1 ½ cups AP Flour ¼ cup Light cocoa powder 1 Tbsp. Baking soda ½ cup Sugar ½ cup Coconut sugar ½ tsp. Sea Salt ¼ cup Coconut Oil, warmed 1 ½ Tbsp. Vinegar 1 tsp. Vanilla extract 1 cup Cold Water
Directions: 1. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, sugar, coconut sugar and salt until well combined. 2. In a smaller bowl, mix together the coconut oil, vinegar, vanilla and water until well combined. 3. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and mix until no lumps remain. 4. Pour into cupcake liners and bake at 350F for 18 min or until the cupcakes bounce back in the center. 5. Cool before frosting.
I know I kind of fell off the wagon these past few weeks, but I’m not here to give excuses, I’m here to give RESULTS!
If you look for it, you can find the Hylian language throughout many of the Legend of Zelda games on signs, gravestones, and sometimes even bottles. What you may not have been aware of however, is that, more often than not, the symbols are merely a cipher for Japanese or English writing systems and can therefore be easily translated! One curious example of this writing can be found inside the cafe on Windfall Island in The Wind Waker.
And so, dear readers, I have endeavored to create this Duku Nut Cake without any actual in game iteration or description. This is probably as far removed from canonical game food as I’m willing to get so let’s get to it for my final Zelda Month recipe!
Apples and Cheddar cheese are a classic flavour combination and work really well in these flakey scones. Sweet apples together with the sharpness of the cheese makes these scones a perfect sweet savoury addition to any breakfast, brunch or tea table.
Cheddar and Apple Buttermilk Scones
What you need:
2 cups unbleached AP flour
1 cup wholewheat flour
2 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp sea salt
¾ cup unsalted butter, chilled
1 ½ cups old cheddar, grated
¾ cup apples, diced
1 cup kefir, plus 1 tbsp for brushing
Fresh thyme and Ancho Chile powder
What to do:
Preheat oven to 425F.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda.
Cut the chilled butter into small chunks and add to the flour mixture and rub with fingertips until it resembles large flakes. Stir in cheese and apples. Make a well in the mixture and add the buttermilk. Using a fork, gently incorporate it in the flour just until combined.
Turn the dough onto a large piece of parchment paper and pat down into a large disk. Fold the mixture onto itself 4-5 times. Pat dough down to a ½- inch thick circle.
Cut out desired shapes with a round cutter and place on parchment lined baking sheet. Brush tops with remaining kefir and sprinkle with a pinch of thyme and Ancho Chile powder.
Bake until lightly browned approximately 20 minutes.
I’ve got homemade cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and for some reason I’m looking up cinnamon roll recipes to compare them all. Everyone says theirs is the best. This is incorrect. Mine are the best. Good day.
Of course I’m not gonna leave y’all hanging without a recipe. Just bear in mind that a lot of this - the type of yeast, measuring everything by metric weight, the longer wait time/method for rising - is based on the fact that I worked in a professional setting that often required cold-proofing our yeasted doughs for convenience. However, I think it really does wonders for the end flavor.
Behind a cut because I get wordy/mouthy with my recipes.
For the final MasterChef mystery box challenge at home we have: Chorizo, Rosemary, Asparagus, Orechiette, AP Flour, Ground beef, Grits, Canned baby corn, Garlic powder, White rice and Butter.
It’s my personal favorite basket, since the ingredients are all pretty versatile and don’t have the tendency to point to one specific cuisine. My submission is pretty simple and uses three of the above as its main components. Let’s get started:
PARISIENNE GNOCCHI AND ASPARAGUS:
1 cup water
8 tablespoons salted butter
1 1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3 large eggs
2 tablespoon chopped parsley
1 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
1 lb asparagus
1 1/2 tablespoon unsalted butter
Bring water and water to a boil in medium saucepan over high heat. Add in all the flour and stir with a wooden spoon until a smooth dough forms. Reduce heat to medium low and cook while stirring until the dough pulls away from the sides of the saucepan.
Remove pot from heat and add in the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition to prevent the eggs from curdling. Add in the chese and chopper parsley. Transfer the mixture to a piping bag fitted with a ½ inch tip.
Let mixture rest for 30 minutes at room temperature. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a simmer. Have a rimmed baking sheet ready on the side. Holding the bag over the boiling water, squeeze the mixture out and cut it off with a knife or scissor into 1-inch lengths and let them fall into to water. Continue cutting as many as you can in 1 minute, then stop.
When all the gnocchis have floated to the top, continue cooking for about 3 more minutes. Fish them out with a metal spider and transfer to rimmed baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and toss to coat. Repeat with remaining dough. Set aside to cool for another 30 minutes.
Trim and blanch the asparagus in salted water. Cut into bite sized pieces and set aside.
