Zodiac Signs As How Evil You Truly Are


Aries: war mongering drama queens (evil scale 5.0)

Taurus: rage blackouts (evil scale 4.0)

Gemini: liars (evil scale 8.0)

Cancer: will wear your skin as a coat (evil scale 9.0)

Leo: will make you want to wear their skin as a coat (evil scale 3.0)

Virgo: will say they’re evil, but they’re just emotionless (evil scale 1.5)

Libra: you’ll never see the lawsuit coming (evil scale 7.0)

Scorpio: will murder your soul so you’re dead on the inside (evil scale 10.0)

Sagittarius: everyone knows they’re evil but them (evil scale 11.0)

Capricorn: they’ll take your money - by stealing your job (evil scale 6.0)

Aquarius: cold calculating elitists (evil scale 6.0)

Pisces: makes elaborate plans to destroy their enemy but gets “too tired” (evil scale 3.0)

Venus in the houses

The house your Venus is in represents what you find beautiful, what you value/seek in relationships, and how you relate to others.

Venus in 1st house: You are naturally charming, diplomatic, and friendly. People are drawn to you, and you seem very easy to talk to. You appreciate and value art and beauty. You look for the beauty in everything you experience. In relationships, you value harmony and balance. You are attracted to those who are polite and sociable.

Venus in 2nd house: You may be slow to start in relationships, and you don’t like to jump into things. You have strong values and morals and you aren’t easy to persuade in those areas. You appreciate and value your possessions. You have a taste for luxury and money, but you are also known for being generous. In relationships, you value security and safety. You like to be comfortable. You may show your love to others through gifts.

Venus in 3rd house: You are verbally expressive and like to keep the peace and settle arguments. You appreciate and value communication and thinking. You like to be admired in your relationship. You like to compliment others and you have a graceful way with words. You are likely to be good at poetry or writing. In relationships, you value mental stimulation and you like to change things up every once in a while.

Venus in 4th house: You seek harmony and beauty in your home or home life. You are a very sentimental person and you like comforting items, and may have a lot of things that have memories or emotional value to you. You appreciate and value your home and comfort. In relationships, you show your love through sympathy and nurturing.

Venus in 5th house: You enjoy romance and flirting, and you like to entertain. You like to surround yourself with beauty and things that make you happy. You value creativity and excitement. You have a very playful flirting style and you love to have fun. In relationships, you are warm and loyal.

Venus in 6th house: You like to be helpful and useful in your relationships. You are a bit more subtle when it comes to showing love or affection. You appreciate and value little things and actions in relationships. You like to feel appreciated and show your loved ones how much you appreciate them often. In relationships, you are subtle and understanding. You are very friendly and pleasant in work situations, and tend to get along with your co workers easily.

Venus in 7th house: You are a peacemaker and like to be balanced. You are agreeable and charming, and people are naturally drawn and attracted to you. You have a tendency to enter relationships too quickly, but you value your relationships. You value and appreciate harmony and romance. In relationships, you are delightful and affectionate.

Venus in 8th house: You are intense and love wholeheartedly. You are very devoted and passionate, although afraid of vulnerability. You dislike mundane, everyday things, and you are attracted to all things taboo and enjoy deeper topics. You value and appreciate passion and loyalty, and you find beauty in secrecy. In relationships, you are loving and real.

Venus in 9th house: You are attracted to adventure and like to see the big picture of things. You like to learn and be educated, especially about the world or philosophies. You may enjoy travelling and like long journeys. You value and appreciate enthusiasm and knowledge. In relationships, you are idealistic and independent.

Venus in 10th house: You are very aware and conscious of your appearance and impression to other people. You are likely to be popular in your career. You like to be recognized for your talents and are likely to be attracted to authority. You value and appreciate inspiring and helping others, and your career. In relationships, you are respected and respectful.

Venus in 11th house: You like to make friends and be friends before starting a relationship. You bring your friends together and are attracted to unique qualities or talents. You have a soothing effect on people. You value and appreciate creativity and fairness. In relationships, you are fair and free.

