are my teachers high

The time I ruined my high school teachers career and got her fired in the greatest way possible.

This story is widely known amongst my family and is constantly brought up and joked upon in my group of friends even years later. A buddy of mine suggested that this is the perfect place to make it public so let’s get into this shit storm.

Backstory: I was a senior in high school at the time and i had never been the brightest student. I was a solid C student and i had never received a detention or had any kind of bad student record. This is important because to this day, i still have no idea why the teacher treated me this way. The teacher, who we will name Mrs. Frank, had been a teacher there for more then a decade and was widely known for being a petty heartless bitch who the administrators saw as the golden child.

Mrs. Frank taught algebra, which is my worst subject, so naturally i had issues understanding the lessons and would ask questions frequently. To some these questions are easily answered but to me it was rocket science.

Usually when someone asks a dumb question, no one should address it however in Mrs. Franks case she would belittle me in front of everyone by saying things such as “And here comes the slow boy again” , “wow surprise surprise you don’t understand it again” “Really? We have to go extra slow for you today don’t we” etc…etc.

I tried going to the administration about it before but again she was considered the golden child. They would send someone in to examine her during class, she would act respectful and normal for one day, and go back to being a bitch the next.

This goes on for about half the year until i had enough. I went to the local radioshack, bought a recorder, and secretly recorded every insult she would throw at me. I would sometimes instigate to make up for the lost time.

Go ahead feed the fire.

Fast forward to the end of the year and im sitting in Mrs. Franks class when i ask a question. Her response, and i quote (because it’s burned into my brain) was-

“I’ve been teaching here for over 10 years and that was the single dumbest question I’ve ever heard come from anyone’s mouth.”

She continued the lesson without answering. I calmly stood up, packed up my stuff, and headed to the nurses office to dismiss myself from school. (We were allowed to dismiss ourself if we were 18.)

I went home, compiled all of the brutal tapes into one glorious masterpiece of insults, and headed back the next day to show the administrators. I sat down with the principal and we listened to a couple of the insults before he stopped me. He wanted more witnesses present as well as Mrs. Franks. He told me we would meet the next day where i could show him and the rest of the administrators the full tape.

I walk into school the next morning being the most nervous iv ever been for anything. I was called down to the office where i met with some board directors, the local school police officer, the principal, the vice principal and Mrs. Franks.

What follows was some of the greatest minutes of my life.

I watched as the administrators went from fed up with being in another useless meeting, to furious and speechless with some of them keeping their mouths open for the duration of the tape. I also watched Mrs. Frank go from confident and stuck up, to her realizing that she had f*cked up beyond repair.

She was publicly roasting herself in front of the most important people from the district.

The tape ended and without hesitation, the administrators looked around in astonishment and the principal turns to me and says “I think we have heard everything we need to, thank you.” And i was quietly dismissed from the room.

The final time i saw Mrs. Frank was leaving the room. I looked back and we made eye contact through her tear filled eyes as i gave the biggest most evil smile.

I returned to class the next week and Mrs. Frank was no where to be found. The story spread quickly throughout the school and i was seen as a saint. I had successfully gotten her fired and made it almost impossible for Mrs. Frank to return to her teaching career as well as cut off most of her connections she had with other teachers in the school. I had ruined her financially because no school district in the area would hire this walking piece of garbage.

If you’re reading this Mrs. Frank id like to take this moment to tell you to go f*ck yourself.

shoutout to my biology teacher in high school who did the usual speech about how unreliable the internet is as a source and said to “only trust .edu and .org websites because only certain organizations can get them” and when i told her i had a .org domain registered she stopped her lecture and looked at her assistant and said “she has a .org…” in the most devastated tone of voice i’ve ever heard, like i completely turned her world upside down

friendly reminder that ina garten, the host of barefoot contessa on food network, majored in economics and was in charge of writing the budget for the US’s nuclear program and drafted policy memos regarding construction of nuclear centrifuges under US presidents ford and carter

also she fund raises for planned parenthood and supports gay marriage so yeah this woman can budget, plan nuclear policy, and cook a mean meal and now u know