Heat the unsalted butter in a skillet over medium high heat. Add in the gnocchi and cook until brown and toasty. Add in the blanched asparagus and season to taste.
Grate some parmesan cheese or any cheese you like on top before serving.
This one started as a self-described “un-suggestion,” but I like a challenge so I thought I’d give it a try!
Of all the “improvements” the Pork Army has brought to Tazmilly, this new fast-food trend is amongst the most questionable. Sugary drinks, giant cheeseburgers, and an array of pig-based *achem* cuisine can be found in almost every shop and vending machine in the area. I even heard that this particular Pork Chips snack is standard issue for those in service of King P! Why anyone would want to recreate this greasy junk food in their own kitchen is beyond me, but the recipe on the back of the bag is as follows….
My first attempt at fresh pasta was an egg dough. After all, it is THE dough for fresh pasta. At least that’s what google tells me. And it’s “simple”. Just wazz it all up in your food processor and your good to go. There are a million recipes to choose from with varying amounts of salt, olive oil, water, egg yolks, whole eggs, AP flour, 00 flour, semolina… for something so simple, the variations are seemingly endless.
My first attempt at an egg dough was a complete flop. So was the 50th. It was always too tough to work with. No matter what recipe I tried. Sure I could put together a dough that was tasty enough, but I hadn’t found the right one.
Finally last year, I studied pasta in Bologna, the center for fresh pasta in Italy. The Bolognese egg dough is like a pillow. So soft and easy to work with, the perfect bite; everything about it is ideal.
The recipe is simple, straight forward, and never fails:
per person, 100g 00 flour, 60g liquid (egg + warm water if needed)
As in all things Italian, you must use the best ingredients you can find.
The only flour to consider is 00 flour. Period.
You want your eggs to be big and fresh with bright orange yolks. In Italy there are eggs at the market specifically for pasta. The closest I’ve been able to find in the States are Pete & Gerry’s beautiful blue Heirloom Eggs (available at Whole Foods). Sometimes even these beauties aren’t equal to 60g each, so just add warm water until you get there. I prefer to use the fontana method pictured here, but you can definitely use your food processor… if you must. But honestly, we aren’t making fresh pasta every day, pour yourself a nice glass of wine, and do it slowly, at a moment when you have the time. It’s a beautiful process, I promise you’ll enjoy it more this way.
Weigh the flour. Pour it directly onto your work surface. Burrow a hole in the middle— deeper rather than wider, go all the way to the surface so the walls are as high as they can be.
Measure your liquid and carefully place it in the middle. Using a fork, with care, beat the eggs. Once they are combined as you would do for an omelet, begin to grab a little flour at a time from the edges, and continue to whisk. Repeat this process of incorporating a little flour at time and slowly but surely you will end up with a gloppy egg mixture that begins to pull away from the surface and is now too thick to beat. At this point, you are done with the fork. Roll up your sleeves, grab a pastry scraper and with confidence, starting at the bottom of the flour, scrape up through to the top, to clean any wet ingredients from the surface. Use the scraper to mix further, continuing to scrape the surface and mashing up the pieces of the dough. Once you can bring it together with your hands, do so, set it aside and clean off your surface and your hands. You don’t want all those small, dry bits of dough in your pasta. They will only keep the final dough from being as even and smooth as possible.
Now, you knead. Set yourself up with a finger bowl of warm water— I personally also like to have a water spray bottle on hand. As you knead, midway through, the dough may become drier and harder to work with, as it will be exposed to the air for quite a while. If this happens, simply dip your fingers in the water and continue kneading. Dip too much? Sprinkle with a little more flour. It’s important to remember not to have the dough covered with flour, however tempting it may be. Unless it’s sticking to your hands or your work surface, you shouldn’t add any. You want to have traction when kneading, and more flour will just have you slipping and sliding all over your work surface and create a rock hard dough.
Please be aware, weather can play a part in this too. If it’s very warm and humid you will need less liquid. As the amount is difficult to determine, it’s easier to just sprinkle a bit more flour incorporating slowly as you go if necessary.
Don’t strangle the dough, massage it using the palm of your hand. Not sure what I mean? Watch this master Nonna, starting at 3:10. She is working with the gloriously simple semolina + water dough, but the kneading technique is universal. You can learn everything I know about that dough here.
Knead for 10-15 minutes. How can you tell when you’re done? Take a chef’s knife and slice the dough directly down the middle. If you see air bubbles, keep going (the one pictured needs 3 more minutes or so). What you want in the end is a seamless, smooth dough inside and out. When it’s ready, cover it with cling wrap and leave it out to rest for at least 30 minutes. If you will not roll out the dough within an hour or so, put it the fridge. It will keep for 3 days. When you are going to use it, leave it out for at least 30 minutes so it can come to room temperature. It will make your life much easier.
