aph:usuk

Four rich fathers go golfing.

One of them stays behind to pay the bill and the other three proceed to the first hole. While golfing, the three fathers start bragging about their sons.

The first father says, “I am very proud of my son Arthur; he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel and now he is at the top!  He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”

The second fathers says, “My son Ivan is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third father says, “Well, well, well - congratulations! My son, Ludwig, is also my pride and joy and is also very rich. He became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He built a mansion especially for his best friend.”

Then the fourth father catches up and they ask him how his son is doing.

The fourth father replies, "Oh, my son Alfred is gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shake their heads and say, “What a shame, you must be so unhappy! How tragic.”

The fourth father replies with a bright smile, “Oh no, I am not ashamed at all! Alfred is my son and I love him just as well; he’s my pride and joy. And he is much loved by his friends too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a Mercedes Benz, a brand new jet and a huge mansion from his three suitors?”

At the library
  • <p> <b>Person A:</b> *hiding behind a shelf* okay. This is it. You're gonna go up there, and talk to them and wow them.<p/><b></b> *peeks around shelf at person b who is looking at books*<p/><b>Person A:</b> Alright. Here goes.<p/><b></b> *walks up to B*<p/><b>Person A:</b> Hey I noticed the book your holding is one I've read, and I think it's a really good one-<p/><b>Person B:</b> *looks down at book they're holding* You've read......encyclopedia of earth worms?<p/><b>Person A:</b> ......yes? *inner monolog* *S H IT SHIT SHIIIIIIIT NOW THEY THINK YOU'RE A C R E E P. WAY TO GO BUDDY. TIME TO HIDE UNDER A ROCK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND LIVE WITH THE GOD DAMN EARTH WORMS. SHIIIIT*<p/></p>
IMAGINE YOUR OTP #12
  • Person A: Honey, you would never stop loving me right?
  • Person B: What?? Of course I wouldn't! Nothing could ever change that!
  • Person A: ……
  • Person A: I picked out all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and left all the brown stuff.
  • Person B:
  • Person B: YoU. LiTtle. ShiT.

Teacher: *Looks to see their student writing diligently during their class*

Teacher: Look at that student. Always so on top of things during lectures. What a great student they are.

Me, writing gay fanfiction: He leaned down to whisper sweet nothings into his boyfriend’s ear as one his hands caressed his lover’s inner thigh before traveling up further…