are you jelly

Feeding the cat at 5:30am - the progression:

Me: oh, hi there love? Good morning, yes *pets his face* good morning, my baby boy. I love you! I love you, yes I do! Are you ready for some food? *waits for meow* Aaaaaare you ready for your canned goodie? *waits for meow as I walk into the kitchen* Are you ready for this jelly? *holds up can as he jumps on the counter* 🎶I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly! *dancing* I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly, cause my kitty too bootylicious for ya, babe!! 🎶

And that’s why I’m trying to Beyoncé in my kitchen at 5:30am.

the only “gameplay” in cs go is getting the 24 year old southern admin of a surf server to say “bananaboyfunny2005 if you call me a jelly belly again you’re gonna get your fruit ass banned”

Lost And Then Found — Ted E. Bear’s Grand Aquarium Adventure

Late one afternoon, Security Officers Sylvia and Kevin found a lost teddy bear belonging to a visiting school. After locating the owners, they took him on a tour of the Aquarium to pass the time before he could be returned. Here is the tale of Ted E Bear’s Grand Aquarium Adventure.

Don’t worry, don’t panic. This has happened before.

Yep—I’m just here by myself, alone on the floor.
I guess things aren’t fine, since no adieu was truly bid…
Oh my goodness, my gracious, just where is my kid?!

Maybe the teacher brought everyone back to the kelp?
Nope, nobody. OK, uh—yeah, I may need a little help.

Excuse me coral, apologies, I don’t mean to vent
But perhaps you know where exactly my kid went?

I guess I’ll just finish the visit on my own, that’s not so bad.
When you’re happy as a clam there’s no reason to be sad.

*Sniff* No, this really isn’t fun to be alone with the fish!
I want to find my kid! Please, I just have this simple wish!

- Hey little buddy! Aw—are you lost my dear?
- Yes! I can’t find my kid! I’m alone forever I fear!
- What’s your name? We’re Kevin and Sylvia and we care.
- Thank you so much for your help. My name’s Ted E. Bear.

- Not to worry, helping you get unlost is part of our job!
- Really? Oh wow, oh thank you—you’re most—oh *SOB!*

There there Mr. Bear we’ll find your kid, post haste!
Now let’s make sure your visit doesn’t go to waste!

- Check it out, I helped raise this little purple-striped jelly!
- Wow, it’s really beautiful—awesome job there Tommy!
- Want to give it a shot? I’ll bet you’re great at animal care.
- Wow, I don’t think I could—I’m just a little plush bear!

- Nonsense, you got this. Here’s a scraper—it’s all in the wrist!
- How’s that?
- Perfect! Look at you—you’re a budding jelly Aquarist!

- Whoa, what’s this class—I get to feed the fishes?!
- Yep! But to pass, you’ll need to wash the dishes!

- The control room is cool!
- You’re eating it up like a glutton!
- What’s this switch here?
- DON’T TOUCH THE RED BUTTON!

- Want to help us greet our guests—Jasmine needs an intern!
- Oh wow, a job at the Aquarium—it will be so much fun to learn!

Learn… Where do I remember hearing that word… SCHOOL!
My kid! I have to get back! But… working here would be so cool!

Oh me, oh my—I really want to help conserve the great blue sea!
And… being there for my kid is the way for me to fulfill my destiny!

- OK, let’s find my school—what assistance can I show?
- Oh, we already found them.
- Really, when?!
- About 8 hours ago.

- Well, then let’s get this show on the road!
Box me up, make sure I’m safe and stowed!
- Can do Ted E! We wish you the best on your journey!
Thanks for stopping by, say hello to your school family!

Dear Sylvia and Kevin, 
I made it back to class safe and sound.
The teachers were so happy to tell the kids I had been found.
Thanks for teaching me to find my dreams and in my heart carry ‘em.
Much love from your Beary-best friend, Ted- E, to the Monterey Bay Aquarium!

Thanks so much to Ms. Bizon’s class and the Sea Breeze School in Foster City for letting us host Ted E for the day—albeit accidentally! We hope to sea him again soon!

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets/The Most Sacred Oath

I’m guessing you can’t hear me squeal over your own squeals, but I’ll just keep at it a little longer, okay? Okay. 

Man, this episode read like very good fanfiction, and while I’m disappointed Dean never found out Cas used to be a woman (although, they did have a conversation about that, so Steve gets points anyway), everything else was plain amazing. I’m actually tempted to do a recap that’s just shouting words into the void, because, seriously, that would be enough, but - okay, let me watch that thing again and then I’ll write a proper meta.


Okay.

(Deep breath.)