Venus in 12th house: You have a tendency to hide your artistic side and like to be alone. You are very compassionate, but being affectionate or trusting isn’t easy for you. You tend to hide your emotions and romantic needs. You value and appreciate peace and solitude. In relationships, you are mysterious and giving.

aries are unpredictable. they have a rapid mood cycle, and they can be amnesic to their previous temperament. if they are out at a party and someone aggravates them, they can completely forget the amazing time they were having. instead they will be filled with complete rage until something or someone else provokes another side of the aries

Signs as Teachers

Aries: Passive-aggressive teacher who always dismisses the class five minutes late. Makes an unnecessarily big deal of students who forget to do their homework. Absolutely loves Kahoot quizzes.

Taurus: Procrastinates on marking papers, and when a student doodles on the worksheet, they complete the doodle. Rewards students with chocolate every time they get a question right.

Gemini: Students always look forward to their entertaining lessons. Lethal levels of sass and always has cool stories to share. Super neat handwriting and always carries around their personal whiteboard marker collection.

Cancer: Soft-spoken teacher who often gets drowned out by the class. Can be super strict and fierce when pissed off. Cute handwriting and draws smiley faces on every worksheet.

Leo: Loud and intimidating. Their powerpoint slides are always aesthetically-pleasing with great font choices. Has the best studying strategies.

Virgo: Strict when marking papers, examines each paper down the very last detail. Hates students with illegible handwriting, but their lessons are very enriching. Always on time to class, and always dismisses students exactly on time.

Libra: Fashionable teacher who has a different outfit every single day. Treats the students like friends, and very very approachable. Often discusses problems with students over a cup of coffee, their treat.

Scorpio: Their handwriting is absolute chicken scratch. Loves marking in green ink for no apparent reason. Very supportive and often comes up with weird-ass lesson plans.

Sagittarius: The teacher who doesn’t bother with lesson plans. Spontaneously shows videos completely unrelated to the class at hand. Often dismisses the students early.

Capricorn: Marks every paper on time, and their handwriting varies everytime. Ships students and bases their seating plans off their ships.

Aquarius: The teacher who often forgets important stuff, but remembers random facts slightly related to the lesson. Doesn’t bother to bring stationery at all, and their laptop is almost always at 10% battery.

Pisces: Shady teacher who students don’t know a single thing about. Wears either an all-pastel outfit or a totally black outfit. Has cool stationery that they often lend to students.

Dates Gone Absolutely Wrong in Eerie Crests

  • Poppy and Parker once went on a nature trail and a couple birds flew down and Poppy was feeding them, was very cute and all until Poppy looked over and Parker was smiling through a swollen face and loud heaving with a bird on his shoulder (If you didn’t know Parker is allergic to birds)
  • Malek took Ben on a date to the beach once and it was going perfect and they saw a huddle of baby turtles running to the ocean and Ben was Living™ until a seagull came and picked one up by the head causing a crying fit for about an hour and thirty minutes from Ben
  • Anyone going on a date with Noah is just A Mistake™
  • Once Greg agreed to go on a Thriller Throwback movie date with Noah and it was already awkward being that Greg is Greg, but then the title of the first movie comes on, The Birds, and Greg quite literally has to sit there with his eyes closed for 2 hours hoping Noah doesn’t look at him and at one point he peaks out to see if it’s over and he literally lets out a high pitched shriek (Noah never lets him live it down for the rest of their lives and yes, Greg is canonically afraid of birds)
  • Ari and Phoebus went on a date to the aquarium once so that Ari could go touch the Manta Rays in the big open tank they have where the rays come flooshing by the sides and you can pet their flappy wing things. Well, Phoebus saw someones service dog walking by and accidentally bumped into Ari to go pet it, causing Ari to fall into the Manta Ray tank as they had been leaning down to touch one
  • Poppy and Sara were just snuggling one morning as a breakfast date and Poppy promised to make breakfast for the two of them, so after 20 mins of fumbling in the kitchen Poppy comes out with her toaster strudel concoction and Sara loves her too much to not eat it, but after about 5 mins Sara is barreling to the bathroom and proceeds to vomit
  • Charlie asks Paulina on a date once and they go and have a great time and the Mood For Romance™ is ripe all up until they run into the baseball team hanging out and they absolutely embarrass the shit out of Charlie despite the many signals she sends them to Go. The. Fuck. Away. and while Paulina is laughing and not looking miserable, Charlie is just dead inside because of course these Heathens would come kill her chance for romance kms kms
  • Blake and Tyler go out for ice cream and to talk about soft gay boi literature things and it’s all sweet and Blake is actually smiling and Tyler is loving it all up until Blake spots Dallas and Malek across the street, heading into the ice cream shop like THEY’RE on a DATE TOO? The mood is completely killed, and of course they come over to talk to them and Blake is 10/10 the Worst™ and just keeps trying to one up Dallas every chance he gets 
    Later Tyler agrees with Malek that they will preschedule any future dates to avoid ever seeing each other during said date time
  • Malek and Dallas once went on a camping date in The Forest and it was absolutely great and all until Malek went missing and was never found again

