artemis is amazing

anonymous asked:

omg im rewatching some of the little iasip extras they have on youtube and tb to the dating video one where mac kept trying to talk about getting intimate with a girl and dennis kept saying hed be there when it happened

this video is a GOLD MINE. everyone drop what you’re doing and watch it immediately, if only for this:

Beauty and the Beast AU

I really liked the idea of doing a Carry On Beauty and the Beast AU after seeing the movie. After seeing @ace-artemis-fanartist do this AMAZING fanart AU version I decided to go for it! Let me know if your interested in this becoming chaptered :) The next chapters are available here: 2 3


The castle loomed darkly against the grey sky, a shadowy figure in the crisp wilderness. Simon shivered lightly in the cold weather, rubbing his arms against the wind. He wasn’t sure why he had come here; it wasn’t like he actually owed his father anything. But he had tracked him to this desolate place and felt the familiar need to keep his father close to him.

His footsteps crunching in the snow were the only audible sound. The place was incredibly eerie, even if it was beautiful. He had no idea what his father was doing in a place like this or why he hadn’t reached out to him. But it seemed dangerous; Simon’s magic swirled close to the surface of his skin.

As he reached the doorway he paused. Something told him that once he entered this place he would not come back the same. If he wanted to, he could walk away, let his father conduct his strange business in this creepy castle, and return to life in the village. Agatha was waiting for him there with a thousand promises in her brown eyes. There were a million reasons for him to walk away.

He took a deep breath and pushed the heavy doors open. His heart beat rapidly as he waited for something to jump out at him. As the seconds ticked by though, he noticed that the entryway was empty. With a frown, he stepped through the threshold. 

The room was dank, as if it hadn’t seen sunlight in many years. As he stepped further into the castle he noticed a large sitting area to his left. Seemingly on its own accord, the fireplace lit up with bright orange flames. Simon jumped back a step and put his hand over the hilt of his sword. But nobody attacked him from behind the large fireplace. 

Simon had been raised around magic his whole life, loved it even, yet he felt there was something wrong about this place. It was as if the castle dripped in something heavy, a kind of twisted magic hung in the air. 

“Look Niall! I told you he would come!” He heard someone hiss behind him.

Simon froze, trying to appear as if he hadn’t heard the voice.

“Oh, shut up Dev!” Another voice whispered.

Simon whipped around, sure that he would discover who was speaking and found himself utterly confused. Behind him, on the stairs, lay a clock and candelabra, as if left there by mistake. 

“What in Merlin…” Simon muttered.

The place was starting creep him out. Figuring it would be useful in the dark space, Simon picked up the candelabra and started up the grand staircase. The castle was obviously quite large and, in its own eerie way, very grand; but Simon could not understand what it was doing in the middle of the woods. Had his father, deluded by his own power, built a castle in forested isolation to pretend to be king? Simon had to admit that it was not that big of a stretch for his father. It didn’t, however, explain the strange whispering. Or the dark magic.

He found a corridor off to his left and walked up the stone steps, knowing that his father had a tendency to seek high ground. Eventually it became clear that he was in the dungeons of the castle, something that would normally cause him to go back to the main staircase. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was getting closer to his father with every step. Eventually he turned a corner and found the one cell that wasn’t empty in the vast tower.

In the corner his father lay balled up, his green cloak stained by the water dripping from the stone ceiling. Simon drew in an audible breath. Stirred by the noise, David Snow turned and looked at his son, his eyes blank. Then he jumped out of his slumped position and threw himself at the bars.

“Oh my son! My son! Thank Merlin you’ve found me!”

“Father…what happened to you?”

His father’s eyes shifted to look behind him.

“I was looking for something in the woods…I got lost. Eventually I found this place and decided to rest here for a bit. But Simon, my boy, there’s something terrible in this place.”

Simon glanced around him.

“Yeah I know. I can feel the dark magic here.”

“No!” His father yelled, grabbing Simon’s jacket through the bars, “You don’t understand! There’s a thing here, an evil creature! He’s the one who locked me up!”

Simon wondered if his father had hit his head.

“I’m sure he was a horrible man if he could do something like this to you father, but let’s not get carried away.”

His father’s eyes widened and his face went white. Weakly, he let go of Simon and backed away from him, his eyes focused on something behind Simon. His legs began to shake.

“Not a man…” His father trailed off.

Simon felt a chill run down his spine.

“A beast.”

Simon whipped around and came face to face with his father’s captor. He was taller than Simon, enough so to loom over him. His skin was as grey as the sky outside the castle, and his eyes were the same color, if not a little stormier. His hair was jet black and wild about his face, as if he hadn’t cut it in years. All of this, strange as it was, was still human enough. 

But the fangs, the horrible, sharp fangs that protruded from his dark red lips were undoubtedly beastly.  His expression matched the cruelness of his appearance, a mask of pure and utter rage. 

