So I think it’s time this fandom had a sit-down and talked some things out. Today’s topic: ableism. Before all of y’all start jumping on me and dismissing me and trying to say I have no right to talk about this, let me tell you a bit about myself.
I was born with spina bifida. For those of you that don’t know that is, it’s when a baby’s spinal chord and nerves don’t develop properly. I had my first surgery to help this condition when I was eight days old. The excess amount of scar tissue in my lower back had begun to wrap around my spinal chord, which for obvious reasons is dangerous. I had the same surgery when I was four years old, and that’s when my life changed forever. I’d been able to walk before using a leg brace, but due to a mistake by the surgeon, my left leg was left paralyzed. I was a normal (and I hate using the word normal here, normal is an absolutely useless construct of society, but for lack of a better word at the moment, bear with me) kid, mobile and able to move around as I pleased, and then I couldn’t. I’ve been using a wheelchair since then. I’m not telling you guys this because I want pity. I don’t. I’ve accepted it as part of my life, and I love myself just the way I am. This little explanation is here so you guys can understand exactly where I’m coming from when you read the rest of this post. So with all this in mind, here goes my not-so-little rant.
DISCLAIMER: I will be calling people out in this post and tagging them because I am done. 1000%, completely fucking done with this fandom. And if this causes a shitstorm, fuck it, because this needs to be said and this fandom needs to learn to stop being hypocritical pieces of crap.
I love these books. I love Sarah’s writing in general, and I would read literally anything she wrote. These books, Aelin’s story, Feyre’s story, are so important to me. I don’t have words to describe how much they mean to me. I love talking about them and healthy and constructive conversations about them. And some of the jokes that have been made by the fandom are some of favorites. I’ve made some of them myself. I’ll joke alongside all of you about wingspans and gold nightgowns for as long as you want.
I want to make something perfectly clear: this rant is in no way a reflection of my thoughts about her books. This post is exclusively about the fandom’s disgusting behavior.
So let’s start with this post that I saw earlier.
Disability is not kinky.
For those of you that can’t understand that, let me repeat it.
Disability is not kinky.
DISABILITY. IS. NOT. KINKY.
This whole post is horrifyingly ableist. And before you guys start claiming that “I have disabled relatives, I can’t be ableist!” (@rowan-stole-my-heart, I’m looking at you. Remember that conversation last year? Nice to know you’re still disgusting), that’s like saying “I have African-American friends, therefore I can’t be racist!”, which is such an inherently flawed line of arguing that it would require a whole other post to address, so I’ll just say don’t try it. I can’t even begin to fathom the mental process all of these people went through to think that this was even remotely acceptable in any way, shape, or form, so let me break this down and explain to you why this isn’t.
This, my horrifyingly inconsiderate friends, is a form of fetishism. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, fetishism is the pathological displacement of erotic interest and satisfaction to a fetish. Now that you know what that is, let’s move on.
This whole fandom has been complaining about a lack of diversity in Sarah’s books since I joined the fandom. Diversity doesn’t just mean POC, which is exactly what this fandom conveniently forgets. Diversity includes POC, people with mental illness, people with physical disability, LGBT+ people, and so much more. And when Sarah finally adds someone who embodies a slice of that diversity, you all have the gall to reduce his situation to sex jokes. All I can say is how dare you.How dare you reduce someone’s life and reality to a kink, to something to be made fun of, to something that spices up your dash and makes it NSFW just because you wanted to make fun of a book cover you probably weren’t satisfied with. In doing so you are insulting the thousands upon thousands of people that are in the same situation. You’re reducing them – reducing me – to a fantasy that you can use and then dismiss the next moment, without regard for anyone’s feelings. Do you have any idea how difficult of a topic sex is for people with disabilities? We are laughed at for wanting sex. Our anxiety when it comes to that is ten times that of any able-bodied person, simply because we don’t fit into the box that society wants to shove everyone into. And you’re making it that much worse because you have the audacity to think the fact that someone can’t move their legs is funny.
It hurts. Reading that post hurt like hell. Because in your eyes – in society’s eyes – people like me aren’t human. We’re just something to ride, right? Yeah, I didn’t miss that little gem of a comment, @readinglikewildfire.
And because I know this is coming, no, Chaol isn’t just a character.
But you know what, I get it. It’s just sex, right? A small joke made, no harm done.
You’re perpetuating yet another harmful concept cooked up by a disgustingly ableist society. Sorry, but your privilege and utter ignorance are showing. I will concede a bit and agree that we can treat fiction for what it is – something that isn’t real – up to a certain point. But you guys just crossed a line. For those of you saying that you feel guilty for laughing, you absolutely fucking should, because this shit isn’t funny.
The fact is if that post had been making fun of race or mental illness, then the fandom would have ripped these people to shreds and they would have been reported many, many times over. But it’s not, and instead I can count on my fingers the number of people that stood up to say this was wrong, because it’s just another wheelchair joke, right? Who cares? To those that did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially @throne-of-omg-the-feels and @midnight-wonder. It’s nice to know there’s still some hope for humanity left. And to @nerdperson524, I agree with you. People do need a laugh, even those that live their lives stuck in chairs. But that post? It’s downright offensive.
So that’s it. I’m done blowing things out of proportion, as some of you will say. If you think I should have approached you privately and messaged you about this instead of publicly calling you out, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have PUBLICLY insulted mocked degraded an entire subset of the human population. And maybe that makes me a bad person. It certainly means I’m not being the bigger person. And I could honestly care less. I am tired. So sick and tired of constantly being the bigger person, of just staying quiet when I see things like this because what’s the use? The entire world is filled with this shit and it’s not like I can fight every time I see this kind of injustice. Nothing’s going to change, no matter what I do. But this? This is where I draw the line. Congratulations.
I am running a campaign where the end boss is a lich necromancer. He is raising the dead and sending them to wreak havoc in a nearby town. I explained to the players that all the dead of the town are rising as undead servants of the lich.
Me: Okay, while you are speaking to the bartender a halfling comes barreling into the tavern and looking very distressed. He goes to the bartender (an ex-adventurer) and whispers something to her frantically. She turns to the party and tells you that Barthen the halfling farmer is willing to pay 50 gold to anyone who can kill the badgers that are ravaging his farm.