LMAO I’m not sorry at all these are hilarious (was the last one too soon???) honestly I’m gonna have to think of more as time goes on because these high school misfits aren’t gonna stop fucking up and acting foolish anytime soon kms Lord save them 

Progressed Mercury

I am going to talk about progressed Mercury! Progressed planets are mostly useful for predictive astrology and helps show how you’ve grown in certain aspects of your life. Progressed planets are when your planet(s) actually moves through the signs, houses, or other natal planets. Progressed Mercury rules over communication, learning, and decision making. There are many sites out there that can draw up a progressed chart for you! 

Progressed Aries Mercury: This is a time in your life where you feel most outgoing and expressive. You might find new empowerment and bravery towards communication. You have a LOT of energy to burn towards education, decision making, and ideas. This is a promising time for a fresh start.

Progressed Taurus Mercury: You are more patient and reserved with communication. There is a huge focus on slow decision making. This is a good time to reflect on your values, self-esteem, wants, and needs. You might be more practical with learning and decision making during this time period.

Progressed Gemini Mercury: A lot is going to be happening in the realm of the mind, communication, learning, and decision making! You might find yourself more social, talkative, persuasive, but also scattered in your communication. While you might trip up and become unfocused occasionally this is a great time to hone your communicative skills. You will have a more restless mind, can develop wit or more humor, and you’ll desire a LOT of interaction with others.  This is a promising time for learning. You will have a thirst for knowledge and can retain information easier. This is one of the best times to make new friends and connections.

Progressed Cancer Mercury: This period has a huge focus on learning to express yourself emotionally. Long-standing issues can be resolved. You can be extra sensitive during this time when communicating with others. Making new friends/lovers is slowed down unless they help uncover an emotional challenge you’re solving. Be careful of getting stuck on memories or creating grudges during this time period.

Progressed Leo Mercury: This is a promising time for self-expression on a creative, empowering, or confident level. You speak your mind now. You have faith in yourself and identity and have a desire to show people more of YOU. This is a period of time where you come out with traits/aspects about yourself to the world. You have a confident approach towards decision making and you find ways to make learning fun.

Progressed Virgo Mercury: This is a good time for education and honing in on your talents and learning style. You are likely practical but also cooperative and efficient in your communication right now. You make good impressions and understand how to better communicate in a polite way. Watch out for self-criticism!

Progressed Libra Mercury: Here is a good time to better understand yourself and others. Learning is done more so via people/relationships. You are honing your communication skills and maintaining relationships. You might meet new lifelong friends or lovers during this time. Connections and relationships are key right now.

Progressed Scorpio Mercury: You are likely much more reserved, introspective, and possibly socially isolated at times right now. Decision making is intense, slower, and complicated. Communication is focused on the deeper side of things. Your communication is geared towards emotional expression, helping others, and communicating with your inner self. Learning can be distracted by trials and deep thought.

Progressed Sagittarius Mercury: Here is a time of exploration and newness! New friends, going back to school, and exploring other cultures/beliefs will be happening now. This is a time for freedom in your communication and learning. You feel lighter and speak with more optimism. You can be highly impulsive and adventurous in your decision making.

Progressed Capricorn Mercury: You are more rational and methodical in communication. You are reserved with self-expression via emotions. Your communication style is serious now and your decisions calculated and practical. This is a good time for judgment and planning but also watch out for negativity, doubt, and blocked feelings.

