Some headcanons for my favorite characters from "The Keys to the Kingdom" series by Garth Nix.
For the record, I blame @tysonoffire for my involvement in
This is all his fault. All of it. I did not go seeking a new obsession; he gave
it to me, like a virus. A really, really entertaining virus.
Arthur Penhaligon: He never wanted to be a protagonist, but damn it all if he doesn’t intend to do the job right! Small and kinda scrawny (he is 13ish and
sickly from asthma, after all), with red hair, light freckling, and greenish
eyes. Has resting so-done-with-this-shit face; needs and deserves a nap more
than anyone in all of the Universe … but will not get one any time soon. A brave,
little trooper saddled with fixing everyone else’s mistakes. Needs a hug … preferably from Fred.
Quotes describing him: Do Re Me So Fa King Done With You.
Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if that one thing hadn’t happened?
Today, I saw a boy so beautiful I cried.
Since I don’t know when the middle of my life will be, I’ve decided simply to
have an ongoing crisis.
We really gotta stop having these “I’m gonna get stabbed if I stay here any
longer” type parties.
Fred Gold: Like a 13-year-old Finn from Star Wars TFA
(played by the incomparable John Boyega), but with striking golden eyes. Carries a
saber. A brave, literal trooper—he’s
still drafted in two different and
mutually opposing armies—trying to keep Arthur alive. Wants to give Arthur a
hug (and a kiss), but is too shy to do so. Is the only person in all of
creation who gets to call Arthur by the nickname “Ray”, but only does so when
Quotes describing him: BROTP? Oh, totally. Best bros. Bros for life. Bros
MARRIED for life. Bros who make out all the time. Bros who confessed their
feelings for each other on a summer night in a field of tall grass. There were
I’m five-and-a-half ounces of whoop-ass!
Obviously, I ship Arthur and Fred. Arthur acts differently around him than he does for anyone else in the series, and it is adorable.
Suzy Turquoise Blue: A puckish pixie of a girl (13ish) with
olive skin and turquoise-blue hair. Probably has several knives (and some
silver knuckles … and purloined angel wings … and watercress sandwiches) tucked away in her
coats. Considers Arthur her best friend, and would kick Death itself in the
nards for him.
Quotes describing her: It is very important that I am both cute and powerful.
Why am I covered in glitter? Well, why aren’t YOU covered in glitter?
Leaf (no last name given, probably something like McCullen): Also 13ish, but calm and cool and collected … except
when she isn’t. Has dark, curly hair and a decent tan at this point. Knows how
to sail, and how to bury her feelings deep down until she can make someone pay
for them— which are both very useful skills for a modern young lady. Has become good friends with
Arthur, though she isn’t exactly sure how and when that happened, what with all
the running and the screaming.
Quotes describing her: Obviously, last night’s theme was “Let’s Make Bad Life
My biggest tip to anyone is to fake confidence until it’s real.
Dame Primus: Looks like Beyoncé, but over seven feet tall,
and with platinum hair, lipstick, and eyeliner-eyeshadow. Has absolutely zero chill, and is the bossest ass bitch
in creation— she is here to get stuff done, motherfuckers! If she were to hit you, you would thank her. Make that “when she hits you, you
will thank her”. Has some OCD, and definitely has her own agenda … with
literally 6,000 points on it arranged alphabetically.
Quotes describing her: Honey, I don’t cut bitches; I’ve got people who cut
bitches for me.
I don’t want to look pretty. I want to look otherworldly and vaguely
Monday’s Dusk: Like Collin Firth in his prime (i.e. as
Mister Darcy), with a literally silver tongue, and wings, and a sword made of
fire. To look upon him is to desire him.
Second Mate Sunscorch: Like the Pirate from Sponge Bob both
physically and personality-wise, but actually a competent captain and
combatant. Good friend, bad card player.
Dr. Scamandros: Like Mako Iwamatsu, but with animated sailor
tattoos which move about his body (in Harry Potter fashion). And sorcerous
knowhow, despite never receiving his degree, and a desire to prove that the degree isn’t what’s important. Also
probably has a hip flask of “magic elixir” … which is actually filled with an
endless gin martini.
Captain Tom Shelvocke, aka “The Mariner”: A grizzled old sea
captain (literally put “old sea captain” into google, and you’ll find what he
looks like) with a soft spot for kids especially ones who rebel against tyrannical
authority. Hates albatrosses almost as much as tyrannical authorities. Was born wearing a turtleneck. Always has a pipe, but doesn’t
actually smoke. Possesses a magical harpoon that can kill anything. Probably
literally married to the sea.