  • Hufflepuff: Okay, when do you want me to wake you up?
  • Ravenclaw: Never.
  • Hufflepuff: We have the final for Charms tomorrow.
  • Ravenclaw: I know.
  • Hufflepuff: So, when should I wake you?
  • Ravenclaw: I asked Flitwick if I'd pass if I just didn't show up for the test, and he said I'd get an "A" in the class.
  • Hufflepuff: So, you're giving up your "O" in the class just so you don't have to get up tomorrow?
  • Ravenclaw: Yup.

My high school geography teacher died and I got an invitation to her funeral that said “RIP ms. Catherine”. but when I arrived at her funeral, I learned that it was a typo, and it was supposed to say “ripped ms. Catherine” and she was
completely jacked and shattered her casket with one hit. Later, she told me that the funeral was a marketing scheme to get people to see her muscles.

Prompts for writing, journals, get to know me’s or whatever

About me

Am I a clean or messy person?
Am I a tea or coffee person?
Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Am I afraid of heights?
Am I allergic to anything?
Am I an early bird or a night owl?
Am I an extrovert or introvert?
Am I an innie or an outie?
Am I easily embarrassed?
Am I in a relationship?
Am I left or right handed?
Am I much of a daredevil?
Am I scared of the dark?
Am I social?
Am I superstitious?
Am I ticklish?
Can I bake?
Can I cook?
Can I curl my tongue?
Can I dance?
Can I drive?
Can I juggle?
Can I play poker?
Can I roll my r’s?
Can I sing?
Can I spell well?
Can I swim?
Can I wiggle my ears?
Do I correct people when they make mistakes?
Do I have a collection of anything?
Do I have a strong accent?
Do I have any nicknames?
Do I have any pet peeves?
Do I have any piercings?
Do I have any strange phobias?
Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?
Do I have much of an ego?
Do I judge a book by its cover?
Do I like bubble baths?
Do I like classical music?
Do I like clowns?
Do I like my handwriting?
Do I like roller-coasters?
Do I like scary movies?
Do I like shopping?
Do I like to gossip?
Do I like to talk on the phone?
Do I like travelling?
Do I play any instruments?
Do I sleep with the lights on or off?
Do I smile at strangers?
Do I suck or bite lollipops?
Do I talk to myself?
Do I tend to hold grudges?
Do I use earphones or headphones?
Do I use sarcasm a lot?
Do I want any tattoos?
Do I wear glasses?
Have I ever been on a plane?
Have I ever been on tv?
Have I ever been to the hospital?
Have I ever crashed a car?
Have I ever got in trouble with the law?
Have I ever had a rumour spread about me?
Have I ever had braces?
Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?
Have I ever skipped school?
Have I ever started a rumour?
Have I ever thrown up in the car?
How long does it take for me to get ready?
How many relationships have I ever had?
How old was I when I first got my period?
How tall am I?
What am I most likely to be doing when I am outside?
What am I usually doing on a Friday night?
What are my favourite bands?
What are my favourite flowers?
What can I smell in the air?
What colours mostly dominate my wardrobe?
What is my appearance like?
What is my culture?
What is my current wallpaper on my phone?
What is my full name and why did I get it?
What is my greatest strength?
What is my greatest weakness?
What is my guilty pleasure?
What is my Hogwarts house?
What is my most expensive piece of clothing?
What is my most heavily used makeup product?
What is my most used phrase?
What is my most used word?
What is my personality like?
What is my personality type?
What is my religion?
What is my spirit animal?
What is my strangest talent?
What is my zodiac sign?
What is one trend that I completely bought into?
What is something I can’t do no matter how hard I try?
What is something I hated as a child that I like now?
What is the last thing I bought?
What is the longest I’ve ever gone without sleep?
What is the pet I would like to have?
What is the worst injury I’ve ever gotten?
What language do I want to learn?
What video games do I play when I want to relax?
What was the last book I read?
What was the last movie I saw?
What word do I always use as an exclamation?
What word do I always use to describe something great?
Where do I currently live?
Which is my favourite season?


