aph:britain

[Image: A picture of some of the British royal family at the queen’s speech in parliament, they are dressed in finery and medals, the queen is wearing her crown and a large red cape, they are sitting in golden thrones and surrounded by golden ornamentation]

Is there honestly any better picture to capture how horrific Britain is than this

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Possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen… “My son Jimmy has gone missing. Went up on the roof earlier, they fucking nicked him, raising him as one of their own. It’s just beyond a joke”. 

So my hometown is all excited because ‘Hollywood is coming!’. They’re going to film a Big Movie in our area, with Big Stars and lots of excitement.

But… The film is a post-apocalyptic piece. They’ve chosen our town because it has so many derelict buildings and basically already looks like it’s been savaged by some dystopian writer.

Everyone is so thrilled about it, we’re so chuffed that it’s cheaper to film in our shitty town than make an actual apocalypse set.

I’ve never been prouder.

How many of these foreign rapists live next door to any of these idiot left wing celebs? Oh right none of them.

British Lad Culture Translated
  • Cheeky Nando’s - spontaneous decision made by a group of British fuckboys to eat some grilled chicken
  • Banter - “witty” good-humoured, teasing jokes (please notice the word “witty” is used lightly)
  • Lad - basically a fuckboy
  • Ledge - shortened form of legend, son deserves your absolute respect
  • Shank - to stab
  • Shag - to have sex
  • Chunder - to upheave one’s inner contents, i.e. to vomit
  • Archbishop of Banterbury - deity of banter, the manifestation of banter in bodily form
  • Wanker - a term of endearment if you love someone you’ll tell them by calling them this