(most of the party agrees to help, there are some shenanigans in the bar because the fighter has never seen a tiefling and is convinced that the bartender is a demon-lady)
Me: okay, you arrive at the farm, and you see…
three giant badgers.
Druid: wait giant badgers?
Fighter: I thought they were just regular badgers
Me: they are decidedly not regular badgers. They are in fact, giant badgers.
Fighter: I throw both of my spears at them (the fighter has feats and dual wields spears)
(they eventually kill all three of them after some burning hands hooliganism)
Me: Well done.
Cleric ooc: how much exp do we get?
Me: Well, you’re not done yet.
Druid ooc: What?
Me: As you walk away from the farm, you see movement. You turn to see three giant undead badgers, one of which is on fire.
Ginger, powdered/ grated
Any crystals you want (think of their purpose)
Sugar, honey, or any other sweetener (optional)
Probably a mug or a cup but hey I don’t run ur life bb. You do you boo
Aight listen up u hormonal cranky angry grizzly queen (or king I don’t judge fam I’m a trans boy myself) . U gotta go turn on ya stove and boil some mf water. It can be moon water, sun water, whatever the fuck you want it’s just gotta be h2O fam.
Cut ya lemon in half and squeeze its nice ass juice into ya water b4 it boils. Keep the lemon tho we not done w/ it yet bb.
Grate ya ginger into a cup, add at least a few (3-4???) teaspoons if it’s fresh but if it’s powdered idk a teaspoon or two.
Aight now go lay out a crystal grid and put ya cup in the middle. Pour ya boiling water in there boo.
Yell at ur tea “fuck these cramps and bloody bullshit I’m fucking sick of ur shit uterus” to charge it w/ ur intent and then throw the entire lemon in it.
We were running, that’s all we’ve ever done, and yet, I will never get used to it. The sand dune was huge, Thomas laced his fingers with mine, pulling me towards him when we reached the top.
“There they are” Thomas finally spoke as we peered into the distance.
“ That’s where we’re going “ The wind brushed through our hair-
“Oh my god” my boyfriend Dylan yelled as he started to fall back. I was then when I realized our hands were still intertwined.
“ Shit, no Dylan!” I exclaimed as I too fell back landing on top of him.
“ Thomas! Y/C/N!” Ki Hong screamed.
“ You dick!” I chuckled shoving him slightly.
“ I’m sorry baby!” Dylan said with a kiss to my nose.
“ What’s with the ‘Rat Man’? “Minho asked us quietly as Janson walked away.
“ I don’t know but I think he’s on Game Of Thrones” Dylan calmly stated not even breaking into a smile while Kaya bent over with laughter.
“Oh my god! Can I get your autograph? I love that show!” I screamed running after Aidan.
The sound of the choppers grew nearer.
“ Get Down! Everybody hide, hide!-” Thomas frantically running-
“Fuckwhere?!” I bent over laughing. Looking up, I saw Dylan smiling at me.
“ Get Down! Everybody hide, hide!-” Thomas frantically running-
Everyone began running in different directions again.
“What did we talk about?!” Dylan yelled. It startled me, I clumsily tripped over my foot and fell.
“ Mother, shit, fuck!” I wailed.
“ Baby?!” Dylan called running in my direction. Once he saw I was on the ground, he burst into a fit of laughter.
“No! Y/C/N! I will avenge you!” he crawled towards me.
“ Shut up!” I said before pulling him into a kiss earning a chorus of ‘aww’s’ from the cast and the crew. Dylan and I lifted up our middle fingers to them, flipping them off. Earning a chorus of laughter from the team.
you know what? i dont give a fucking damn how you perceive individual armys but when yall come for the whole lot of us AND bts as if we’re responsible for their behaviour then lmfao fuck you tbh
do you wanna know why armys are so sensitive?? its bc yall dont give us a break. we cant stan bts without yall breathing down our necks and making some of us feel guilty. and for what? for not stanning YOUR favs?? for not hyping up YOUR favs as if its OUR job???
when plagiarism accusations and hateful hashtag trends etc in a media where the ppl we stan can fucking see it even when they havent done shit, yall still think we’re just being sensitive?? when yall have accused them of being ab*sers, r*pists, plagiarisers, went for their mental illness, went for their eating disorders, went for their poverty etc etc and yall still think we can let that slide???
when another idol fucks up yet yall use our favs as a scapegoat??? yall just show that yall dont give a fucking damn abt the issue and only speak up on it to say “my favs are better than yours”
so when armys want to hype bts up bc we love them and want to support them and are proud of their success despite the odds being against them, its suddenly bad??? we’re being disrespectful??? when literally everyone else does the same for their favs???
idg how yall still think we arent allowed to be mad lmao
They’re in the car, driving to the mall because buying groceries together is the new height of family-bonding and because Andrew will murder someone if he has to eat vegetable soup one more time, and Aaron took over the backseat. Shotgun wouldn’t be so bad if only Nicky would shut. the fuck. up.
But alas, it’s Nicky, and Andrew may have only known him for three months but he’s already aware that the day his cousin will keep his mouth close is the day he’s on his deathbed. Something to think about, actually.
It’s stupid because they’re barely at the crossroad and the car that cut their way may have been going much too fast but still missed them of three feet.
Nicky wasn’t even at the ‘stop’ line yet, but he caught the movement by the corner of his eye - nice to know he can pay attention to the road and blabber their ears off at the same time - and slammed on the brakes, stealing a loud curse from Aaron in the back.
Point is, Andrew saw the car. Andrew knew they weren’t going to get into an accident and he knew, because his cousin is an anxious mess, that Nicky would have made a big deal out of it.
Point is, Andrew did not foresee Nicky’s arm snapping his way. So now he stands still and ignores his cousin’s curses to stare at the limb across his chest, a vain attempt to keep him to the seat and out of the potential hypothetical collision that never happened.
“Fuck,” Nicky breaths one last time before turning once to him and then to Aaron behind them. “You guys okay? That asshole.”
Andrew would call him out, since his driving skills are terrible too, but he doesn’t. He glares at the arm still in front of him until Nicky realizes and pulls it back with an hastened apology. Aaron comments on the other car and the two of them get lost in insults as they start again toward the mall.