Okay, so since The House has made to observe and record everything happening in the Secondary Realms (like Earth), there’s a huge possibility all the denizens would have at least some degree of exposure to memes and internet jokes. But through an extremely second-hand, word-of-mouth type, distorted lens. Anyway, they all probably had memes and this is probably how that went down:
Random denizen: “A buddy of mine saw Lord Sunday without his shirt on. They said Lord Sunday had an 8-pack, that Lord Sunday was shredded.” Saturday, appearing from nowhere wearing a crop-top that reveals she has an 8-pack: “Your buddy’s a sodding moron”
“Come to Wednesday’s Lighthouse, we have a cask of Amontillado there for you.” (In reference to the betrayal of Wednesday)
Suzy Turquoise Blue dabbing to anyone and everyone as a greeting.
“I’m feeling like a real Monday today.” (When there’s no motivation to get work done)
Rolling chairs were discovered then subsequently banned when denizens wouldn’t stop rolling and crashing everywhere
“The Destruction of the House by Nothing, but every time a Trustee dies it gets faster.”
“Wait, if I’m here, and you’re there, then WhO hAs the Will of The ArChIreCt???”
There are dozens of conspiracy theories about Wednesday’s Noon and Dusk, including but not limited too: “Here’s how Noon/Dusk can still win,” “I drank some of the Boarder Sea and astral projected to behind the Lower House and fought Noon for a twinkie,” “Dusk appeared to me and sold me a broken coffee pot for 8$”
“My spoon, is Too, BIG.” “I’m a banana!”
Arthur: “How has Saturday fortified the Upper House so thoroughly?” Saturday: “Newsflash you fools! I’ve been preparing for the Rightful Heir the entire time!!!”
“I don’t know who the Old One is, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask”
Denizens Photoshop blurry images of regal looking people and spread them around as, “proof of the long lost Architect”
The Mariner has the narwhal song on his iPod shuffle. It’s the only song he owns besides Shipping up for Boston
“There are only two genders; The Architect, and everything the Architect made”
The Pied Piper plays John Cena’s theme on his pipes and everyone thinks it’s amazing
“Hey do you have ‘bofa’? “Bofa what?” “Bofa deez keys!! HAH! Got em!!”
“It’s what the Architect would have wanted,” (Whenever someone is about to do something risky/unwise)
This is the protagonist of the book series I’m currently (slowly) liveblogging, Arthur Penhaligon of “Keys to the Kingdom,” done especially for my homegirl arthurpenhaligons’ birthday. I hope you like this rendition of your tiny babbu, darlin’, and I hope your birthday was an spectacular one!
Finished reading Lord Sunday. Was rather unsurprised by the ending. Because through the book, Dame had been behaving in a rather weird-secretive manner. And all the Days were protesting against the 7 pieces of the Will getting back together. You kinda know that there’s something wrong with the Will when the Trustees were complaining and trying to tell Arthur to wake up and don’t believe in Dame.
I feel kinda sad for Arthur cause through the series, all he wanted to do was fight through each Day and remain human but now he is no longer a human anymore. He won the Days, but loses what he wanted the most - to be human again.
And Suzy as Lady Sunday? Now, I would like to see that! She will be gorgeous! I mean New Architect made her pretty and if he made her Sunday, damn, Suzy you’re going to be a goddess! I wish Art will bring back all the Dawns, Noons and Dusks. Oh, and former Lieutant Keeper of Front Door, Mariner and Dr. Scamandros.
I also wishes Art to remake Sunday’s Incomparable Gardens cause it is beautiful! Ugh, I was a little sad when Sunday died. He was such a sassy trustee! He shouldn’t have died. He has no care for anything but his Garden. Basically, he was being as neutral as in the fight. He just doesn’t want to be destroyed. Sunday, you poor man.
In short, the Keys of The Kingdom gave me so much feels! I have to reread it soon! :3
wow i missed this series. Dame Primus you lovable scary old assassin probably. Arthur you sweet asthmatic. Trustees you Seven Deadly Sins havin’ Will betrayin’ Morrow Days. Dawn, Noon, Dusk, sorry there aren’t three of you for each Trustee, since Tuesday split his and Wednesday accidentally ate two of hers. Also how hilarious is it that the first being ever created (Saturday) has electric blue hair??? Fantastic
I have completed all the Keys to the Kingdom in order on their appropriate days. All I can say is that I highly recommend every single one of these books. Arthur Penhaligon is one of my favorite protagonists and he, along with his quirky friends, will endear himself to you immediately.
I present this challenge to you, dear readers. Do you accept?