One thing that pisses me off about the aro/ace discourse is that it’s hypocritical. We say that straight people don’t understand us or what we go through but now we’re hurting people who do. The gatekeepers say that because Asexuals and aromantics don’t face their definition of discrimination they aren’t discriminated against. But the thing is, so many feelings I’ve felt as a gay man I know asexuals and aromantics feel. The loneliness, the isolation, the confusion. Because most of these weird and lonely feelings come from being different. From being *queer*.
You can say that because everyone, regardless of sexuality or gender, feels these things, they aren’t definitive of being lgbt+. But the thing we all have in common is that these feelings come from society and how it views sexuality and gender and being different in those regards. So even if you argue that they don’t face direct discrimination, to which I disagree, you can’t say they don’t feel these things. And just like all of you pricks, they need a community and support to understand these fucking feelings.
I ran into a whole bunch of aphobic bullshit on my dashboard recently, and while my first instinct was to reblog it all with scathing condemnations attached, I’ve decided it’s probably better for my mental health if I channel that energy into something more positive instead.
So, first off, I want to affirm that all of you ace/aro people out there are wonderful, and you don’t deserve the shit that people seem intent on putting you through. Your identity is valid, your experiences are valid, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise. You are absolutely welcome in the LGBTQ community, and the community is better for your presence. To be clear, I’m definitely including people who are grey ace, demi, or anywhere else on the spectrum. You’re all simply the best.
I also want to express gratitude towards the people I’ve seen standing up for ace/aro folk again and again. It always a comfort to see that the aphobes’ BS isn’t going unchallenged, and there their are more people who believe in inclusivity and understanding than there are gatekeeping jerks. Special thanks to @vaspider, whose blog is one of the most comforting places I’ve found on this site, the internet equivalent of sitting in front of a roaring fire with mug of hot cider and the family dog asleep on your feet.
Lastly, I’m gonna allow myself a bit of venom, and give a firm but measured Fuck You to people who post aphobia in ace/aro positivity tags. I can understand the exclusionists who post anti a-spec arguments on their blogs or discourse tags, even if I passionately disagree with them, but tagging that stuff specifically to target people who want to avoid it is just petty cruelty. Anyone who does so can be safely dismissed as a bully and an asshole.
Reg legacy is the patholization and burying of a-spec identities, forcing people to live as if something is wrong with them, internalizing every aphobic hit. The resulting mental illness, assaults, and deaths makes it THEIR FAULT.
They threw away a-spec lives!
Perceiving and treating REGS as anything less than violent and dangerous bigots is outrageous.