River’s eyes finally come to rest on Bill, and they’re warmer now. “Hello, Bill. How’s my second favourite lesbian?”
“Gay,” Bill replies.
River laughs, throwing her head back. “Oh, I’ve missed all of you. Four months is far too long.”
“Well, that’s what you get for trying to have a secret marriage when you’re both household names,” Clara mutters. “It took an hour to work out how to smuggle you in.”
“And what a marvelous job you did,” John says to her, making her grumble about flattery. He hasn’t taken his eyes off River, and hers are fixed on him. They only have eyes for each other, after long separations. It’s as heartwarming as it is disgustingly sappy.
Missy makes some gagging noises, only to be ignored by them. “Right, well, there go my plans for the evening, now that the Eyebrows is occupied. And I was so looking forward to a good orgasm, too. Any other takers? Clara?”
Clara doesn’t even look up from her iPad. “Not even if you paid me.”
“Didn’t have to pay you last time.”
“You have to spend a solid half an hour annoying me before I’ll even considering having sex with you, Missy, and frankly I don’t have the time, I have plans with Ashildr. You know, that person I’m dating.”
“Fine,” Missy sighs, and glances at Bill hopefully. “Bill? Darling? Light of my life?”
Bill, having been on the receiving end of this offer several times before, has to ignore the part of her brain that always screams yes take me now and instead keep her wits about her.
“Um, yeah, I’m good, thanks,” Bill says, putting her hands in her pockets. “I’ll probably just… take a walk, or something. Clear my head. Or we could watch a film? I’m not adverse to cuddling, just the sex part.”
Missy considers this, glances at Nardole for several long moments, and then seems to think better of it before looking back at Bill and sighing. “Alright, film it is, then.”