The Keys to the Kingdom and Memes

Okay, so since The House has made to observe and record everything happening in the Secondary Realms (like Earth), there’s a huge possibility all the denizens would have at least some degree of exposure to memes and internet jokes. But through an extremely second-hand, word-of-mouth type, distorted lens. Anyway, they all probably had memes and this is probably how that went down:

  • Random denizen: “A buddy of mine saw Lord Sunday without his shirt on. They said Lord Sunday had an 8-pack, that Lord Sunday was shredded.” Saturday, appearing from nowhere wearing a crop-top that reveals she has an 8-pack: “Your buddy’s a sodding moron”
  • “Come to Wednesday’s Lighthouse, we have a cask of Amontillado there for you.” (In reference to the betrayal of Wednesday)
  • Suzy Turquoise Blue dabbing to anyone and everyone as a greeting.
  • “I’m feeling like a real Monday today.” (When there’s no motivation to get work done)
  • Rolling chairs were discovered then subsequently banned when denizens wouldn’t stop rolling and crashing everywhere
  • “The Destruction of the House by Nothing, but every time a Trustee dies it gets faster.”
  • “Wait, if I’m here, and you’re there, then WhO hAs the Will of The ArChIreCt???”
  • There are dozens of conspiracy theories about Wednesday’s Noon and Dusk, including but not limited too: “Here’s how Noon/Dusk can still win,” “I drank some of the Boarder Sea and astral projected to behind the Lower House and fought Noon for a twinkie,” “Dusk appeared to me and sold me a broken coffee pot for 8$”
  • “My spoon, is Too, BIG.” “I’m a banana!”
  • Arthur: “How has Saturday fortified the Upper House so thoroughly?” Saturday: “Newsflash you fools! I’ve been preparing for the Rightful Heir the entire time!!!”
  • “I don’t know who the Old One is, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask”
  • Denizens Photoshop blurry images of regal looking people and spread them around as, “proof of the long lost Architect”
  • The Mariner has the narwhal song on his iPod shuffle. It’s the only song he owns besides Shipping up for Boston
  • “There are only two genders; The Architect, and everything the Architect made”
  • The Pied Piper plays John Cena’s theme on his pipes and everyone thinks it’s amazing
  • “Hey do you have ‘bofa’? “Bofa what?” “Bofa deez keys!! HAH! Got em!!”
  • “It’s what the Architect would have wanted,” (Whenever someone is about to do something risky/unwise)
Some headcanons for my favorite characters from "The Keys to the Kingdom" series by Garth Nix.

For the record, I blame @tysonoffire​ for my involvement in this.
This is all his fault. All of it.
I did not go seeking a new obsession; he gave it to me, like a virus.
A really, really entertaining virus.

Arthur Penhaligon: He never wanted to be a protagonist,
but damn it all if he doesn’t intend to do the job right!
Small and kinda scrawny (he is 13ish and sickly from asthma, after all),
with red hair, light freckling, and greenish eyes.
Has resting so-done-with-this-shit face;
needs and deserves a nap more than anyone in all of the Universe …
but will not get one any time soon.
A brave, little trooper saddled with fixing everyone else’s mistakes.
Needs a hug … preferably from Fred.

Quotes describing him: Do Re Me So Fa King Done With You.

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if that one thing hadn’t happened?

Today, I saw a boy so beautiful I cried.

Since I don’t know when the middle of my life will be, I’ve decided
simply to have an ongoing crisis.

We really gotta stop having these “I’m gonna get stabbed
if I stay here any longer” type parties.

Fred Gold: Like a 13-year-old Finn from Star Wars TFA
(played by the incomparable John Boyega),
but with striking golden eyes. Carries a saber.
A brave, literal trooper—he’s still drafted in two different
and mutually opposing armies—trying to keep Arthur alive.
Wants to give Arthur a hug (and a kiss), but is too shy to do so.
Is the only person in all of creation who gets to call Arthur
by the nickname “Ray”, but only does so when they’re alone.

Quotes describing him: BROTP? Oh, totally. Best bros. Bros for life.
Bros MARRIED for life. Bros who make out all the time.
Bros who confessed their feelings for each other on a summer night
in a field of tall grass. There were fireflies.

I’m five-and-a-half ounces of whoop-ass!

Obviously, I ship Arthur and Fred.
Arthur acts differently around him
than he does for anyone else in the series,
and it is adorable.

Suzy Turquoise Blue: A puckish pixie of a girl (13ish)
with olive skin and turquoise-blue hair.
Probably has several knives (and some silver knuckles … and purloined angel wings … and watercress sandwiches) tucked away in her coats.
Considers Arthur her best friend,
and would kick Death itself in the nards for him.

Quotes describing her: It is very important that I am both cute and powerful.

Why am I covered in glitter? Well, why aren’t YOU covered in glitter?

Leaf (no last name given, probably something like McCullen):
Also 13ish, but calm and cool and collected … except when she isn’t.
Has dark, curly hair and a decent tan at this point.
Knows how to sail, and how to bury her feelings deep down
until she can make someone pay for them—
which are both very useful skills for a modern young lady.
Has become good friends with Arthur, though she isn’t exactly sure how
and when that happened, what with all the running and the screaming.

