as are the rest of the impressions in this

anonymous asked:

Nobles see Empress Emily Kaldwin, first of her name, drinking coffee and starts imitating her to try and get on her good side even though all the nobles hate it.

One day one of the noblemen, not very well versed into the art of consuming coffee, in order to impress the court and the young Empress drank the rest of the Serkonian coffee from his cup all at once. Little did he know he also drank the grounds that sink at the bottom of the cup and afterwards the entire palace could hear him scream and shout that he was choking and that the grounds burned through his throat chest and expensive coat and were leaking like the waste from the coal mines. 

Ofcourse, none of that was true, however the sight of the nobleman rolling around on the floor screaming because of a little bitter taste in his mouth failed to impress the court, but it certainly amused the Royal Protector and the Empress. 

listen there is one thing you absolutely have to know about me. if you start singing the first part, or really any part, of a disney song i know, i WILL absolutely sing the rest of it with you, or finish it for you if you won’t. it doesn’t matter if you’re my friend, my mutual, if you tweet the lyrics instead of singing them, if i never saw you before in my life, if i’m at an important function trying to impress you, or literally any circumstance ever, i am fucking serious. i don’t care if you’re a demon at a crossroads who will take my voice as soon as you hear it and i can never be able to speak again, you can bet your ass i will sell my voice to beelzebub himself in a swan song of “friend like me” provided that he sings the first line

I spent way too much time on this 

(Source : https://twitter.com/popsciclesama/status/798265183332429825)

Bonus:

i had this friend. loud, vivacious, and brimming with energy and colour. her sun-bright smile drew others to her like moths to flame; and yet she could always pick me out from the crowd effortlessly. i wondered how she did that, why she’d pick me over many. 

she was the kind of person you could never look away from for long, but i saw her better from my peripherals. when she lifted her chin, her face would become awash with glowing light; and then she’d laugh about her pale skin, and the ruddy cheeks and dark freckles would appear again, as if they’d momentarily blanked out. when she grew protective, her blue eyes would spark dangerously and burn white; and then she’d blink, and the glint of her glasses would stand in with explanation. 

but i saw her best from the back. when she’d run, her fire-bright curls would flare out behind her like wings.

as flighty as she was, she always came back to me. i wondered why. 

she told me, once. 

one day, before class had started, when i was in the middle of falling asleep in the sunbeam warming my desk, she turned around in her seat to talk to me. she spoke with her whole body, from her waving hands to her bouncing shoulders. 

then she petered off, and settled into stillness. watchfulness. despite all the eyes on her, she only saw me. 

“hey,” she said. “could you look at me for a sec?” 

and when i lifted my head to look at her straight on, she smiled as if she’d found the answer. 

“look at that,” she murmured. “your eyes have halos in them too.” 

I don’t sleep at night anymore, and although I’m sure there’s a million reasons why it’s unhealthy to go to bed long after the sun has risen, and awaken long after it has set, I continue to do it.

There’s something magical about the hours from 2:00 to 5:00 in the morning. Not only is the city life dead and the landscape empty, but there’s also an incredibly overwhelming feeling of solitude. The rest of your world sleeps, after all.

You can shed that plastic smile you wear for that boy at 4 in the morning. You can take off those painful shoes you wear just to impress that girl. You can drop that funny act to fit in at school. As the rest of society sleeps, you are no longer shackled to its railroad track of an education system. Finally, you are free to be yourself. Wholeheartedly.

It’s as beautiful as it is terrifying.

—  will-babin 

Imagine the Paladins seeing Pidge’s statues of them like

  • Shiro would be a proud Space Dad like “I like how you improvised with the materials you were given.  The proportions are correct; they’re extremely detailed.  Very impressive, Pidge.”
  • Lance would immediately hug her, “ADMIT IT, YOU MISSED ME!”  Until she bat his hands away and pried herself from his grip.
  • Keith would be all pouty because it looks exactly like him and holy shit he does have a mullet.  
    • “I don’t look like that >:(” 
    • “Actually you do”
    • “SHUT UP LANCE”
  • And Hunk would be hurt like “You didn’t make one of me? :((”
    • “Nothing’s better than the original, Hunk.” 
  • “Awwwww -wait.  Was that a dig at the rest of us???  PIDGE????”
Visiting my cousin