Favourites

What is my favourite accent?
What is my favourite animal?
What is my favourite band?
What is my favourite childhood book?
What is my favourite colour?
What is my favourite drink?
What is my favourite flavour of ice cream?
What is my favourite food to eat on a rainy day?
What is my favourite food to eat on a sunny day?
What is my favourite number?
What is my favourite place on the planet?
What is my favourite radio station?
What is my favourite sandwich?
What is my favourite snack?
What is my favourite song?
What is my favourite swear word?
What is my favourite word?
What is my favourite thing to wear?


People

Do I remember the day I met …?
How are my mother and I similar and different?
What are the compliments I have given other people?
What are the compliments people have given me?
What do my best friend and I have in common?
What gifts would I like to give everyone?
What if I could meet anyone on this planet – who would I choose?
Where is my best friend?
Which actors & actresses do I trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?
Which teachers inspired me the most?
Who are my favourite characters?
Who are my friends?
Who are my parents?
Who are my sisters?
Who are the new people I met? – their names and where we met
Who are the writers I trust enough to read anything they write?
Who brings the sunshine on the days I see nothing but a grey sky?
Who is my best friend?
Who is my celebrity crush?
Who is my favourite youtuber?
Who is my role model?
Who is my secret valentine?
Who is someone I admire?
Who is someone that saved me?
Who is the most intelligent person I know?
Who is the most supportive person in my life right now?
Who was the last person I texted?
Who would I like to go on a midnight adventure with?
Who would I love to randomly see this week?
Who would I really like to hug?
Who would I really like to punch?
Why am I grateful for …?
Why am I grateful for dad?
Why am I grateful for mum?


Music

A playlist for 12-year-old me
A playlist for throwback Thursday
A playlist for when I’m angry
A playlist for when I’m in love
A playlist for when I’m in the mood to party
A playlist for when I’m sad
A playlist of songs that I have on repeat
A playlist that makes me want to dance
A playlist that makes me want to sing
A playlist to inspire me
A playlist to listen to on the bus/train
A playlist with the classics
A song that really speaks to me
A song that was stuck in my head today
Bands and their logos
Song lyrics
What are the first 6 songs when I put my playlist on shuffle?
What song always brings a smile to my face?

Places

A place where the architecture made me want to wake up and see the city skyline every morning
A place where the customer service made me tip £100
A place where the memories were unforgettable
A place where the nature made me want to live in the middle of nowhere
A place where the people restored my faith in humanity
How to get to my favourite place
Places I have never been to but want to see.
Somewhere I want to go before I die
Somewhere I want to go before I turn 20
Somewhere I would rather be right now.
What are the popular places in town?
What is the worst place I’ve been to?
Where is my favourite place to shop?
Where was I born?

Lists

A list of every single song on the albums released by my fav bands

Every tom and jerry’s ice cream flavour (I want to try).

Places I would like to see.

Sounds I like.

Sounds I dislike.

Sports I like.

Star signs.

The first 5 things I saw on my way home.

The first 5 words that come to mind.

The main roman gods.

The main Greek gods.

Things I don’t own but like.

Things I want to buy.

Top 10 episodes to watch

Top 10 favourite quotes.

Top 10 movies to watch.

Top 10 people I want to meet.

Top 10 places in Manchester.

Top 10 restaurants I love.

What is the sentence on line 13 of page 23 in the book nearest to me?

What movies do I watch when I’m feeling down?

What tv shows do I always recommend?

What were my favourite tv shows as a child?

What words don’t seem real to me?

Wish list



Experiences/Memories

A memory in summer

A memory in winter

A memory with my family.

A memory with my friends.

I’ll never forget the day (a teacher) did this.

Memories from high school

Special moments I want to witness.

The story behind my first kiss

The story behind my last kiss

The stories behind my scars

What are the memories I never want to forget?

What is my saddest memory?

What is the first thing I remember?

