Red Pt. 5 [Jason Todd x Reader]
A/N:This took FOREVER but I finally made it! I’m not very proud of this part tbh, but I really wanted to get it up for all of you. Also, if you asked to be tagged and I didn’t, I’m really sorry! It’s been a while and I forgot most of the people I should tag…
Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader
Word Count: 2143
“So this is my place.” Jason announced half-heartedly, stepping aside to let you into his apartment.
You glanced around, studying every detail of the shockingly neat place in an attempt to spark a memory because you had apparently spent ‘so much time there it might as well be yours’ but you couldn’t recall a single thing. You sighed and glanced at Jason, shaking your head. The hopeful look on Jason’s face melted and his shoulders slumped.
“I’m sorry.” you said automatically, feeling that you couldn’t emphasize or say it enough times to make up for the problems you were causing.
Jason sighed and said, “I told you, there’s nothing to apologize for.”
“It’s just…” You hesitated. “I can’t help it. It’s just a feeling I can’t shake off.”
Jason brought your bags in the apartment and shut the door, saying, “it’s normal. Just try to relax and ease in.”
You nodded and immediately headed to the guest room, carrying some of your bags. When you turned to see if Jason was bringing the rest of your bags, you frowned as you saw his wide eyes.
“D-Did I do something wrong?” you asked, worried.
“How did you know?” Jason inquired.
“Your room. That’s… your room. How did you know?”
You opened your mouth to answer, but when you realized Jason had not shown you his apartment, and that you just knew where to go, your mouth closed and you stared at him, confused.
“I… don’t know. It’s just instinct, I guess?” you answered slowly; still unsure. Jason smiled, and you found yourself smiling too, for both of you knew it was the first real sign that there was something there, waiting to come out.
Now you were more grateful they made the decision to move you to Jason’s place for the time being.
“What do you mean I’m staying with Jason?” you inquired, sounding clearly unhappy about the sudden arrangement. “I do have a home, don’t I?”
“Yes…” Bruce Wayne said cautiously, “but we worry of your safety.”
“And being with Jason is the safest place to be?” you asked skeptically. It wasn’t that you have anything against the man, in fact you were sure you were comfortable with him, but it still slightly scared you to be sharing a home with someone you could barely remember.
“We know he won’t let anything happen to you.” said Dick. “Besides, you and Jason have a lot of history together, he knows you better than he knows himself, and he can help you regain your memories.”
“Still, I wish you consulted me beforehand.” you sighed.
Bruce gave you a sympathetic look. “It may be difficult now, but you’ll understand the benefits soon enough. Trust me, [F/N].”
“Here.” Jason placed a plate of food in front of you, and when you took a bite your face instantly lit up.
“This is delicious! You’re a great cook!” you complimented.
“They’re your favorite.” Jason said quietly. You looked at him, feeling a memory surfacing. You reached out to grab it, but just as you recalled a memory of what seemed to be you almost burning Jason’s kitchen down, it slipped away.
Seeing your concentrated face, Jason asked, “what is it?”
“Have I… ever burned your kitchen down before?” you questioned, the words sounding strange out loud. Jason laughed, and you were afraid that you said something wrong but then he nodded.
“Too many times to count.” he answered honestly, “do you remember?”
“Vaguely. It’s still very hazy, but I recall bits and pieces.” you admitted.
“It’s still progress though.” Jason shrugged. “Take your time.”
You nodded, but you couldn’t ignore the slight waver in his voice that occurred for half a second but was still there, or the way the light in his eyes dimmed, or how his shoulders were not tensed but were lowered more than usual. You couldn’t ignore the glint of pain, remorse and guilt in his eyes, laced with disappointment and fear.
You had began noticing it after the few times Jason came to visit, but with him you always saw the tiniest details of his actions, and you just knew exactly what it meant. When he scratched the back of his neck, he was flustered. When he ran a hand through his hair, he was lost. When he drummed his fingers, he was angry and finally, when he only gave small, simple answers, or when he was simply ignoring you, it was because he was trying not to cry.
It baffled you how you knew all these things within a click, but it told you just how well you knew Jason before your memories were ripped from you. It was strange at first; knowing someone inside out even when you claimed to have never met him before, but at the same time you couldn’t deny this sense of familiarity whenever you were by his side. It felt like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly, causing this wretched world to finally make sense. Despite the paradoxical sensation, being with him felt… right.
A wince echoed in the room as you carefully applied alcohol to the wound on Jason’s face. He glared at you, and a pout appeared on his face but he remained still.
“Jason, honestly.” you sighed, sounding like a mother scolding her child, “did you find it necessary to start a fight?”
Jason rolled his eyes, and tried to move but you gripped his chin tightly and moved his face straight back so he was facing you. “Don’t move.” you ordered.
After you finished treating his wounds, you said, “be careful next time Jason. You’re not a god, some day you might get seriously hurt.”
“[F/N], I’ll be fine.” said Jason, waving a hand to dismiss your concern.
You frowned and placed a hand on Jason’s cheeks, looking into his eyes with worry. “Jason, we don’t know what may happen in the future. Please, be more careful, if not for yourself, then for me.”
