Since Papyrus doesn't want to talk about the DayQuil incident, I want to talk about the DayQuil incident. What is it?
Papyrus: I DON’T THINK WE REALLY NEED TO—
Undyne: It was five years ago. It was a Saturday, so Papyrus had the day off from work, but he had a cold, so he decided he was gonna take some of this DayQuil stuff. Well, I had to work, so I left him to it, but apparently he misread the directions, SOMEHOW—
Papyrus: IT’S AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE! TWO EVERY HOUR IS VERY CLOSE TO TWO EVERY FOUR HOURS!
Undyne: –So when I come home, I see him slumped over on the couch looking all out of it, and he’s scolding this pile of blankets for sleeping in the middle of the day, which was admittedly pretty freaking funny—he kept calling it Sans—but he notices I’m there after a second and tells me he made spaghetti.
Undyne: When I look in the kitchen, there’s a pot on the stove…filled to the brim with nothing but sprinkles. At this point I knew something was up, and then I look over and see this empty bottle of DayQuil and I just start laughing my ass off, because, I mean, Papyrus getting drunk off cough syrup like some of the idiots I have to bust? That’s hysterical!
If it would have ended there, it would have been great!
Undyne: BUT IT DIDN’T.
Undyne: I go to check on Arial? She’s just sitting there in her room on top of a pile of bones, playing with them like nothing’s happening. I try to hop in the shower? There’s this giant bone sitting there, in the tub, with a shower cap on and everything.
Undyne: I look out at the garden in the backyard? BONES. IN THE FLOWER BEDS. And they’re not just scattered around, no, they’re standing straight up like they’re actual plants, all exactly the same distance apart and neat as can be! I try to go to bed that night? FULL OF BONES.
Undyne: He wakes up the next day completely fine, doesn’t remember a thing, of course, but weeks later, I was still finding bones around the house. Shower’s clogged? That’s because there’s A BONE SHOVED DOWN THE DRAIN. Bones in the garbage cans. There are bones laid out on cookie sheets in the oven. Bones in random places just buried in the yard. A month later I had to fix a leak on the roof and found a bone up there somehow!
Undyne: But it didn’t even stop there! Later that year, when we went to get out the Christmas decorations, they were all missing. Not a single decoration. What was there instead? BONES!
We let Toriel do an Easter egg hunt here with some kids from the community a couple years ago, since her place was getting remodeled—that was a mistake. Guess what these kids manage to find, partially buried in the ground?
MORE FUCKING BONES.
Arial: Mom, that’s two quarters in the swear jar!
Undyne: Except this time they’re not just lying around. No. When we go to try and dig them all out, they’re all arranged in a particular order, and we figured out they’re in the shapes of letters, to spell something out. What does it spell out?
“Asparagus.” That’s it. No idea what it means. No context. Just “asparagus.”
Undyne: We still find stuff every now and again. Bones in the basement, buried in the flowerbeds…I honestly have no idea what was going through his head, or how he found time to do all of it.
Papyrus: I DON’T REMEMBER A THING. BUT I HAVE TO SAY I’M A LITTLE PROUD OF MYSELF! PAPYRUS IS SPEEDY AND EFFICIENT EVEN WHEN SEVERELY INEBRIATED!
Undyne: In a weird way, it is kind of impressive…and it’s also impressive that in fifteen years of being a cop you’re still the weirdest drunk I’ve ever seen.
Papyrus: IT’S A GIFT.