Simon did not know what to call this person, as he somehow had ascertained the creature in front of him was indeed a person. His sword was already drawn, but he had the sinking feeling it would do little against the menacing man in front of him.

“You dare take up a sword against me? In my own home?” The man hissed.

Simon swallowed loudly.

“I-I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just that you…well, you surprised me.”

The man studied him.


“Well what?” Simon said.

“Well why haven’t you put your sword down yet? Seeing as you only drew out of bewilderment.” 

Simon deliberated. Putting down the sword meant relinquishing his best weapon and left him vulnerable. But keeping it drawn would likely make the man attack. Slowly he sheathed his sword. 

“There,” Simon said.

The man sneered.

“What are you doing in my castle? I don’t like trespassers.”

Simon clenched his jaw.

“I wasn’t trying to trespass. My father went missing a few days ago and I tracked him here. I didn’t realize the castle was occupied by you.”

The man snarled loudly.

“So you’re the son of this disgusting excuse of a man?”

Simon growled back at him.

“How dare you talk about my father like that!” Simon yelled.

The man threw him up onto the bars in a rush, barely exerting himself. Simon had been right to assume that the man was unnaturally strong. He felt his breath rush out of him against the force of the blow. 

“Your father tried to slit my throat in my sleep.”

Simon wanted to deny it, to say his father would never be capable of such a thing, but he knew that he couldn’t. Unfortunately, Simon could very well imagine his father doing just that sort of thing. The man waited for Simon to defend his father and when it was clear he wouldn’t, set Simon down.

“Simon,” His father whimpered, “He’s a monster! I only thought I was doing the right thing!”

The man laughed darkly.

“Is that so? Is stuffing your bag with dozens of my possessions doing the right thing?”

Simon looked down. His father was not a good man, Simon knew this already, but he was the only family he had left. Whether he liked it or not, he would need to break his father out of the castle.

In a flash Simon had his wand out and pointed at the monstrous man’s throat. He was prepared to say a spell when the man laughed raucously. Simon paused, his mouth hanging open in confusion.

“Going to cast a spell are you? I don’t think you’ll have much luck with that.”

Simon realized that although he could feel his magic, he couldn’t tap into it.

“Why…what’s wrong with this place?

The man pulled back his upper lip to expose more of his fangs. It was truly a terrible sight, an image that made fear run up the length of Simon’s body.

“It’s cursed. Like me.”

“What are you?” Simon whispered. 

Something flitted across the man’s expression, too quick for Simon to decipher. As quickly as it had come, the look left the man’s expression and was replaced by cold disinterest.

“Enough questions. Your father will spend the rest of his life rotting in this cell; I don’t care what you think about it. He committed treason as far as I’m concerned. “

Simon sagged in defeat. The smart move would be to respectfully apologize on behalf of his father and to leave. It was in his best interest to leave his father, and this mysterious man, behind him forever. After all, his father had committed horrible crimes; he deserved to be here.

“I know,” Simon started, “That what my father did was despicable.”

His father moaned weakly in his cell.

“But,” Simon continued, through gritted teeth, “I cannot simply leave him here. I have no hope of beating you in a fight without my magic and I don’t wish for my family name to cause any more violence in your home.”

The man frowned.

“And so?”

“And so…” Simon trailed off, “Punish me instead.”

The man’s eyes widened. From behind him he could hear his father shrieking with happiness. Simon closed his eyes, trying to quell the pain in his chest. 

“You would take your father’s place?”

Simon felt his father grab his leg through the bars. He was kissing Simon’s calf.

“Thank you my son. Oh. Bless you. I won’t forget this.”

Simon’s throat hurt.

“Yes, I will take his place.”

The man pointed in disgust to his father, who was crying in happiness on his hands and knees.

“You would sacrifice your entire life? For a coward like this?”

“Enough questions,” Simon threw the man’s earlier words back at him, “Just let him go and do what you want with me.”

The man glared at him for a minute, as if he was unwilling to accept Simon’s offer. Eventually though, he pushed Simon aside and unlocked the cell door. His father sprang out and ran down the stairs, without a backwards glance at Simon. 

“I’ll come back for you Simon! I swear it,” He heard his father shout out from below.

Simon knew it was a lie. He knew that unless he found some way to escape on his own that he would be stuck here until he died. David Snow was not a good man but he was an even worse father.

The man allowed Simon the dignity of entering the cell on his own as opposed to throwing him in. Keeping eye contact with him, the man closed and locked the cell door.

“Your father is a selfish and cruel man. But you…”

Simon waited for him to continue. With a shake of his head, the man turned away and began to walk down the stone stairway.

“You are a fool.”

With that, the man walked away, leaving Simon completely alone. Sighing, Simon slid down to the floor. He wished he could say that the man was a monster, that he had forced Simon’s hand and treated his father unfairly. But the truth was cruel, and Simon had to bite his lip to stop himself from screaming.

