One of my friends always hear me talking about my art and often ask me if they can see it. I always say no because since I see them often, I think they would judge me and I wouldn’t even know how to reason with them ._.
Since I rarely smile, they find it surprising. When I tell them the reason, they look at me as though they lost all respect for me. Tumblr is my happy place, geez. >H>
I prepared myself. I swear, I prepared for the day that you would fracture my heart like a rotten bone. i knew it was always in the cards for us, I prepared myself back and forth for the conclusion of loving you would end in result of a collapsing of my heart. I put my mind in the position to feel what it would be like if you weren’t there. I broke for a period of time. I tried to look in the mirror and see my original identity, but it no longer existed because there you were stashed in all the crevasses of my anatomy. and ive watched as I stood in front of you with a smile on my face telling you, ‘I am happy that you are with her.’ I’ve been the one beside you telling you that 'I’m happy if your happy.’ because I had invested so much time into figuring out how I could ever latch onto someone new and feel the small things all too loud when all they do is remind me of you. I wondered how it would be to pretend I’m my own superhero who didn’t need someone else to help them pick up the pieces together. I was so sure I could have a regular heartbeat again, and that I could breathe without your dust storm roaming through my lungs. but here I sit, crying in the bathtub, asking how it would have been if we never had let each other slip through our finger tips.