arpergers

I'd call it a rant, but I'm more despaired than angry.

So in my family, we have a tier system of cousins. For this post, you need to know we have the collegiate group, the high school group, and then everyone younger. After last year, we have a total of three kids in the high school group, including myself. The college cousins have let themselves go, they got into Berkeley, Davis, Stanford, the like, all of their troubles are behind them. Right now, one of my younger cousins, a middle schooler, who has a form of Asbergers, is downstairs, telling us how scared she is of growing and becoming like me, Jay, and Andrew (my other cousins,) and it breaks my heart. She understands how bad it’s gonna get and she is fighting desperately to not grow up and I envy her. She’s such a sweetheart, and so, so intelligent, but she’s forced into a school system that lowers her GPA because her Aspergers makes her clumsy, and not a very good athlete. Like the rest of my family, she has innate art skills and pays incredible attention to details, but she can’t concentrate for more than an hour on her work (sound like anybody you know?) I can’t handle knowing if she grows up and has a schedule like mine, she won’t have the time, energy, or will to do things like draw or read anymore. I have to sit there while my mom and her mom are watching as she asks me, “Do you like school?” and I have to lie through my teeth as I think about the people who treat me like shit, the teachers who give too much homework, the friends who betrayed me for the sake of a GPA, and the course my life was set on, without asking for my opinion on what I wanted. The wheels are set in motion far before we can make our own decisions, and I feel like it is too late to turn back now for me. My life is over before it has even begun, but I just wish I can help her.