artemis fowl characters

Artemis Fowl II is honestly one of the most relatable characters ever

because in literally every book of the series he’s like “wow I should exercise more… why did I not exercise before I started doing all of this running and jumping??… I NEED to work out… crap the only thing I’ve lifted in the past 12 years is my phone HELP ME… as I run to my death, I think of all the various reasons why working out would benefit me… Butler I promise I will exercise after this pls just let me survive”

but then over the course of EIGHT ENTIRE BOOKS he never actually manages to work out once, and if that’s not some A+ self-destructive procrastination then I don’t know what is

The Artemis Fowl books advocate for the environment, deal with misogyny in the workplace and the need for feminism, and has some of the best character development arcs like ever over the span of eight books. Also, there’s magic and fairies with guns and time travel and a whole lot of sarcasm and really no downside to reading them

i hate it when you’re so aggressively fond of someone that when you think abt then it makes you smile like no shut up i’m in math

  • Artemis Fowl has 300 million dollars in bonds hidden under his own bed (emergency money?!) and is the most booby trapped place on Earth
  • Artemis bequeath his mother the department store on New York’s Fifth Avenue on her birthday (who does that??!)
  • Artemis gave Juliet Butler not only one–but three–sports cars and a lifetime subscription to the wrestling channel 
  • Artemis gave Butler the ownership of the apartments and the dojo

can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Artemis Fowl II’s character arc is basically:

• criminal extraordinaire
• meets an underground civilization of precious cinnamon rolls
• is faced with his own mortality because he almost dies every time he leaves his house
• is taught by the cinnamon rolls about friendship and morality (because that is what cinnamon rolls do)
• begrudgingly changes into his true form:
• nerd extraordinaire

My thoughts on Holly/Artemis

So this had been bugging me for a while, and I just wanted to get this out of my head. Be aware that this is my opinion, and while this is definitely not an attack on anyone who ships it, I personally find the ship rather uncomfortable along with dare I say disgusting. Now, to be fair I only have one main reason, but in my defense it is quite an important one to look at. Age. Artemis ends the series at 15 years old. Holly was said to be about 80 in human years, and is a legal adult in fairy/elf years. Now, I’m sure your aware of this already, but that is called pedophilia. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like it one bit when I see a beloved character ruined by a fanbase, and making Holly a pedophile is just heart breaking. Please. I know sometimes you see to characters and think ‘oh! They would make such a great couple!’ but please stop and think about it, do they really?