i have a soft spot for the war of austrian succession from the perspective of the french who saw the prussian alliance as a zero-sum game ( “travailler pour le roi de prusse”). for example, this call-out stanza from voltaire’s “ode pour la reine d'hongrie” [“ode to the queen of hungary”]:
par des nœuds étonnants l’altière germanie a ses puissants rivaux malgré soi réunie fait de l’europe entière un objet de pitié et leur longue querelle fut cent fois moins cruelle que leur triste amitié
tl;dt: how cruel the french-german alliance is that their friendship is a worse crisis inflicted upon europe than their conflicts… damn, voltaire, go in!!
Just think of them in their little uniforms and someone important walks by, Prussia’d be like “oh shit guys we better bow” so they all take their hats off and bow and fucking Prussia (being the lovable dork we all know) trips and falls and then Tonio is in the middle looking at him like “really mi amigo?” while Francis tries to stay in perfect formation and i just asdfghjkl;
Considering how much Spamano I’ve written, I think I’m qualified to make this list, because I’ve made plenty of awful mistakes before. Here is how you can avoid them. This list will also cover AUs, side characters like the BTT, Ludwig and Feliciano, and may be updated whenever possible. Please be aware of trigger warnings for self-harm in this post, since I’ve seen too many spamano fics deal with this as well (and deal with it badly.)
Spamano: What’s wrong with it?
I feel like Spamano is one of those pairings you can completely mess up. We’ve all seen it happen before. We have all done it ourselves. Consider this basic plotline:
Lovino Vargas hates himself and compares himself to his perfect brother Feli. He probably self-harms. Antonio waltzes in. Lovino hates Antonio at first. Then Antonio saves him from himself. Everyone is happy. The end.
The problem with Spamano is that most of the time, writers use Lovino’s apparent self-hate as a tool for romance. To put that another way, they portray Antonio as the only person who cares about Lovino, the only person who understands him, and the only person who gives him the time of day.
Unless your plot specifically calls for this kind of relationship, don’t portray it like this. Self-hate isn’t cute. It isn’t romantic. Antonio does not exist purely to satisfy Lovino’s self-confidence problems.
The most important thing is to portray Antonio and Lovino as two separate people, with their own personalities, their own dreams, their own fears, their own needs. Just like you. Just like me. They are people. Once you figure out their personalities, you can have endless fun writing extremely creative Spamano fics.