are you seeing how funny this is

Dating Newt Scamander Would Include...

Originally posted by ameliawilliams

I felt like I needed to get something up today so here is my own “Dating Newt Scamander Would Include” thing 

Warning:  I’m 80% sure these suck


  • Him being the little spoon
  • You being the little spoon when Newt needs a ‘teddy bear’
  • Newt being a surprisingly good cook
  • You becoming the fathers to Newt’s creatures because he had already deemed himself the mummy
  • You teasing Newt for it
  • Newt’s older brother Theseus flirting with you and making Newt insecure
  • You French kissing Newt and letting him know he’s the only man for you
  • Your parents being a bit concerned with all the creatures at first
  • But soon see how much you and Newt love each other
  • Them treating Newt like a son
  • Newt’s parents being thrilled their son had found someone
  • Them being two of the nicest people you have ever met
  • Baby pictures and funny stories of little Newt
  • “Aww you were so cute!”
  • “Am I not cute anymore???” (He was genuinely concerned)
  • “More like sexy.”
  • That really turning Newt on
  • Newt having a habit of hugging you from behind when you’re in the middle of doing something
  • “Newwwt!  My bottle of ink!”
  • “The glass!”
  • “Ouch!  I burned myself on the stove!”
  • “My book!”
  • But you secretly love it when he does that
  • You two spending hours cuddling and enjoying each others company
  • You stealing Newt’s blue coat when you’re cold
  • One time you spent an hour staring at Newt trying to determine if his eyes were blue or green
  • “What on Earth are you doing?”
  • “Trying to figure out if your eyes are sea foam green or cerulean.”
  • “…”
  • You having Newt read new parts of his book to you in bed every night
  • “NEWTON!  THE NIFFLER STOLE MY FAVORITE NECKLACE AGAIN!”
  • You and Newt honestly being the cutest couple in New York
  • Newt growing really fond of the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair
  • Newt taking you on all his trips with him because one time he left without you and realized that he literally couldn’t survive without you
  • Newt giving you forehead kisses
  • Even if you’re just passing each other in a hallway
  • Having to levitate Newt out of the case when he falls asleep down there
  • The Niffler occasionally escaping from the case and trying to snuggle in bed with you both
  • Newt getting protective
  • “You little bugger!  Have to take everything golden from me, don’t you?”
  • Blushing when he calls you ‘golden’
  • Hugs can last anywhere from five seconds to five minutes
  • Asking Newt why you can’t have a dog but can have potentially lethal beasts in the house
  • “Dogs are a lot of work.”
  • “Newt.” *points around to all the creatures and beasts*
  • “Oh.  Uh.”
  • Newt eventually giving in and lets you get a dog
  • You name him Jacob

Please let me know what you thought of it and what I could do better next time!

anonymous asked:

I read Slasher Girls and Monster Boys and absolutely LOVED it!! Are there any books you suggest that are like it?

We’ve got a few WICKED READS you might be interested in…

The Merciless by Danielle Vega

Mean girls meets Stephen King in this teen horror. Sofia Flores is just trying to fit in at a new school, but the Devil has other plans. Drawn in by her new friends, she quickly finds herself in over her head in this haunting horror that will keep you up all night…and all the nights to follow. 

Fear factor: high 😱 😱 😱

Skin and Other Stories by Roald Dahl

How would you get rid of a murder weapon without causing suspicion? What if you found out the tattoo on your back was worth over a million dollars? Explore the answers to these questions and more in Roald Dahl’s darkly funny (and lightly spooky) short story collection.

Fear factor: low 🎃 

See our whole list of “2 Spoopy 4 Me” reads here!

anonymous asked:

Funny how when there are POC heroes people never have an issue making them half white with basically all of their culture erased, but with villains they're always pure blooded POC with an accent always speaking in a foreign language. I bet if Lance was an asshole the fandom would be like "listen Lance Espinosa is a pure blooded Cuban boy-" 😒

dude. oh my god. i never thought about that.

Originally posted by drownerrs

THIS IS SO TRUE WTF like people make villains coded as every possible POC and sometimes not even like coded, just like BLATANTLY making POC’s evil af while any “”””hero””””” character is either white af or biracial and half white and mostly white. 

dude….. 

