are you kidding me with that face

Wedding Drama

Originally posted by olvrsfelicity

Series: Peter Parker Imagines

Relationship: Peter Parker x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Angst, Violence

A/N: My mom had surgery and I’ve been adjusting to having my grandma around. She’s been coming into my room randomly at night invading my privacy which makes it hard asf to type. 

Also btw, If it’s lower than 2k words I’ll put a word count.


[Peter’s POV]


“Peter.. PETER”


“Uh yes?” I blink a couple times to see Tony standing in front of me. He had a scotch in his hand with a stern look on his face. The ice clinking against the glass as he took a sip. His glasses were a light blue tinted lens.


“Kid you blanked out on me, I asked if you were ready… then you spaced out into a different universe”

Keep reading

Goodnight

Just a bit of dialogue between CS (does it count as a ficlet if there’s no exposition?). 820 words, or thereabouts.


“The first and last diaper I changed was my brother’s.”

“The time he shat all over you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you’ve changed more of them than I have.”

“No kidding? I thought you might have had more experience than me.”

“I hate to break it to you love, but there’s not much time for the care and keeping of infants aboard pirate ships.”

“Eh, I guess maybe I thought you had some experience with Gideon.”

“Gods no. I couldn’t possibly change the diaper of that man-child.”

“Man-child?”

“Every time I’d look over at him in Belle’s arms all I could see was his adult face and that ridiculous haircut of his.”

“You had an issue with grown-up Gideon’s hair?”

“I guess I can’t blame him. The dark realm wasn’t exactly the place for playing around with hair length and vestments. But in all honesty, it was more that every time I’d see him I’d imagine that moment.”

“What moment?”

“Oh, nothing of importance. Just the instant in which my wife sacrificed herself.”

“Well, it’s not like I didn’t have a good teacher.”

“Are we really laughing about our deaths and subsequent resurrections?”

“I guess so. What else is there to do about it– cry?”

“No, love. No crying. We’ve had enough tears, I think.”

“Ok. But back to, you know, this.”

“If by ‘this’ you mean to the discussion revolving out unborn child, then next time you should just say so instead of waving your fingers awkwardly in the direction of your abdomen.”

“Well, I have another confession: I don’t exactly understand the purpose of a pacifier. Is it to shut the kid up? Trick them into thinking they’re about to get fed? What’s the deal?”

“It does seem odd, but you’ll get no answers from me. And I have a confession of my own.”

“Yeah?”

“I fail to comprehend what it is an infant does all day.”

“What do you mean? It’s just alive. It breathes and sleeps and eats and poops and sleeps and poops some more.”

“That sounds… lovely.”

“It seems relatively easy. I’m more concerned with teaching the basics. I don’t know anything about introducing a baby to solids, or potty training–”

“Sword fighting.”

“Yeah, sword fighting. No, wait, what?”

“No worries, Swan, only the rudimentary steps in the first year. I’ll whittle the little one a wee sword.”

“And what, I’m going to knit the kid a hat then?”

“Don’t sound so unhappy about it. If you prefer, I’ll knit the hats, and you make the sword.”

“That’s an idea.”

“Everything alright? It was only a joke.”

“Yeah. Just thinking about all the things I can’t do. Can’t knit. Never whittled a thing in my life. Don’t know anything about feeding a baby, or taking care of one, even with all the fake memories Regina gave me when Henry and I left Storybrooke.”

“Emma. I can’t knit, or change diapers, and I know nothing about caring for a child.”

“But you’ve never had a child. I should know all of this stuff already.”

“You did what you could for Henry. So we’ll learn together, you and I. As I imagine all parents must.”

“I guess.”

“It’ll be alright, love.”

“Yeah. Just promise me one thing?”

“Mmm?”

“No swords the first year, ok?”

“Just a small one, Swan. The child’s going to need to learn to defend herself early on.”

“'Herself?’ We’re having a girl now?”

“Or himself. I’m not terribly particular.”

“Well, how about you whittle a tiny ship for the tub instead of the sword.”

“And you’ll knit the hat?”

“No, Granny will knit the hat.”

“And what, pray tell, will be your contribution in all of this?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Guess I’ll think about carrying this kid to term, watch him rip his way out of me, spend my days as a glorified milk machine…”

“You are a bloody marvel, Emma Swan.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself, Killian Jones.”

“That reminds me– what of the surname?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think Swan-Jones sounds too bad.”

“It doesn’t, does it?”

“Actually, it’s pretty damn perfect.”

“Well, we’re only having the most damn perfect child in all the realms.”