At this point you are ready to make tagliatelle, pappardelle, lasagna, filled pasta and more!
While I was eating it, I felt the wind in my long braids and the dirt on my face as I eke out a subsistence existence on the high tundra.
I looked around my house and was surprised not to see a mud-chinked log structure with reindeer walking around outside.
You could kill a man with this bread. Just so the bread could watch him die. And then the bread would laugh. Oh, how we would laugh, the bread and I, at the silly man who thought he could defeat the bread.
It’s super dense, with a rough grainy texture (because it’s made with rye flour, which is grainier than AP flour). The flavor is strongly honey - you don’t get a lot of the spices. It’s not a friendly bread. It is a bread that demands you subject it to high heat and tear into hunks with your bare claws, or smother it with melted cheese (a way it’s often eaten in Norway).
Bake it - if you dare.
Vossabia honningbrod (honey bread)
1 and 2/3 cups honey
¼ cup kefir (plain)
3 eggs, beaten
zest from 1 lemon
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
4.5 cups rye flour
1 tsp baking powder
Preheat to 300. Grease and flour a standard loaf pan. Add the honey to a large pot (like a soup pot or a Dutch oven) and warm it, just to loosen it up enough to be stirred. Remove heat when it’s well warmed. Add the kefir to the eggs and slowly add to the honey, whisking constantly. Add the spices and whisk well. Sift together the flour and baking powder and add to the wet mixture a little at a time, mixing thoroughly each time. You’ll end up with a stiff batter, not a dough.
Transfer to the loaf pan and bake for 60 minutes (my oven runs a tad hot so I wish I’d shortened by 5 minutes - the outside ended up a bit hard). It won’t rise much, just a little.
So about those Jacques Torres chocolate chip cookies. 😍Cake flour + bread flour in place of AP flour, and chocolate disks instead of chocolate chips to create layers of chocolate inside. This will be my new go-to recipe.
I figured I’d finish off this month of requests with something that almost seems like a rite of passage among video game food people such as myself. The famously dubious cake from Portal.
All memes aside this is actually a really delicious cake. It takes a lot of chocolate, but is perfect for special occasions or birthdays, which is one of the reasons I made it. (My friend even brought over his Wheatly plush to be in the picture!) I hope you have a chance to try out the recipe sometime because this really was a triumph.
Bacon Cheeseburger Pie (or: The Gift that Keeps on Giving)
This pie is based off of a recipe from the 50s, but tweaked mightily. It’s very filling, fairly cheap, lasts a while even for two people, reheats well, and can be eaten for breakfast!
2 c AP flour
½ c bacon grease (or if your bacon doesn’t render enough, top off your measurement with vegetable oil)
¼ c butter, frozen- either cut into cubes or (I prefer) grated.
1/3 c ice water
1/3 c shredded cheddar cheese
1 tbs milk or egg wash for extra crusty sheen.
1 lb ground hamburger, thawed.
6-8 strips bacon, cooked and crumbled. SAVE THAT GREASE, YOU’LL MAKE THE GHOST OF YOUR GREAT GRAMS CRY.
1/3 c shredded cheddar cheese
½ pack of onion soup mix (don’t add all of it or your pie filling will be a salt lick)
1 tbs Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp of allspice, paprika, or chili powder, depending on personal taste or availability.
1 bag frozen shredded hashbrowns, thawed.
Pre-heat your oven to 375 F/~190 C after you make the crust. This recipe is best made in a deep dish pie pan (got mine at Home Goods for $12, worth every penny). Before anything, cook or bake your bacon- rendering out that fatty goodness and making a crispy intermezzo for your filling.
Add the cheddar cheese to the flour in a large mixing bowl, then the bacon grease and butter. Use a pinching motion til the mixture resembles a small-lumped meal, then add the water. Don’t add more water than you need, extra moisture make chewy, unpleasant pie crusts! Refrigerate for an hour or freeze for 20 minutes before rolling out your top and bottom cheese-studded crusts. I like to decorate my top crust with cut-out scraps of dough in the shape of pigs: REMEMBER THEIR NOBLE SACRIFICE.
For the filling: Using your hands in a nature akin to a child playing in the mud, mix the hamburger, soup mix, Worcestershire, and spice. Pat into the bottom of your pastry-lined pie pan. On top of that, sprinkle a layer of bacon (the bacon and Worcestershire will keep your hamburger moist during the long bake time), then a layer of cheese, then finally, top it off with a healthy strata of hashbrowns. Lid that gorgeous thing up, cut some vents, and bake for 50 min- 1 hour. Halfway through, brush the top crust with milk or an egg wash if you’re into the whole aesthetic thing.
