The Night Ahead (Part 1)
summary: bucky came out of cryostasis after just a few months. with the help of steve, he’s trying to piece the fractions of his mind back together. while flipping through old HYDRA files, he remembers something from his days as the winter soldier: you.
pairing: bucky x reader (sort of?? it’s complicated)
series contains: angsty angst, sadness, bucky reliving memories as the Winter Soldier, violence, people die a lot, bucky trying to cope, really awful translations of German, Russian, and Romanian (thanks to google translate i apologize in advance)
a/n: so like all my followers know what a pain in my ASS this fic has been. started off as a one-shot based off the song “house on a hill” by the pretty reckless, and has slowly mutated into a freaking series. this part is in bucky’s POV, but after this the rest of the series (save for one other part) will be in the “reader’s” perspective. there’s a lot of flashbacks in this fic, which is a new kind of thing for me. all flashbacks are written in italics and put in blockquotes. this fic is something new for me, so if you could leave me messages letting me know what you think i would be eternally grateful! also, if you like this fic, please check out my master list.
Bucky flipped through the files, trying to ignore Steve’s gaze weighing on him. Most of the folders were thin. There was maybe a page or two of mostly useless information. Possible aliases, possible contacts, and activities. It was all varied, and its accuracy debatable. There was only one thing each file had in common – every file, every person, was a HYDRA associate.
He tossed a file onto the table, his gaze lifting enough to unsurprisingly find Steve’s glacier blues focused on his face. Bucky held the look for a brief moment before he dropped his eyes and opened up the new folder. “I’m fine, Steve.”
I’m fine. I’m fine. After three months, the phrase felt almost like bile in his throat whenever he said the words. A simple expression that has transfigured into something pale and flat from overuse. Bucky had said it when he came out of cryo three months ago, when Wakandan scientists thought they had found a way to negate whatever HYDRA had put in him, only to have the experiment fall through. He said it again when his future was discussed, now that he was thawed and still a ticking time bomb. The possibility of going back into cryo was discussed, but Bucky refused because he was fine. And the relief he saw in his best friend’s face at the refusal was Bucky’s main argument every day since that he made the right decision.