So, let’s get one thing out of the way: we already know why this story works so damn well, but it’s worth saying it one more time, because this is what the whole episode was about.

A human and an angel: not meant to be.

Ishim said humans are dangerous to angels, and I agree with him: if angels want to understand humans, to truly become friends with them, to live among them - well - look at what’s that done to Cas. Caring about humans is, apparently, different than caring about another angel; it forces you to give up something deep inside yourself. You become - weaker, unhappy. Doubt-ridden. Trapped between two worlds, and fit for neither. And as for humans - if they truly wish to get closer to angels - to speak their language, to know enough about their magic and weapons to be able help them when they’re in trouble or hurt - that literally costs them their souls.

It’s a tragedy. It’s doomed.

But, of course, it’s not completely hopeless. What would be the point of writing a love story if you know from the start nothing can never happen at all? No - love can conquer all, and this episode dangled it in front of us - the angel who chose humanity, who tried to defend the person he loved from his own brothers, and the human who was fascinated with angels and knew enough about them to make it work.

(They had a daughter, sort of, and let’s cry about that for the rest of eternity, because can you see it? Dean loves kids, and -)

Anyway. We’ve known for a while that angels - I mean, the price Cas paid for his loyalty to the Winchesters (his love for Dean) - that’s harrowing. But this idea that humans need to sacrifice their soul to become closer to angels - thanks for that, Steve. I’m fine.

And surely, at this point, there is no other way this could end? Because what Sam and Cas share - yeah, that’s what friendship looks like, but Dean and Cas - right. And so Cas went and said it (“You mean too much to me.”) and Dean just holed up in his room for the rest of the week? He never said a word to Cas? And, Jesus, Cas thinks Dean’s angry? At him? I’m glad this, at least, was spelled out clearly, because apparently some people still don’t get it and read Dean’s emotions at face value and no, Dean was not angry - he was worried out of his damn mind, and he’s got reason to be, because Cas still doesn’t fucking get it: “I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life”.

The idiot - the useless, fucking idiot.

(“Smelly. Dirty. Twice the worry about getting ganked.”)

Keep reading

3

159

When I was over in Japan, a Hong Kong dude started jaywalking across a street to bypass the traffic, but his friend started yelling at him shouting in Cantonese, “Hey, don’t jaywalk! People will think we’re from the mainland!" 

Hockey Pucks | Jungkook (m)

Prompt: Um, Jungkook is a hockey player, but basically what happened was that it had very little to do with hockey and very much to do with sex. You’re both college students and apparently opposites really do attract just like they do in the movies.

Warnings: (18+) use of marijuana, smut (lmao what’s new), and an accidental mommy kink

Word Count: 8.4k

A/N: Yo, this spiraled very quickly and turned into a monster long fic. ANYWAy thanks 4 readin. No excuses or regerts…

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid


Originally posted by tanktoptiger


Keep reading

Movie Night

A Bucky Barnes One-Shot

Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Word Count: 2246 (I got a little carried away!)

Warnings: NSFW! 18+. Swearing, smut, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up!)

Request: Anon: “Hello there! First I just wanted to tell you that your writing was amazing for the 100 kinks for Bucky! I loved your stories so much and wanted to ask if you were taking requests at all? If you are, can you please write a one shot about Bucky lusting after the reader? Maybe shes an assistant at the compound or something like that. If not, it’s all good, but I think you should write because your amazing at it! Smut if you want!”

A/N: Here your go nonnie! Sorry this took so long and I hope you like it!


You were wearing it again. That damn black pencil skirt that formed perfectly to every curve. The black heels you had on made your legs look fucking fantastic. Bucky knew he should stop staring, but you always caught his attention when you both shared a room together. He watched as you smiled easily at everyone, how you flipped your hair over your shoulder when you would talk and fiddled with the buttons on your shirt when you were lost in thought. He nearly bit back a groan as you bent over the table to pass out the file folders you were holding. The glimpse of white lace underneath your white button down about ended him.

“Buck, you’re being obvious,” Steve said while punching Bucky’s shoulder and sitting down next to him. Bucky looked up to also see Sam shooting him a knowing smile from across the table.

“I don’t know what the hell you are talking about,” he said while trying to focus on anything other than the way that skirt hugged your ass. When you walked behind his chair, he caught a whiff of your perfume and it instantly made his dick hard. Bucky adjusted himself in his jeans and grabbed the file folder in front of him in hopes of getting his brain on the task at hand instead of what you would look like naked underneath him.
____________

You were walking down the hallway back to your office after the meeting was over. You needed to get inside your personal space. The way Bucky looked at you earlier had left your skin tingling. That man was going to be the death of you. You felt like your brain fizzled out whenever you were near him. His quiet demeanor made it impossible to read him but his stare said enough. You couldn’t decide if you wanted to strangle him or kiss him. Oh, who were you kidding, you wanted to feel those lips on your body.