It’s stupid, because Nicky is stupid. Because it was clear that they weren’t going to get hit, and even if they got into a car accident for real it wouldn’t be Nicky’s arm that saved Andrew’s life, that’s a given. He would know, he’s already been in one after all.
But Nicky is stupid and this is stupid and Andrew is stupid for the weird thing making his pulse accelerate just a bit.
He scolds himself, because this is no reason to lower his guard, because this is no debt he owes to no one. Just because he would bet that none of his past foster families would have done the same - except Cass, Cass would have, she would -, it doesn’t mean Nicky gets special treatment. At all.
“Okay, here we are, stop brooding and get off the car or you won’t get a say in choosing ice-cream flavors. I’m joking, Andrew, don’t kill me!”
Andrew had yet to glare at him today, he’s glad he’s given a chance to do it.
He only gets off the car for the ice-cream, that’s it. He doesn’t care about his cousin, and he doesn’t care about his chats, and he doesn’t care about an arm around his chest that would do jack shit in an accident. It’s stupid, all of it is, Nicky is.
He changes his mind many, many months later, when some assholes put their hands on his cousin and honest to God believe they could get away with it.
Very early on in the yearly 5e campaign after a side quest where one player’s character got four boyfriends (a young elvish bard guy with several very high rolls), the other players followed suit in trying to make relationships with NPCs and it was established that pretty much every NPC in-universe is bi or pan for the sake of convenience when rolling to flirt. This had the unintentional consequence of making *literally every character in the campaign non-straight*. After the entire campaign was over several players were on a one-off mission and the following exchange occurred. The session was nearly over as we’d just found the person we were sent to look for.
Simon: So the girl is able to walk and stuff?
DM: No, she’s too weak.
Alex: I cast cure wounds on her.
DM: Yeah, she—literally any amount of HP gets her walking, no need to roll.
Simon: Okay, so we… take her back home, the barkeep was her dad right? This was the daughter?
DM: Yeah, they look a lot alike. She also tells you so when you ask.
[a few minutes later]
Simon: I wanna roll to flirt with her.
DM: Yeah there it is. That—I was waiting all mission for this one. The DC is high dude, just warning you.
Simon: Cmon dice… *nat 19*
DM: That’ll do it! Alrighty then!
Alex: Wait, dude, did—did you just make the first straight character in this universe?
DM: …Oh my god I did.
Alex: *joking* We needed the diversity, really, the believability was suffering.
DM: Finally! First one ever!
Simon: I’m a girl.
Simon: I’m using my elf lady, remember?
[Pause, then laughter]
DM: So close, and yet so far!
Simon: WE’VE GONE AND DONE IT AGAIN, FOLKS.
DM: I tried, I really did. I—I tried to make that evil wizard and his son straight, but nah, never works. Always ends up like this. You guys started this.
Alex: Every time.
Sorry I know that you are busy but how do you think about James and Lena dating?
Hey there! No need to apologize, I’m always happy to answer questions.
I actually spoke to a mutual about this earlier today, so I’m essentially just going to break down the same points I made with her.
First off, based on what we know, I don’t like it. And before people check my URL and bio and shell out the accusations, no it’s not because I’m all “🚨👏🚨👏🚨👏BUT SUPERCORP IS ENDGAME!!11!!! RIP!!! FIGHT ME!!!🚨👏🚨👏🚨👏” So miss me with that. No, I’m gonna be objective and critical about this, and also throw in my opinion. Keep in mind, that yes, some of these points are quite critical to James as a character in certain situations. But only because, realistically, these arguments all point to why a romance is probably not a good idea. -Deep breath-I hope they don’t do it and here is why:
James vs. Kara & Lena
1) Last season Kara and James spent a decent amount of time being at odds. Because of Guardian, because of him being childishly jealous that SG got more love and appreciation than Guardian, and because of the fact that James spent a healthy amount of time talking trash about Lena. He hadn’t even met her and that’s all he could do – judge her because of her name, condemn her to being just like her brother (”They grew up in the same house!”), and talk crap/whine. Now yes, this is how James is. Things are usually black and white with him – but that only furthers the point that throwing them into a relationship doesn’t make much sense.
2) When Kara made the valid point of saying all Lena has done is help, the incredulous look she got from James was very telling. Even when Kara showed that she trusted Lena in Luthors, James whined and made it about him, “I don’t understand why you keep defending her!”
Relevance? He literally tried to wedge himself between a strong, healthy, female friendship because of his hurt feelings, bruised ego, and prejudice. Who does that? Not impressed, James. Earlier, in that same episode, Kara set out and did everything she could to try and convince her friends and prove Lena’s innocence. But…
James puts himself in harms way in order to prove she’s guilty? Even after acknowledging that she was Kara’s friend. That isn’t something a hero or a friend does and was entirely out of spite. Again, not impressive, Mr. Olsen.
Cliche! Cliche!! Cliche!!!
3) So due to those two points alone, the idea of throwing them together (for what reason??) is a bit ridiculous. If you stand back and take a look at it, all it does is recycle a bit of the K*ramel romance pattern: Throwing your prejudice to the wind and turning it into romance. In general, there is nothing wrong with that sentiment, but again, it’s recycled and therefore tired in the SG universe. Doing it in back to back seasons is lazy. Forcing and rushing the romance, is equally so.
4) Again, for what reason would this romance happen? Other than the writers’ need to seemingly pair up every character with someone, anyone? The idea of James being so venomous and childish when it comes to Lena in S2, only for him to take a bullet for her in S3, which leads me to the speculation that the writers (due to their lack of creativity and innovation) will start out the romance this way, is once again, lazy and predictable. It turns James into a self-sacrificing love interest cliche and it turns Lena into the fawning damsel love interest – the “My hero!” cliche. It ‘dumbs them down.’
