GUNS AND WORDS
  • Russia: What do you want? I have Beretta. Or a nice Walther PPK, same as your James Bond! No crease in jacket.
  • England: I’m British, Ivan. We try not to use guns.
  • Russia: Then what you use?
  • England: Usually a stern word or disapproving look does the job.
2

RUSAME – EXISTENTIALISM

“existentialism is about being a saint without god; being your own hero, without all the sanction and support of religion or society.” – Anita Brookner

listen

How Hetalia characters wake up

Japan: what a peaceful day, I hope today that I can relax and maybe take a nice bath and there’s someone in my house again….why is it always me?

Germany: *wakes up at 5am and goes for a power run*

Italy: Maybe if I just pretend I don’t exist…he won’t wake me up…

Russia: *snaps eyes open* oh, what a nice dream of taking over the world…

France: wait, who’s bed am I in?

China: *also wakes up at 5am* ugh, these stupid young people always wake up so late! They are wasting the whole day that they could use to be working!

England: *opens eyes, winces at light* what’s the point in living?

America: *throws of covers* GOOD MORNING USA!!! I’VE GOT A FEELING THAT IT’S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

Romano: God I hate everything, everyone just needs to shut the fuck up, the world needs to shut the fuck up, the sun needs to fuck off, and whoever keeps making that fucking noise I’ll kill them…

Spain: *wakes up at like 3 in the afternoon* oh, I woke up early today…

Canada: *Lays awake staring at the ceiling, contemplating* sleep. Pancakes. Sleep. Pancakes. Sleep……but pancakes though…

Ivan paces in his room. He’s been doing this for roughly an hour now, grumbling angrily in Russian, occasionally bursting out with some enraged exclamation. On the other side of the locked door, his sisters and the Baltics stand with their ears nervously pressed to the wood. Every shout, every slammed fist makes them flinch.

“S-so, what’s he mad about this time?” Toris asks, voice hushed in case his former boss decides then to acknowledge their eaves-dropping.

Eduard is blessedly calm in his response: “I think it was something Alfred did.”

“The idiot used big brother’s vodka stash as fuel for a fire.“ Natalia, meanwhile, looks downright murderous. "He wanted to put big brother on a quitting plan, despite big brother’s wishes.”

“Shhhh, I think something's happening!” Yekaterina says none-too-quietly.

Indeed, something is happening. Ivan, still taking deep breaths, turns on his phone and opens it to contacts. A dark aura around him, he presses the call button of one particular contact.

The phone rings.

“Yellow?”

Ivan smiles innocently. "Hello, Alfred.“

"Oh, hey, what’s up?” The American perks up.

“Not much.” His eyes slip closed in content. “Just looking through old knick-knacks. It's funny how many special objects get left in some forgotten box in some forgotten room.”

Alfred laughs awkwardly. “Uh, yeah, I guess I see what you mean? Like, why keep something if it’s just going to sit there and collect dust?”

“I’m very glad you agree with me.” Ivan raises a hand, a lit match delicately held between pointer finger and thumb. Before him is a pile of every last object of Alfred’s that had been left at Ivan’s house, whether mistakenly or purposefully.

“Out with the old and in with the new-”

“Whoah, whoah, can you hold on a minute? I’m killing zombies.”

“… What?”

Alfred scowls, speaking into his headset, “Kiku, I thought you said you were covering me?”

“I am. There are too many.”

“Well, make them stop existing!”

A sigh, “Alfred-kun, I’m trying.”

“Well, try harder!”

“Alfred?” Ivan’s eye twitches.

“Yeah, just give me a few. Kiku! I said to cover me! Don’t shoot me!”

Soft laughter from Kiku’s end.

“… You’re doing this intentionally, aren’t you?” Alfred groans, “Kiku, dude, my main man, quit it.

Seeing an opening, Ivan cuts in, “You mean like how you’re making me quit vodka?”

“You’re still pissed about that? Sheesh, talk about relentless.”

The dark aura grows.

Alfred lowers his controller, expression deadpanned. “Relationships need to be balanced. I gave up McDonalds, so you have to give up vodka. Deal with it.”

“Nyet.”

“Ivan.”

“It took me months to put together that stash!”

“Ivan.”

“Alfred, I will burn everything you love!”

“What, so you’re going to set yourself on fire?”

Ivan pauses.

Kiku’s heard muttering a “Lol, wut?”

“… Can you repeat that?”

Red-faced, Alfred swallows before starting, “I, um, I said, ‘what, so you’re going to-’”

Ivan throws the phone out the window.

Natalia slams the lock-picked door open. “BIG BROTHER, DID HE JUST-?”

I’m watching a special about Sweden’s neutrality during the World War One and the guy says:

“The king and the first minister reassured that Sweden will never join a war with Russia at his side.” 

Sweden really, really don’t like Russia. Lol. 

Another quote: 

“Germany tried to Sweden join them, promising the return of Finland.”