Right after that thought took root in your head, you turned a corner and slammed right into a solid chest, causing you to drop your papers and folders. You looked up after regaining your balance and were mortified to see Bucky staring down at you, his brow creased. You felt your cheeks grow hot before kneeling to pick up your papers.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Barnes. I wasn’t paying attention,” you said to his feet. You were too embarrassed to look at his face after the thoughts you were having about him. A pair of hands appeared in your line of sight. You were startled by his metal one, he normally had a black glove covering it. He was organizing the folders when you chanced a glance up at him. His hair was falling in his face and the black t-shirt he had on was stretched across his broad shoulders.

“Bucky. Please call me Bucky.” He said while straitening back up. You clutched the files to your chest and stood awkwardly in front of him. You almost jumped out of your skin when he reached out and brushed a piece of your hair away from your face. The shock must have clearly read on your face because he snatched his hand back quick.  

“Well, I’m sorry again, and thank you for helping me.” You moved to walk around him. His metal arm shot out and stilled you by placing his hand on your arm. You looked up at him with confusion.

“Doll, it was an accident, you don’t have to apologize.” He looked down at where his hand was touching you. “Would you like to stick around for movie night tonight? It is Tony’s night to pick so I don’t know if it will be good but…” he let his sentence trail off.

You were so shocked that he was even talking to you that you realized your mouth was hanging open. You closed it and mentally shook yourself out of the dazed state you were in. “Are assistants allowed to join the Avengers at movie night?” You joked. Bucky smiled and you thought for sure your heart was going to stop. God, he was gorgeous.

“I think you passed up the assistant title long ago,” Bucky said while rubbing his thumb on your arm. “You can sit next to me. I’ll even share my blanket with you.”

Wait a minute, was he hitting on you? You were sure if you didn’t distance yourself from him soon, you were going to melt into a puddle on the floor. “Yea, that sounds great Bucky. I’ll see you there.” You gave him a smile before hurrying the rest of the way to your office.

Bucky watched you until you shut the door behind you. He smiled to himself. You were attracted to him just as much as he was to you. This was good to know. After having a talk with Steve earlier, he had decided to make his move. With any luck, you two wouldn’t be watching too much of the movie tonight.

___________

You were nervous. You had asked Wanda what time to be in the screening room. When you told her that Bucky had invited you, she was shocked but then grinned and winked at you. You smiled to yourself as you looked up at the clock. Fifteen minutes to go. You grabbed your gym bag from underneath your desk and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. You stepped out of your shoes while unbuttoning your shirt. You pulled it off and bent to take your skirt off. As you were folding the garments, you heard the door click open. Before you could cover yourself, Bucky’s head popped in.

“Hey doll, I thought I would…” Whatever he was saying, died on his lips as he came in and saw you standing there in your bra and panties. You thought he was just going to back out, but he didn’t. He slowly closed the door and leaned back against it. Your face had to be ten shades of red as you were frozen in place. Bucky’s hot stare was setting your skin on fire. He crossed his arms over his chest and licked his lips. Your eyes darted to the floor, but didn’t miss the bulge his cock was making in his sweats.

“Do you want me to leave, doll face?” He asked in a husky voice. You looked back up at him and saw the red color in his cheeks and the way his breathing had changed. Did you want him to leave? You hadn’t had sex in a while and the man standing across from you looked like he was made for sin.

No, you didn’t want him to leave. Instead of voicing your answer, you reached behind you and unclasped your bra. You held the cups to your chest for a second before letting it fall down your arms. Bucky groaned so low that it almost sounded like a growl. He practically stalked over to you. His flesh hand cupped your jaw and his metal arm curled around your waist. The coolness against your hot skin make goosebumps rise.

“Are you sure about this? Because in about ten seconds, I’m not going to be much of a gentleman.” His words made your shiver and wetness to pool between your thighs. The look he was giving you with his lust blown eyes and his breath coming in short pants was making your anxious.

“Bucky yes, I’m sure. Now kiss me.” You said before wrapping your arms around his back and crashing your lips against his. Bucky instantly commanded the kiss. He ran his tongue along the seam of your lips, asking for entrance. You opened them and tangled your tongue with his. It was consuming; teeth clanking, lip biting, sighs and moans. You felt drugged as his metal hand made its way to your ass, grabbing a handful, pressing your body into his. His other hand was buried in the hair at the nape of your neck. Your hands found their way inside the back of his shirt and roamed over the warm muscles. He lifted his lips from yours to trail soft kisses along your cheek and landing on the pulse point below your ear. You leaned your head to the side with a moan. His teeth nipped the tender spot, causing you to gasp and score his back with your fingernails.