This, on top of the sentiment mentioned in point 3 just turns their whole romance (or at least the beginning of it) into a walking cliche. Because clearly we need more…😴🙄
5) James had very little development last season, despite the Guardian arc. A lot of people became pretty bored with him because of that or just ended up with a sour taste in their mouth because of how things changed from the point of him pressuring Kara to tell Lucy she’s Supergirl to the point of him being jealous because of Supergirl’s hero worship. Everyone has their own reasons for liking, loving, disliking, or just being indifferent to James. Nothing wrong with that. But the fact remains, his character was sadly underutilized in S2. So at this point, they need something (or apparently, someone) to make him more relevant again. The idea of using Lena to do this is kind of gross. Where am I getting that thought?
That first little spoiler kinda points that out. Because let’s face it… there is nothing “amazing” about him doing essentially the same stuff he was doing in S2 (being Guardian and being James at Cat Co). So that line of ‘teasing’ is a bit transparent. In order to develop him further and better, let’s try to make it more interesting than using a romantic subplot, shall we?
Lena Would Never…
6) OOC Lena, much? We already know Lena is feeling guilty for building the device that caused Mon-El to forcibly leave Earth, thus leave Kara. Thanks to Katie, we also know that Lena will be putting forth a strong effort to remedy this and keep their friendship going strong. So in what universe in attempting to do this, would Lena also think it’s a good idea to date Kara’s ex? The Lena we have so far wouldn’t do that at all.
Do It Better! 😡
7) Concurrently, let’s not turn Lena into a plot device to serve a male character’s desperate need for development, yeah? If they can’t find a way to bring Lena into the Super Friends other than her A) Being Kara’s best friend B) Doing everything she has done thus far, that’s a gross injustice to Lena as a character and kind of, for lack of better phrasing, shits on Kara too. Kara fought for Lena all of S2, and yet everyone still doubted her.
So to those saying that this is a good way to introduce Lena to the Super Friends, no. Think of this – the idea essentially being:
“Oh, Lena can’t be that bad. Look James is dating her! Kara must have been right!” Forget about her friendship with Kara, forget about her doing what she can to make National City better simply because she feels it’s her duty to do so, forget about her building rapport with Winn, forget about her saving the lives of thousands of aliens, forget about her taking a role in attempting to take down a terrorist organization (despite the fact that it is run by her mother), forget about her playing an incredibly strong role in pushing back the invasion. Forget all of that. Forget all of the good she did on her own. Let’s give her a chance because James is dating her all of a sudden. Bad. Bad. No. Stop.
In a Nutshell…
It’s wrong. Yet, the writers have not placed themselves above that kind of character injustice and complete lack of sensibility. So I wouldn’t be shocked, just disappointed if they prove me right (and I like being right most of the time!). I think it could be great for them to start off/remain as friends. Lena could definitely use more of those!
And yes, people can have changes of mind and heart, which is great. But there is a need for that before anything romantic happens. It shouldn’t be simultaneous. It’s bad writing. James needs to step off his high horse when it comes to Lena, and Lena needs to personally address her need for validation. But having James do a total 180 and using Lena to further his development while forcing Lena to continue to seek that validation and prove herself to the one person in the show that has shown her the harshest judgment, pushing them together in a short amount of time is something I really do not want to see.
You woke up smiling. You woke up thinking you had had the best dream
eve. It is sad it didn’t happen for real,
you thought. You had no bruises in your skin to prove it was real. You were
a little broken, but it probably was because you slept in a bad position. I didn’t fuck Jin. No.
You got into the shower to try to forget that dream; the warm water
would probably relax you. When you finished, your cell phone buzzed; you looked
for it and saw that there was a message there.
here in 1 hour. It’s my turn and I am getting anxious. Yoongi*
You almost fell back. So that hadn’t been a
dream. That hadn’t been your imagination trying to fuck you up. You had
actually fucked Jin and now you would fuck Yoongi, and then the 5 others. No shit. One hour.
You managed to dress up and make your hear the best way you could. How
Yoongi must be? A pervert? A shy boy? Dom or sub? Did he liked dirty talk or
was too quiet? Oh… You were getting
anxious and nervous. You were still fucked, literally. Oh shit… But of course, you would not give up. You had 6 others to fuck yet.
Once you were done, you gave yourself a last glare and tried to left,
but before you could your roommate called you.
“Where are you going, Y/N? Going out again? You know we have college
stuff to do, don’t you?” she said.
Just shut up, I’m gonna be fucked.
“Yeah yeah, I know. I’m gonna buy things to do my work. Bye” you said
and left before she could ask something else.
You arrived in the hotel, and there he was again, the big man, waiting
“Are you going to take me there every time? I mean, I can go alone” You
said in the most politely way you could. You knew that was necessary, you could
be a crazy girl or something, but come on. That was embarrassing enough.
“It’s the protocol, madam” he said and signaled for you to get into the
Like the day before, he checked you out and let you go into the
penthouse. That time all the boys were there; Namjoon was the first to greet
“Hey, Y/N. How are you?” he asked, smiling at you, the dimples on his
cheek making him cute.
“I-I’m fine, thanks” you said shyly.
The other boys said their “hello” and
greeted you their ways.
You saw Jin and your glares found each
other’s, but you couldn’t support the gaze. You were too nervous and shy. He
“Are you still shy? Come on. You
can’t be shy with us” Jin said, “We are close enough after yesterday, Jagi”
“Let her be shy. It means she is probably a sub, and I like it” Yoongi
said from the corner. Holy fuck. You felt your face reddening by the sec. The
other boys just laughed at it.
“Are you going to stay here?” you asked, changing the subject.
my God, are you kicking us?” Namjoon asked, faking he was offended.
no, oh my God, I didn’t mean to… I just wanted to know if-“you tried to say.
“Wow, wow. Relax girl. I am just playing with
you. This time we gotta stay here and see the lyrics again, we will be
performing in our last day here, so…” Namjoon said.
Of course! You had forgotten. How were they
supposed to fuck you when they had to perform and practice? You unintentionally
furrowed your eyebrows.
“What?” Yoongi asked.
“Nothing. I was just wondering-“
we are going to have time to fuck you when we should be performing?” Jimin
asked, making you wide your eyes. That couldn’t have come from Chimchim. His
cheeks got a little red and you thought that maybe he was trying to act
confident but inside he was nervous too. Ah…
this boy. You nodded.