What is the funniest thing I remember?

What was my most embarrassing moment?

What was the happiest day of my life?

What was the last concert I went to?

What was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed?

What was the most disappointing thing in my life?

What was the most nervous I’ve ever been?

What was the saddest day of my life?

When was I last scared for my life?


Letters

A note to my favourite teachers.

Dear _____, I would like to tell you.

Dear 5-year-old me.

Dear 10-year-old me.

Dear 13-year-old me.

Dear 15-year-old me.

Dear 16-year-old me.

Dear 18-year-old me.

Dear 21-year-old me.

Dear 25-year-old me.

Dear all the boys I’ve liked.

Dear someone I need to forgive.

Letters to my future children.



Questions to answer

A wise person learns from the mistakes of others – do I agree?

Advice to any if the new kids at sf.

Am I a bad loser?

Am I a good liar?

Am I a writer?

Am I an artist?

Am I good at giving advice?

Am I happy with myself?

Am I happy with the person I’ve become?

Am I the kind of friend I would like to have as a friend?


Books I always reread

Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Do I admit when I’m wrong?

Do I believe that people are capable of change?

Do I belong here?

Do I hold grudges?

Do I have trust issues?

Do I like confrontation?

Do I live or do I just exist?

Do I prefer to be on camera or behind it?

Do I really want a cat?

Do I trust easily?

Have I ever been bullied?

Have I ever been on a date?

Have I ever felt like I wasn’t enough?

Have I ever felt rejected by my friends/family?

Have I ever had a friend turn into an enemy?

Have I ever had a paranormal experience?

Have I ever had a public perception of me change from good to bad?

Have I ever had a song or poem written about me?

Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?

Have I learnt from my mistakes?

How am I feeling?

How do I find comfort when I’m sad?

How do I vent my anger?

How do I want to be remembered?

How could I avoid getting hurt?

How does a (any appliance around the home) work?

How I think will determine how I live – agree or not?

How would I define my sense of humour?

What am I like when I’m angry?

What am I most afraid of?

What are some things that stand between me and complete happiness?

What did I like about being a kid?

What did I want to be when I was younger?

What do I admire most in others?

What do I hate about sf?

What do I hate most about myself?

What do I love most about myself?

What do I notice first when I see someone?

What do I think about selfies?

What do I think about the most?

What do I think could be improved in the educational system?

What do I think people think of me?

What do I touch first when I stick my arms out?

What do I wish I didn’t miss?

What do I wish for every night?

What does a rainbow mean to me?

What fictional character do I wish was real?

What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

What is an experience that has made me stronger?

What is an item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?

What is my biggest dream and how do I plan on making it become a reality?

What is my biggest what if?

What is my greatest achievement?

What is my greatest failure?

What is my secret weapon to get someone to like me?

What is one aspect of myself that I feel confident about?

What is one thing I am interested in learning more about?

What is something that makes me feel vulnerable?

What is the best gift I’ve ever received?

What is the first thing I think of when I hear the word ‘heart’?

What is the hardest lesson I have had to learn in life?

What is the ideal age to be and why?

What is the most scandalous situation I’ve ever been involved in?

What is the nicest thing about a person?

What is the single best decision I’ve made in my life so far?

What is the single worst decision I’ve made in my life so far?

What makes a great relationship?

What makes me smile?

What motivates me to succeed?

What part of my life would I relive if I could?

What part of my life would I remove if I could?

What question am I afraid to tell the truth to?

What questions would I ask to get to know someone better?

What was I doing at 12am last night?

What was I like as a child and how did my personality change as I got older?

What was my favourite subject in school?What was the last lie I told?

What was the most ridiculous thing that made me cry?

What will I do in university?

What would I change about my sf?

What would I change about my life if you knew I would never die?

What would I change about the world?

What would I like to change this year?

What would I do differently if you knew that no one was judging me?

What would I do in the event of an apocalypse?

What would I have to see to cry tears of joy?

What would I want written on my tombstone?