Remind Me

I enjoy making jokes at your expense. It’s fun to see your reactions change in an instant the second the punchline gets across. I’ll make a few more.
Remind me why that’s a bad idea.

I never dress overly conservative around you. I like how your eyes change. I enjoy teasing you with certain body parts or positions.
Remind me why that is.

I always steal your spot on the couch. If you get up, that’s a neon, flashing invitation for me to move and get comfortable where you previously were.
Remind me what happens when I misbehave.

I find it funny to hide some of your favorite things. TV remote, cell phone, game controller. Me, seen it? Nope. Me, TAKE IT? Never.
Remind me where lying gets me.

I love using you as a human pillow. You’re just too cuddle-able and snuggly not to, honestly. My personal favorite is when I lie across your lap on my back, purposely keeping my arms up or behind my head.
Remind me “who” I’m provoking.

I’m in a certain mood I just can’t seem to shake, but God forbid I come right out and say it. Yet you can tell by the look in my eye and the way I keep fidgeting, unable to stand still. All I can mutter is ‘please.’
Remind me what comes next.

I strive to initiate the chase. I want to push you right to the edge of tolerance and watch everything escalate from there. I need you to remind me why I do this, why I feel the way I do, why I just can’t sit still.
Remind me how ticklish I am. Remind me how much I love it. Remind me how much I crave it. Remind me what it feels like when every nerve ending is on fire and all we can even perceive is the sound of my laughter and your words being spoken into my ear.

Remind me. Or, perhaps, better yet…. Show me.

anonymous asked:

I just don't see why we can't get a scene where Lena walks over to Kara, gestures at ManHell and is all "What the fuck dude? I thought you liked yourself better than that."

yeah I don’t get it either.. I mean I know why but I don’t get how they like this story..  tbh this show made me so angry that I stopped watching after 2x8.. it’s kinda funny I’d watch everything for a wlw ship but this is just too much.. 

anonymous asked:

I am not sure how to put this but when B said his perfect day included G then said Naked & laugh playing it off, kinda made me twinge a little. I know he was joking but I was shocked he'd even say that. The thing is I love that he is protective of their relationship he won't kiss her on stage, he talks to her & treats her with gentleness. It felt kinda cheap when he said naked, it was funny, in the moment but it felt wrong for what we see in their relationship. I could just be over sensitive.

I liked it actually! Of course I like how sweet and protective they are with each other but I like when every once in a while they objectify each other, not in really gross ways, but harmless ones like that or when they were talking about blake doing an elvis impersonation and Gwen said “you’re sexy enough that’s for sure.” It’s just another element of their relationship that makes them so completely well rounded. That to me is what makes their relationship so special. It has all the best parts: best friends, partners and allies, but also really passionate about and attracted to each other. 

And Blake would never say anything that Gwen would be uncomfortable with. She loves, I think, how in awe he is of her and how sexy he makes her feel. He’ll say dumb things like he’d prefer she wear less or on his perfect day she’d be naked, but he also says cute things like he doesn’t care whether she’s dressed up or down as long as he’s with her. 

This feels like a good opportunity to use my favorite gif:

TalesFromRetail: The Assorted Tales of a Tiles Salesman P.2

The Adhesive Hulk

This tale occurs about a year and a half into my tenure at the tile store! I am now a seasoned veteran - capable of taking abuse on the chin and coming back like Rocky in his prime! And old man enters the store (OM hereafter) I shall be Rocky ®.

R: Good afternoon sir, how may I help you?

OM: I want to return this bag of adhesive.

R: Aha, unfortunately adhesive is perishable and I can see by your receipt that it was purchased over thirty days ago - I’m afraid I can’t refund you for this item. I will however give you credit as I understand you likely have no use for adhesive.

OM: Sure, what the fuck would I do with a credit note?

R: Perhaps, buy something else, sir?

OM: (Angry now) I WANT MY MONEY!

R: I’m sorry sir, the best I can offer you is a credit note.

OM lets out a war cry - and even with a year and a half under my belt I am not ready for what comes next. The old man takes on a red hue - I’m sure he’s about to either turn into the red hulk or he’s burst a hemorrhoid, either option is unappealing to me.