Recently I went to visit my cousin and her husband for a few days. The first night there we all stayed up late drinking wine and gabbing. On the second night my cousin had to check out early as she had an important work meeting in the morning but would be free later in the day and then for the rest of my visit. So after she called it a night her husband grabbed us each a beer and we got comfy on the couch and ready to watch an action movie that was on. After a few beers and a love scene between the main actor and the hot chick in the movie I extended my foot towards his crotch and began lightly stroking. Soon he had an impressive tent in his pants. At this time I shifted position so I could unzip him and take him into my mouth. Throughout the whole thing he never said a word, occasionally letting very soft moans escape as I work his hard married cock with my mouth. I could feel him starting to get close so I picked up my pace. His hands on my head guiding me down told me he really wanted me to finish him off which I had all the intention of doing. Soon I heard him say he was going to cum. I moaned mmhm as I took him deeper into my mouth. I felt him tense up then he was filling my mouth with his hot thick load. I eagerly swallowed it all before I kissed his cock, sat up finished my beer then grab us each another before settling back in for the rest of the movie.

listen if tango is argentinian and whiskey is brazilian and chilean.... listen
  • “when you make empanadas they’re bad” “what?” “i don’t know. they’re just bad.”
  • whiskey realizes that tango’s argentinian, like, day two of orientation. the rest of the team finds out that tango is argentinian because bitty says something about a recipe on pinterest for “south american cookies with caramel in them” and tango fucking falls down the stairs trying to get to the kitchen fast enough
    • “i didn’t……….. think i was talking that loudly”
  • cannot go more than four minutes without making fun of each other’s dialects
    • whiskey’s tango impression doesn’t even involve english, it’s just him yelling “qué HACÉS” and then cackling
  • they can pick out each other’s cursing from opposite ends of the rink
    • whiskey can also pick out tango across the rink because he fucking chants “andrés andrés ANDRÉS” whenever he wants something and no one else pronounces it like that
  • the team thinks they’re stoned all the time because tango brings mate on the bus at 7am and everyone else is like “tango…… isn’t it…….. early….”
    • so many fights about whether you can or cannot put honey in mate
    • listen…. can you imagine the first time they let Eric “Tea Is Just A Way To Wash Sugar Into Your Mouth” Bittle try mate
    • they become known around campus as The Thermos Twins
    • related: tango isn’t that hyper, he is just coming down from the affects of an extremely caffeinated childhood
  • weird but abiding love of latinx tv shows in like, absolutely any form. whenever one of them is sick they’ll hide in their room and watch Ugly Betty for hours
  • ALWAYS FIGHTING ABOUT SOCCER
    • “we only fight when our teams play against each other”
      • their teams play against each other in the world cup, the copa america, the copa libertadores, champions league, la liga, the madrid derby, the manchester derby, international friendlies, club friendlies, the olympics (??), THEY FIGHT EVERY WEEK
    • they play FIFA as their teams to recreate certain matches and then if Tango loses he takes it as an insult against the entire country of argentina
      • when they play fifa they pretend that germany as a country does not exist, in the name of peace and continued prosperity
        • ransom tries to play as Bayern one (1) time and they don’t speak to him for a week
    • they are marginally respectful of each other’s national teams
      • marginally.
      • tango refers to a bad loss in the Frozen Four as “getting brazil’d” so whiskey buys a life-size cutout of Claudio Bravo to put in their room
        • “i can’t sleep with that man here. why is he looking at me like that?”
      • whiskey’s favorite petty joke is to complain that tango’s national team never sings along to their own anthem because they’re unpatriotic
        • “CHUPAMELA it’s not MESSI’S fault that it has A SEVEN HOUR LONG MUSICAL INTRO”
        • “kun wouldn’t remember the words anyways [the sound of whiskey being bludgeoned with a pillow]”
  • nursey splashes out for steak for the Haus’ back-to-school barbecue one year and they lose their goddamn fucking minds
  • dex yells at them about proper diet once so they move their standing papas fritas al caballo date to 4 AM on sundays
    • someone finds them and they look so pleased but like………. what the fuck
    • “is that poutine” “no it’s…… fries… a la…. horse?” “W     H     A     T”
  • The Stockpiling of the Goya Products
    • do they know when they’re gonna use eight pounds of dulce de guayaba? no. do they need it? yeah.
  • they have their own little music routine before games but they don’t tell anyone else what they’re playing
    • it’s their seventeen favorite shakira songs followed by Gasolina by Daddy Yankee
    • ransom steals their ipod and reads their playlist but he doesn’t say anything because he thinks it’s Ironic
      • it is not ironic
  • constantly cracking jokes about how the other one has never seen ice before (”they don’t have ice cubes in Miami” “listen, BRAZIL”) but if anyone else tries to get in on their joke they’ll never ever forgive them. it’s theirs.
6