The truth was that his father had deserved what he got.

And the beast had been right; Simon Snow was the biggest fool of all.

there are so many fan artists for warrior cats that make character designs for entire clans that are unique and diverse in shape and color and imo it’s set the bar way too high for any potential film adaptation


❝The world might have just enough heroes, Jason. Maybe we can do with a few outlaws.❞

red hood and the outlaws #6 - dark trinity pt 6: darker days

I have 99 problems and Newt Scamander is 98 ¾ of them.

On the one hand I’m sorry for my recent Artemis Fowl kick but on the other hand I’m not and everyone should read it it’s about a genius criminal mastermind who gets his butt kicked by incredibly trigger-happy fairies with guns (ok technically he beats them but whatever) and then proceeds to learn how to make friends.  Also one of the later books is basically fanfiction it’s amazing.

If you haven’t read Artemis Fowl, read this. If you have read Artemis Fowl, read it anyways.

You’re missing a lot. Like, seriously, a lot.

I am in love with this fandom. We didn’t read the books because they were/are popular, we didn’t read them because they were in. (*cough* The Fault In Our Stars *cough*). We read them because we wanted to, and not because society would hate on you if you don’t know what is going on.

You read the first book - it is, like, very very good. But then you read the others, and know that Eoin Colfer never, never ever ever missed a chance to show that he can do better. His books are perfect already, but he always finds a way to make you shiver, to make you think ‘Wow, I didn’t expect this!’, which leads me to the next thing I want to say:

Eoin Colfer is the King of Plot-twists. If you try to convince me that he’s not, I would have to fight you. Seriously, ‘The Time Paradox’ had a really BIG plot twist at the end and there weren’t many pages left - I wanted to scream.

And I have to say that I read many many bookseries, and the End of Artemis Fowl, the last paragraph in ‘The Last Guardian’ … it was genius. Just - genius. You don’t know what happens then, if everything will ever be the same in the Fowl Family (I’m trying so hard to not spoiler and it’s getting complicated), or if Arty doesn’t !§$%/!”§$%&/)(/&%$§ (no spoilers for those who didn’t read it.)

Not to forget, that tiny, evil creatures bless the pages of those wonderful books. The Enemy’s character is amazing, the selfishness perfectly described and etc. And badass women, oh yep, extremely badass women are on the same side as a criminal mastermind who happens to be just a teen, and I want to say that he,

the main character, Artemis the Second, has such a great character development, you won’t believe me if I told you know how he changed. How he just - changed. He didn’t become perfect, and he wasn’t perfect at the beginning either (it’s always funny how he just isn’t good with sports and physical work), and he proves in the last book that he’s the biggest procrastinator in the world’s existence.

Sarcastic, farting, annoying little dwarfs with phospherescent saliva. Enough said.

The Butler’s. It’s fascinating enough how Mister Colfer came up with that ‘The Butler family works since so many centuries for the Fowl Family, that the word for a servant, ‘Butler’, comes from this family’, and if that isn’t hilarious, I don’t know either.

Anyways, to put in a nutshell: This books are absolutely amazing.

Artemis Fowl Headcanon

Headcanon that when Artemis meets Minerva again, it’s at a shady bar in Rome where he agreed to meet his client.

He doesn’t recognize her at first because of no glasses, her hair is in a bun and she’s wearing a toga, and she’s jiving to “I’m Sexy And I Know It” on the Ides of March, kissing a girl senseless.

He only recognizes her when he murmurs “Brava, Ragazza,” at the lateness of his client and the blonde in front of him tears her mouth away from her date and tackles him into a hug.

anonymous asked:

Newt I thought I did really well in a job interview but I got the rejection today and I don't know how to deal with it. It's the fifth rejection I've gotten in a week and I don't know what to do

Hello.  I’m so sorry about the rejection.  That can be a very disheartening experience, can’t it?  Sometimes it can feel like no matter how hard you try, it just isn’t good enough.  But in this case, I don’t believe that’s true at all.

Rejections are never easy to swallow and if you let them, they can make you feel very helpless, and very tired.  I’d ask you to consider this from a different angle, if you’ll allow it.

Firstly, it can be very difficult when searching for a job to ever be accepted the first time, or the second or even the tenth.  That doesn’t mean the right job for you isn’t out there.  You’ve also said you’ve been rejected five times- well then, that means you’ve tried five times haven’t you, and I’m very proud of you for that.

If you can, take a breath and allow yourself a moment of disappointment if you need it.  Then, take the next moment to by proud of yourself too, because just trying- putting in the effort to start somewhere is often the most difficult part.  You’re job is out there, and you will find it.  Have a bit of faith in yourself, because I certainly do.  Everything will be alright, I promise.