The most earth shattering moment I’ve ever had was when I learned the Greek god of war’s name wasn’t pronounced ARRRS , but pronounced like AIRIES. ARRRS sounds like a bloodthirsty warrior that has ended many lives and has expressively reveled in it. AIRIES is a tattooed, buff guy with a kind smile who attends his kid’s tea party wearing a tiara.

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M Y T H O L O G Y  M E M E : greek mythology [3/?] Ares

Ares was the god of war, and the son of Zeus and Hera. He represented the raw violence and untamed acts that occured in wartime, in contrast to Athena, who was the symbol of  tactical strategy and military planning. 
He was disliked by both his parents. Whenever Ares appeared in a myth, he was depicted as a violent personality, who faced humiliation through his defeats more than once. In the Iliad, it is mentioned that Zeus hated him more than anyone else; Ares was also on the losing side of the Trojan War, favouring the Trojans. He was the lover of his sister, Aphrodite, who was married to Hephaestus. When the latter found out about the affair, he devised a plan and managed to humiliate both of them. The union of Ares and Aphrodite resulted in the birth of eight children, including Eros, god of love.     

I’ve noticed this revisionist Greek myth is common wherein Persephone loves Hades and eats the pomegranate seeds in order to evade her overbearing mother, and that’s all well and good. You know, sometimes I’m in the mood for it and sometimes I’m not. But hear this: as long as we’re doing this, why is no one wondering whether Aphrodite might really love Hephaestus? 

Think about it. All the gods in their immortal splendor are lining up to marry her, doing everything in their power to impress her, the goddess of love and beauty, and she choses…that guy. A god in technical terms only, a social reject who’s ugly and malformed and um, no fun. Always slaving away in his workshop when everyone else is quaffing nectar and having their eternal beach party up on Mount Olympus. They can’t believe she’d give up all of them for that. 

So, because the gods do not take rejection well (looking at you Apollo), eventually they start to say to each other, well, we all know Zeus made her do it anyway. He’s gotta feel guilty for throwing Hephaestus off Mount Olympus that one time. And it quickly becomes that poor girl, stuck in that workshop full of sweat and dirt and cyclopses when she could have had one of us. Because of course they’ve got love all figured out; it’s entirely technical and dependent on who’s the most charming and good-looking and not at all variable and strange and notoriously unpredictable, right?

Meanwhile Ares, only the most arrogant and brainless of the crew, can’t take a hint and is still showing up wherever Aphrodite goes trying to hit on her, so eventually she and Hephaestus decide to rig up an elaborate mechanical trap for him, using her as bait. When all the gods have laughed at him for getting caught he huffily attempts to regain his dignity by telling them, whatever, guys, you want to know the truth, I was meeting her for an assignation. And they all kind of know he’s full of it but they just accept it as the unvarnished truth from thereon in, because they’d love to believe she’d cheat on Hephaestus with Ares. They’d love it. Come on, Aphrodite, get off your high horse and admit you’re just as shallow as the rest of us. 

So they talk, but Aphrodite doesn’t really care about their collective jealousy because she dotes on her misshapen genius of a husband with his sooty hands and his sweaty brow who always takes her seriously and is always so hard at work inventing astonishing new things to make her happy, and she loves the volcano they live in with its internal pressures so conducive to the formation of precious stones and its passages lit with glowing lava that so gorgeously offsets her cheekbones, and all the cyclopses worship her because even with one eye apiece they’ve still got more depth perception than most men do where she’s concerned. True it is that as a couple the two develop a reputation for not getting out much, because all those Olympian parties bore them to death and they’d rather spend time with each other (poor Aphrodite, she’s such a vivacious young thing and her husband is so grasping and insecure that he won’t let her go out and have fun), but they do all right. 

The signs in school

Aries: yells at the teacher for failing a test
Taurus: waits all day for lunch
Gemini: actually pays attention in class
Cancer: stares at crush the whole period
Leo: actually tries in gym
Virgo: becomes the most popular girl in his/her classes
Libra: doesn’t talk much yet is very popular
Scorpio: becomes known among the punk/ gothic groups
Sagittarius: gets in trouble for making jokes in class
Capricorn: debates with Leo over who has a higher GPA
Aquarius: becomes the least popular sign yet still has friends
Pisces: is equally attentive in class and socially. Makes a good person to cheat off.

i just think about ares and hades being bros all the time

“hades we have another group of souls”

“ah yes bring them in who are they from”

“ares, sir.”

“did i ever tell you that he’s my favourite? well now i did he’s my favourite”

“um”

~meanwhile~

“wow i got this really nice armour from hades i’m so cool i got metal from the king of the ground isn’t that cool he’s like, the king of everything in the ground”

“lord ares no”

“ARES YES NOW TELL ME HOW DOES IT LOOK”

“it greatly accentuates your buttocks”

“damn straight man i love hades what a chill dude”

i’m sorry but there has ALWAYS been overlap between warriors and the dead so rlly maybe there aren’t myths about it but their relationship is inevitable (also considering they were pretty unpopular with the other gods and have unpopular areas of influence. huh for some reason no one likes war and death. funny.)

also no one can tell me hades doesn’t send gifts to people who send him lots of souls.

greek mythos fancast > ares > sendhil ramamurthy

Ares is the Greek god of war. He is one of the Twelve Olympians, and the son of Zeus and Hera. In Greek literature, he often represents the physical or violent and untamed aspect of war, in contrast to his sister the armored Athena, whose functions as a goddess of intelligence include military strategy and generalship. The Greeks were ambivalent toward Ares: although he embodied the physical valor necessary for success in war, he was a dangerous force, “overwhelming, insatiable in battle, destructive, and man-slaughtering.” His sons Fear (Phobos) and Terror (Deimos) and his lover, or sister, Discord (Enyo) accompanied him on his war chariot.