Let cool for at least 20 minutes before serving. I like it best with a smear of ketchup on top or topped with dill pickles. Be conservative with your slices- this is super filling and will last you a few days!
How do you make ur cinnamonrolls it looks amazing omg tell me the recipe
ooh prepare yourself anon, it’s gonna get craaaazy. (but actually these are super easy to make and the dough only needs to rise for a little over a half-hour)
Beautiful Cinnamon Rolls, Too Good for This World, Too Pure
¾ cup milk
¼ cup (4 tablespoons) butter
3 ¼ cups AP flour (I personally use a mixture of all purpose and pastry flour)
1 packet instant yeast
¼ cup white sugar
½ tsp salt
¼ cup water
1 cup brown sugar, packed
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
½ cup (8 tablespoons) butter, softened
A heaping spoonful of Charlie Cox smiles (the secret ingredient)
Heat the milk in a saucepan. When it starts to simmer, turn off the heat and put in the ¼ cup butter and stir until the butter melts. Let it cool slightly.
In a large bowl, combine 2 ¼ cups of the flour, the yeast, white sugar, and salt. Then add water, the egg, and the milk/butter mixture. Slowly add the remaining flour. When the dough forms, turn it out onto a floured surface (just fyi: your hands are gonna get sticky af so flour them as well) and knead for 5 minutes. Cover the dough with a damp cloth for 10 minutes.
In a small bowl, mix the brown sugar, cinnamon, and ½ cup butter.
Roll the dough out to form a large rectangle. Spread the filling on the dough. This is when you sprinkle with Charlie Cox smiles. Roll up the dough and pinch the seam to seal it. Cut into 12 equal rolls.
Place the rolls in a lightly greased 9 x 13 inch pan. Cover and let the rolls rise for 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Bake the rolls for 20 minutes. While the rolls are still hot, make the icing:
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon butter, softened
½ tsp vanilla
1 to 3 tablespoons of milk
Mix the icing together and spread it over the cinnamon rolls.
There you go! :)
Here are the smiles I used (a double helping of Matt Murdock, of course):
The end product should look something like this (before&after icing):
As a pretentious New Yorker, I take my carbohydrates very seriously – this includes both pizza and bagels. I have no shame in admitting as much. Just as pizza is not simply bread with sauce and cheese slapped on it, a bagel is not simply round bread with a hole in the middle. The ingredients and method used to create a realbagel are what sets it apart from that which you can buy at a grocery store or chain eatery (I’m looking at you, Panera + Einstein).
I couldn’t get a decent bagel in Utah, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. While this recipe is not perfect, it will get you about as close to New York bagels as humanly possible without building some of your own wooden bakeware.
The “secrets” to the New York bagel:
Overnight proofing – a lot of bread doughs require 60-90 minutes of rest. For the best bagel results, you need to allow for a retarded fermentation. In a refrigerator, the fermentation process will happen more slowly, allowing the yeasty flavor to better permeate the dough. It will also allow the water content in the dough to be more evenly distributed. I’ve tried a more conventional dough proofing process, and the bagels stunk. Don’t shortcut this.
Barley malt syrup – If you google bagel recipes, you will usually find that they call for a tablespoon or two of whatever sugar you have (typically either table sugar or honey). This is complete malarky. You need to use barley malt syrup. I have only been able to find it at Whole Foods, but I guarantee that without it, your bagels will just taste like rolls. If you’ve never had a New York bagel, you won’t care. If you have, you will notice that the taste difference is staggering.
Poach before you bake – Real bagels are poached (boiled) in a solution containing barley malt syrup, salt, and baking soda. This gives the bagels their chewy external texture and their lovely golden sheen. Lazy/commercial bakers will skimp on this step by either brushing the bagels with a baking soda/water solution or omitting it entirely. Fools.
There are a couple of actual baking techniques involving baking the bagels on wooden boards and such, but these are advanced and not wholly necessary tricks of the trade. Honestly, while I think they would improve my bagels’ quality, I am too lazy for the time being. That said, if you don’t have a baking stone, I suggest that you get one ASAP, because these really don’t turn out as well when baked on a metal baking sheet.
Now that you understand what will be required of you, feel free to proceed forth to my carefully crafted (with the help of my professional bagel-baking father) bagel recipe at your own risk.
She can always brine the chicken breast, slice it up into cubes, batter and fry them! Make chicken nuggets! :DD Brine: Salt(a lot) + water and any other seasoning; bay leaves, pepper corns, sugar, whatever you like! And let it sit over night. [or you can just use buttermilk instead of the brine solution for classic flavors] Batter: AP flour works nicely, and you can season the flour with salt and pepper. Coat each piece lightly, shaking off excess.