PSA about women walking alone at night
Hey, everyone! I was walking home late last night and I just felt like I needed to say some stuff. Yes, it is inspired by true events.
Dudes, let me give you some advice on how to interact with women walking alone late at night. This advice is intended to help you make them feel comfortable and safe from…yeah, you. And also for you to avoid getting your dick kicked into your chest cavity. My females, I’m putting out some tips that I learned from my daddy (who was a cop) that have helped make me feel safer while walking home. (Obviously subject to editing if people have some reliable source they’d like to share that contradicts what I’ve said. It’s about being safe, after all).
If you see a woman walking alone late at night, don’t walk behind her. If you’re going the same way as her, try crossing to the other side of the street, or making it really clear you are not paying any attention to her. If she looks back at you, politely say that you are keeping your distance and wish her a good night. If she stops to let you walk by her, it’s not an insult. It’s for her safety, because she has been trained not to trust men late at night. She is protecting her six, and if you’re a decent guy, you will let her. Don’t ask a woman you see walking late at night for a cigarette, a dollar, or to use her phone. Don’t say shit to her unless it’s to tell her to have a good night and be safe. If you see a woman being harassed, loudly offer to call the police, or just go ahead and do so. Don’t offer to walk her home, because that’s a familiar line and will put her instantly on the defensive. Instead, ask her if you can call her a taxi or contact a friend. If a woman gives you a dirty look when she’s walking home at 2 AM, please don’t call her a bitch. She’s protecting herself, and if you think she has that right, then just take it with an understanding nod, instead of acting like a fucking baby. If you’re a professional driver, don’t follow beside her slowly, like you’re casing her. If she needs a cab, she will make that obvious. If you’re a bouncer, and she is leaving your protection, give her advice on the safest ways to walk. If a woman asks for your help, and you consent to giving it to her, please be respectful of boundaries and make it clear you are not helping her for any reason other than to make sure she is safe.
Firstly, I know how fucking obnoxious it is to have to tailor your entire life to the sexual urges of predators. I know you just want to say “Screw this” sometimes and go out for a walk because why should you have to stay cooped up? I also know that sometimes, you can’t help it. Sometimes your ride ditches you and you don’t have cab fare. i am not going to lecture you, because you know what you’re doing.
So maybe instead I can give you some things you maybe haven’t thought of before.
1) Take off your high heels. If that grosses you out and you don’t want to carry spare shoes, carry a pair of socks in your purse (or your bra. Come on, they make great hoists) and wear them over your bare feet. I’ve seen those little rubber shoe things too, that look like flats…those are dope.
2) Avoid dark places. Even if it means you have to walk a little out of the way. You need to be able to see everything around your for at least a hundred feet, because a man can clear 100 feet at a dead run, very quickly.
3) Always look around, constantly. Predators want an easy mark, and if you’re paying attention, you cannot be an easy mark.
4) Pass by as many ATM’s as possible and look directly at them. They have continual activity on their cameras, so if you are snatched, the police can document your movements.
5) Only carry cards. If the place you’re going only takes cash, then have a specific amount and no more than that. The idea is to minimize incentives to rob you. If a man approaches you to rob you, and you have nothing to give him, he will likely leave at once, because he is usually nervous and doesn’t want to be identified, so be prepared to empty that bag out on the road and show him you have no valuables.
6) Should you have a weapon? Only if you know how to use them and are willing to do so, otherwise they end up being taken from you and used on you. Long range weapons like pepper spray are better.
7) Don’t talk on your cellphone in the standard way. I know you think that it’s a good idea, but the fact is, it distracts you and holding it can block your line of sight. A man can grab you and smash it and no one can track you. Instead, put it on speaker, tuck it in a pocket, and give constant location updates, if you feel threatened. Or prearrange a text appointment with someone who can call authorities if you don’t reply.
8) No music. Do not be that girl, walking in the dark, with her phone on a loud song to take her mind off the scariness of it. Music draws attention to you and distracts you. It can also mask noises of a confrontation.
9) If a man walks behind you, you have two options. You can put your back to a wall and allow him to pass by you, or you can cross the street. If he follows, find a public place immediately. If this isn’t possible, the fact is, he’s a threat. If it were me, I’d look him right in the eye and make sure he can see that I’m willing to kill. Don’t ignore a threat, and ladies, walking alone at 2 am means every man is a potential threat. Run, if you feel threatened. Who the fuck cares if he isn’t “actually a bad guy” or thinks it’s weird? Just ask yourself, “What if he is a bad guy?”
10) Be willing to drop everything in your hands. If there’s something you don’t want to leave in the street, shove it in your bra or your pocket.
11) There’s a lot of debate about how to deal with an attacker if it does happen. Some say to do what you’re told, and some say to fight like hell. I can’t make that decision for you, but you have to be aware, and try and understand the attacker. Ask questions. If you think they aren’t listening…it’s up to you. Personally, a guy better not try to put his dick in my mouth, because I will bite it the fuck off and see what happens, but thats me. Don’t go with him. If he has a weapon, then he is willing to kill you. So make the choice. If you go with him, you stand a much higher risk of never coming back, because in solitude, with no threat of discovery, he can do whatever he wants. If he wants you to leave where you are, it means that place is safer, so stay in that place.
12) Do learn self defense. If a man can hit you once, he can win. Learn how not to get hit. Learn how to get out of suppression holds. Learn what to do if grabbed from behind.
13) Minimize physical risk. Take off all jewelry, Ponytails are just convenient handles. (I had a friend get grabbed from behind by her ponytail and lifted off the ground, with a knife to her throat. She couldn’t get free because he had all her hair in one hand. Hair is VERY strong. So take your hair down, because if he can only get a handful, you can usually tear free, but if he has all of it, you can’t go anywhere.) Same with loose clothing or clothes with strings. Keys are weapons, rings are weapons. High heeled shoes can kill a man.
14) The cops will not be angry with you if you call them because you feel threatened, and it turns out nothing is wrong. They just won’t. In fact, I can think of at least ten famous cases where a woman called the cops because she was being followed and it turned out the guy was like some horrible rapist or murderer they finally caught.
15) You have the right to defend yourself. Better to be alive and dealing with assault charges than dead in a gutter.
One time I flipped a jogger upside down because he came up behind me really fast while I was walking home from work at midnight. He laid on his back looking up at me like “WTF DID I DO” and I just said to him, “Hey man, I am really sorry, but you scared the shit outta me.” And helped him up.
And you know what? He was totally cool about it. Said he completely understood and asked me what martial art that was. I told him it was Aikido and then offered to pay his cleaning or medical later if he needed it. He shook his head and goes, “No, ma’am, we’re good.” and jogged on.
I’m not telling you that so that you kick every man you see at night in the balls. Men have to walk home at night sometimes, same as us. I’m telling you that because women have been taught they have no right to be fierce. And they absolutely do. It’s better to defend yourself first and ask questions later, to run first and feel silly later, to strip down or button up first and let loose later.
Be safe. Women, be smart. And dudes…don’t take this personally. If you agree that women should be equals, then treat them with respect.