Progressed Aquarius Mercury: Your communication style is charismatic but maybe detached. You make friends easily but not closer relations. Your decision making process is on a big-picture scale and more innovative. This is a great time for ideas. You might discover new subjects you want to explore, your thinking/perspective is likely changed too. Just want to emphasize the change in your thinking during this time! 

Progressed Pisces Mercury: You might become more reclusive and lost in your imagination/mind during this time. A lot of your decision making is fueled by emotions and a desire for escapism. This is a good time to explore your imagination but you can easily get detached from reality.

How the signs do their things
  • ROUGH & TOUGH: Scorpio, Leo, Aquarius, Taurus
  • SLOW & CONTROLLED: Cancer, Aries, Libra, Capricorn
  • FAST & FURIOUS: Pisces, Sagittarius, Gemini, Virgo

Walking along

El diablo - Mon Laferte

Porque sigo pegada con esta canción y la adoro.

Revisar Venus

“Siento que te amo porque te odio” - Aries, Capricornio, Acuario.

“Yo sé que te quiero porque te temo” - Cáncer, Sagitario, Virgo.

“Y sé que te busco porque me alocas” - Escorpio, Tauro, Géminis.

“Creo que te amo, creo que yo te inventé” - Piscis, Libra, Leo.

Originally posted by monlaferteags

May 22, 2017
  1. Aries

  2. Sagittarius

  3. Leo

  4. Gemini

  5. Aquarius
     Public utilities

  6. Libra

  7. Taurus
     Bay area

  8. Capricorn
     Point card

  9. Virgo
     Dog goods

  10. Pisces

  11. Scorpio

  12. Cancer
Horoscopes by Gil Hizon - Week of May 21 - 27, 2017

If you’re struggling, at least make it look fierce, queen!

GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)

Part of why you’re so full of energy is because you have tentacles that can drain the life source of others around you. You have myriads of bitches who are running ragged because you’ve sucked them dry. What is the ultimate goal here, queen? To cause the earth to have a fucking power outage? You bettah be careful, gurr. One day, you’re gonna run out of hos to feed on.

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

Being called out by some bitch who matters is not the end of the world, dahling. It may be that this ho actually cares about what happens to yo ass and  you can’t really blame her for being so goddamn caring. Don’t be so harsh on yourself either. The best thing to do right now is actually look at the critique and look into that shit. There may be something there.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Aaand just like that, you’re back to playful mode. After overcoming a major internal obstacle (it was all you, bitch) you’re a little bit more carefree about certain decisions you’re making. But I wouldn’t break out the champagne just yet. There is still some unfinished biznits left from that last chapter which could ruin your present if you don’t do something ‘bout it.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

When it comes to complaining and nitpicking, you’re the reigning queen. But what I’ve noticed is that when you’re surrounded by similar negative hos, you start to change your tune. All of a sudden, you’re Little Miss Motivational Fucking Speaker who likes to impart her words of wisdomz to make errbody feel better about themselves. I guess in the end, yo ass just likes to be contrary.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

To others, you seem together on the outside, but when you dive in your innards, you’ll find several demon queens who you’re constantly ignoring. But gurl, these evil hos are beginning to rise to the surface. No amount of putting on a good frontal can repress these vile creatures any longer. The earlier you can start dealing with them bitches, the earlier you can live a more authentic life.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

It ain’t gonna be fun when you find yourself in the middle of an intense, combative conversation. You thought you were just having fucking frittatas, for crying out loud! But, there is still a chance for escape. Once you have taken a deep breath, remember that these bitches who you’re conversating with are still your friends. Just because y’all are disagreeing on some shit, it don’t mean they don’t value yo ass.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

So like, you know how you look and you know how charming you can get. When you’re all carefree and touchy with hotties and shit, bitches be thinking that you’re hitting on ERRbody with a pulse. If you don’t want the stress of horny hos texting you at 3AM on a weekday morning looking for tail, then you’re gonna have to tone it down a bit.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Your last few life maneuvers have made a lot of us wonder: what is this bitch on? I’m sure you’re doing something that works for you, but the rest of us are not hip to your script. Consequentially, we don’t know how to act around yo ass? We wanna be supportive but it would help us have your back if you let us in on your mental mechanismz a little bit.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to pushing the envelope, you really are queen of the lipstick jungle. This week ain’t no different. You are willing to ruffle the fluffiest of feathers just so you can get your artistic expression across. But lady, with every action comes consequence, and it might be a wise decision for you to pay attention to possible aftermaths of your current behaviors. Just sayin.’