“Are we now?”

“Hush, Swan. Don’t listen to her, child. She’s just a bit tired. You do keep her up all night, so she’s allowed. But incase you missed it, you are damn near perfect.”

“Giving the kid an ego boost already? God, that tickles Killian. And I don’t think you should be introducing the kid to four letter words already.”

“Right as always, Swan. I’ll wait until the child is cognizant. When will that be? At five?”

“You’re hopeless.”

“And you’re laughing, so that’s what counts.”

“Keep it up and I’m going to pee myself.”

“It would give us an opportunity to try out those diapers.”

“Stop it. I’m turning the lights off now.“

“Goodnight, Emma.”

“Goodnight, Killian.”

“…Goodnight, child.”

elevenknope  asked:

Hop & 14?

“It can remember faces, you know.”

Jim Hopper gave a violent start that nearly sent him and his patio chair tipping backwards. His cigarette burned the tip of his forefinger as he tried and failed to keep it from falling to the ground, the burn made him curse loudly before looking up at the person standing behind him on the deck.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that, kid! What are you talking about?”

Eleven pointed out into the distance, to a large black crow that was hopping about the edge of the lake. A shiver ran down Jim’s spine. He had always hated birds, especially crows. 

“Did it see you?” the girl asked in her hypnotic but flat tone. Her large brown eyes were wide and haunted as they stared out at the bird, who had paused to tilt its head in their direction. 

“Jesus, I don’t know. You need to get to sleep, you start school in the morning and your aunt is coming by to take you to see your mom after.”

Eleven shrugged. “I wish my mom was like that bird.”

Jim’s heartstrings were sufficiently tugged at the soft, mournful hope. “The doctor said she’s been improving. Don’t lose hope.”

“I guess. Good night, Hop.” With that, Eleven gave a shy little wave and started to turn away.

“Can they really remember faces?” 

Eleven paused and turned back. “Joyce said.”

Jim nodded. “Then it must be true. I better not do anything to make this one mad.”

“Joyce said they can take revenge.”

Jim scoffed. “Remind me to tell Joyce to stop filling your head with spooky crap. It’s been nothing but horror central since I hooked up that VCR for her and the boys.”

“Joyce says she likes to watch horror because it helps her put things into per-perspective.”

When the girl left Jim alone on the patio, he looked back to the water, to the large black bird that was still taking its time exploring the shore. Twilight was starting to set in, and the air lowered several degrees in temperature.

“Stupid bird,” he muttered. The crow jerked its head up and made direct eye contact with Jim. The man felt his insides twist and took a deep shuddering breath before running back into the trailer, away from the cold black eyes of revenge.

4

Giuliana: You wanted nothing to do with them! I gave you so many opportunities to be in their lives and you didn’t even pick up the phone half the time, they’re better off without you!

Corbin: I’ve changed! I have a steady girlfriend, it’s serious-

Giuliana: I don’t wanna hear this shit Corbin it’s too late, you think turning up here makes you dad of the year?? It doesn’t, it makes you look even more like a dead-beat sperm donor, immature and dramatic as hell

Corbin: You told me to try and I have, you’re fucking crazy, you can’t keep my kids from me

Giuliana: Get out my face, I’ve not got the patience for your crap so just go

screamholland  asked:

mood: moaning tom's name over and over along with a string of curses while my back is arching and his face is between my legs... being a little shit and constantly teasing me?????? yes i think the fuck so

he would love eating you out are you kidding me the little tease would hold off your orgasm for sooo long until he had to hold your hips down because you were squirming so much

😈SMUTTY MONDAY😈

anonymous asked:

Hey it's that anon again (I don't have a tumblr) and I'm feeling so misunderstood! What I meant is that Al is and innocent little firstie who's probably sharing sweets with Scorp right now or trying to figure out the Lumos charm and you idiots are ranting away about trans and bi and that crap! It's disgusting. Would you say that about an eleven-year-old you've never met and probably will never meet?!?!

hey!!! thanks for telling me to my face that being trans and bisexual is disgusting, good to know you’re upfront with your transphobia 😘😘😘
you seem to be under the delusion that trans kids can’t be sweet and cute and innocent… being trans is not a sexual thing lol
you don’t have to like my headcanon but if you’re gonna be transphobic and homophobic get tf outta my blog
-Harper

Hannibal Halloween - Dragons

This is a totally self-indulgent fic to cheer me up after a rough day :D
I hope you enjoy my How To Train Your Dragon AU!


