aosaw2014

Whatever You Need

Whatever You Need

 

Authors Note: Written for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D appreciation week favourite characters which are obviously Skye and Grant. This is kind of a sequel to “In My Corner” on the flip side of Skye being there for Ward this is him being there for her while facing up to his feelings for his rookie.

 

 “A soft sound
To the way that she wears her hair down
Covering up her face.
And oh what a let down,
And I don’t seem to be having any effect now
Falling all over the place.

But you’re losing your words
We’re speaking in bodies
Avoiding me and talking ‘bout you.
But you’re losing your turn
I guess I’ll never learn
'Cause I stay another hour or two.


(Settle Down, The 1975)

She’s singing at the top of her voice, as alt rock pours from the laptop on her bed, too wrapped up in the music to notice her audience but a small smile graces his lips at the sight of her. Simmons would have a fit if she saw her jumping around and dancing like this. She’s still in the med pod and he doesn’t think she’s familiar with the concept of bed rest. Her hands are in her hair as her hips sway to the music, he’s never heard of the band before some British group he thinks. She’s spinning around the room, he’s enjoying watching her so instead of letting the laugh that’s brewing fall from his lips, he stifles it by biting down on his fist. For a minute there things had looked bleak, his heart had shattered when he’d seen her lying in that bed connected to tubes and wires. The fact that she was now dancing around her temporary room was nothing short of mind blowing. And although she couldn’t sing, she sure could dance, he was sure she had all the guys chasing her when she hit the clubs.

Jealousy blooms in his stomach, an emotion he knows he has no right to feel, especially after recent events. She knew about him and May, he should have known, nothing much ever did get by her. She was so perceptive sometimes he felt like she had a hotline straight to his thoughts. After his relationship such as it was had ended it was Skye that rebuilt him, that brought him back from the edge. He still remembered there late night conversation after Lorelei had invaded his mind. He’d told that bitch things, he’d never told anyone, things he couldn’t tell the beautiful woman in front of him. For so many reasons he had to conceal his feelings, most obviously because he didn’t know if they were reciprocated, it was clear she cared for him. How much was anyone’s guess she was a walking contradiction an open book on one hand and a complete enigma on the other. There was also the fact that she was his rookie, he was her S.O. and S.H.I.E.L.D did not like relationships forming in the work place. The reasons for never bringing the subject up were endless but as he watched her lose herself in the music, saw the bliss on her face it was hard to remember what they were.

He’d been standing there for a while, so he adjusts his position trying to get comfortable but his foot kicks the door. The loud bang startles her; she clutches her chest with her hand, her other scrabbling to pause the music on her laptop. The silence is deafening as their eyes meet chocolate brown to hazel. His heart kicks up a notch, he’s been caught. He gives her an apologetic smile and her returning smile is like the sun, bright and warm and beautiful. It reaches her eyes and steals his breath; OK this not telling her plan may need some work.

“I thought I was busted” she laughs, when he looks confused she explains with one word “Simmons”

“Oh that’s right” he grins.

“You won’t rat me out will you?” she teases lightly.

“Never…It’s good to see you up and about” his voice is a soft caress. Her answering smile is shy, how very un-Skye. He muses on that for a while; she’s never been shy around him before even when she knows she’s in trouble. She climbs back into her bed pulling the covers up to her waist.

“Just in case” she winks and pats the chair beside her bed. He takes it without question, since the night he shared her little bed he’s come to treasure their talks.

“You must be desperate to get out of here” he comments just to fill the silence.

“You have no idea, I’m sick of bed rest and needles…but considering what could have happened…I guess I shouldn’t moan” then she’s distant like her minds left the room, he takes her hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes snap back to his and she smiles “Sorry, I kinda spaced out on ya for a minute”

“Skye, you don’t have to let everything roll off your back you know. It’s ok if you’re scared, angry even” then he repeats what she told him, words that have stuck with him, that he’s held close to his heart “You have feelings, It’s OK to feel them” his tone is tender, her eyes soften. She leans over and rests her head on his shoulder, sighing deeply.

