are you her boyfriend

I looked through our conversations when we used to be on cloud nine and in love, these were the times you told me how lucky you are to have a girl like me, how thankful you are because you never received such love I was giving to you and whatever happens, you will never let me go. The words you said mean everything to me and it stabs my heart, realizing that these words mean nothing anymore. I can’t help myself but to cry my heart out till the sun has set. The pain is too heavy to bear, the love I believed to be true and different was gone. We used to be over the moon, but the present tells the opposite. This is stupid of me to say but, I won’t deny the fact that I miss you so much. I love you, I still do. But somehow, I’ve come with the thought that I can’t do anything anymore, I need to let you go because it’s the right thing to do. I’ve decided to finally move on and this would be the last time I would cry over you because there was nothing left to hold on to and I can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was the reason why you let things end. I’m sorry for the terrible mistake I made, I never blamed you for deciding to end this because you were hurt and I understand. I only have myself to blame. But, I was hoping you would’ve understood, that I did it for us. I always feared the day would come, the day you will finally won’t take back the words you’ve said. I’m sorry for the other things that have hurt you, for the things that made you cry, jealous and mad. 


Thank you. I’m thankful that I met you because you have given me a temporary bliss. I laughed and smiled because of you. Somehow, you made me feel loved and beautiful in a short period of time. Thank you for the good days: the days we felt unstoppable like we’re flying high, when holding your hand felt like home, leaning on your shoulders made me feel secure and hearing your voice sound like the angels are singing. It was worth it, being loved and loving you. Thank you for making me realize how capable I am to love someone. You proved forever within a number of days. You were the greatest and worst thing ever happen to me. 


Goodbye. This will be the last time that I will write you a message, I’ll accept the fact that some things are meant to end, even though I used to believe that you won’t let that happen. I did everything I could to make you stay, but I guess your life no longer includes me because, you’re happy now and I can see that clearly. You already found a love that’s all the things ours couldn’t be. I hope you find overwhelming joy by her side, I hope she won’t hurt you and make you cry. I hope for the best for the both of you. It hurts but I’ve accepted the painful truth that I am just a distant memory now. I don’t regret loving you, but what I regret is that I let myself believe that this would last.


I won’t forget you and the memories, I will always keep you alive in my heart. I’ll just get used to not having you in my life anymore. Deep within my heart knows getting over you won’t be simple. I need to stop loving you so I can start loving myself again. You were a painful blessing, but you were also a great lesson. I guess you’re just another chapter of my life needed to end. I still and will pray for your safety and happiness even though I’m in pain right now, I still believe you deserve the best. I hope you find everything in her that you couldn’t find in me. You will always be my greatest love.

—  S.L // unsent last message
Your eyes aren’t even blue but yet, they still remind me of the ocean.
—  excerpt from a book I will never write #74
I’m never going to stay up all night on the phone with him, and I’m still trying to get used to the fact that the next person he holds won’t be me.
He’s never going to text me, and I’m still trying to train myself to stop wondering if there’s even a slightest chance he would.
—  a.a.
I wonder… m.k.j.
An Ode to You

Sometimes I can be bitter
Sometimes I can be mean
Too often I forget that you’re
The whisper in my dreams

The compass when I’m lost
And yet the staircase when I’m down
Forging each fractured part of me
To sonnets and to sounds

This ode is for the castles
You constructed on your own
A cold and empty body had
More than she’d ever known

You make a word a story
You make a beat a song
You are the stars I pray to
That our love might just last long

I’m sorry that I’m bitter;
sometimes I’m beyond mean
Know I love you like a dreamer
Seeks the things she’s never seen

Each night when your arms hold me
I’m an atom missed in space;
For you’re everything I offer
Just without all my mistakes

- I love you // A.S
Your eyes weren’t blue as the ocean. Your hair wasn’t stroked through. Your shirt wasn’t always tucked in. Your smile didn’t always make me smile. Your words didn’t always make mine stutter.
But
Your eyes were brown which shone through and told many stories.
Your hair reminded me of that cheekiness that you always had.
Your shirt smelt like you had rolled in beautiful flowers for hours.
Your smile reminded me that I was safe. You were happy. And I was safe.
When I heard you speak, you did not make me want to scream. You did not scare me. I never turned away from you. I guess your words calm me down.
You’re my home. You may not seem perfect to anyone else but you’re my home.
You are my home.
—  excerpt from a book I will never write #36