When did I experience stage fright or nervousness in front of a crowd?

When do I feel most at peace?

When did I last send a handwritten letter to someone?

When did I not speak up, when I know I really should have?

When did I witness something controversial and had to keep it a secret?

When was the last time I cried?

Where do I see myself in 10 years’ time?

Where do I want to live?

Where is the best place to get pizza?

Where would I go if I got a plane ticket to anywhere?

Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?

Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?

Who do I miss the most?

Who do I need the most?

Why couldn’t I get out of bed this morning?

Why couldn’t I sleep last night?

Why do I hate insects?

Why do dogs hate me and I hate them?

Will you lend me a hand – how do I think this idiom got started?

Would I ever spread gossip?

Would people consider me a diva?

anonymous asked:

What are other books/series that you'd recommend that are in the same vein as Animorphs?

Honestly, your ask inspired me to get off my butt and finally compile a list of the books that I reference with my character names in Eleutherophobia, because in a lot of ways that’s my list of recommendations right there: I deliberately chose children’s and/or sci-fi stories that deal really well with death, war, dark humor, class divides, and/or social trauma for most of my character names.  I also tend to use allusions that either comment on Animorphs or on the source work in the way that the names come up.

That said, here are The Ten Greatest Animorphs-Adjacent Works of Literature According to Sol’s Totally Arbitrary Standards: 

1. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L’Engle

  • This is a really good teen story that, in painfully accurate detail, captures exactly what it’s like to be too young to really understand death while forced to confront it anyway.  I read it at about the same age as the protagonist, not that long after having suffered the first major loss in my own life (a friend, also 14, killed by cancer).  It accomplished exactly what a really good novel should by putting words to the experiences that I couldn’t describe properly either then or now.  This isn’t a light read—its main plot is about terminal illness, and the story is bookended by two different unexpected deaths—but it is a powerful one. 

2. The One and Only Ivan, K.A. Applegate 

  • This prose novel (think an epic poem, sort of like The Iliad, only better) obviously has everything in it that makes K.A. Applegate one of the greatest children’s authors alive: heartbreaking tragedy, disturbing commentary on the human condition, unforgettably individuated narration, pop culture references, and poop jokes.  Although I’m mostly joking when I refer to Marco in my tags as “the one and only” (since this book is narrated by a gorilla), Ivan does remind me of Marco with his sometimes-toxic determination to see the best of every possible situation when grief and anger allow him no other outlet for his feelings and the terrifying lengths to which he will go in order to protect his found family.

3. My Teacher Flunked the Planet, Bruce Coville

  • Although the entire My Teacher is an Alien series is really well-written and powerful, this book is definitely my favorite because in many ways it’s sort of an anti-Animorphs.  Whereas Animorphs (at least in my opinion) is a story about the battle for personal freedom and privacy, with huge emphasis on one’s inner identity remaining the same even as one’s physical shape changes, My Teacher Flunked the Planet is about how maybe the answer to all our problems doesn’t come from violent struggle for personal freedoms, but from peaceful acceptance of common ground among all humans.  There’s a lot of intuitive appeal in reading about the protagonists of a war epic all shouting “Free or dead!” before going off to battle (#13) but this series actually deconstructs that message as blind and excessive, especially when options like “all you need is love” or “no man is an island” are still on the table.

4. Moon Called, Patricia Briggs

  • I think this book is the only piece of adult fiction on this whole list, and that’s no accident: the Mercy Thompson series is all about the process of adulthood and how that happens to interact with the presence of the supernatural in one’s life.  The last time I tried to make a list of my favorite fictional characters of all time, it ended up being about 75% Mercy Thompson series, 24% Animorphs, and the other 1% was Eugenides Attolis (who I’ll get back to in my rec for The Theif).  These books are about a VW mechanic, her security-administrator next door neighbor, her surgeon roommate, her retail-working best friend and his defense-lawyer boyfriend, and their cybersecurity frenemy.  The fact that half those characters are supernatural creatures only serves to inconvenience Mercy as she contemplates how she’s going to pay next month’s rent when a demon destroyed her trailer, whether to get married for the first time at age 38 when doing so would make her co-alpha of a werewolf pack, what to do about the vampires that keep asking for her mechanic services without paying, and how to be a good neighbor to the area ghosts that only she can see.  

