@ all boys/men who are coming to terms with the fact that maybe they’re not completely straight: i see you and i love you more than i can say. your attraction to other boys/men is not inherently gross or dirty or bad, and i promise that you’ll find safe places and people. you are amazing and valid and deserve all the good in this world.
since it’s asexual awareness week I wanna rec some books with great ace characters from all over the ace spectrum (some have more than one!!!!!!! actually i think all of my recs have more than one tbh)
When I was like 12 my friends used to joke about me being grossed out by germs and stuff and then one of them was like “what are you gonna do when you get married and have to kiss??” And I was like “lol idk we’ll just high five”
Then just a little while ago I saw this strip from “Archie”
this is meant to be a comprehensive list (to the best of my limited abilities) of aro-spectrum and ace-spectrum identities. all the posts I saw had like 3 choices or a hundred, and I wanted something that was accurate and had a lot of research behind it…so I made it myself. I wrote the definitions, based on preexisting ones, for additional clarity and context.
anyone a-spec, questioning, or simply wanting to know more about our community is free & encouraged to reblog!
*”romantic/sexual” is in the definitions because the labels apply to both spectrums unless -romantic or -sexual is in the name
Asexual : not feeling sexual attraction to any gender(s)
Things that are completely separate from being asexual (but can be related): libido, sex drive, being a virgin, having/had sex, being sex positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, romantic, & familial love
Apothisexual : asexual that is sex repulsed
Aromantic : not feeling romantic attraction to any gender(s)
Things that are completely separate from being aromantic (but can be related): shipping, fantasizing about relationships and love, wanting a close relationship, been/being in relationships, being romance positive/neutral/repulsed, and platonic, sexual, & familial love
Apothiromantic : aromantic that is romance repulsed
Apath- : romance/sex neutral, regardless of orientation or attraction felt
Cupio- : not feeling romantic/sexual attraction but still desiring a relationship of that nature
Gray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction weakly, rarely, only under certain conditions, or all of those. also an umbrella term for between allo and asexual/aromantic. may or may not desire a relationship.
Demi- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only after an emotional bond is formed. the bond strength and time before attraction can vary between the demi person and the person they’re attracted to.
-Flux : (aroflux or aceflux) their orientation fluctuates, but always stays on the aromantic/asexual spectrum
Lithro-/Akoi-/Akoine-/Apo- : feels romantic/sexual attraction and enjoys relationships in theory, but don’t need/want those feelings reciprocated or to be in a relationship. (there are several labels because the original, from litho, is argued to be appropriated from lesbian butch culture, so wouldn’t recommend using it.)
Recipro- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction only to people who feel it for them, they reciprocate the type of the attraction
Fray- : feeling romantic/sexual attraction when less familiar with a person, but it fades as they get to know them better (sometimes described as the opposite of demi)
Aego- : enjoys the idea of romance/sex, but doesn’t wish to participate in it or related activities (based off autochoris- : a disconnection between the person and a romantic/sexual target or fantasy)
Quoi/WTF- : feeling unsure if romantic/sexual attraction is being felt and/or if they experience it. feeling as if the concept of that type of attraction is inaccessible, inapplicable, and/or nonsensical. (Another commonly used definition that isn’t correct is for the term below, so use that instead.)
Platoniromantic : feels no distinction between platonic and romantic attraction
Idemromantic : feels romantic and platonic attraction similarly so they are not particularly distinguishable from each other. categorizes platonic and romantic relationships based on external factors such as age, compatibility, closeness, etc. they mean different things and can be categorized, but feel the same.
Requies- : little to no romantic/sexual attraction due to trauma, possibly caused by bad past experiences with the type of attraction, or mental/emotional exhaustion
Caed- : used to feel romantic/sexual attraction, but doesn’t anymore due to trauma
Apres- : feels romantic/sexual attraction after another form of attraction is felt, and the original may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction
-Vague : (arovague or acevague) their a-spec status is uncertain or affected by mood
Burst- : romantic/sexual attraction comes and goes, may or may not have a reason
Nebularomantic : difficult or impossible to tell romantic and platonic attraction apart because of their
neurodivergency or they’re platoniromantic
Novi- : feels complicated romantic/sexual attraction so it can’t be described in a single label
Quasiromantic : “someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc.” -general def
S.A.M : split attraction model. most used in the a-spec community, it means that romantic and sexual orientations are different and separate. for example, someone could be homoromantic asexual, or aromantic bisexual. in the case of someone who is, for example, panromantic and pansexual, they can just state their orientation as pansexual, as there is no need for the SAM. however, it’s totally optional! if you feel, for example, asexual is your orientation and doesn’t need other labels, that’s fine!
Q.P.R. : queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic if the participants are not LGBT+) relationship. this is a type of relationship created by aro people for aro people, but anyone of any sexuality can be in one if they wish! it is defined as “a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all.” -Aven Wiki
Peach Fuzz : qpr partners (known as zucchinis) pretending their relationship is romantic to avoid questions and explanations
Positive/Neutral/Repulsed : labels used to describe how someone feels about sex or romance in relation to them. positive: willing to be in that kind of relationship and/or do related things; neutral: indifferent, almost apathetic to the idea of sex/romance, doesn’t care too much if they give and/or receive it; negative/repulsed: actively disgusted by the idea of sex/romance. can also describe a person’s attitude about sex in general (not used in this post).
Amatonormativity : society treating romantic relationships as more valuable/better than non-romantic ones, and generally that a romantic and sexual relationship is the end goal and necessary (it’s really not)
Nonamory : doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship, regardless of orientation
Aromate : a platonic soulmate, aka an aromantic partner
Lush : sensual attraction crush
Plush : queerplatonic crush
Smush : sexual attraction crush (can be considered lust if applicable)
Swish : aesthetic attraction crush
Squish : platonic attraction crush, usually more intense than “want to be friends”
Soft Romo : subdued romantic attraction
Post Rubor : gets quick crushes (of any type of attraction), but once the initial excitement fades, their feelings do too
Aplatonic : as platonic attraction is on a spectrum just like every other type of attraction, this is being on the lack-of end. not experiencing platonic attraction
Placio- : little/no desire to receive
sexual/romantic acts, but wants to perform them on someone else. not specifically an a-spec term but is used more in the community
Alterous : attraction that isn’t completely platonic or romantic, somewhere in between, but still a desire for emotional closeness. used as -alterous, like -sexual or -romantic. can also experience romantic and/or platonic attraction, but feel some level of discomfort by categorizing it as fitting in those labels.
*remember, even for people who use the same label, it’s different for everyone, as are most things here! if you’re questioning and looking at this list to try and see where you fit, there’s no rush. take it slow and think about it.
feel free to add on! I’m sure I’ve missed some key terms or amazing identities because there’s so many out there and I’d love to see this post grow!!
shout out to my aroace girls who ain’t got no idea what’s goin on. who ain’t got a shit in hell. who just. no fuckin clue my guy. my aroace girls who like. woosh. time just go by like that. they readin a newspaper and be like “that sure does says somethin aint it”.