“Han-ni!” Han-ni!”
The woman stops chatting with the other mothers and turns around towards the voice. 
A small kid is stammering in her direction on unsteady legs, showing the world that he has almost mastered the art of walking. He is frowning, clutching something small at his chest, while he advances on wobbly feet towards his mother, almost tripping for the weight of his burden. 
He stops besides her, a grin on his earnest face, and he offers the scaly thing to his mum. The woman takes a distracted look, then pales and screams “Duck!”
A burst of flames erupts from the baby dragon that the kid is cradling, nearly missing her hair.
The shocked silence that follows is broken by the happy giggle of the kid. “HAN-NI!”

anonymous asked:

hey luke, have you heard of jax and if so what do you think of him

“yeah, hadlee told me a little about him when we were kids. she even has a polaroid picture of him, poor kid, with those scars on his face. the thought of anyone doing something like that to someone so young makes me really fucking angry. anyway, hadlee says they used to be friends but something happened? i dont really remember what exactly she said. maybe i’ll get to meet him one day”

fukaseourmemelord  asked:

✍️, please!

OF COURSE MAH DUDE 

1. Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your blog.
That you have some pretty nice memes I’d love to steal from you 
2. Tell you a color you remind me of.
Blood Red….like the blood of your enemies 
3. Tell you what element I believe you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
  uuuhhhhh fire 

Because you’re pretty lit 

*finger guns*

4. Tell you what I like the most about your muse.

This question is too hard to answer like dood your muse is too cool 

5. Ask the mun a question

uuuuhhhh how short are you? pffffft 

just kidding, what is your favourite meme? 
6. Tell you something I like about you or your art.

Just 

*deep intake of breath with one tear falling down face*

beautiful 

7. Give you a nickname.
Fuwa 

pfft im terrible qvq

8. Tell you what am I doing right now.
Watching Pumped Up Kicks Memes ovo

Doing something totally productive

9. Tell you what food/flavour/smell you remind me of.

funny you kinda make me think of cinnamon or lollipops 

10. Tell you something I’ve always wanted to say to you.
You are a noice and amazing person I want to exchange memes with you

Because memes are now a national currency 

2

i’m patrick, the one having a crisis here. i thought about doing everything i could to avoid posting an intro, but then i remembered i haven’t posted on instagram since 2013. i’m in that one band, but my biggest achievements have been working as a fake medical student and doing a song for the lego batman movie. i have a kid that looks exactly like me that turned three the other day, but my cryptic ass is cryptic on everything, so you just have to deal with seeing my face (rarely might i add.)

if you’re into shitty senses of humor and overthinking everything you say out of fear of embarrassment, you can get @ me on GH at dying.breed.menace because i definitely don’t struggle with that constantly i don’t know what you’re talking about

