Why Diablo 3’s Imperius is a poor baby and justified in hating you all.
After playing through Diablo 3 a few times with Silas, I’ve found that I actually have a lot of sympathy for the archangel of valor. He hates humans, he hates them SO MUCH, but y’know…I can’t really blame him. I mean, just look at the shit he’s gone through.
Archangel Inarius: Imma steal the worldstone out from underneath the raging armies of heaven and hell and just fuck the Eternal Conflict and actually fuck Mephisto’s daughter yeah that sounds like an awesome plan how can this possibly go wrong.
Imperius: What the shit bro?!? No! stop that! Why would you—DON’T STICK YOUR DICK IN THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
That’s how it starts. And then Imperius sees the Nephalem, which are admittedly terrifyingly powerful halfbreed spawn.
Imperius: YOU REPRODUCED HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE OH EW EW EW EW EW EW KILL IT WITH HOLY FIRE.
And then, when Imperius is a little calmer, he actually tries to fix it.
Imperius: Okay guys, this is salvagable. Inarius, just come home, we’ll destroy your half demon abominations and pretend that this never–
Tyrael: What? No, genocide is wrong.
Auriel: Besides, they’re kind of cute and they could use their power to help us. Let’s keep them.
Imperius: Are you fucking kidding me.
And then he loses the vote to destroy the Nephalem, so he throws his hands in the air and is like:
Imperius: FINE! But we’re using the Worldstone to cage their freakish power. That way they’ll go from being TERRIFYING MONSTER CHILDREN THAT COULD MURDER US ALL to just being disgusting mutants and I guess I can live with that as long as I don’t have to see their stupid ugly faces UGH faces.
And that actually works for a while until Tyrael gets himself trapped and Baal manages to corrupt the Worldstone that the humans were SUPPOSED to be GUARDING.
And Tyrael’s solution was to SMASH IT TO PIECES. The thing that the hosts of Heaven and Hell had been fighting over since almost the dawn of time.
Imperius takes exception to this.
Imperius: You BROKE THE WORLDSTONE WHY. Tyrael. Tyrael you are grounded.
Tyrael: You can’t ground me! I’m grounding myself! *plummets to Sanctuary*
So at this point, Imperius has lost two of his archangel siblings and the entire Worldstone and it can all be traced to the humans.
But at least they’re still just useless worthless humans, right?
Except the Worldstone got smashed so now actual Nephalem are being born again.
Oh well at least the main three Prime Evils are dead and soul-smashed, right? Diablo is gone at leas–
Oh wait no, because Adria saw that coming and set up an elaborate trap and thanks to her and your Nephalem player characters Diablo is back. As all seven prime evils combined.
All of which Imperius learns about the time that Diablo shishkabobs him and smashes through the gates of heaven.
Imperius is already not having a good day. So it really shouldn’t be much of a surprise when the next assholes to walk through those smashed gates (while heaven is in the process of being slaughtered by the armies of hell) are a party of Nephalem.
So his reaction to you is actually pretty tame when you think about it.
Imperius: YOU. Get out. OUT.
Player Characters: Uh…no? We’re uh, we’re trying to help you with your Diablo probl–
Imperius: NO GET OUT I AM DONE WITH YOU THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT GET OFF MY LAWN.
Player Characters: Dude chill, we’re on a time limit here–
Imperius: I WILL FIGHT YOU!
And then, before Imperius can vent the rage and frustration he’s been holding in for thousands of years, Diablo smashes the crystal arch and Imperius crumples to the ground with his wings all tattered and broken.
And the player characters just walk over him on their way to the final boss.
Imperius hates you. He hates you so much and I cannot blame him.
And it just gets worse in the expansion.