Chrom vs. Marth

Purely for gits and shiggles.  Let’s see how many elitists I can piss off with this one.  :3

    • Starts his adventure fighting brigands to keep the people of his country safe.
    • Strong enough to break walls with his swords.  If you know anything about bricks and metal, you will know that that’s actually an incredible feat of superhuman strength.
    • Won two major wars.
    • Liberated two whole continents.
    • Defeated a country-sized dragon.
    • Prevented a zombie apocalypse.
    • Crushed an apocalypse cult.
    • Survived getting stabbed in the chest with lightning.
    • Starts the game with the Falchion and never loses it.
    • Became king of the ring.
    • Has the guts to ask women out.  None of whom are related to him.
    • Changed the course of history.
    • Only ever lost one key item (the Fire Emblem) and got it back within a chapter.
    • Endured the fires of the divine dragon Naga herself.
    • Personally recruited most of his army.
    • Made the self-insert fanfiction character that joined his army into a bro/sis for life.
    • Happy to rule justly over his nation, never trying to create a massive empire.
    • Legitimately descended from the first Exalt and has the Brand of Naga to prove it.  He’s so into proving it that he bares his arm for all to see.
    • Has at least one kid who grows up to be a time traveling badass who also never loses her Falchion and is strong enough to inspire her own army of companions.
    • If DLC counts, he also rescued a parallel universe from the same country-sized dragon and zombie apocalypse that threatened his world while both were at the height of their powers.  You know.  Just while he was in the neighbourhood.
    • Has the balls to show off his butt for all those ladies and gents and non-binary folks who like gents’ butts.
    • Saved the franchise.
    • Starts his adventure running away.
    • Loses the Falchion without any explanation.
    • Loses the Earth Orb without any explanation.
    • Loses the Starlight tome without any explanation.
    • Defeated a flightless dinosaur-sized dragon.  Twice.
    • Needed someone his girlfriend to recruit half of his army.  She never gets the credit for it.
    • Fucks his cousin.
    • Cannot tell that the tall blonde mounted knight in dark clothing who’s really good with a lance is the same tall blonde mounted knight in dark clothing who’s really good with a lance he fought two years ago just because he’s wearing a mask that doesn’t even cover up the entirety of his face.
    • Made the self-insert fanfiction character that joined his army into his personal dogsbody, without whom he would never have accomplished anything for.  And then gets the credit for all their deeds.
    • Somehow has all the queens of Archaneia just giving him their crowns and countries.
    • Is not Anri’s descendant at all despite everyone believing him to be.  He is just the descendant of Anri’s brother.  He never allows this information to become public knowledge, thereby proving that the royal house of Altia prioritise good PR over honesty.
    • Has inbred children and descendants who can’t hold his empire together.
    • Once upon a time, he had the guts to go without trousers/pants.  He now wears them, thereby covering up his legs and butt forever like a coward.
    • Started the franchise.  But couldn’t save it.
    Let’s Butcher Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (Part 1)

    Okay, enough arsing about. Let’s do this.

    We start a new game, natch, and we are immediately presented with the difficulty selection page.

    While I would normally be going for the Hard Mode we will actually get locked out of a certain character if we try to up our game. Why? Because of utter bongo-bongo dodo logic. So, yeah, we’re stuck on Normal for this playthrough.

    We’re not playing with tutorials, though, because I’ll be explaining the game’s mechanics as we go anyway.

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