Quotes describing her: Obviously, last night’s theme
was “Let’s Make Bad Life Choices”.

My biggest tip to anyone is to fake confidence until it’s real.

Dame Primus: Looks like Beyoncé, but over seven feet tall,
and with platinum hair, lipstick, and eyeliner-eyeshadow.
Has absolutely zero chill, and is the bossest ass bitch in creation—
she is here to get stuff done, motherfuckers!
If she were to hit you, you would thank her.
Make that “when she hits you, you will thank her”.
Has some OCD, and definitely has her own agenda …
with literally 6,000 points on it arranged alphabetically.

Quotes describing her: Honey, I don’t cut bitches;
I’ve got people who cut bitches for me.

I don’t want to look pretty.
I want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening.

Monday’s Dusk: Like Collin Firth in his prime (i.e. as Mister Darcy),
with a literally silver tongue, and wings, and a sword made of fire.
To look upon him is to desire him.

Second Mate Sunscorch: Like the Pirate from Sponge Bob
both physically and personality-wise,
but actually a competent captain and combatant.
Good friend, bad card player.

Dr. Scamandros: Like Mako Iwamatsu, but with animated sailor tattoos
which move about his body (in Harry Potter fashion).
And sorcerous knowhow, despite never receiving his degree,
and a desire to prove that the degree isn’t what’s important. 
Also probably has a hip flask of “magic elixir” …
which is actually filled with an endless gin martini.

Captain Tom Shelvocke, aka “The Mariner”: A grizzled old sea captain (literally put “old sea captain” into google, and you’ll find what he looks like)
with a soft spot for kids
especially ones who rebel against tyrannical authority.
Hates albatrosses almost as much as tyrannical authorities.
Was born wearing a turtleneck.
Always has a pipe, but doesn’t actually smoke.
Possesses a magical harpoon that can kill anything.
Probably literally married to the sea.

“The crown was wedged tightly upon his head - and Arthur fell silently screaming into darkness.”

The Keys to the Kingdom FancastBertie Gilbert as Arthur Penhaligon

Finishing KTTK,

Finished reading Lord Sunday. Was rather unsurprised by the ending. Because through the book, Dame had been behaving in a rather weird-secretive manner. And all the Days were protesting against the 7 pieces of the Will getting back together. You kinda know that there’s something wrong with the Will when the Trustees were complaining and trying to tell Arthur to wake up and don’t believe in Dame.

I feel kinda sad for Arthur cause through the series, all he wanted to do was fight through each Day and remain human but now he is no longer a human anymore. He won the Days, but loses what he wanted the most - to be human again.

And Suzy as Lady Sunday? Now, I would like to see that! She will be gorgeous! I mean New Architect made her pretty and if he made her Sunday, damn, Suzy you’re going to be a goddess! I wish Art will bring back all the Dawns, Noons and Dusks. Oh, and former Lieutant Keeper of Front Door, Mariner and Dr. Scamandros.

I also wishes Art to remake Sunday’s Incomparable Gardens cause it is beautiful! Ugh, I was a little sad when Sunday died. He was such a sassy trustee! He shouldn’t have died. He has no care for anything but his Garden. Basically, he was being as neutral as in the fight. He just doesn’t want to be destroyed. Sunday, you poor man.

In short, the Keys of The Kingdom gave me so much feels! I have to reread it soon! :3

Maas Withdrawal Book Recommendations #20: “The Keys of the Kingdom” by Garth Nix

Search the tag “Book Recommendations” to see previous recommendations!


Arthur Penhaligon’s first days at his new school don’t go too well, particularly when fiendish Mister Monday appears, gives Arthur a magical clock hand, and then orders his gang of dog-faced goons to chase Arthur around and get it back. 

But when the confused and curious boy discovers that a mysterious virus is spreading through town, he decides to enter an otherworldly House to stop it. 

After meeting Suzy Blue and the first part of “the Will” (a frog-looking entity that knows everything about the House), Arthur learns that he’s been selected as Rightful Heir to the House and must get the other part of the clock hand in order to defeat Monday. 

That means getting past Monday’s henchmen and journeying to the Dayroom itself. 

Thankfully, Arthur is up to the challenge, but as he finds out, his fight seems to be only one-seventh over.

This series is an INCREDIBLE feat in world-building, it’s fantastic!

Keys to the Kingdom Challenge : Complete

From Mister Monday…

To Lord Sunday…

I have completed all the Keys to the Kingdom in order on their appropriate days. All I can say is that I highly recommend every single one of these books. Arthur Penhaligon is one of my favorite protagonists and he, along with his quirky friends, will endear himself to you immediately.

I present this challenge to you, dear readers. Do you accept?

AU where Arthur is the reincarnation of the Piper?

I’ve been thinking that Arthur and the Piper could’ve been friends and bonded over their shared passion for music if, y’know, the Piper hadn’t been thrown into Nothing and come back all bitter and incorporeal.

And then I remembered that the Inspector from Mister Monday mentioned something about being reborn as a mortal in the Secondary Realms. So what if the Piper was reborn as a human after he was thrown into Nothing?

What if the Piper was reborn as Arthur?

I have too many KttK ideas kicking around in my head…