“Kitten has claws,” he murmured against your collarbone. Your sigh turned into a moan when you felt his tongue swipe across your nipple. He brought his flesh hand down to flick over your nipple as his tongue and lips continued their torture. This man was turning your bones to jelly. You pulled on his shoulders to bring him back up.

“Too many clothes,” you whispered as you stripped his shirt off. He chuckled at your urgency. You put your hands in the waistband of his pants and pushed them down his legs. His cock sprang free between the two of you and you nearly wept. It was beautiful. Long, thick and dripping precum. Bucky didn’t give you enough time to admire it before he swooped you into his arms. He walked across the room and laid you on the couch. He propped a pillow beneath your head and kneeled between your thighs. He ran his hands down your body before pulling your panties down your legs. After tossing them to the floor, he stopped and stared at you. His eyes took in every detail they could. He settled his hands on your thighs and spread them further apart, his eyes fixed to your pussy.

“God damn doll, look how wet you are,” he said as his thumb trailed through your wetness. You moaned and watched as he brought his thumb to his lips and licked off your essence. You nearly came right then.

“Bucky…” you whimpered. “Please, I need you.” You thrust your hips up at him. He smirked before you felt his finger enter you. He brought his thumb down again, circling your clit while his finger started thrusting in and out of your cunt. You arched your back and let soft moans fall from your lips. Bucky watched every reaction. He was a man enjoying himself. A wicked chuckle left his mouth when he found your g-spot.  You had become a writhing mess as you were nearing orgasm. Bucky added a second finger and gave your clit a pinch, sending you over the edge. Your whole body shook as you nearly screamed out your release.

“That was fucking beautiful baby,” Bucky said, brushing his lips against yours. You nudged your hips against his, coating his cock with your slick. He grunted and reached down to align himself with your entrance. He slowly pushed forward, letting both of you enjoy the feeling. When he was fully seated inside, he stopped to give you a minute to adjust. You felt stretched, almost to the point of pain, but it was amazing.

Bucky was whispering words of encouragement against your lips. How good you felt, how tight you were around his cock, how he wanted to make you feel good. You rolled your hips into his, causing him to inhale sharply. He looked down at you, adjusting his arms on the couch for leverage. You brought one hand up to tangle in his hair, while the other got a good grasp on his ass.

Bucky started a nice and slow rhythm, just enough to make you want more. He placed his lips against your neck and sucked on the tender spot he had found earlier. You gasped and tugged on his hair. He growled into your neck and his thrust getting harder, going deeper. The sound of his skin slapping against yours was intoxicating.

“Oh god… Bucky… you feel so good.” You said, biting his shoulder. His lips met yours again. Your moans began mingling with his groans.  

He pulled his mouth from yours, “Are you going to come on my cock doll?” His thrusts had turned fast and choppy. The angle he was pumping, hit your clit with every drag in and out. Your body began to tense. “Come on, baby. I want to feel you come.” he said, chasing his own release. He reached down and drew rapid circles on your clit. You flew apart, coming with a startled cry. “O-oh fuck baby… shit,” Bucky groaned. He reared back, pulled out and gave his cock a few hard pumps before he spilled himself on your stomach. His face was contorted in pleasure and sweat was dripping from his forehead. It could have been your blissed-out brain, but he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

While you were waiting on both of your breathing to return to normal, you reached out and rubbed your hands along his thighs, “I’m pretty sure we missed the movie.” He laughed and got up to grab his t-shirt from the floor. He swiped it across your belly, cleaning up his mess. He wiped himself clean before sitting down and pulling you onto his lap.

“Trust me, I would much rather be right here with you, rather than watching some movie Tony picks.” He said brushing the hair off your face. He gave you a gentle kiss, “Wanna go back to my room and have our own movie night?”

cold weather survival tips so y’all can start the new year with soft glowy skin

I posted a list of beauty tips for hot weather on my old blog at the beginning of the summer and it went over really well, so I thought I’d do a cold weather version now that we’re in peak chapped-lips-and-cracked-hands season.