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 15
  • Wow that’s how the fortress look like in bright day. It’s magnificent.
  • Meanwhile in Red household, Shirou and Semiramis have to face the rebellious phase of their adopted children Achilles, Karna and Atalanta. While useless uncle Shakespeare is nowhere to be seen.
  • Karna is just the best roast machine ever.
  • Semiramis getting roasted by Karna and she doesn’t take it well.
  • Atalanta: “I have no compassion for a weak master” Achilles: “I am strong. So you have a compassion for me?” Atalanta: “Please clean your ears.”
  • Shirou’s voice is incredibly sweet and silk like, perfect for a person like him.
  • Shirou: “Kids, let’s all sit down and talk about each other’s future dreams, okie dokie?”
  • Achilles wants to prove he is a hero without any deconstruction whatsoever in Nasuverse.
  • Semiramis: “Aw that’s bland” Shirou: “Sssh do not sass here, honey’ Achilles: “Yeah but I’ve got gigantic ego just like yours, mom” Semiramis: “Are you all inclined to roast me everyday?“
  • Atalanta wants to save children. Atalanta wants to be a mama bear.
  • Semiramis: “That’s pipe dream, Atalanta.” Me; That’s rich. You support a guy whose goal is save mankind.
  • Dude Karna is so fucking extra.
  • Karna wants to be loyal. And fights Saber of Black again. And burns everyone who stand  in the way.
  • Shirou may speak like that but his insides all make calculations of how to possibly get rid of Karna he’s too dangerous
  • Is Gordes only around to roar with laughter and say “Impossible!!” or “Stupid!!”?
  • Holy grail for dumb wishes. Wow that’s some self-awareness going on Mordred.
  • Yeah corrupted or not, the problem with the holy grail granting wishes is if the method of the fulfilment is a disaster to mankind we have a very depressing Fate/Zero episode just for that.
  • Caules forgetting Archer of Red is so cute
  • “Atalanta: The power woman” Short lecture by Chiron.
  • Mordred: “Yeah after I chop Sieg’s head off” Astolfo: *stand on chair* OVER MY DEAD FUCKING BODY” Caules: *for a split second* Please, not now.
  • Chiron’s Papa instinct is tingling
  • FINALLY the Forvedges arc comes!!
  • Thank God they animate this scene in the same location as the novel
  • “Mages are sinnamon roll. But Fiore is cinnamon roll too pure for this world.” -Chiron
  • Little Forvedges!!!
  • CRAP LIL CAULES IS CUTE
  • Lil Fiore is loaded with cuteness 300% than normal child.
  • The novel explains that the dog is skinned alive in front of Fiore and Caules and that’s fucked up
  • Also it happens because their dad wanted to show what happens if their magic fails and that’s how Fiore becomes flawless in her magic because she is so afraid of the failure that could be. She is so traumatized in her childhood she needs Caules to hold her hands just to sleep, and will puke at the sight of meat. Honestly? That’s a shitton character background not to be shown.
  • “After that incident with the dog, I made sure she never touched, saw, or even heard of the Fullmetal Alchemist.” -Caules, probably.
  • Caules: “Why do you care?” Chiron: “Because I am eternally a teacher.”
  • I almost thought Caules just made up some cool shit but then I think a bit and yeah that’s right
  • OH MY GOD CAULES IS SO CUTE GRINNING LIKE THAT I CAN’T
  • Dude, Chiron is just the embodiment of ‘Learning is forever"
  • He brings up Fran again :(((((
  • What makes it so sad and ultra sadder in the novel is that the thing that makes Caules-Fran team so great is also the very thing that burdens him when she’s gone.
  • Hell the novel narrates simply that he regretted that his servant is Fran, because from the beginning to end they could and had care for each other and that didn’t allow him to just nonchalantly shrug everything away.
  • No Caules he’s Eternal Professor Chiron he can’t quit from that and he won’t.
  • Yeah sleep you deserve the rest.
  • Mordred: “I thought transferring command spells would AT LEAST involve sprouting gigantic wings and sparkles and catchy dance while you blow it away to my master’s hands!” Jeanne: “….. You watch too many magical girl henshin”
  • Mordred vs Astolfo: Trash talk edition
  • Jeanne: “Use it just TWICE. Do NOT use the last command spell, okay?” Sieg: “Why?” Jeanne: “JFC “WHY"? YOU DIED TWICE, TRANSFORM TWICE, AND THIS IS NASUVERSE MIRACLES AIN’T FREE SHIT HERE” Sieg: “Maybe I can cheat around it.” Jeanne: “HOLY SHIT LISTEN HERE U LIL SHIT”
  • Jeanne: “…I can’t believe I’m kinda rooting for these two idiots.”
  • Why does Jeanne like to hold his hands? Like this is too many times?
  • KAIRI BACKSTORY IS SUCH A STUD.
  • “My ancestors thought they could get around with a devil’s deal and imo, they were fucking stupid.” -Kairi
  • They didn’t explain more about Kairi’s short-lived marriage that is, personally speaking, completely fucked up
  • At least they explain about his stepdaughter tho.
  • That is such a beautiful father-daughter bonding they are so similar it breaks my heart.
  • Mordred: “You remember your dead kid?” Kairi: “I won’t ever forget.” Mordred: “Sold. You’re my father now.”
  • Wow that’s a lot of hair to brush Jeanne I’d love to brush it for you.
  • Jeanne D’Arc, 16, The Maid of Orleans, experiencing first love.
  • Gordes, training to be a decent person, finally.
  • “We just want to play honorable magic real-life chess, not things like saving humanity and eternal salvation!” -Gordes
  • Female Leader Homunculus is just composed of savage comments and roasts I love her so much.
  • I’d like an omake of Gordes naming each and everyone of the homunculus and ran out of idea so he asked Caules to open babynames.com
  • Useless uncle Shakespeare visits AKA team and brings drama to their chill
  • Atalanta: “So do you think Shirou’s nuts?” Shakespeare: “Do you care if your protagonist is nuts or not?” Atalanta: “I knew it, you are nuts.”
  • It’s chilling that everything Shakespeare says in this scene, as grandiose and dramatic as he spells it, is perfectly reasonable within the context of storytelling and to my horror, I do agree with him.
  • Broken hero? Check. Lost everything? Check. Named a saint yet not a saint? Check. Wants to save 6 billion people which is such a grand number? Check. Guess what, Shirou’s story is fucking interesting.
  • On a side note, the trio makes the balcony their favorite hangout space like?? It’s precious as fuck??
  • Shirou: *ominous monologue*
  • DUDE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SHIROU’S COMMAND SPELL TO APPEAR IN THE TITLE.
  • I’ve always wanted to say this. Jeanne and Shirou’s ruler command spells each look like a pair of wings. While Sieg’s looks like a single wing. 
  • Next: Jack who?
Fucking Gutter Mouth