“What idiot told you that?” she smirks.

“My Rookie” he chuckles.

“Oh yeah, what’s she like?” wow that’s a loaded question; he rubs his chin with his spare hand. His face is a mask of mock concentration as he weighs his answer.

“She’s smart, impulsive, kind, compassionate, reckless, a rule breaker, impossible at times but most of all she’s the strongest person I know” he hears her breath catch as she absorbs his words and he hopes he hasn’t freaked her out. He rests his cheek atop her head.

“Wow Ward” she’s touched her voice is thick with emotion “That was rather deep of you” he smiles against her hair “Should I alert the media?” she jokes.

“It’s the truth” he simply states.

“Thanks” she pauses like she wants to say something but doesn’t know how “I keep going over it in my mind…what happened. Mike and Quinn” she swallows thickly “I am scared, I’m scared that next time no-one will be able to save me. I’m scared for Mike, what they did to him, what they will do to him. I’m scared for Ace because Mike won’t be able to stay away from him; he shouldn’t have to see his dad like that and I’m scared for all the people the Clairvoyant has hurt, I’m scared we won’t be able to stop him.” her voice is broken, vulnerable. He feels wetness seep into his shirt; he should have known she’d be more concerned about others than herself. He strokes her hair as she pours her soul out to him.

“Skye I’ll do whatever I need to do so you feel safe, if you want to train harder we will OK. You know how I feel about Mike, I can’t forgive him for leaving you there but…we won’t let anything happen to Ace, as for the clairvoyant. We’ll get him, we will” he wraps a muscular arm around her and she leans into his embrace “I’ll…I’ll always take care of you, whatever you need” he knows he’s said more than he should but he doesn’t care. He wants to soothe her, to ease her mind like she does him.

“I know” she whispers “It’s just Mike, Coulson…Me, I keep wondering who’s next May? FitzSimmons? You?” she stammers as a sob escapes her.

“Skye you can’t do that to yourself” he shakes his head, she looks up at him her face is tearstained. He didn’t realise how close they were, his eyes lock with hers as a current passes between them. He strokes her cheek with his thumb wiping her tears away. The atmosphere in the room is almost stifling, if he leans in just an inch their lips will touch but…not right now. She’s scared and she’s vulnerable, he’s still fragile after his latest brush with Asguard’s most wanted. He clears his throat breaking the spell for now at least. “I can’t promise you that no-one will get hurt, I’ll never make promises I can’t keep but I promise I’ll do whatever I can to keep us safe” that he can promise her, nothing means more to him than her and the team.

She wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly, he enfolds her in a real embrace his arms a protective cage against her demons.

“Will you stay tonight?” she asks “I don’t want to be alone” he hears the silent plea. A small voice tells him he shouldn’t but he tells it to shut up, he’s sick of listening to it. He listened to it that night in Ireland and look where it got him.

He rises from the chair, an indulgent smile on his lips. She sniffles but he sees the watery smile she offers in return, she shuffles over making room for him. Kicking off his shoes he climbs in beside her, she rests her head over his heart and he wraps his arms around her holding her close. He feels her relax in his embrace, her sobs ease as she snuggles into him. Now may not be the right time to come clean to her but he can still care for her, still be here for her, be close to her like she is to him. She’s under his skin, in his bones, wrapped tightly around his heart, she always was and he can’t help thinking she always will be.

“Ward?” he voice is a whisper.

“Yeah” he whispers.

“Thanks”

“Whatever you need Skye” he kisses the crown of her head “Always”.

hey, tag buddies,

so last week was finals for me and then i spent a weekend visiting my parents, so I did not do anything but day one for #aosaw2014. i’m probably just going to do it on one week delayed schedule leading up to the actual episode on the 1st, if that’s cool with everyone who is still tracking the tag….if not, feel free to reblog/reply/send me a nasty anon message telling me I shouldn’t use the tag.

(if you do that last one i’ll probably ignore it and make like 36 posts in the tag a day; sorry. i’m deliberately contrary in the face of nastiness)

xoxoxoxoxoxo, 

cory

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Watch Over Me

Watch Over Me

Authors Note: The final part of the “Wrapped Around My Heart” trilogy, I hope you enjoy this one as much as the others.