5. The Thief, Megan Whalen Turner

  • This book (and its sequel A Conspiracy of Kings) are the ones that I return to every time I struggle with first-person writing and no Animorphs are at hand.  Turner does maybe the best of any author I’ve seen of having character-driven plots and plot-driven characters.  This book is the story of five individuals (with five slightly different agendas) traveling through an alternate version of ancient Greece and Turkey with a deceptively simple goal: they all want to work together to steal a magical stone from the gods.  However, the narrator especially is more complicated than he seems, which everyone else fails to realize at their own detriment. 

6. Homecoming, Cynthia Voight

  • Critics have compared this book to a modern, realistic reimagining of The Boxcar Children, which always made a lot of sense to me.  It’s the story of four children who must find their own way from relative to relative in an effort to find a permanent home, struggling every single day with the question of what they will eat and how they will find a safe place to sleep that night.  The main character herself is one of those unforgettable heroines that is easy to love even as she makes mistake after mistake as a 13-year-old who is forced to navigate the world of adult decisions, shouldering the burden of finding a home for her family because even though she doesn’t know what she’s doing, it’s not like she can ask an adult for help.  Too bad the Animorphs didn’t have Dicey Tillerman on the team, because this girl shepherds her family through an Odysseus-worthy journey on stubbornness alone.

7. High Wizardry, Diane Duane

  • The Young Wizards series has a lot of good books in it, but this one will forever be my favorite because it shows that weird, awkward, science- and sci-fi-loving girls can save the world just by being themselves.  Dairine Callahan was the first geek girl who ever taught me it’s not only okay to be a geek girl, but that there’s power in empiricism when properly applied.  In contrast to a lot of scientifically “smart” characters from sci-fi (who often use long words or good grades as a shorthand for conveying their expertise), Dairine applies the scientific method, programming theory, and a love of Star Wars to her problem-solving skills in a way that easily conveys that she—and Diane Duane, for that matter—love science for what it is: an adventurous way of taking apart the universe to find out how it works.  This is sci-fi at its best. 

8. Dr. Franklin’s Island, Gwyneth Jones

  • If you love Animorphs’ body horror, personal tragedy, and portrayal of teens struggling to cope with unimaginable circumstances, then this the book for you!  I’m only being about 80% facetious, because this story has all that and a huge dose of teen angst besides.  It’s a loose retelling of H.G. Wells’s classic The Island of Doctor Moreau, but really goes beyond that story by showing how the identity struggles of adolescence interact with the identity struggles of being kidnapped by a mad scientist and forcibly transformed into a different animal.  It’s a survival story with a huge dose of nightmare fuel (seriously: this book is not for the faint of heart, the weak of stomach, or anyone who skips the descriptions of skin melting and bones realigning in Animorphs) but it’s also one about how three kids with a ton of personal differences and no particular reason to like each other become fast friends over the process of surviving hell by relying on each other.  

9. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar

  • Louis Sachar is the only author I’ve ever seen who can match K.A. Applegate for nihilistic humor and absurdist horror layered on top of an awesome story that’s actually fun for kids to read.  Where he beats K.A. Applegate out is in terms of his ability to generate dream-like surrealism in these short stories, each one of which starts out hilariously bizarre and gradually devolves into becoming nightmare-inducingly bizarre.  Generally, each one ends with an unsettling abruptness that never quite relieves the tension evoked by the horror of the previous pages, leaving the reader wondering what the hell just happened, and whether one just wet one’s pants from laughing too hard or from sheer existential terror.  The fact that so much of this effect is achieved through meta-humor and wordplay is, in my opinion, just a testament to Sachar’s huge skill as a writer. 