Jason looked at you and your worried gaze, then slowly he nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it, but only for you.” He smiled at you, a genuine, sincere smile that nobody but you really saw.
And your heart skipped a beat, but you managed to smile back.
As the days passed by, you realized that you were slowly beginning to regain your memories, though you weren’t sure how much you were remembering because most of them consisted of Jason. Was he part of every moment of your life? Or were you just recalling all your memories with him?
Sometimes Jason asked you if you remembered anything, but you always shook your head and denied the progress. You were afraid of giving him hope. It broke your heart seeing the look on his face when he first met you, and though it tore your heart apart to see that look of sadness in his eyes he tried so hard to conceal, you didn’t want to provide any false ideas.
The memories you gained gave you a mix of emotions. Sometimes they confused you, sometimes they made you smile, sometimes they flustered you greatly. As the memories came, strange feelings reawakened, feelings that were dormant when your memories disappeared.
The memories that confused you were mostly memories of treating strange, serious wounds Jason had on his body. You had seen him without a shirt a few times by accident, and though you took notice of his muscular build, you were more focused on the scars that littered his skin. There were small ones, large ones, of different shapes and sizes.
You were tempted to ask Jason about it sometimes, but you were somewhat afraid of the answer. You felt you knew, but you also had a feeling it wasn’t something you’d like to hear. This feeling of knowing, yet not, of just trusting your instincts, was a feeling you were used to now.
Jason often disappeared late at night. He always returned with some type of wound; a bruise, cuts, sometimes even wounds that suspiciously seemed like a gunshot wound, and what shocked you more was the fact that you weren’t… surprised by it.
The loud banging of your door jolted you awake, and you instantly reached out for the taser in your drawer. You silently crept through your room in the manor and opened the door slightly to see who it was, releasing a sigh of relief when you saw it was only Dick and Barbara.
You placed the taser on the table and opened the door with a smile. However, it melted away quickly when you saw the solemn look on their faces.
“Dick, Babs… what’s wrong? You look like someone just died!” you exclaimed, trying to lighten up the mood.
“[F/N]…” Barbara said slowly. You instantly disliked her tone. It scared you. “It’s Jason.”
Worry washed over you. “What is it? Is he kidnapped? Is he hurt? Is he poisoned, o-or in some kind of trouble or–” You sounded frantic, and your voice was shaking.
“He… we lost him, [F/N].” Dick said quietly. “The Joker took him and… we tried, but we were too late to save him.”
You froze, and with you time and space. This was your worst nightmare. No, not even in your wildest dreams did Jason ever leave you like that. Never in your wildest dreams was Jason torn from your life in just a blink of an eye.
“No…“ you breathed, the tears already falling from your face. You took a few steps back as you shook your head. “N-No… no. No.” You kept repeating the word over and over, refusing to believe it.
You felt Barbara’s arms wrap around your body, and you fought her. “NO! He can’t be gone! How could you lose him?! How could you let this happen?!” you demanded, tears of anger and sorrow streaming down your face.
When the rage finally left you, leaving only the emptiness of despair, you slowly gripped Barbara for dear life and wept like never before.
You gasped as you sat up, fully awake. You were panting heavily, your chest rising up and down as you tried to regain your breath. You were covered in a layer of sweat, sticking onto your body like a magnet.
You threw the covers off your body and stumbled into the kitchen, shaking despite the warm air. You poured yourself some water and tried to comprehend what you had just experienced.
Jason was dead. He had died, you were sure of it. But if he was dead… who was the man you were staying with? And why did the others treat him like he never ‘died’?
There could be a chance he never died at all and they made a mistake, but you had a feeling it wasn’t a mistake. He died. He was gone. He was gone and somehow, he was back.
You placed a hand on your head, the new memory that surfaced a little too hard to understand. It gave you a headache, and the need for the truth was eating you inside out. You needed to know what happened, before it drove you insane.
You quietly entered Jason’s room with the intent to talk to him. You knew you weren’t going to sleep again, and you wouldn’t be able to look at Jason without a million questions appearing in your mind.
You frowned when you saw Jason lying on the bed in a strange manner. You guessed he was exhausted, but the outfit he was dressed in was a little… more than strange. He was also still wearing boots, and his window was slightly opened.
You went to shut the window completely, but you tripped on something rather large and bulky.
You bent down and picked it up, the material feeling cool beneath your fingers. You brought it into the light, the moonlight reflecting on its ruby surface.
you studied the familiar helmet with curiosity. It was smooth and intimidating, with cracks and scratches and dents that told you it had been through a lot. What interested you the most was the redness. It was so brilliantly red, so beautiful and so…
Red was important. Red was significant.
Your eyes widened and you dropped the helmet, the sound of it hitting the floor ringing through the silent apartment. Pain burned in your head and you swayed, holding your head as the pain increased.
Then it came; memories pouring into you all at once. You remembered your parents, how they abandoned you, meeting Jason on the streets, surviving the streets alongside him, following him as he became Robin, the manor, Jason’s death and your depression, Jason’s revival, the Outlaws, and what happened before your abduction.
“Jason…” you whispered, your eyes filling with tears. As the pain became unbearable, darkness overtook your vision, and you fell onto the floor with a thud.