an oddly extensive list of aph bulgaria headcanons
  • his human name is Stephan Borisov. he was “born” around the seventh century.
  • he comes off as cool and aloof but he’s usually screaming on the inside
  • he’s a pretty heavy smoker. he tried to quit in the 30s but he started again in the 60s
  • we’ve all heard the yoghurt thing. but he’s so smug about it you can’t even imagine. do you think this is a game? think again, motherfucker
    • “wow, is that yoghurt? did you know that i invented that?”
    • the same thing goes for the cyrillic alphabet. them baby slavs ain’t got shit on him
  • he literally never wears shirts when he’s home alone. ask him why and you’ll get a halfhearted shrug
  • he is, objectively, the most fashionable nation in the balkans. are you wearing leather pants, romania?
  • he finds all of the nordics to be very attractive.
  • the younger nations tend to look up to him. meanwhile, he panics in a corner
    • what if they want to talk to me? what if i mentions something weird?
    • probably smiles awkwardly when small children stare at him. the fucker waves too. stop being so cute
  • he tries so hard to be a good person
    • his heart’s in the right place. his, morals, however…
  • he sleeps face down. it’s honestly a miracle that he hasn’t suffocated yet.
  • he looks to be in his mid to late twenties. yeah, he’s younger than england (23), but dude he had two empires. get on his level.
  • half the year he looks like vanilla ice cream, and the other half he’s tan af
  • his eyes are so green man they’re so fucking green
  • he’s not as well muscled as Actual Confirmed Bears™ Russia and Turkey but he’s still got the bod
  • he doesn’t really have all that many relationships outside of the balkans because this is europe. it’s hard to keep friends when everyone’s attacking someone else.
  • and relationships inside the balkans are…complicated
  • he and romania are “pals”, but they’re the type of “pals” who will fuck and then sleep on opposite sides of the bed
    • basically they’re dating but they’re both such dicks that they can’t be bothered to be nice to each other
  • he and hungary are like siblings. they hate each other, but in a friendly way
  • stephan would willingly throw serbia out a window, but will also defend him to the death.
    • it’s complicated
  • he’d rather not talk about turkey. they’ve got so many years of history. both good and bad (sorry, bad and bad), that’s it’s very hard to define whatever they’ve got. rn they nod at each other in a friendly way on smoke breaks and try very hard not to punch the other
    • it doesn’t work all that well
  • greece? who’s greece? i don’t know him?
  • all of the balkans band together to protect moldova. he’s so small and cute. u can’t touch him.
    • half the time they’re the ones scarring him with their weird fucking antics.
    • no, stephan, you can’t smoke when the kid’s in the room
  • outside of the balkans? he probably gets along with all of the former soviet bloc nations pretty well, though this is more out of a feeling of mutual sympathy than from actually liking them
  • his relationship with russia is just “stay the fuck away from me and i won’t kick your ass”
    • (he can’t kick russia’s ass)
  • honestly? he’s an awkward nerd who used to have an empire but just wants to eat yoghurt and watch anime nowadays
    • kids are too wild these days. back in my day we used to hit each other with sharp objects and fall asleep in trees

Serbia and Bulgaria’s relationship, plus the introduction to the Balkan wars. History of the Balkans is truly amazing; betrayal, drama and friendship keep going in circles.

I suppose this is the first part. The second will deal with the Balkan wars more specifically.

Hope you enjoy.

*In caaase anyone’s interested, the “Štip štipidi dip dip” thing in the first page is Serbia singing one of Bulgaria’s songs..It really was a popular song in Serbia at one point. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx5pMbUFoZM

*As for Macedonia, she did actually manage to fight off Turkey once, but unfortunately freedom didn’t last for too long.. Nonetheless, back then she was the first  republic in the Balkans! It’s an interesting topic and I’d love to do a separate post to portray it.

Balkan Road Trip
  • Croatia: spread out over the whole backseat and complains about people being in his space
  • Bosnia and Herzegovina: spends all their time finding new things to throw out the window, including the map
  • Slovenia: tries to be the boss of everyone and threatens to turn the car around but no one listens
  • Serbia: somehow starts World War 3 by sneezing
  • Montenegro: hides in the passenger seat the whole time listening to 80's pop and doing dot-to-dots
  • Kosovo: in the middle row asking continually if they can stop because he has to go to the bathroom again
  • Macedonia: the late night driver who is totally in control of everything and likes to keep the radio on at volume nine billion
  • Albania: gets his fingers slammed in the door by Slovenia and starts a huge fight in the CBA parking lot
  • Greece: finds a snail and secretly keeps him in a McDonald's cup, feeding him dandelions and cucumbers
  • Turkey: discovers Greece's pet snail and sets him free in the forest at 3 am, replacing the snail with a rock
  • Romania: puts himself in charge of all the money and "loses" it
  • Bulgaria: makes the whole car smell like cigarettes along with Serbia and has the incredible ability to find a liquor store anywhere
  • Moldova: sits up in the front with Montenegro and helps him with the dot-to-dots and cries a lot
  • Serbia: -at Macedonia and Montenegro walking away- Come on guys, we use to take baths together all the time!
  • Croatia: -snickers- Seriously?
  • Serbia: Hey, we all lived together at the time and it was a good way of saving water.
  • Croatia: Didn't Kosovo live with you at the time as well?
  • Serbia: Pfft, I didn't even bother giving that brat a bath! I tried once and gave up after 5 minutes of chasing him.
  • Turkey: "Knowledge" is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; "wisdom" is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Romania: That was deep.
  • Greece: "Philosophy" is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie.
  • Serbia: That was deeper.
  • Bulgaria: "Common sense" is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie, you nasties.