“Don’t worry. We would always have time to hook up” Namjoon said.
ok, enough talking. Nobody stopped you from fucking, right Jin? So stop
stealing my girl today. You’ll have your turn to talk to her instead of
fucking” Yoongi said and pulled you softly by your hand, taking you to a room,
different of the one you were with Jin.
The moment you got into the room, he locked the door and turned to look
at you. He pinned you against the door and smacked his hands aside your head,
locking you between his arms. Your heart started racing.
“You know…” he said, looking into your eyes, “I like shy girls. You know
why? Because it is easy to control them. It’s better to fuck them. The moment I
saw you in that fan meeting, I wondered if you were this kind of girl. And here
you are. Blushing at my words” he said cockily.
If it was another guy you would probably
get out of there, but the way he said that was so… sexy. You wanted to be
dominated by him. You liked the way he wanted to take control.
Suddenly, he placed his lips on yours, and you melted instantly. His
lips were softer than what you had imagined, they were good to bite, and you
did. You pulled his lips between your teeth and he grunted, squeezing your
waist in answer. He slipped his finger into your mouth, dominating your tongue
by the second. You entangled your fingers on his hair, pulling him closer. He
“Take off your clothes, except your panties” he commanded. What? No. You didn’t move, “Come on,
Y/N. Take off your clothes. I wanna see you naked already and you have to open
up to us, you do not have to be shy” he said and you wanted to laugh at his
English and accent. But that was not the moment. You breathed in and out.
on, Y/N. It’s Min Yoongi.
closed your eyes and started undressing, and so he did. First your skirt and
then your shirt. He was only in his boxers already. When it came to your bra,
you got nervous again.
noticed it and approached to you. He grabbed your hand and put it on his
crotch. You gulped.
you feel that? You feel how my cock is getting hard for you? It’s for you. And if you are gonna have it…” he
said and grabbed your boobs with his other hand, squeezing “then I wanna have this” he said. Wow. That got you wet by
the sec. “Let me help you” he said and started taking off your bra softly, not
breaking eye contact.
looked at your boobs and sighed, he seemed like he was ready to attack you.
Then, he pulled his dick out of his underwear and you choked. Damn. He wasn’t
as big as Jin, but was so… “Suckable”
pumped his dick a few times, his pre-cum visible.
your knees” he said and you quickly obliged.
took him in your hands and masturbated him a little. Then, you took him into
your mouth. First you let your tongue play with his head, and then you got
deeper and deeper. He grabbed a fistful of your hair and controlled your moves,
fastening your pace. Suddenly, he pulled out of your mouth and grabbed your
can’t wait anymore. Bed” he said. Damn, his accent was so cute. You obliged and
waited for him. He went toward you and took off your underwear, now you
didn’t even touch you and you’re wet” he said as he opened your legs apart and
placed himself between them. He leaned in and licked your slit, making you
jump, “sorry babe, I would like to suck you but honestly my cock is throbbing
already” he said. Oh…
took off his underwear and placed his tip on your entrance, but differently
from Jin, he didn’t tease you, he just put in and started to move instantly.
His thrusts began already fast, not giving you time to adjust. His rough
thrusts would be enough to make you come, but you didn’t want, not so soon, you
wanted to enjoy him more. You pulled him for a kiss, sucking at his bottom lip.
He grabbed your boobs and squeezed your nipples, adding pleasure to your sex.
pulled away and laid beside you. You looked at him questioningly.
“Lay aside and your back in front of me” he said. You laughed a little.
“Your English. It makes you so cute” you
my English is the best one here. Now oblige” he smiled at you, his sugar side
appearing. You did as he said; he placed himself behind you and lifted your leg
up, resting your foot on his hip. He pushed his dick in again. His thighs
started hitting against yours, and the new angle made him hit a new sweet,
sensitive spot inside you. You knew you would come soon after, because his
thrusts were so rough.
“Fuck, Y/N” he groaned, “your pussy is so thigh”.
His dirty talk helped you to go to the
edge, and before you could realize, you were coming. Your walls clenched around
his dick violently. Pushing him to the edge as well, he cummed, following you.
He pulled his dick out of you and didn’t
move, he stayed there, resting, and so did you. A few moments later, he spoke.
“This was good” he said simply.
You smiled to yourself. I fucked Jin, and Yoongi.
“Yes, Yoongi. This was” you breathed.
“I would like to fuck you once more, but
tomorrow is Namjoon’s day. Shit” he said. He
wanted to fuck you again.
wanna take a shower?” he asked. That
Yoongi was so different from the one who was fucking you a few minutes ago.
“Hum, no. Thanks. I gotta go home, I’m hungry.” You said, now shy again. Fucking stop it.
“Hungry? It’s almost dinner time. Jin is probably gonna cook something.
You should stay and have dinner with us today, get to know us. I mean, we should get to know you. You know us,
duh” he said.
He was inviting you to stay. Sex and then
dinner with Bangtan. No. If that was a dream you would probably wake up
A/N: just a little fyi, this is very loosely edited but fuck, daddy derek is back!! my husband, my lifeline, MY HEART!!!!
the continuous tapping of your pen against your notepad sounded around your small bedroom while your music played quietly in the background of your thoughts. you needed to study yet your mind was elsewhere entirely.
all of your friends were out probably getting themselves killed but refused to let you join the fun - all because of the spanish test you had in the morning. it was stupid but you couldn’t defy your alpha and what scott said went, no questions asked, no matter how much you pleaded your case.
your tapping quickly stopped as you heard a strong knocking at your door downstairs. sighing, you closed your notebook with a thud and laid your pen on top of it before you stood up and headed down the stairs. the knocking came louder as you got closer, almost impatient and demanding.
surviving (and maybe even thriving) in the sherlock fandom after s4
…OR, maybe even kind of sort of learning how to enjoy oneself again while being a johnlocker.
This is a post for people who are on the fence / still turned off by s4 / still struggling with how to frame it for themselves.
In light of the upcoming fic writers’ retreat, in anticipation of (I hope) having a conversation or two about this very topic, and in partial response to comments that my good fandom friends have dropped recently about their struggles with feeling like they don’t want to engage with the show or the fandom after s4, I’ve been thinking about how to continue on as a johnlocker, and why I feel more motivated than ever to find a way to have a relationship with the show (albeit a substantially altered one than before), and what fandom engagement means to me.