The time has come, dear friends, for me to address another font of waste potential: The Curse of Achilles. Lots of people have already talked about it before, but there are a few things I would like to add. One of the reasons that the Curse was removed was because it might make Percy too powerful, so no one else could compete with him. A fair point, but Superman continues to show up in comics because not only is he an interesting character when written correctly but just because Superman can level a building with a thought does not make Batman’s struggle against Joker any less impressive. Besides, Percy’s Curse offers tons of interesting story applications.

  1. For one thing, Percy always naps in TLO to keep him from overworking himself. It has comic potential, to be sure. Percy needs his rest, otherwise he will die of exhaustion. But just because he is sleeping does not mean the monsters are. What if Percy was dead asleep downstairs while things go to Hades upstairs? This could show the other demigods that they are strong even without Percy’s might (character development is fun).
  2. Consider the Eidolon fight scene. Only Percy, the invincible juggernaut, needs to be possessed, and it gives Jason an opportunity to show his mettle. While a good, noble Roman must always fight honorably and has no use for tricks, Jason MUST think like a Greek and emulate Heracles’ fight with the Nemean Lion. SO MUCH POTENTIAL

Check out Part 2!

10

So @londonbridgefalling and I decided to have some fun last night resulting in me crying from laughing while trying not to wake up the rest of my household

or:

first impressions of the NHL pt 1

Bite Marks Trap A Killer

When serial killer Ted Bundy broke into a Chi Omega sorority house and brutally assaulted two students, he left behind a damning piece of evidence that would eventually send him to the electric chair.

Bite marks on Lisa Levy’s buttocks were carefully photographed and measured during autopsy, and forensic odontologist Dr Richard Souviron noticed the unusual set of the offenders lower incisors; they were sharply angled out of line with the rest of the teeth, and they left a distinct mark on the dead womans skin. Souviron realised this unique feature could trap the vicious killer, and alerted police departments around the country to the bite pattern, hoping to find a match.

It worked. Officials in Utah matched the teeth impression from the victim to Ted Bundy, who had escaped custody some time before. When Bundy was eventually caught and put on trial, prosecutors successfully proved he could have been the only man who left the bite marks on Lisa Levy. This damning evidence totally demolished Bundy’s assertion he was innocent, and he was sentenced to death.

BTS Scenarios Mobile Masterlist

SALVATION | save me (Angst/slight fluff)

Poisonous (Angst) 1 2 3 Finale

FALLEN | save me (Slight angst/smut)

coming soon

coming soon

Mine (Fluff)

Just One Day (Angst/fluff) 1 2 3 4 Finale

Period (Fluff)

The Labyrinth (Gang!au, high school!au)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Jin Trailer 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

No Makeup (Fluff)

Fools (Angst/fluff) (listed under Jungkook’s section)

Round and Round (Fluff)

Nightingale (Detective!au, smut)

Hotline Bling (Angst/fluff)

Fools (Angst/fluff) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Finale

Happy For You (Angst)

Touché (Hitman!au, smut) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Finale

Once Upon A Time (Angst)

Paper Hearts (Angst/fluff) 1 2

Meeting The Boys (Fluff)

2017, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET’S DO THIS.

“Do what?” you ask. I DON’T KNOW. LET’S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you’re thrilled with your life, and you’re happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You’re doing a great job, we’re all proud of you. So you don’t feel like you wasted your click, here’s a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf.

For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here’s the catch – you’re not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I’m a nice guy, I’m honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

[He] often gave me books. At first, I used to read them to keep awake, then I read more carefully and at last with avidity; I suddenly became aware of a great deal that was new, unknown, and unfamiliar to me. New ideas, new impressions all at once rushed like a violent torrent into my mind. And the more emotion, the more confusion and labour it cost me to absorb these new impressions, the dearer they were to me, the more delightfully did they stir me to the very depths of my soul. They crowded into my mind all at once, all of a sudden, giving it no time to rest. My whole being was troubled by a kind of strange chaos. But this spiritual ferment was unable, was not strange enough, to throw me into utter confusion. I was too much of a dreamer, and that saved me.
—  Fyodor Dostoevsky, Poor People