The old man heaves the 20kg bag of adhesive over his head and launches it into the sky - I’d like to say I dived for cover - but I’d say I looked more like a ferret as I stood dumbfounded watching the adhesive fly. Thankfully it landed with an anticlimactic thud on the ground - The bag somehow held and I simply picked it up and watched as the old man casually walked from the store.

By: wezzer

anonymous asked:

i really enjoyed your mutsuki/touka fixation on haise/kaneki meta and the importance of that confrontation, in your opinion how do you think that will go? as a more private conflict like the gourmet arc or public like the anteiku raid? since mutsuki is one of the few (if not the only) that knows about :re, tbh i would prefer it to be more private bc :re barely had screen time and kaneki still needs to realize the harm/danger his passive manipulation has on others

Passive manipulation is a good way to put it I’m glad you see my point anon. Kaneki has like this terrible habit of nurturing this total emotional dependence on people who have never been shown kindness in their life, and then cutting them off with no warning or explanation as to his reasons. In most cases his primary reason for abandoning them is because he doesn’t want to be abandoned (funny how that works). 

He’s like the Don Juan of personal emotionally intimate relationships. As for how the confrontation might go I literally have no idea. People are saying that the Anteiku raid parallel arc is next but I can’t see that happening just yet. Technically the lab arc has been spread out through what should have been the Aogiri raid parallel arc, and the lab raid arc parallels. 

My best estimation on what we’re setting up for is Touka to be kidnpaped, possibly by Bujin, and possibly with Mutsuki and Aura’s cooperations. 

If only because I can’t see Mutsuki and Aura’s current “thing” to be a long running plan in the manga because Aura doesn’t matter as a character, and Mutsuki has to hit rock bottom and bottom out at some point unless Ishida really does intend to kill him off. If Touka were to get kidnapped, it’d be before her and Kaneki have the chance to talk, so for once it would be somebody disappearing randomly on Kaneki instead of the other way around. 

I literally have no idea though, so besides a hunch don’t take my word too strongly in this case. 

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO DRAW THIS STEVEN

Okay these scenes were so freaking cool, they look like scenes from a comic. I love when the storyboarders get creative like this,

AHHH LARS IS SUCH A DORK

I really wanna see his reaction when he realizes this was Steven all along.

The fuck, Steven? I think he has gotten into the role of a selfish snob too much. I want my innocent potato baby back.

Of course, this is the level of “funny” that Lars would appreciate.

ALSO SADIE YOU ARE SO FREAKING CUTE WITH THESE THINGS ON YOUR FACE.

SHE DIDN’T EVEN LIKE THE TIGER THIS MUCH, SHE PROBABLY DID IT FOR LARS.

Steven what the fucking shit.

I didn’t know this day would come, i am actually feeling bad for Lars.

Steven just lost his only true fan, Lars might be a jerk but Steven was the bigger jerk here. This “playing” has gone too far.

fallingstar295  asked:

I'm cackling because I'm reading all this discourse you're having on hot/not hot Darcy (I agree with everything you've said so far, I also add Daniel Vincent Gordh to the list from The Lizzie Bennet Diaries and consider him "okay... I guess") and basically what I keep going back to is "is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me" and that is how I feel about all these Darcys (Darcies?) and I find it very funny.

tbh darcy from the lizzie bennet diaries is HOT imo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i watched the series when they were posting new videos every week and i remember the SUSPENSE and ANTICIPATION to see darcy and then we FINALLY DID AND IT WAS LIKE O SHIT HES HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! also jfjfjfjfjfjfj that quote totally applies fuK 

anonymous asked:

The fact that sasuke never loved her but all of a sudden does by chap 700 feels wrong to me.Or at least he started loving her in a time we don't get to see.Other words this ship looks extremely forced so kishi can get some kids for a sequal.Now if we actually got to see them courting that'd help.I use to ship them,but I dispise how they were just thrown together just because sakura loved him.The ship looks extremely contrived.Funny how naruto loves flashbacks but in gaiden we don't get any.

Okay then. I really can’t be asked to convince you otherwise.

8bitautumn  asked:

How long did it take to meet Jaal? And how long until the relationship culminated?

Oka-ay, let’s see. You’ll meet Jaal on your third planet since Habitat-7. It’s actually pretty funny kind-of-reference for “my people”, because we have a cartoon named “The Mystery of the Third Planet” and I was in love with it when I was a kid.

