are in there as well

I’m grateful for the chance to have been able to spend moments of my life with you. I understand that it’s over, and I don’t hold any ill feelings towards you. I wish the best for you.

Affirmation of the day.

Dealing with a break up.

Since this popped up in a discussion on Twitter...

…. yes we sent Mads and Hugh their own copies of Radiance.

We thought it only fair since we’re all … using their likeliness, right 🙃

Bryan also got the copies he pledged for by now, and we sent them to Martha and Janice for their support, as well as Danny for being the absolute best.

(((Thankfully at least those arrived alright…)))

Shit that happened in the stream last night:

- Me attempting to sharpen my pencil with one hand and nearly breaking both my pencil and my phone

- Some sort of fucking political debate in the chat

- A lot of talk about how the British economy is crumbling around us

- Me talking about how much I love Chris for three minutes without stopping

- A failed first attempt at drawing Keith

- Erasing said Keith and the entire chat just losing it


Some sad and possibly obvious thoughts on Andrew Minyard and sweets

So we know Andrew Minyard had the Shittiest Childhood Imaginable™. This is well documented and well acknowledged. Major traumas all right out there. yup.

The thing is though, I think that in all the horror of it all, sometimes the smaller shitty things get lost.

Like the sweets.

One of the things that we know about Andrew is that he never had a good foster home. Not a single one in the entire time he was in the foster care system. Nobody who really cared for him enough to show him the kind of love and affection that kids need. The attentiveness that kid need. I’m guessing this means they ranged from the seriously abusive ones (which we know about), to ones that were just indifferent. That had a kid that they treated basically like furniture (which is also abuse). 

In my head this adds up to a little boy who was hungry more often than he should have been, and almost never got treats of any kind. There are SO MANY reasons not to give a kid you don’t really like sweets. It makes them hyper. It rots their teeth. They will want more sugar. It’s too much of a bother. It’s expensive. They don’t deserve it.

One of the things that we know about Andrew is that he’s very observant, and particularly dialed in to body language and human behavior (which is a skill he probably developed at a very young age to avoid getting hit/other similar shitty things). He also doesn’t forget anything. So my guess is he spent a lot of his early childhood watching other children eat ice cream and wondering why he couldn’t have any. And then his later childhood watching other kids eat ice cream and knowing damn well that he wouldn’t be getting any because there was no one and nothing in the world that cared about him and he was on his own.

Then we have adult Andrew who eats sweets like they are about to be taken away from him, every chance he gets.

The thing is, Andrew isn’t willing to acknowledge he wants things, but if they are put in front of him he will take them. He’ll kiss Neil and get into a pretty serious romantic relationship with Neil all the while denying that he has even the slightest interest in him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the good things in front of him. He’s just operating from a place of complete certainty that he doesn’t get to keep them. He’ll take the good thing in the moment. He just can’t plan for having good things in the future.

The nice thing about ice cream is it only exists in the moment so that isn’t a problem. Andrew isn’t willing to dream as big as a career, a future, a person who loves him, or really any of the things he used to be able to want. But he can usually buy ice cream and so he buys ice cream.