  • Do yourself a favor by going to the nearest drugstore and buying the biggest tub of Vaseline/petroleum jelly you can find. 90% of Dry Skin Problems™ can be solved by slapping some Vaseline on there. 
  • Seriously. Chapped lips? Use Vaseline as a lip balm. Dry, cracked heels? Slather those feetsies with Vaseline right before you go to bed (just put socks on to keep from getting your sheets all sticky) for an overnight moisturizing treatment. (You can do the same thing on your hands if they’re dry and cracked!) I’ve even used Vaseline to fix severe dry patches on my face and neck. This stuff is a lifesaver. 
  • (You might also wanna get one of those tiny mini tubs to keep in your jacket pocket or in your bag, so you’ll always have it on you. It works way better than lip balm and is the only thing that can keep my lips from cracking and bleeding all winter long.)
  • While you’re at the store, it’s a good idea to invest in a good lotion. Most scented lotions (especially Bath & Body Works brand) actually make my dry skin worse because of the perfume in them, so you might want to look into an unscented formula. Try to avoid formulas that contain alcohol (which is sometimes used to make the lotion absorb faster) because they’ll dry you out worse than before. 
  • I always recommend using lotions and moisturizers made for sensitive skin even if your skin isn’t actually sensitive, because they don’t have as many harsh ingredients that might draw moisture out of your skin! Looking for formulas with all-natural ingredients (like Burt’s Bees and Yes To) is another good way to avoid heavy chemicals.
  • Replace your makeup remover with olive oil. It melts makeup right off, and you don’t have to scrub at your face like you do with a lot of makeup removers. It’s also super hydrating and makes my skin feel SO SOFT after I use it. (Just be sure to wash it off with a cleanser before you go to bed.) A lot of people use coconut oil the same way, but I’ve never tried it so I can’t speak for how well it works compared to olive oil. 
  • If your foundation sticks really noticeably to the dry patches on your face, a good hydrating makeup primer can help a lot. e.l.f. has really good, really cheap primers that I swear by, and they even have one specifically made for dry skin! (And you can find them at Walmart and most drugstores, so you can swing by and pick it up while you’re getting your groceries.)
  • Avoid “matte” or “mattifying” foundation formulas in general if your skin is really dry, because they’ll just make your dry patches more noticeable. Use a “satin finish” or “dewy finish” foundation instead, and if you want to make it look more matte you can always set it with a powder to take away the shine! 
  • If your lips are really dry and scaly, the best thing to do is just exfoliate the dead skin away. You can make your own lip scrub really easily by mixing sugar with either olive oil or honey, and just rub it on your lips to buff off the dry skin. Be sure to follow with Vaseline or a good lip balm!
  • As a matter of fact, you should really be exfoliating your entire face once or twice a week, especially if you have really dry skin. You can buy exfoliating scrubs at the store for a few bucks or make your own. (My favorite is a homemade scrub with 1 tablespoon of cooled green tea, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and a few drops of tea tree oil. It makes my skin soooo soft and helps fade my acne scars.)
  • Consider replacing your moisturizer with a face-safe oil like jojoba or rosehip at night. (I wouldn’t recommend using olive oil or coconut oil for this though, because they’re a little too heavy.) I started using rosehip oil every night to help with the scarring on my face, and it makes my skin feel so good. It doesn’t absorb right away, so it’s almost like sleeping in a face mask every night, and you wake up with a baby-soft face. This is the first winter I haven’t had really dry patches on my face, and I think using facial oils has a lot to do with it.
  • If your lipstick is drying out your lips, use a very light layer of Vaseline as a lip primer! This also makes the lipstick go on smoother – I’ve been using this trick for chalky/streaky lipsticks for years. (I told you, Vaseline is a lifesaver.)
  • I know everyone on tumblr is always saying this, but it really is important; you gotta stay hydrated. Drink water. (Drinks like soda actually dehydrate you, so it really does have to be water.) If your skin is just feeling a little dryer than usual, it could be because you just aren’t getting enough water. Increasing your water intake is a really easy, completely free way to help your skin out. 
  • And fyi, these tips aren’t just for girls! If you’re a guy with dry skin, feel free to use any and all of the things I talked about in this post! Taking care of your body is gender neutral and everybody deserves to have nice skin. 
jack things to appreciate
  • his bright green, poofy, sometimes curly, gravity defying hair
  • his adorable smile
  • his baby blue eyes
  • his HAPPY CLAP !!!
  • HIPS
  • +1 biceps
  • those black ripped skinny jeans ;)))
  • how high pitched his voice gets
  • and when he puts on a low voice for an outro
  • he apparently can purr??!
  • loves puns
  • buys kids toys just for fun or to use in a video
  • points out little details in games
  • can sing pretty dang well
  • supports his friends no matter what
  • an absolute sweetheart
  • always tries to stay in touch with us
  • decicated with what he does
  • loud but in the best way possible
  • he’s so humble and caring <3
  • just… HIM.

okay that is all continue your scrolling