There was this kid, no name, man.
Everyone just called her Gutter Mouth.

And she was like the rest, a lot.
You know, Kool-Aid hair and black
clothes like armor. Sweet faced,

like a concrete angel. Sad smile.
Never opened her mouth.

Dunno why they called her that.
Gutter Mouth. Funky name, huh?
Might’ve just been irony, I mean

they all know that song.
Isn’t it ironic, don’cha think?

And this chick, she lit a cigarette for me,
and breathed the smoke from my lungs.
I took her around, showed her all my secrets.

She took her clothes off in a graveyard,
and let me feel the best parts of her.

The whole time, she just smiled her sad
smile, staring little holes in me, as she ground
me into the grave of some old, dead guy.

I couldn’t call her name, ‘cause, God,
seriously? Could you get there screaming
“Gutter Mouth! Gutter Mouth!”

Nah. I just stared at those cigarette burn
eyes, and saw some ancient Goddess of death
and sex and smoke looking back at me.

Dawn woke me up, not the chick,
the next day. Gutter Mouth was gone.
My dick hurt, and my back hurt. All scraped up

and shit from the tombstone. She took my money,
that bitch. But it’s all good. Last night, a concrete angel
smiled at me and I got to feel the best parts of her.

– S. E. De Haven

anonymous asked:

My opinion of you (more of what i think your like) is that your a kick ass teacher who's not gonna take shit from your family about your fiancé or kids. And that your gorgeous AF. Your fiancé is seriously lucky to have you.

I’m going to show him this message when he gets home… I’m gonna put it in his face and go, “look, you are lucky to have me… remember that when you get mad at me for hogging the covers!” 😂😂

Thank you babe, this made me feel all warm and fuzzy! 😗😘😙😚

So I ship senpai’s little sister with the yakuza’s younger brother. My little “out line” is that they show love like young kids ie ‘you’re stupid! Nu-uh you are! You’re face is stupid!!! *sobbing* oh no don’t cry I don’t mean it * starts crying’ kinda like that but not?? Eh

But in the end once they’re like 'hey I kinda like you’ the brother could either turn over a new leaf and the relationship would be really fluffy

OR: it could pull a grease and the sister could join the delinquents and give off a sorta rough love feel.

Either is fine with me ( ^,^)c

4

Celeste: That’s right, you are just some kid, you don’t know anything!!!…. is what I would say if you were wrong, but… you’re right. I don’t know how to fix things with Ann- with Mom. But you know what I can do?

*boops Benji on the nose*

Benji: Aw come on that’s not fair… but it is funny.

Celeste: *cracking up* you should have seen the look on your face! You thought I was serious about you not knowing anything!

Benji: Well yeah! I thought you were going to rip me to shreds!

  • Ascendant/1st house: I am the mask you forget you're wearing
  • Moon: I am the face you wear when you cannot cope anymore
  • 4th house: Inside, you are actually me. I safeguard your birth chart
  • 3rd house: I am the voice you talk with and the eyes you see with (remember we perceive with the mind, not the eyes)
  • 5th: I am the big kid in you
  • 6th house: I am the face you wear at work
  • Venus: I am you when you satisfy your needs for pleasure, love, comfort, and beauty
  • 7th house: I am the lost parts of you hiding in other people
  • Mars: I am you when you feel threatened
  • Jupiter: I am you when you feel in peak condition and confidence
  • Pluto: I am the face of your therapist, the face of your aggressor, the face of your healer.
  • 9th house: I am you when you travel overseas, start university, and study astrology
  • Saturn: I am the voice of the parent who criticised you
  • 10th house: I am the face that the world can see, they all see my success, they don't see my work, trauma, labour, and resilience
  • Neptune: I am your psychic faculties, you source spiritual inspiration from me
  • 12th house: I am the face that nobody sees

when people think all stop-motion is tim burton

when people think all stop-motion is claymation

when people try to exterminate your non-human family