It probably doesn’t look like it, because I’ve participated full throttle in all kinds of conversations about the show since s4, but I do get why s4 was entirely offputting for a lot of people. While I strongly suspect that mofftiss are doing something interesting and unusual with s4, that whatever-it-is came at a heavy price: a series that looks like a hot fucking mess and actively does things that one should never do (i.e., constantly throwing into question the reality status of the story one is telling) if one wants to avoid frustrating the shit out of one’s audience.
What’s worse, the series was promoted with a promise of FINALLY answering the question of who Sherlock loves, without delivering on that promise in a way that was in any way definitive (John? Molly? Irene? Chips?) or satisfying (JOHN???). We got a scene that was really close to the kind of thing we’ve always wanted to see, at the end of The Lying Detective, an episode that also brought us an interaction between John and Sherlock that was so awful, it singlehandedly ruined the show for a lot of people.
Even though I love the shit out of talking about the puzzle of s4, I love it because I love how smart everyone in the fandom is, and how much I’ve learned about Doyle, and the many many intertexts the show engages with. I love how stunningly great people here are with teasing complex arguments out of this hot mess.
I don’t love that we got this weird thing to figure out instead of actual story. I don’t love that for some reason a major plot point was John and Sherlock detonating their relationship even more profoundly than they had before. I still think that the more skillful thing to do would have been to make a puzzle for viewers to figure out, but make it actually enjoyable to watch. (Personally, I did enjoy TLD, but I’m a sucker for Nick Hurran’s direction, I thought Ben and Martin performed incredibly, and I have a high tolerance for creepy shit and violence, so.)
SO: WHAT TO DO?
I’ve been thinking about a few of the strategies I’ve put in place / fallen back on for approaching all of this. I don’t know if any of this is helpful but here it is, for what it’s worth.
Acknowledge that the showrunners are human people and human people make good choices and bad choices and questionable choices
Before s4 aired, I wrote about the fact that mofftiss had set up a highwire act with extraordinarily high stakes, as of the end of s3. This meant they could pull off an astounding feat of storytelling, or they could fall. Instead they sort of burned down the circus tent and re-encoded all the elephants…not what any of us were expecting. I mean, surprises in storytelling can be great, but this was like hey everyone, suddenly the show is going to be performed in Esperanto instead of English, have fun with that.
Questionable at best.
To sum up: good choices resulted in the following:
Ben and Martin in s1 and 2 creating this beautiful dynamic together, eyesex and all the subtext and a tragic love story with mistakes and denial and pining and hope. s3, which bumped up the subtext to the point of ridiculousness. And TAB, which doubled down on that subtext EVEN HARDER. The purple shirt of sex and the swishy coat of alone protects me and a stalwart and broken John who is finally strong enough to partner his Sherlock and enough sexual and romantic tension to drown the population of the earth planet and a Mary Morstan who is actually Moran and there’s always two of us and hey did I mention romance yet?
We got all that, and then we got–this s4 thing.
Let me tell you about writers (speaking as one). They shit the bed all the time. They make weird choices. They have strange ideas. They fail to stick the landing. When that happens, it’s their tragedy. It doesn’t have to be yours.
Maybe this story isn’t done yet. I don’t think it is. I’m willing and able to reserve judgement, but this post is for those of you who aren’t, or can’t.
You can still like the parts of the show that you liked before. You weren’t wrong for liking what worked for you before. You would not be wrong now, for still liking those bits. All the shitty choices the showrunners could make, did make, and might still make, do not make you wrong for liking the bits you liked.
You can still like the parts of the show that you liked before.
Need permission for that? Here it is: BECAUSE MAY SHEPARD SAYS SO. I’ll make you a certificate if you want.
Need more specific help? Here’s another idea:
Get selfish. Get really, really selfish.
Remember that you are here for you. You came here, probably, because thinking about John and Sherlock together is something you enjoyed. Back immediately after s4 aired, and I was still stuck firmly in the wtf zone, I had to have a talk with myself about this.
I asked myself what I liked about the show. Why John and Sherlock, together, were so crunchy and beautiful to me. It came down to one thing: the fact that I read the show as a love story.
I’m here for my own entertainment. This is my happy place. This is where I come when my regular writing is stuck or I want to try to hack out a new part of my skill set. I get a lot out of thinking about John and Sherlock, as characters.
I still read the show as a love story, and I will continue to do so.
That means, in light of s4, doing a lot more reading in to the little moments than I used to have to. It means cherry picking a lot harder. It means ignoring vast swaths of what we actually saw onscreen. (The fact that this is the current state of meta too helps a whole heck of a lot.)
Playing the what if game a lot harder than I have previously has become the rule of the day.
What if John and Sherlock are in love? They are. For me, they are, and they always will be. Will they be in canon? Get yourself to a place where this question doesn’t matter, where your personal happiness doesn’t hang on this. We’re several months on after s4. It’s time to give your head a shake and remember that John and Sherlock love each other and will always find their way back to each other, because we say so.
If you don’t believe this, try because May Shepard says so. I’ll say it until you believe it, too: John and Sherlock are in love. The show is a love story.
I will read the show as a love story, regardless of whether it wants me to. Hey show, get ready for some sweet sweet interpretation. I hope you’re in the mood.
Still not convinced? Try this thought experiment:
Put Some Distance Between You and S4
So a few nights back I was chatting with @laughing-at-the-darkness (who is the best, go follow her immediately), and I jokingly said that what we need in this fandom is a reset, like the kind of perspective you can only get ten years after a television show has finished airing.
Try this on for size:
The year is 2027. You’re looking for some good content to watch. You remember hearing, dimly, about the fact that, a while back, BBC made a Sherlock Holmes adaptation with some pretty famous actors.
You read about it a bit first. Ah yes: the adaptation that everyone was raving about, but that did a weird thing in its fourth series. Bearing this in mind, you decide to watch.
You’re charmed by series 1-3, and the one-off Victorian special. You decide to watch s4, bearing in mind what you know about it, that it seemed to go off the rails relative to everything that had come before. You watch, prepared to laugh along at Mary’s bullet tango and the way she just won’t seem to go away and Sherlock has a sister who is also an X-Man? What????
