april2005

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in Limbo.

4.26.‘05

Well I am back home. Here in the very dusty and windy city of El Paso freakin Texas. Today so far I think I have sneezed more than I have in my entire lifetime. Ugh. But hey, its home.

So yeah I’m back here with Daniel. Its nice, yet different. And this time its not me who is different. It is him. That thing that he had, that look that I saw every time he looked at me seems to just not be there anymore. I don’t know. Its just like I cannot get myself to believe that he is still in love with me. Then again its my fault. I’m the one who left, and I’m the one who ruined everything. But I just don’t know how to react with it yet. He still talks about being together. But if actions speak louder than words, these actions are screaming in my face.

AMDA and my loan company are stupid pieces of shit. C’mon you guys, wake the hell up. Get me to New York goddammit!

I miss my friends from LA. A whole goddam freakin lot. It will be hard not to be there. Its already hard.

Dude I just sneezed so hard i think i took a year off of my life. 
Well wish me luck. I have no money. I have no drive. And I have tons of inspiration.

Egg Salad BLT Sandwich, Minus the T, Plus Avocado.

This is another go-to recipe of mine. I originally got it from pinterest, but modifiied it to make it a little more calorie conscious. Also, I don’t like tomato on sandwiches but you can add it of course, if you want!

3 Large Hard-boiled eggs

3 Slices Turkey Bacon

1 Avocado

½ c. Baby spinach

2 t. Dijon Mustard

2 T. Mayo with Olive Oil

1 t. Red Wine Vinegar

Sandwich Thins or Pita Pockets (Watch the calories on these!)

Salt & Pepper

Keep reading

Chicken Sandwich with Side Salad

This is a newww sandwich recipe I have not yet tried. I made it for the first time Monday night and I’m trying it out today for lunch.

2 - 5oz. Cans Drained Canned Chicken in water

Mayo with Olive Oil or ½ individual cup Fat free Greek yogurt

¼ small chopped red onion

¼ chopped red pepper

Salt and Pepper

¼ t. Lemon Juice

½ t. Garlic Powder

Sandwich Thin or Pita Pocket

Greens for side salad tossed with olive oil and vinegar

1. Combine all in a small bowl. Serves probably about 3. With ½ pita pocket, 125 calories. Without, 95 calories. I made it with the greek yogurt because I alwayyyyssss substitute with fat free plain Chobani for sour cream and mayo in recipes.

Tools For Staying Accountable

Accountability is a funny thing. It’s necessary but difficult to achieve because it requires so so much effort. I think the key to any successful diet and exercise regimen is to adopt a state of mind that it is your new lifestyle, not just some thing that you do from time to time. Because let’s be honest, if you only commit 50% to a diet, you’re not going to see results. It’s also hard to stay accountable for your actions when the only person you’re accountable to is yourself. If you can find a Weight Watchers buddy or a spinning class partner, good for you. Really, that’s great. But some of us aren’t so lucky.

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15 Ways to Get Over a Breakup Like a Grown Ass Woman

I stumbled upon this article on my lunch break yesterday. I think it is very accurate and relevant to my life right now, so I thought I would share. It can be located hereee! But these are my comments:

1. Block or defriend him on Facebook - I just decided to deactivate mine.

2. Don’t immediately suggest to “be friends” - oops, too late. After much coersion, I caved. But I have no intention of following through…

3. If you feel an impulse to drink alone, call friends - I don’t. Most of the time I don’t think I have the energy anymore lol.

Keep reading

It rained today, as per usual. So I made soup.

I stole this recipe from Dr. Oz, whom I generally do not like very much, for the record. But that’s another topic for another day.

This recipe comes highly recommended because its super filling, tasty, healthy, and it didn’t take toooo long. I knew it wouldn’t be super fast, but it didn’t take me more than an hour. So:

Ditalini & Garbanzo Chicken Soup

8 oz. ditalini pasta (I used Barilla & 8 oz. was too much. Use like 4-6 oz. That’s ¼-1/3 of the box, NOT HALF!) - 8 oz. is 800 cal.

1 & ½ Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (thawed, duh) - 1 lb. is 512 cal.

8 cups College Inn Chicken Broth - 120 cal.

1 can Nature’s Promise Garbanzos - 420 cal.

4 cups raw baby spinach - 20 cal.

4 eggs - 280 cal.

1 T Olive Oil - 120 cal.

Parsley Flakes, onion powder, garlic salt, black pepper.

Keep reading

goodbye Los angeles.

4.22.‘05

AMDA year one is over. I head back to El Paso tomorrow. I see Daniel. Yet I leave people that I love here. I hurt. And I aspire. New York City is to be my home in two months. The sun sets. It shall rise again soon. In a whole new light.

running into a Parked car.

4.13.‘05

So there is a car at AMDA that has this metal bike rack in the back of it. Its a big black rack that sticks out from behind the car. I was walking to my friends apartment today, and as I was walking, I was looking through a book I had in my hands. BOOM. I ran face-first into the long metal bar sticking out from behind this car. Now it hurt, a little, but nothing serious. I felt pretty dumb and couldn’t help laughing at myself. And as I did i put my hand to my eyebrow to see if it felt bruised. Well, as I brought my hand back down there was blood on it. Great. Fucking great. So I quickly frolicked to my friend Sean’s apartment and went to the bathroom. A bubble of blood dripped from my eyebrow. I wiped it off and assessed the wound. As I pulled on it, I could seperate my skin about a half a centimeter. And it was deep. Shit. Fucking shit. So, I showed some friends and we decided that it was worthy of a trip to the hospital. Long story short, I ended up needing 3 stitches for my sliced eyebrow. It is quite sore now. Ouch.

And they say nothing exciting ever happens at AMDA.

But yeah, thats my story. Now go off, find a friend, and make fun of me. Good times are to be had.

year One.

4.7.‘05

April, 2005. This is where I sit as of right now. I am completing my second semester at AMDA. It has been quite an experience. I can say that I have grown. It is good. Half way done, and I couldn’t be more excited and scared and hopeful about going to New York for my second year. It seems to become more and more apparent that my talent, my purpose, my being- really is becoming who I am, and I am becoming it.

Daniel is graduating next month with his B.S. in Chemistry. He got an offer from some amazing friends of ours. They said that they really want him to go to grad school, which is not what he was going to do. Daniel was offered to live in the newest part of their house (an amazing house) in El Paso, which is a room off to the side of the house with its own little bathroom and kitchen (basically like an apartment) for free. No rent. Well, Daniel thought about it and did in fact decide to do it. He will be in El Paso for a few more years getting his Masters and eventually his PHD. I am happy for him. I love the damn guy. So much. And wish that somehow there was a way for him to be with me in New York, or even here in LA. But I cannot stand in the way of his life, and his goals. He didn’t stand in the way of mine. So we will remain seperated. Its hard. But I let myself believe in the idea that if we are meant to be, it will wait for us, and we will be together. I just don’t know. I just cannot be with him if we are in seperate cities. I cannot do long-distance. It hurts me too much. And I don’t know if that means I am a weak person, or a bad boyfriend. But I am selfish right now in my life, because it is finally starting to make sense to me. I am Alex David Jimenez. Nothing, not even my baby Daniel, can stand in the way of my dream. And he undersatnds that. Thats what makes me love him.

Nothing stops me now. Until the day I die I will fight to make known the piece of myself that I have to share with the world. It’s not about the red carpet. It’s about the people around the red carpet. It’s not about the fame. It’s about the people who make fame even exist. It not about me. It about what I can do for them. This is for them. This is for you.