At first he’s very distant, refuses to talk to you about himself. Untill you’ll gain his trust (about two quests, one of them is pretty big), you will not see a “flirt” icon under options, but “contact” (no idea how it’s actually called) - two people in ‘embrace’. After that heart icon appers and you’ll want to smash it fast every time you see it.

After that your relationships and opportunity for cutscene talks will unlock as you progress with main quest line. He’ll give you his complex loyalty mission pretty early in the game, and I do reccomend to finish it as soon as possible. Because, if I recall correctly, unique confession is triggered by that.

So, you’ll get a confession after “Hunting the Archon” is completed (getting it earlier is impossible) and culmination after “The Journey to Meridian” is completed. And the last one (culmination) is just before the very last main quest of the game.

So - how long you’ll wait untill the culmination is tied to how fast you’ll progress in the main quest line.

Of Ghosts and Phantoms (Ghost AU)

No one asked for it but here ya go anyway, a snippet from Chapter 2 !

This chapter is undergoing a major revision as well- so I’m not sure how close to the final product this short snippet will be. 

Any who, read more below if you wanna see a small WIP! totally have not edited so be warned of dumb mistakes 

Keep reading

can i just say something?

when I was a kid, I told my mom that I wanted to be an actress when I grew up. You know what she told me?

She said, “sure, but you’re going to have to do it in China. America won’t hire you if you’re Asian.”

And that was it for that dream. 

Of course, that was just a phase - one of many, one I would’ve gotten over anyway. But what she said stuck to me. You’re going to have to act in China, because America doesn’t hire Asians.

And if there’s anything I learned over these years, it’s that she was right. Asian-Americans don’t get to see ourselves on screen. We don’t get to read about our deeds. And we get pissed. We complain, we shout, and people dismiss us because, oh, “the Japanese are okay with Ghost in the Shell”, and “I’ve heard that mainland Chinese are perfectly fine with Iron Fist.” Well, great for them. This isn’t about them.

This is about us. Asian-Americans. Asian-Canadians. Asian-Australians. Asian hyphen something. And the Asians in Asia don’t understand - because they can’t. They’re surrounded by media portrayals of them. They never have to fight for representation because it’s always there. They have no idea what it’s like to live in a country that sees you as other, and then to have to go back to your home country, to have your parents tell you “this is you, this is your culture, your heritage” and you look upon the faces of your family and you see nothing of yourself in them. 

Asian-Americans are not the same as Asians who live in Asia. We live in a different culture. Our values, our beliefs, the experiences that shape our lives are separate. 

We want to see ourselves in western media because it’s what we grew up with. It’s what surrounds us. Sure, we can watch K-dramas and anime and Chinese/Taiwanese/Japanese/whatever dramas, and a lot of us do, but it’s still not us

We shouldn’t have to go watch Asian dramas just to see a part of us represented. We shouldn’t have to move to Asia just to be hired. 

We deserve to represent, and be represented, as ourselves.

We keep on
exchanging
“I miss you"s,
and it’s funny
and it’s sad
how it seems
that none of us
did anything
just to see
each other again.
—  ma.c.a // Hurtful Lies
  • <p> <b>Victor:</b> now you can open your eyes.<p/><b>Yuri[sees Christmas tree decorated with medals]:</b> <p/><b>Victor:</b> isn't it beautiful. all gold and full of memories.<p/><b>Yuri:</b> and where are my medals?<p/><b>Yurio:</b> funny how you know none of those are yours.<p/><b>Yuri[ carefully takes off glasses]:</b> <p/><b>Victor & Yurio [run for their lives]:</b> <p/></p>
The Marauders in a horror film
  • *phone rings*
  • *
  • Killer: I can see you
  • Sirius:
  • Killer:
  • Sirius: How does my hair look?
  • *
  • Killer: I can see you
  • Remus:
  • Killer:
  • Remus: So can I. Everyday. In the mirror. I don't see the point of this conversation.
  • *
  • Killer: I can see you
  • Peter:
  • Killer:
  • Peter: Welcome. The person you tried to reach is currently on their way to South Carolina. Please try again later.
  • *
  • Killer: I can see you
  • James:
  • Killer:
  • James: *wiggles eyebrows and looks out of the window* Then how come I've never seen you, mon cherie?