laugh so much this episode.
11. Leo going through Olivia’s apartment.
So many lols. I especially love that he told her that she had to do her shopping at a regular mall. Poor Liv, even her wardrobe is under attack.
12. Olivia: ”He never gave me anything.“
Oh Liv, there’s the matter of a house in Vermont and a ring from his grandma. I knew one of them would have to come out before the end of the episode. Luckily it wasn’t the house.
13. Leo: ”Where’s all her food?“ Huck: ”You mean her wine and popcorn?“ Leo: ”Whatever, where does she buy it?“
Huck: "She uses a delivery service.”
Olivia: “I don’t have time to go grocery shopping.”
Leo: "Of course not, you’re too busy getting your freak-on with the Prez.“
Leo is so freaking shady though. But I did laugh, even while I was low-key thinking that was a Zahir McGee type line. I can’t help it, I’ve hated him since he called Olivia The Help in that horrendous episode in season three.
14. Olivia: ”Edison.“
Oh. Ugh. Ok. That guy.
I guess we were bound to see him again, but I hate that Olivia had to go to beg him for help. Oh well, desperate times…
15. Edison: ”A criminal. A whore, an idiot, and a liar.“
Olivia: ”Excuse me.“
Edison: ”A criminal, a whore, an idiot and a liar. That’s what you said to me. You dressed me down, then implied that I was clinically insane for suggesting that you were screwing the president.“
Olivia: "I should go.”
Edison: “Sit down Olivia. If you want me to help you, you’re going to be honest with me. You’re going to admit to my face that you were never in love with me, that you never had any intention of marrying me. That you tried to make a fool of me for seeing you for exactly what you are. A criminal, a whore, and idiot and a liar. You want me to lie, you owe me the truth.”
So that was how Zahir McGee chose to call Olivia a whore this time round huh? I was waiting for it, and there it was. Told y'all.
Edison was so salty though, and I kinda get it, but then I don’t because nobody in their right mind would divulge the fact that they were sleeping with the president. Also, Olivia called off their engagement, and she didn’t string him along for too long, and I think she meant it when she said yes, but then she agreed to wait for Fitz, and we all know how that mess turned out. Edison and Olivia were so incompatible though. They just did not fit, and when you’re telling your guy about having Chinese Walls between you, there’s a serious problem. Sorry Edison, I didn’t feel you back in season two, and I don’t feel you now. I guess you’re better than Jake though, in that you haven’t physically abused her, so there’s that.
Also. I guess he did as he promised in the end and gave her a glowing personal testimonial on national TV. I’m still salty though. Edison, dude, she was way outta your league, you just need to deal with it. I noticed that he must have given somebody else his grandmother’s ring though because he had a wedding band on. Still didn’t stop him from being salty and petty, four years later. Ugh.
16. Cyrus giggling at the Edison interview like he was watching a spectator sport.
17. Olivia and Fitz watching the Edison interview, looking like an old married couple.
I love them. So much.
18. Fitz: "It can’t have been easy going to him.“
Olivia ”Hmm.. He called me a hypocrite.“
Fitz. ”But he did what you asked.“
Olivia: ”Even hypocrites get to call in their chits.“
Fitz: "It’s good. It changes the conversation. Those chits might have just saved us both.”
Seriously, I could literally stare at the both of them together all day long. I can’t help but love how much Fitz adores her. The romantic in me practically screams whenever he looks at her. There’s just so much adoration there. I’m telling you, their relationship is more or less the only reason I’ve kept faith with the mess that the last two seasons wrought.
19. Patty Snell.
I’m in love.
20. Patty: "What I want is to glue your hands to the podium and say that the president and his administration are cooperating fully with the committee and the investigations, over and over, a thousand million times. Sing it, yell it, don’t care, just as long as that’s it.“
I’m a fan. She’s the female version of Leo and I loved it. Although, when she had the bright idea of sending all the apparently pointless White House document files over to the investigators at the senate, I did wonder if that was going to come back and bite them in the ass. Well this is Scandal after all. Nothing is ever straight forward.
