are you laughing at my pun

ifgrasswereblue  asked:

Soulmate Au where you absolutely must laugh at ur sm sense of humour? Also please: Dayum Will u got it hard with all of Hannibal's cannibal puns. >w<

It starts off when Will finds himself laughing uncontrollably on a normal Friday evening. His dogs stare at him, heads cocked in curiosity.

It happens again the following Saturday. Jack mentions the next time he sees Will that Hannibal hosted a wonderful dinner party, such a gracious host, Will should join them time.

That’s when he starts to wonder. Hannibal never struck him as someone particularly funny but - well? Maybe?

Hannibal invites him over but Will can’t quite bring himself to stay. He deposits a nice bottle of wine along with his apologies, but he lingers, just long enough to watch Hannibal work a little with those rolled up sleeves and muscled forearms.

They are rather distracting.

And then the topic of Hannibal’s change in profession comes about and when Hannibal says “I transferred my passion for anatomy into the culinary arts”, Will has no idea why he’s suddenly laughing hysterically.

It’s worded a little too baroquely, sure, but it’s not funny. Hannibal just stares at him, his mouth ticking up at the corner.

Will lets the laughter run out, his head between his knees, taking as many deep breaths as he can. Then he starts to do the math and his blood runs cold. He straightens up so fast he goes a little light-headed.

“Holy shit,” Will says, “you’re the Chesapeake Ripper.”

Hannibal doesn’t really react to this, just politely sets down his knife and raises his eyebrows.

“Which would mean that you’re my soulmate.”

Will swallows hard. “Oh, shit.”

He runs out into the night and doesn’t look back.

-x-

Five years later

Hannibal serves the meat to their guests, meticulously arranged on blood-red plates with white lettuce, stewed cranberries and nettle sauce.

“Ooh,” coos a woman to Will’s right, “what is this.”

“Turkey,” Hannibal replies. “Though this particular bird was in quite a foul mood.”

Will bursts out laughing, so hard and loud that he almost falls off his chair. The rest of the room falls awkwardly silent.

“Please don’t mind my husband,” Hannibal says with a smile. “He has a dreadful sense of humour.”

My favorite trope in the miraculous ladybug fandom for fanfiction is when Adrien Knows™ that Marinette has The Crush™ on him but he’s still an awkward cup of butter and he doesn’t know how to actually handle it bc he just wants to be “Friends” and
“no Nino I do not have a crush on Mari I just think she’s super cool and I want to have the Friendship™”
and
“wait why is she laughing at what Nathanael said, my puns are funny, oh golly gosh she sure is cute when she laughs”

“Oh boy a lot of Ppl have crushes on her, I can see why…I mean I DONT have a crush on her but I mean she is really pretty and super nice and did you see how many freckles are on her face? Even the sun loves her! Look at all those sun kisses….I’m a little jealous ….”

And

“I just want her to like me..wait no I mean I want her to like-like me..WAIT! I mean I know she likes-likes me bc she has the Crush™ and I just want her to like me so we can be talk and be friends bc I like her and NINO STOP LAUGHING YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN”

And finally they become friends and its him just spending all this time being in denial about his crush on her until Adrien looks at her one day and she just gives him The Smile™ and his heart does the Thump-Thump-You-In-Love-Bud™

“Nino, I have made an error”

When my players get smarmy...

DM: “The road before you takes a fork–”

Player A OOC: “I want to arrest the road for silverware theft!”

DM: “…”

DM: “The fork comes alive and stabs you in the eyes, laughing at you before the road beats it into submission. You take (rolls) 14 points piercing damage and are blind until your next long rest.”

Me: “No puns tonight then?”

DM: “Not shitty ones, no.”

moony, wormtail, pun-foot, and prongs
  • alright so Sirius is always making puns
  • we all know this
  • and we know it started with those ‘sirius-ly’ puns
  • bc ofc it did
  • “Are you serious?”
  • “He’s not, but I am.”
  • “Omfg Pads, shut up.”
  • so Remus acts like he doesn’t enjoy them
  • (but secretly he’s dying on the inside)
  • it’s just he has an image to uphold and laughing at Sirius’s stupid puns will not help at all
  • so one day Sirius makes yet another horrible pun and Remus just can’t help it and snorts
  • and now Sirius knows Remus actually does enjoy his puns and sets out on a mission to make as many as possible
  • his constant puns start getting him in trouble in class
  • he gets detention one time for asking McGonagall why she’s acting so catty 
  • anyway so come fourth year Sirius realizes he’s hopelessly gay for Remus
  • and starts making puns to hit on him
  • and Remus the precious child he is is clueless to how Sirius feels, thinking that they’re just his normal stupid puns
  • until one night in the dorm
  • James gets back from Quidditch, and him and Sirius start discussing which position Sirius should try out for next year
  • Peter puts his two cents in, saying he thinks he’d like to play Chaser
  • so now the convo moves to Remus, who’s sitting on his bed, swallowed by an oversized jumper and flicking mindlessly through a book
  • James, still sweaty from practice, flops onto Remus’s bed
  • Remus is not amused
  • “What position do you think you’d play, Moony?”
  • Remus puts his book down and thinks about it
  • “I’d think I’d like to be a Keeper”
  • “Oh Rem you already are one” Sirius throws in with a wink
  • he immediately gets hit by a well aimed pillow on James’s part
  • Peter’s chuckling to himself 
  • and Remus just sits there quietly, blushing furiously from head to toe
  • bc he finally realizes that Sirius is hitting on him
  • and he smiles softly, fiddling with his sweater paws
  • and Sirius grins too, ignoring James’s groaning bc Remus looks fucking adorable okay
  • it’s all pretty gay and fluffy
  • and yeah
  • the end