You watch it. You shrug. You carry on thinking that s1-3 and TAB are great, like you were prepared to do.
We know what we know now: that s4 is a difficult part of canon, a stumbling block for a lot of us. If you can accept that, then you can move forward, liking the parts you like, and leaving the parts you don’t.
I still personally have some questions about how to deal with s4 as a fic writer. There are so many potential interpretations–how does one go about sorting through the detritus? A lot of people don’t want to / can’t bring themselves to rewatch, so how much can I assume they do and don’t remember about the episodes? But these are mostly logistical issues, and solvable with some rational decision making. (I did start a fic a while back based on TST, but I wasn’t ready to finish it, and I don’t think people wanted that type of fix it in that particular moment.) s4 changed the stakes for a lot of people, so writing fic now is all about writing to a different emotional register, I think. I’m personally having fun with that, while sorting through the implications for the wips I started before s4 aired. I’m hoping we can talk about some of these issues, as writers, and as fans, but that’s a post for another day.
In any case, I’m here, John and Sherlock are in love, and I hope this is helpful in some way. I don’t want anyone to lose the thing that used to give them enjoyment, nor (on a more selfish note) do I want to see people still leaving the fandom if they don’t have to.
Once upon a time I promised a companion to this Amedot pic, and finally here we are. Style has changed a little since I sketched the other picture almost a year ago or some shit but at least this got done. Idk if I want to post it as a double picture set yet since they do look so different to me but we will see if there is a demand for it.
a lot of people don’t really seem to have a good grasp on what alter servants are/what happens when a servant becomes alter, which is fair really because they’re weird. it’s not like I’m the absolute authority on them either because the inner machinations of nasu’s mind are an enigma but I’ve been able to fairly accurately predict the personality and motivations of two separate alter servants before they were even hinted at being released so I’d say I’m on the right track.
the two main things I’ve seen people get wrong are these
alters are not just “[servant] but EDGY”, but rather what would happen if the anger/resentment/regret/etc that is already there is brought to the forefront and taken to its logical extreme. everything about an alter servant was already there in the original (with the exception of jeanne alter), it’s just been amplified
alters all had some way in which they coped with said anger/resentment/regret/etc before it was amplified. this doesn’t mean they no longer try to cope with it, in fact their prime motivation is to find some way to still have the things that happened to/because of them make sense.
the key to understanding what’s up with any given alter servant is to figure out what it is they want in order to keep their peace of mind, and how being altered changed how they try to get it. what’s more, a returning theme in how alter servants go about this is an inability to accept that the world is a neutral and uncaring place, and that sometimes bad things happen regardless of whether they were deserved.
let’s take saber alter as the first example since she’s the most well known alter. vanilla saber expresses regret over her rule ending in the fall of britain even though she always had her subjects’ best interests at heart, and wants to use the holy grail to put a better king in her place. saber alter instead is a tyrant with no regard for her subjects, and who only allows the strong to live. what they’re both trying to cope with is the fact that even though they always had everyone’s best interests at heart, their rule came with the deaths of countless people. what saber wanted was to be a just king, but she found that her best efforts still resulted in many deaths.
vanilla saber reasons that this means she was inadequate as a king. those people died because she wasn’t good enough, but somewhere out there should be someone who is. it’s a very idealistic approach all things considered, one that saber alter can’t uphold. instead, saber alter reasons to herself that kingship simply comes with lots of death. if being a king means being a tyrant who only respects the strong, then it makes total sense that she would sacrifice smaller villages to a greater victory. if she was a tyrant with no regard for her people, then it makes total sense that her subjects would come to hate her and that britain would fall at the end of her rule. they were things within her control, and they were her fault, so it makes sense.
similarly, cu chulainn wants some way to make sense of how he always ended up fighting and killing people he cared about. vanilla cu is able to accept that the world is just shit sometimes and can still be proud of his life as a whole. cu alter can no longer be proud of a life in which he killed his friends & family, so instead he reasons that it makes sense he’d kill them if he was a monster that only knows how to kill all along. vanilla emiya was made to kill many innocents because the world is fucked up, and he still tries to do something about it. emiya alter killed many innocents because he was just a tool for killing from the start. jeanne alter, although someone who doesn’t actually exist, represents gilles’ inability to accept the unjust cruelty jeanne suffered, and she tries to justify jeanne receiving divine punishment by being a blasphemous witch who would deserve that punishment. sakura alter reasons that being tortured, neglected, and used for 10 years would make sense if she just deserved it, if she was just the absolute worst person on this planet and was going to kill everyone if left unchecked, because even being the worst person alive would be better than accepting that terrible things just happen sometimes and the world does not care about her in the slightest.
this inability to accept that the world is uncaring and just lets terrible things happen sometimes is a strong sign of how it’s angra mainyu’s influence specifically that corrupted alter servants. he is, after all, the very pinnacle of “bad shit happening to innocent people”. whoever angra was before he was made into all the world’s evils had been an average kid who’d done nothing particularly wrong, and yet he was chosen by pure coincidence to be tortured and hated and vilified for decades, centuries even, as if he were responsible for everything that was ever done wrong. it doesn’t make any god damn sense, and it would be far easier to accept if he did somehow deserve it, so angra mainyu as we actually see him tries to be the kind of person who’d deserve to be hated as the sole cause of everything evil. this same behaviour then repeats itself in the people he corrupts.
in a way it’s childish. it’s throwing a tantrum that it’s just not fair. it’s also a kind of backwards idealism: the world isn’t fair but it should be. these bad things happened for no particular reason but there should be a reason. finally, it’s a kind of powerlessness. despite being jacked up on pure unfiltered holy grail contents they don’t have the ability to make the world make sense, so in their desperate backwards attempts to still have things make sense somehow they become the kind of person they think deserves whatever happened to them.
When Will’s sister picks up on the 2nd ring, he doesn’t even bother to say hi.
“Fuck this. Fuck the Haus, fuck dibs, fuck Ransom and Holster, fuck quarters, fuck hockey. Fuck. Everything,” Will fumes.