21. Mellie: ”But also it makes them look like they have something to hide. We should take these over to the senate gallery, hold a press conference and show the American people how scared and sneaky this White House is behaving.“
Good Lord, Mellie Grant has to be the dumbest person on this show. Is this supposed to prove how worthy of winning the presidential election she is? Do the writers think that that they are actually selling her smarts? She’s dumb as fuck and I can’t listen to her without wanting to choke the bitch.
22. Senator Gibson: ”I’m sorry, we?“
Mellie: ”Not just us, the whole committee of course.“
Women’s Caucus Lady: ”You do realize that you have to recuse yourself from this investigation.“
Mellie: ”Recuse myself?“
Gibson: ”Yeah, resign from the committee. The conflict of interest is as clear as day.“
Mellie: ”This investigation is far bigger than my relationship with the president. I represent the people of Virginia. You can’t expect me to step down from this.“
Caucus Lady: ”Mellie, you’re in the middle of divorcing the man we’re investigating, your presence on the committee would be highly…
Gibson. “a distraction. A sideshow. It would taint an already salacious…
Mellie: ”I am not some scorned woman bitching about my ex, I am a senator and a member of the judiciary.“
Gibson: ”As far as the American people are concerned, you are a scorned woman bitching about your ex.“
Mellie stays being dumb as hell for not realizing without being told what a conflict of interest her even being involved in the committee is. As for not being a scorned wife, that was the entire reason she decided to get involved in the impeachment in the first place. Idiot.
However, did y'all notice that the caucus lady said ”You’re in the middle of divorcing the man that we’re investigating?“ So the divorce is going through? Wooohoooo! About damned time.
Now I just need Fitz to take off that damned ring.
23. Leo: ”Wake her up, separate her from that presidential spoon and drive her out of bed.“
Lol. Leo was mad. As Liv herself would have been.
24. Noah Baker: ”The president liked it, and he did indeed put a ring on it.“
So somebody leaked the existence of Doux Bebe to the press. What I can’t figure out is how this made things worse for Olivia? What difference did it make? Why was she no longer ”Every Woman?“ She was still the same woman that the president was having an affair with. Surely the ring validated what she meant to Fitz? I need somebody to explain this crap to me.
25. ”What is the first rule? Your first rule?“
Olivia ”Do not lie.“
Leo: ”DO NOT LIE! Olivia Pope, woman of the people, she is gone, she is history. It’s time for Olivia Pope love struck teenager.“
Olivia: ”I can’t sell that.“
Leo: ”You will sell that! You will sit down with an interviewer of my choice and you will speak as if you were chatting with your bestie about your innocent and your uncontrollably doe-eyed love for the president of the United States. That is the plan, that is the only way to spin your way out of the diamond ring you neglected to tell me about.“
Lol. Leo was mad as hell. At least it wasn’t Vermont that was revealed. Now that would have been a nightmare for everybody.
26. Mellie basically crawling over to Cyrus’s house, looking all sorry for herself.
So she was the one who told the committee about Doux Bebe? I wonder how she even knew? Actually I don’t care how she knew. All I know is, instead of hiring herself somebody to work on her image, she went to Cyrus with her bottom lip dragging on the carpet. I can’t with her woe-is-me bullshit.
27. Senator Gibson and the Caucus Lady trying to blackmail Marcus.
28. The next scene after that one was Olivia going over to the Human Vibrator’ house, and I just didn’t give a shit about it, so I saw up to the point where Elise tried to make a point by kissing THV, I saw Liv’s non-reaction, and I just fast forwarded. Jake doubling up as Lyanla trying to fix Liv’s life isn’t what I watch this show for.
29. Marcus telling Gibson and the Caucus Lady that he wants to be a good citizen.
I didn’t think for one second that he’d sell Olivia out, but it was nice to get the confirmation of that later.
30. Olivia starting out the Noah Baker interview trying to be all girly.
Girl what are you doing? I cringed so hard.I have to say that’s a testament to Kerry’s embodiment of this character, that Liv trying to be all girly and cute just made me want to die of second hand embarrassment, considering that that is how Kerry herself is in real life.
That there are fans of the show out there who are legitimately upset about Jake’s “death.” Seriously, just take a gander at Facebook. It’s hilarious and mindbogglingly to me. But more than that, it actually annoys the shit out of me that ABC publicity/Scandal social media is on the one hand implying that Jake is dead while AT THE SAME DAMN TIME releasing images of him seemingly alive in non flashback form. How does that work?!
