artemis... i think

What the Artemis Fowl books really should've been called

• Artemis Fowl Wants More Gold
• Artemis Fowl Wants to Stick It to the Russian Mafia
• Artemis Fowl Wants More Money
• Artemis Fowl Wants to Know Why This Redheaded Midget Seems to Know Who He Is
• Artemis Fowl Wants to Meet a Demon
• Artemis Fowl Wants to Save His Mom… from Himself Technically
• Artemis Fowl Wants the Fours to Go Away
• Artemis Fowl Wants to Save the World

Bank Teller: Colonel Lee, of course, come this way! And this is your… son?
Artemis: *pops bubblegum* Unfortunately, dude, yes.
Butler: My son does not communicate well with the rest of the world.

In book 4, Artemis Fowl had to disguise himself as a normal moody gum-chewing teenager who wore hoodies and jeans–not to mention an unkept hair–all for the first time to his horror. He missed his Armani and Zegna suits. But he was dedicated to rob the most secured bank in the world with Butler disguised as his military father. Please protect this boy he doesn’t know how to act like a normal teen! Everyone doesn’t exactly live like an heir to the Fowl Empire.

The Artemis Fowl Series: A Summary
  • Artemis: let's kidnap a fairy!
  • Butler: ok
  • Artemis: let's go after the Russian mafia!
  • Butler: ok
  • Artemis: let's sell fairy technology and pretend we made it!
  • Butler: ok
  • Artemis: let's rob the most secure bank in the world!
  • Butler: ok
  • Artemis: let's meet a demon!
  • Butler: ok
  • Artemis: I'm gonna go back in time and get this lemur that I need to save my mom and you can't come
  • Butler: o-wait what
  • Butler: ok *is concerned*
  • Artemis: let's save the world!
  • Butler: you built a super laser?? Instead of working out?? Why??
  • Holly: You want me to fetch a ladder?
  • Artemis: We don't have one.
  • Holly: What?
  • Artemis: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
  • Butler: That's why I own ten guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.