10. Magyk, Angie Sage

  • As I mentioned, the Septimus Heap series is probably the second most powerful portrayal of the effect of war on children that I’ve ever encountered; the fact that the books are so funny on top of their subtle horror is a huge bonus as well.  There are a lot of excellent moments throughout the series where the one protagonist’s history as a child soldier (throughout this novel he’s simply known as “Boy 412″) will interact with his stepsister’s (and co-protagonist’s) comparatively privileged upbringing.  Probably my favorite is the moment when the two main characters end up working together to kill a man in self-defense, and the girl raised as a princess makes the horrified comment that she never thought she’d actually have to kill someone, to which her stepbrother calmly responds that that’s a privilege he never had; the ensuing conversation strongly implies that his psyche has been permanently damaged by the fact that he was raised to kill pretty much from infancy, but all in a way that is both child-friendly and respectful of real trauma.  
8

“I’m reluctant at this stage in the game to expose you to new ideas, but having taught you all history on a strictly non-gender-orientated basis I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you how dispiriting this can be? Can you for a moment imagine how depressing it is to teach five centuries of masculine ineptitude.

Why do you think there are no women historians on TV? I’ll tell you why: Because history’s not such a frolic for women as it is for men. Why should it be? They never get around the conference table. In 1919, for instance, they just arranged the flowers, then gracefully retired. History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

And I’m not asking you to espouse this point of view, but the occasional nod in its direction can do you no harm.”

- MRS. LINTOTT (The History Boys 2006)

Inspired by my high school music theory teacher, who would always refer to writing inversions as “decapitating the snowman”… Happy holidays, and stay warm! :)

Now this one is LITERALLY true. In high school I had a pet apple named Tegan Pocahontas and it had a Twitter account and I preserved it in a jar of soap and hand sanitizer and carried it around school for weeks. My physics teacher (ISTJ) banned it from his classroom and at a student government meeting this girl (INTP) jumped across a table to try to throw it away and we got kicked out of the meeting.

Three and a half years later I still have what’s left of Tegan Pocahontas in a film canister.

Sometimes I think about my high school English teacher. She was a few years away from retirement but still too many years for her liking. She was completely fed with teaching. But instead of many teachers who are fed with teaching but try to hide it and just project their frustration of their students, she would joke about how tired she was of teaching all the time. Every Friday she would make a thank-god-it’s-Friday joke. Every Monday she would bemoan the fact that it was Monday. If she could spend the class hour doing something remotely adjacent to teaching but not teaching, she would seize the occasion, like showing the entire school the pictures she’d taken on the school trip.

On our last year, because of some rule of our school, we were supposed to have only one subject between English and Art at our final exams, and we as a class would be able to pick which one. We picked art so basically our English teacher found herself in a position where she could teach us, like, 1% of the program and it wouldn’t matter since we wouldn’t be examined on her subject.

So this woman with not a single fuck left to give spent almost an entire school year doing things like reading us letters written to Lord Byron by some lover of his (as you do), and, of course, showing us movies related to modern English literature (that I would illegally download and put on a DVD for her. She would call me her little pirate). The movies included movies like an adaptation of The Importance of Being Earnest (cute and harmless), Tess of the D’Urbervilles (an adventure. really try showing a bunch of eighteen-year-olds the movie Tess of the D’Urbervilles.) and fucking WILDE. You know what Wilde is? Well, it’s about Oscar Wilde. And it is about his relationships with men. And it’s, well, fairly explicit. Like, it’s not the kind of movie that one would think ‘mmm I’ll show it to a class of teenagers’. But did this woman give a fuck? No she didn’t. She just showed a class of teenagers a movie about men having sex with men like it was nothing. No one in the class made a single joke or mocked the movie, and afterwards she complimented us for being much more mature than she expected, which means she expected us not to be mature about it, which means that she just was ready to watch the world burn and she didn’t give a single fuck about it.

So this about-sixty-year-old woman had a lot of very Catholic kids, in Italy, in 2008/2009, watch a fairly explicit gay movie like the personification of a ‘deal with it’ gif and no one batted an eye