go to an aries if you need: honesty, sarcasm, spirit, to let loose
go to a taurus if you need: comfort, food, life hacks, reassurance
go to a gemini if you need: just to talk, to laugh, bad puns, to feel young again
go to a cancer if you need: a hug, a mom, homemade cookies, to feel loved
go to a leo if you need: a funny story, real talk, drama, a ride or die friend
go to a virgo if you need: advice, a discussion, help, a wingman
go to a libra if you need: a friend, someone to back you up, to forget about the tough stuff, to cheer up
go to a scorpio if you need: excitement, passion, realness, a new perspective, adoration
go to a sagittarius if you need: brutal honesty, a laugh, to have fun, to gain insight
go to a capricorn if you need: dry humor, loyalty, money, to be taken care of
go to an aquarius if you need: a new experience, to be humbled, an adventure, a friend
go to a pisces if you need: acceptance, concern, to vent, to see proof of god

My 2016 thank you notes:

*cue piano music*

Thank you Running man, for exposing Jungkook’s abs.

Thank you Mingyu, for showing us that people can look hot in Cheetos hair.

Thank you Got7 stylists, for cutting Jackson’s right sleeve off.

Thank you MMA fan-cams, for showing us that Exo & BTS love each other.

Thank you Rapmon, for being the reason Bangtan was created.

Thank you ISAC, for idol interactions & Min Yoongi running.

Thank you Wonwoo, for always laughing at Hoshi’s lame puns.

Thank you Mark’s friends, for… nothing, absolutely nothing. 

Thank you J-hope, for being the reason Suga smiles.

Thank you puberty, for hitting Bambam like a truck.

Thank you JB’s forehead, for getting bigger and bigger.

Thank you BTS, for making me actually read for once.

Thank you S.Coups, for taking care of 12 screaming children.

Thank you Got7, for making me search what ‘hard carry’ means.

Thank you Dabbing, for showing us who our real friends are.

And finally thank you Kpop, for being the reason why I have no life.

Happy Holidays ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

some amazing harry potter pick up lines that totally work:
  • i don’t need to cast accio to make you come
  • are we in charms class cuz you have me under your spell
  • you don’t need alohomora to unlock my heart
  • all the prophecies in the department of mysteries say i belong with you
  • is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
  • hey girl…are you a dementor because you take my breath away
  • damn i must have had some felix felicis, bc I think I’m about to get lucky
  • you don’t need lumos to turn me on
  • hagrid’s not the only giant at hogwarts if you know what i mean
  • did you survive avada kedavra cuz youre drop dead gorgeous

Ok. So after re-watching the Anti Palooza of halloween episode, my mind went and asked, “If the boys have a Dark Version™, does that mean the girls have a Light Version to go hand in hand?” But then I said that’s stupid because Wiishu is literary the sweetest most adorable thing in the planet. (I can even forgive the puns) But then after some cake and milk I said fuck it and started sketching and thus THIS was born! 

For Anti, he is fast and nimble. One blink there, the next he is laughing right next to you. So for Wiishu, she is as fast as the light of the sun! Fast enough to catch up to Anti and give him a smooch to heal his cut and turn him back into Jack! 

Much to the ire and annoyance of Anti. 

I just picture Anti as Wild E. Coyote and Wiishu as the RoadRunner but Anti is trying to get away from Wiishu. 

All that’s left is give her a name. Could it be Pro? Maybe Priishu like “oh she’s so precious!”? Meh, I’ll figure it out eventually! 

  • Lance: I'm in a fantastic moooood
  • Keith: What was that?
  • Lance: A great cow pun B)
  • Hunk: No Lance, I think you meant an udder-ly great cow pun.
  • Lance: That sounds weird.
  • Pidge: You're a cow-herd if you think that pun was weird.
  • Shiro: Alright enough of the bad cow puns.... I'm getting some serious deja moo
  • Keith: What!
  • Pidge: You're crazy
  • Lance: No way
  • Hunk: Whoa
  • Allura: Paladins, please.... this isn't a laughing stock.
  • Darth Vader @ Krennic : Every time I think about you and your regrettable decisions, my stomach is taken by atrocious nausea. It's like a...........Krennic disease.
  • Krennic : ...................................................
  • Vader : [Dies because the suit is not meant for Hysterically Laughing in it]