It’s so stupid. And it’s going to make the reveal that he is, in fact, alive even less effective because 1) SPOILERS, 2) unless his body is made out of fucking Kevlar, it’s barely even possible that he would survive those Emeril Lagasse style chops Russell administered, and 3) what is the point of Jake in the first place?
And to be honest, the fact that there are so many people who think that only Olitz shippers want Jake dead is even more ludicrous to me. I hate to be redundant. I truly do, especially when so many people, including myself, have pointed it out already. But it should be reiterated that Jake barely services the show in any meaningful way. I say barely because clearly Scandal wants to make B613 happen. So as long as that is a thing, he’s not entirely futile.
But let’s imagine, let’s be optimistic, and assume that B613 is finally over at the end of the season, WHAT COULD JAKE’S ROLE POSSIBLY ENTAIL? He is completely useless! I can find more things to do with a floppy disc than what Jake could do for Scandal. How could you possibly be upset that he would be gone? What does he add to the show? How does he service the plot? What is the value of having a character who could sit out for like five episodes in a row and still warrant a series regular role? Jake was useful in season two, season three, and arguably the former half of season four. BUT NOW, you have got to be on some local anesthesia, post wisdom teeth levels of delirium to think that he is a vital part of the show. I can make a very compelling case for Mellie, Quinn, Huck, and David, even when they have only have two, throw-away lines for comedic relief. BUT FUCKING JAKE?????? PLEASE BATMAN, RIDDLE ME THIS: NAME A SINGLE ARGUMENT FOR KEEPING JAKE AROUND. For the life of me, I can’t think of one.
If they found something for Jake to do, I would be here for it. Though to be honest, I am hard pressed to think of any interesting things for him to do. He could work at OPA, but what discernible talents and characteristics does he have that Huck doesn’t, except for self-control? We already have Huck for the clutch deus ex machina, so I don’t see the point in keeping both in this regard. Also, super weird working for your ex. But is he her ex? Who knows at this point! He could retain his role as Olivia’s love interest. I’m actually not opposed to this IF IT WERE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT CLEAR THAT OLIVIA WAS REMOTELY INTERESTED IN HAVING A SERIOUS, LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. But it’s not. If Jake were the boyfriend we saw every few episodes, and Olivia seemed happy him, I would be down for this.But this whole love hexagon we’ve been building for two and a half seasons is overdosing on Melatonin tired. Olivia could choose to stand in the sun, stand in the shade, stand by me, or stand for holiness and righteous, so long as she made a decision. IDGAF. But how we’re supposed to believe any of Olivia’s relationship are legit when she’s wearing another man’s French heirloom on her finger, is beyond me.
So until they find something else for Jake to do, I don’t understand why people are even remotely bothered by the idea of him being dead. I’m willing to explore and eager to learn a different perspective, even if it forgoes sound logic. I’m just so utterly clueless, anything will help.
And to be clear, I just mean from a story perspective. I don’t give two shits about Scott Foley because I don’t know him personally. But I’m very curious to understand how in the hell anyone could find his character essential for their viewing pleasure.
Hell, I watch GOT, Boardwalk Empire, The Sopranos, and Oz when it was still on cable. I understand anti-heroes and people who aren’t necessarily likable being main characters.
But in order for their to be tension there has to be consequences. When Beecher on Oz is brutally raped his recourse is to feel victimized and hate the man that did it to him for the rest of his life. This literally drives much of the story and the vindictiveness, revenge, and even a major love story in Oz.
So to think that Olivia has no response to the man who put her in the hospital, who threatened to kill her, and how literally just put his hands around her neck and shoved her into a wall while threatening to kill her other friends is just…no. Forget about the Fitz and Jake wars for a second and think about what Jake actually did on his own. How does Olivia not feel some type of way about that? How does Abby, who is someone who survived domestic abuse, tolerate that? How does Huck, a man who tortured someone he loved for accidentally turning against Olivia, not put that dude in a pine box? Cyrus should want him dead for killing James and leaving Ella without her caring parent.
But we will never get that. What we will get is a bunch of bullshit about how B6-13 is saving America and Jake is a great guy because he wants to save the Presidents life. And then we are going to get Olivia justifying that mess.