It’s unclear now what we intend. We’re alone in our own world. You don’t wanna be my boyfriend and I don’t wanna be your girl. And that, that’s a relief. We’ll drink up our grief and pine for summer and we’ll buy beer to shotgun and we’ll lay in the lawn and we’ll be good.
Take my word for it, I’m not worth it I ignored you all night and you don’t deserve it Morning, bathtub, my skin soft and hot I was sure you were right but you’re not I contemplate my ruined fate Someone will hurt me so bad one day And you’ll resonate or I’ll apologize Or maybe I’ll make the same mistake twice I hide from phone calls under the warm water Malice desists, no it woefully recurs And it plays like daytime TV shows, I confuse you and I tell you not to love me But I still kiss you when I want to And I lament, you’re innocent But somehow the object of my discontent And it’s fucked up, I let you in Even though I’ve seen what can happen You make a tape, receive it in the mail And I force myself busy, the diversion will prevail And I will swallow all my guilt with little pills and forge my chin up And I will only think about it in the morning, in the bathtub
It’s trivia, the tangles in my hair. Winter hat on my bedroom floor, next to your underwear. And pretty soon I’ll have nothing left to cut loose. Being clumsy’s an explanation, not an excuse.
Lately I think about insecurity, how I’m not real sure I even know what it means. Pushing through each boring, blurry day. This behavior is a method, not a phase.
You spell it out, how I mistreated you, and I’m silent. You know I treat myself badly, too. So, I write Jordan letters to say I’m trying to learn and say I’m sorry for how I acted that one summer.
I know I’ve fucked up. I’ve put people through hell. Well, I guess I just don’t know myself that well. He forgives, forgets and he thinks that I’m uptight, and I’m learning about loneliness each night.
i see you across the room and i’d like to get to know you you seem to be in high demand but you’re talking to me about your favorite bands descendents and dinosaur jr. maybe i should’ve spoken up sooner