Some headcanons for my favorite characters from "The Keys to the Kingdom" series by Garth Nix.
For the record, I blame @tysonoffire for my involvement in
This is all his fault. All of it.
I did not go seeking a new obsession; he gave it to me, like a virus.
A really, really entertaining virus.
Arthur Penhaligon: He never wanted to be a protagonist,
but damn it all if he doesn’t intend to do the job right!
Small and kinda scrawny (he is 13ish and sickly from asthma, after all),
with red hair, light freckling, and greenish eyes.
Has resting so-done-with-this-shit face;
needs and deserves a nap more than anyone in all of the Universe …
but will not get one any time soon.
A brave, little trooper saddled with fixing everyone else’s mistakes.
Needs a hug … preferably from Fred.
Quotes describing him: Do Re Me So Fa King Done With You.
Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if that one thing hadn’t happened?
Today, I saw a boy so beautiful I cried.
Since I don’t know when the middle of my life will be, I’ve decided
simply to have an ongoing crisis.
We really gotta stop having these “I’m gonna get stabbed
if I stay here any longer” type parties.
Fred Gold: Like a 13-year-old Finn from Star Wars TFA
(played by the incomparable John Boyega),
but with striking golden eyes. Carries a saber.
A brave, literal trooper—he’s still drafted in two different
and mutually opposing armies—trying to keep Arthur alive.
Wants to give Arthur a hug (and a kiss), but is too shy to do so.
Is the only person in all of creation who gets to call Arthur
by the nickname “Ray”, but only does so when they’re alone.
Quotes describing him: BROTP? Oh, totally. Best bros. Bros for life.
Bros MARRIED for life. Bros who make out all the time.
Bros who confessed their feelings for each other on a summer night
in a field of tall grass. There were fireflies.
I’m five-and-a-half ounces of whoop-ass!
Obviously, I ship Arthur and Fred.
Arthur acts differently around him
than he does for anyone else in the series,
and it is adorable.
Suzy Turquoise Blue: A puckish pixie of a girl (13ish)
with olive skin and turquoise-blue hair.
Probably has several knives (and some silver knuckles … and purloined angel wings … and watercress sandwiches) tucked away in her coats.
Considers Arthur her best friend,
and would kick Death itself in the nards for him.
Quotes describing her: It is very important that I am both cute and powerful.
Why am I covered in glitter? Well, why aren’t YOU covered in glitter?
Leaf (no last name given, probably something like McCullen):
Also 13ish, but calm and cool and collected … except when she isn’t.
Has dark, curly hair and a decent tan at this point.
Knows how to sail, and how to bury her feelings deep down
until she can make someone pay for them—
which are both very useful skills for a modern young lady.
Has become good friends with Arthur, though she isn’t exactly sure how
and when that happened, what with all the running and the screaming.
Quotes describing her: Obviously, last night’s theme
was “Let’s Make Bad Life Choices”.
My biggest tip to anyone is to fake confidence until it’s real.
Dame Primus: Looks like Beyoncé, but over seven feet tall,
and with platinum hair, lipstick, and eyeliner-eyeshadow.
Has absolutely zero chill, and is the bossest ass bitch in creation—
she is here to get stuff done, motherfuckers!
If she were to hit you, you would thank her.
Make that “when she hits you, you will thank her”.
Has some OCD, and definitely has her own agenda …
with literally 6,000 points on it arranged alphabetically.
Quotes describing her: Honey, I don’t cut bitches;
I’ve got people who cut bitches for me.
I don’t want to look pretty.
I want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening.
Monday’s Dusk: Like Collin Firth in his prime (i.e. as
with a literally silver tongue, and wings, and a sword made of fire.
To look upon him is to desire him.
Second Mate Sunscorch: Like the Pirate from Sponge Bob
both physically and personality-wise,
but actually a competent captain and combatant.
Good friend, bad card player.
Dr. Scamandros: Like Mako Iwamatsu, but with animated sailor
which move about his body (in Harry Potter fashion).
And sorcerous knowhow, despite never receiving his degree,
and a desire to prove that the degree isn’t what’s important.
Also probably has a hip flask of “magic elixir” …
which is actually filled with an endless gin martini.
Captain Tom Shelvocke, aka “The Mariner”: A grizzled old sea
captain (literally put “old sea captain” into google, and you’ll find what he
with a soft spot for kids
especially ones who rebel against tyrannical authority.
Hates albatrosses almost as much as tyrannical authorities.
Was born wearing a turtleneck.
Always has a pipe, but doesn’t actually smoke.
Possesses a magical harpoon that can kill anything.
Probably literally married to the sea.