Yuri Katsuki, the first half of this show:
what did i do to deserve Viktor Nikiforov
Viktor Nikiforov, in his head, this entire time:
I came to Japan for Yuuri Katsuki because he pole danced half naked, cha-cha-ed with me with a tie on his head, dry humped me while begging me to be his coach, probably saved me from oncoming desolation and depression, my life, my love, my-
My players are using Ant Haul and the party trox to carry over six tons of iron in a palanquin to smuggle it past the two guards on duty at the city gate. Bard: Two guards you say?? -grinning widely- I cast Matchmaker on them. DM: Oh crap. -both fail their saving throws- DM: Well… the two of them are now glancing at each other and blushing. Bard: Aww, they’re in love. So now it won’t be weird when I cast Unnatural Lust. DM: -Nat 19- Oh! He makes it!Bard: Unnatural Lust on the other one then! DM: -fails- Fuck. He suddenly sprints across the road and tackles his partner into the bushes. Trox: I lift the iron and run into the city! DM: So… You just smuggled over six tons of smelted iron into the city by making the guards outside fuck.
Other PCs: Can we kill the bard? They keep trying to seduce everything!
DM: You know what if your really serious about killing him, then, as your walking, some boulders land on your head!
Me, the bard: I roll to seduce the boulders.
I joined an adventure league game recently and first combat I get a nat one to hit twice in a row playing a dragonborn monk.
Kriv(me): attacks a goblin with quarterstaff as versatile. (Nat 1)
Dm: you lightly caress the goblin with your staff.
Kriv: I use my unarmed attack as a bonus action. (Nat 1)
Dm: you gently caress his other cheek.
Goblins turn.(nat 1.) he caresses you with the tip of his sword.
Kriv: I use my fire breath. *Both goblins pass the save and take 5 damage.*
Dm: they felt the heat of your passion.