are you finished with those errands

fuuuUUUUUUCUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Bih??????? Who tHE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING BACK INTO MY LIFE LIKE THIS? Of course it’s Fucking ALYCIA DEBNAM MARRY (ME) THATS WHO. Who else would walk around doing her fucking errands wearing mom jeans like it’s 1994 and she just dropped little Stephanie Anne and DJ Tanner at ballet class. But god I DONT EVEN FUCKING CARE THAT HER ZIPPER IS WARPED CAUSE HONEY THOSE HIPS COULD BUST THE WINDOWS OUT MY CAR. 

LOOK AT THAT EXPERT POUT, THOSE PERFECTLY SYMMETRICALLY ROUND OPAQUE JOHN LENNON GLASSES BIHH!!1!1 90s??? 60s??? ALYCIA DOESNT FUCK WITH TIME, THAT BITCH AINT REAL AND SHE ONLY SERVES UP 100% NON-GMO ORGASMIC REAL LOOKS™. And you KNOW SHES FINISHING OFF THE LOOK WITH THAT SLIGHTLY BAGGY, LOW CUT, SATIN BLACK BUTTON UP With AN EXTRA BUTTON JUST CAUSE SHE DO LIKE THAT.

DeAR LORD THANK GOD FOR MOTHER THE-LYCIA AND THESE MOM JEANS FOR SHE HAS BEEN V CHARITABLE TO US, THE GAYS, AND TO ALL HUMANKIND.

The Signs When They're Sick
  • Aries: Trying to convince people that they're fine but are probably running to the toilet every five minutes
  • Taurus: So. Much. Soup.
  • Gemini: Faking it. They're not sick but the masterminds of convincing people they are
  • Cancer: They basically turn into a sloth and doesn't leave their bed
  • Leo: Calling someone to bring them food even though the kitchen is like a 15 second walk
  • Virgo: Walks around in a blanket, scowling anyone who makes eye contact with them
  • Libra: Keeps all of the medicine on the bedside table and takes handfuls of everything
  • Scorpio: Pulls out the heated blanket and has a Netflix marathon
  • Sagittarius: Having those crazy coughs that make you sound like a dog
  • Capricorn: Probably still has to do errands whether they want to or not
  • Aquarius: Starts a new television series and finishes half of it in one day
  • Pisces: Trying not to die tbh

anonymous asked:

For blurb night: Daddy!Calum dropping his work and errands for the day to stay in with you (his wife) and take care of their sick daughter

Calum loved his daughter with all his heart.

She was his pride and joy, and he’d do anything to keep her happy. So when she was sick, he always refused to do whatever he had planned, instead changing into some slacks and spending the day helping you take care of the three year old.

Today, was one of those days.

“Okay, thanks John. I’ll call you tomorrow. Yeah, of course. Later man.”

You look up as Calum finishes the call, a soft smile on his face. He nods when you lift an eyebrow, reaching out to stroke your cheek before diverting his attention to the toddler whose head was in your lap.

“Right then, now Daddy’s off the hook, what film are we going to watch baby?”

“Jungle Book.” Tamasine mumbles, nuzzling her head into your hand as you pull your fingers through her hair. “And you have to sing.”

“Of course.” He agrees with a grin, dropping down to press a kiss to her forehead before going to play the film. Once he’s sorted everything, he comes back to sit at your side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Just as he does, Tam starts to cough, and he tenses. “Water?”

“Pwease.”

Tamasine fell asleep halfway through the film, and Calum carefully carried her back up to bed whilst you went to the kitchen. Tidying up the mess of medication scattered across the counter, you jumped as his arms wrapped around your waist, but quickly settled back against his chest, a sigh falling from his lips.

“I hate it when she’s sick.” He mutters, lips by your ear. “I feel useless.”

“You saw her face when you said you were going to stay home. Just being here is enough Cal.” You reassure him, turning to brush your lips against his. “Besides, it’s just a bug. She’ll be running around again in no time.”

“Still, it sucks.” He sighs again, capturing your lips again before dropping his head to your shoulder. “I’m hungry.”

“I ordered pizza when you took her up.”

“Angel, you’re a god send.”

“Hilarious.”

The two of you were back on the couch when Tamasine woke up an hour later, padding down the stairs with her teddy in hand. Calum craned his head at the sound, smiling before releasing his hold on you to fetch his daughter, carrying her back to join you again.

“Can we watch Frozen?”

Calum would do anything for his daughter if it made her happy. Even if it did mean watching Frozen for the sixtieth time that month.

You didn’t miss the glare he shot the box as he started the DVD though.


Domestic/SingleDad!5sos Blurb Night

plaguedoctorenthusiast  asked:

All 3 of them. Purple extra salty pls

A vague:

I’m afraid of where your ironic views on something ends and real view on things begin. 

A confession:

I think shadow-dio-sama was the coolest art-syle I have ever seen. N-no offensive everyone else.

Honest opinion:

Alright only this one is about you….mmmh….. pretty cool bro all around with good ability to make art. however.

The joke of “Have you finished those errands?” About me finishing FFXV stopped being funny a long time ago.