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

You seem to have a lot of radical opinions this week, with no documentation to back all them shits up. And look queen. I think your instincts are right, but before you hold a press conference for your latest theories and pontifications, at least have the energy to tell bitches that you may not have all the answers just yet. Trust and believe, your gut instinct and track record are always on fleek.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Time has just stretched itself out for you, giving yo ass a second chance for a do over. I don’t know about you, but that’s something that doesn’t happen to a lot of bitches that often. Not all of us get to take another crack at it. So take advantage of that shit and make sure to show compassion for the rest of your gays who are not so lucky as yo ass.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Suffice it to say that you’re not thinking right and you’re defensive AF. Not exactly the right recipe for opening up to your closest queens. And gurl, we’ve all been there. But if you preface it by saying that you’re not yourself, hos will be more apt to understand yo ass if your sudden defense mechanisms are looking like you’re attacking the shit out of your constituents. The more you trust your gurrs, the better you’ll B at sharing the T.

(DISCLAIMER for all entries: This is all a shitshow!)

For more Horoscopes By Gil Hizon, click here, gurl!

ary-the-demonius  asked:

Dirty jenga nalu 46!!!

46. reveal your biggest sexual fantasy

“Lucy you’re scaring me.”

“Nonsense, you’re overreacting.”

Natsu didn’t think so.

In fact, he didn’t prepare himself for opening this particular can of worms. He convinced Lucy to reveal her secret fantasy, but he didn’t anticipate this.  Standing in their living room, plastic horns attached to his head, a bell collar, and cow onesie hanging from his waist.

Lucy’s fantasy? Cowgirl role play with him as the livestock.

Natsu wasn’t one to question her kinks, especially when it involved them participating in sex. It was his favourite pastime, the delights of being sexually active awakened when they started dating. Being a physical man sex became a natural way to express his affection.

Watching Lucy change into her Taurus star dress (or any of her costumes) delighted him. Reminding him of how far she had come. Lucy a girl with no confidence in her abilities as a wizard, to the girl standing before him.

Confident, proud, and sexy. Usually, he would include gentle and kind in the list, the whip in her hand and the glint in her eyes halting that thought. Hence, the current situation.

“I don’t think I am.” The way she kept hitting the rope in her palm added the unease.

“The big, strong dragon slayer afraid of little ol’ me?” Lucy said, stepping forward. Face not showing an ounce of the same innocence her tone held.

“Yes, when you’re holding a whip with intent.” He stepped back, legs hitting the sofa causing him to fall back into the plush cushions. Climbing onto his lap, she straddled him. Pinning lean hips with thighs toned to perfection, regular yoga working its magic.

“Maybe I want to tie you up,” Leaning into his chest, he felt smooth hands trace a path down his biceps, “have my way with you.”

Her fingers slotting between his raised them up. Looping the leather weapon around thick wrists, she trailed wet kisses along his jaw.

“Oh…” His mouth resembling a perfect ‘o’ would have been embarrassing if his focus wasn’t on the hovering little minx.

“Ride you like a cowgirl taming her bucking bronco.” Natsu groaned, feeling her place lingering pecks on his lips. Laughing, she pulled back when he tried to deepen the kiss.

“Sound better?”

“Yeah, it does.” Voice deep, he smiled, not seeing a reason to lie. Lucy could do whatever she wanted to him right now.

Rocking her hips, warm breath tickled his ear. Running her hand down his chest, she reached below his waist.

“Ye-ha,” She whispered.

I loved writing this. It breathes life into me every time. You can believe I was cackling to myself as it unfolded. 😂

Inspired by @likubears artwork ;)

Other completed prompts: 10, 23, 13 + 27, 21