no matter how long i’ve been playing or how high level i am or how rad my gear or how many healing potions i made in advance, it always comes down to frantically shoving apples into my gaping maw mid-battle
Hamilton characters as things said at my family reunion:
Alexander Hamilton: I don’t care if I blocked off my only supply of resources! It means I block off YOURS, and that means I win- Wait, I’m losing?
John Laurens: Where are we, San Francisco? These roads are somehow less straight than I am!
Hercules Mulligan: On the outside I look like the grumpy old troll from Dora, but on the inside I’m the grumpy old troll’s high maintenance cousin who can and will steal yo man.
Aaron Burr: Once, I pretended to be a Trump supporter so I could win Apples to Apples.
Thomas Jefferson: [was just told they have too much sass] Reporting live from Planet Obvious! Water is wet! You look like a freakishly tall poodle!
James Madison: I would like to give you some cards, but all I have are sheep, and I don’t want to give up a family member, so…
Angelica Schuyler: I’m not that talkative! It’s just that every time we get a chance to talk, our teacher singles me out because I was “talking too loud”! Like, no one told me screaming at a boy who said “maybe means yes” was unacceptable! So much for progression, am I right?
Eliza Schuyler: I brought Godiva bars for all of the cousins, but I ate five on the trip here, so I just decided it would be fair to eat the rest. I saved you the wrappers though!
Peggy Schuyler: Sometimes, I feel like the dog is more in control than I am.
King George: Of course I blocked you! I’m the wheat queen and I can do whatever the hell I want, bitch!
Maria Reynolds: Of course letting an eight year old sit in your lap in the front seat on the freeway is legal!