arthur shappey is right

“Aaaaarthuurrr….Sssshappeyyyyyy…”

“Are you quite all right, Arthur?”

“What? Oh—hello, Douglas. Yeah, I’m just trying something out.”

“It sounded like you were trying to summon whichever demon it is who’s unfortunate enough to share your name.”

“No! …Do you think there is one?”

“Probably not. I don’t know that they go in for surnames, as such.”

“Oh, right.”

“So what were you doing?”

“I was just seeing if my name works. For the game you three were playing earlier.”

“Oh, ‘People Who Aren’t Evil But Have Evil-Sounding Names?’”

“That’s it! What do you think?”

“Let’s have a go. Beware, ye who enter, for I am the fearsome tyrant Arthur Shappey…. No, I don’t think it fits.”

“That was a really good voice, though.”

“One of my best.”

“So my name isn’t evil?”

“No. Perhaps if it didn’t belong to you…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve always thought it was quite appropriate. Matches your demeanour.”

“My what?”

“Demeanour. The way you…are.”

“Oh, right. …How does it match?”

“Listen. Arthur Shappey. Arthurshappey. Arthurssss…shappey. Arthur’s happy. And you are. Constantly.”

“Wow!”

“So you see, with connotations like that, it was never going to pull off the evil thing.”

“That’s amazing! Do you think Mum and Dad knew, and that’s why they called me that?”

“…”

“Douglas?”

“…I’m going to leave you to ponder the workings of English naming customs by yourself.”