In other news

I’m too anxious to FINALLY get married. Can next November hurry the eff up?!? Getting engaged 8 months after dating and now getting married 6 years later….yep, Pablo&I are crazy. But we knew/know what we want&I am honestly beyond shocked we’re getting married. I could’ve waited til we were 50 but now that we’ve officially picked a date I just wanna go get married like YESTERDAY!


gonna order my business cards tonight :)

and go through that tutorial again so I can set up my website and make some money while getting people healthy!

I love not feeling sick anymore, and obviously I love losing this weight, what girl wouldn’t?

I also am interested in trying the soy free shakes so people who are so against soy for whatever their reasons may be, and are interested in Herbalife can ask me about the taste and I can tell them my honest opinion.

I either fuck with you or I don't give a fuck about you

I’m not losing any sleep.
I’m exhausted by people telling me “I think you don’t like me”
I may be a bitch to you, but unless you’ve heard the words “I don’t like you” come from MY mouth directly, then stop worrying!
People I don’t like KNOW and understand that I don’t like them and they are NOT welcome near me.
Why the fuck does my opinion matter anyways? You don’t exist to please me.

Lessons in love

It is absolutely mind blowingly insane to accept love.
Not the idea of love, not the hope for what love is and what love can be, but real love.

I grew up hearing the word love a million times a day. So much so that I’m told I use the word too much, but I was never shown love.
I was always held hostage to the idea of love. Love meant I wouldn’t be a letdown and all I was good at was letting others down. I was something in everyone’s eyes but I was never me. I constantly felt pressure to prove I could love/was worthy of love.
To my dad I was always made to feel like I was a liar, a letdown, and moments of boastful lies to his peers where I was “amazing”.
To my sister I was always a bully, a bitch, the person to blame for our less than happy family, yet I was always expected to save her, to be the big sister, when 90% of the time I felt like the enemy.
To everyone else I was the victim, the martyr, the pushover, the saint, I was praised for my actions yet looked down upon for my lack of a voice.
I never felt like anyone saw ME, they all saw labels, they all saw me as whatever mold they believed I was.
I constantly felt like I was letting everyone down, like I didn’t deserve to be loved, like I wasn’t doing enough to “prove my love” to them.

Then I met Pablo, a 15 year old boy who over the years has shown me time and time again that love is never about what you do right or what you do wrong. Love isn’t about how many times you can say the word, it’s not about pleasing others. He’s shown me that you can love someone for who they are. So many times I have not held up my side of this relationship, I sit here afraid. I’m always so afraid he will tell me that I’m all those things I was raised to feel I was and he’s never once done anything less than love me.
He has loved me to the point where I question why. I recall exact dates and moments where, in my mind, he should’ve hated me or worse, but he has just loved me.
He loves me because I’m deserving of love, I’m worth something, it’s insane to be valued. Not one day has gone by in about seven years that I am legitimately thankful that he still loves me at the end of the day.

I always believed love meant I couldn’t let someone down, that I couldn’t fail them, that I had to prove they that came first, even before myself.
Now I feel that love is so many things, but it’s not about what you can do, it’s not about being a mold of someone else’s ideas of what you should be, when someone loves you they love everything that you are, not just in the good times but the bad times.

I’m not a bitch, I’m just honest.
But if calling me a bitch makes you feel better, go ahead.
I sleep just fine at night and your opinion never once crosses my mind.

People can’t accept honesty. They see it as attacking, mean spirited and hurtful. Yeah, I may be a little blunt but at least I’m being HONEST and not fake.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.