Alex is quiet for a moment. “I’m sure you don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do,” Will retorts. “Because of some grade-A crazy bullshit, I’m now sharing a room at the Haus with him.”
“I thought he was getting Lardo’s room and you were–”
“Getting the attic? Yeah, that’s what we all thought, except my idiot captains gave the attic to Ollie and Wicks.”
“Okay, I mean that’s odd, but not–what did you say? Grade-A crazy bullshit?” Alex replies.
“I haven’t even gotten to that yet,” Will says. “So Lardo can’t decide because like, Nursey basically wrote her thesis or whatever. I mean, who cares that all the shit I’ve done to keep the Haus standing was more important to the team, right? So Bitty comes up and is like, ‘oh, let’s do a dibs flip.’ Like a coin flip. So–”
“Okay, wait, so if there was a coin flip for it, how are you sharing?” Alex asks, clearly confused.
“Yeah, this was the bullshit. It rolled and got stuck in between two floorboards! Exactly on its side!” Will nearly shouts, feeling that same mixture of anger and despair he felt as he watched the whole thing unfold in front of his eyes.
“So it was a tie. And now you have to share,” Alex says plainly.
“Yes. Oh fuck me,” Will curses. “How am I going to survive Alex? How? Sometimes I can barely stand to be around him, how am I supposed to share a room with him?”
“You could always just–not,” Alex says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and Will is an idiot for not thinking of it himself.
“Ha! Right, like I’m going to give him the satisfaction. He said I would move out by September at the latest. And maybe I can’t stand being around him, but my pettiness is–uh–”
Will falters as he spins around in his desk chair. When he got back to his dorm room, he had propped the door open (he’s trying to be friendly and prove to his floor that he’s not a total weirdo). And now, standing in that open doorway, is Nursey.
“Fuck my life,” Will mutters.
“Billy?” Alex responds questioningly.
“I have to go Alex, I’ll call you back later,” Will says, pulling the phone away from his ear and ending the call. He takes a deep breath as he puts his phone face down on his desk. “H-how long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough, Poindexter,” Nursey shrugs. “I just came by to bring you this book. You left it at the Haus.”
“It’s what not what it sounds like, Nursey,” Will says, springing to his feet.
“It’s chill dude,” Nursey answers, his expression appearing unfazed. But after two years as his partner on the ice (and often off it), Will can somewhat read him.
He can see his disappointment in the slight drop of his head, the way his eyebrows have gone up just a bit, and of course his eyes. Will has learned that Nursey’s eyes always give something away, whether he’s able to understand what they’re saying or not.
“That’s bullshit,” Will counters. “And I know that you know that I know that.”
“So what if it is? What gives you the right to know?” Nursey retorts angrily. “You clearly don’t give a fuck about me, so why should I tell you?”
“That’s not true and you know it!”
“Do I? Do I know that? Because not even two minutes ago, I stood in your doorway and listened to you tell your sister that you can barely stand to be around me. That sounds like someone who doesn’t care to me,” Nursey replies sharply and they’ve argued before, but something in Nursey’s voice is different this time.
Because Nursey is used to people not caring about him. He’s gone through his whole life surrounded by people like that. And he thought Will did care about him because, despite all their difficulties, they’re pretty close friends (even if they still annoy the hell out of each other from time to time)–and he does–but it doesn’t look that way right now.
Will gets that. But what Will doesn’t understand is why this seems so devastating to him. It’s not like no one cares about him–there’s Lardo, Bitty, Chowder, and a whole slew of others. What’s different about him?
“It’s–listen, you heard one statement out of context–”
“You said it twice.”
“How many times I said it isn’t important–”
“Not to you maybe.”
“Fuck, Nursey, would you just listen to me for one minute!” Will shouts, and Nursey clamps his mouth shut, but continues to glares at him. “I’ve been talking about you to Alex since day one. Day one! She knows a fuckton of things that you don’t! So when I tell her that I can barely stand to be around you sometimes, she knows that it’s not because I hate you! It never is and it never was.”
Nursey snorts derisively. “’She knows things you don’t.’ Super convincing argument, Poindexter. I’m supposed to just–take your word for it? Oh, of course, because you said you don’t hate me, and just because you said it, it must be true. Yeah, fuck you.”
“If I didn’t love you so much, I’d punch you in your fucking face right now,” Will quips.
Nursey’s brow furrows. “What did you say?”
“That I want to punch you?”
“No, the other part.”
“If I didn’t lo–oh for fuck’s sake,” Will groans, throwing his head back, praying for death to take him quickly. It’s become such a natural part of his emotions when he’s around Nursey that it’s no wonder it finally slipped out on accident.
“I’m going to guess that that’s what your sister knows that I don’t, right?” Nursey questions, and Will expected him to sound shocked or angry not–fucking bemused.
“Yep, and if you’re going to laugh at me, you better leave right fucking now, because not even that will stop me from punching you,” Will says, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.
“I’m not going to laugh,” Nursey says. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Will doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything.
“I think–I think I understand what you were saying now,” Nursey says, and Will feels the bed dip gently as Nursey perches next to him. “It would be hard to see me every day–be in close quarters when you feel the way you do. You were scared that you would say something like you just did.”
Will nods. “Doesn’t matter though, ‘cause I said it just now.”
“Now. Later. Either way, I wouldn’t have minded,” Nursey says quietly. “I’m glad it’s out there now.”
There’s a strange, swooping feeling in Will’s stomach as he lowers his hands away from his face. “Nursey–” is all he gets out before Nursey is pressing their lips together.
It takes Will a second, but he kisses back.
“You know I was excited to be sharing a room with you because I was hoping you would eventually figure out how I felt, right?” Nursey asks.
“Have I mentioned that you continue to surprise me?”
“No,” Will answers, his brain still struggling to string words together that aren’t he kissed me he kissed me he kissed me.
“Well you are,” Nursey says. “I would’ve never guessed that you would feel that way–or that you would be the one to say it first.”
“S-same t-though,” Will stutters, the stutter in his voice matching the stuttering of his heart.
“So–do you think you can stand to share a room with me now?” Nursey asks, and if Will didn’t want to kiss him again, he would shove him off the bed.