I know it’s me that’s supposed to love you
And when I’m home you know I got you
Is there somebody who can watch you?

(Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You, The 1975)

It’s been a week since Simmons released Skye from the med pod, a week since things returned to normal on the bus. Or as normal as they ever are on a S.H.I.E.L.D mobile flying unit. They’ve resumed her training and as he promised he doesn’t go easy on her. She’s more determined than he’s ever seen her and every time she masters a manoeuvre or knocks him on his ass, he can’t help the pride he feels. Looking at her now you wouldn’t know she’d been so close to death only a few weeks ago, the scar on her stomach the only physical reminder. How she’s coping mentally though? He doesn’t know, like him Skye is very guarded when it comes to how she’s feeling. Sure she’s empathetic and compassionate towards others, when it comes to those around her she wears her heart on her sleeve. When it comes to herself she deflects and she does it well. As happy as he is to have her back, to watch as her combat skills grow, he’s worried. Worried that she hasn’t really dealt with what happened, other than their late night conversation she hasn’t mentioned it again. It’s not like he expects her to mope around the place, he knows that’s not who she is but he can’t help but feel she’s bottling her emotions and that is never good. He should know, he’s an expert bottler but these last few weeks he’s come to realise if he were more open about his feelings, the load he carries may just be that bit lighter.

He’s sure it’s her influence; no-one has ever been able to make him rethink his life like she has. She reaches him in places he didn’t know anyone could, he wouldn’t say he’s completely recovered from his ordeal with Lorelei but with her help maybe he’s getting there. As for his other problem, well he still has no idea how he’s going to deal with that. Since their first midnight talk he’s been able to admit to himself that he does care for her, a lot. OK maybe that’s an understatement, he probably most definitely is in love with her. He’d told himself now was not the time, they both had so much to deal with right now but in the back of his mind a little voice nags. Is there ever going to be a right time? He nearly lost her once; even with all the training he’d been giving her there are no guarantee’s in this line of work. Even the best agents got hurt just ask Barton or Romanoff. When he thinks of what could have been, his chest feels like it’s caught in a vice and his heart aches. To think that he could be here without her, not hearing her laugh or rolling his eyes at all her dumb jokes. It’s almost more than he can bear, he doesn’t want to go back to being the man he was before. Haunted by his past, closed off and downright cold sometimes, he likes who he’s become. For the first time in a long time he feels valued, like he belongs and she’s a big part of that. As much as he cares for his team, could he stay without her? He doesn’t know what he does know is that it’s getting harder not to tell her.

Especially since he craves her company now more than ever, he’s only spent two nights in her bed but he misses her embrace. The way she lays her head on his chest, the peaceful look on her face and the way she sighs in that contented way as sleep claims her. Usually when he shares his bed there’s sex involved but with her although yes, he’s thought about it, so sue him he’s a guy and she’s beautiful. He’s content just to hold her, to have her near, it’s her presence he craves not just her body. It’s the deep connection they share; he can be himself around her, he doesn’t have to hold it together like he does with the others. They’re equals he knows he can confide in her, take comfort in her or simply just be with her and he can offer the same to her. He finds himself gravitating towards her bunk each night, he tells himself it’s just to check on her. Just to reassure himself that she’s OK, that he didn’t lose her but deep down he knows why he goes. He goes because every night he gets closer to telling her, every night he’s drawn to her. Mostly he sits by her door like a centenary watching over her as she sleeps, he’s aware this is probably a little creepy and he should just tell her. The only thing that stops him now is the thought that she doesn’t feel the same way. He knows she cares for him, she’s proven that on more than one occasion and they’re most definitely friends now. But is she ready to take the next step with him? Does she want too? It’s his fear of losing what they have that holds him back and his fear of losing her altogether that demands he come clean. He’s stuck in an endless stalemate and that’s how he finds himself propped against her door yet again.

It’s just after one in the morning and the rest of the team are sound asleep, the bus is silent, he really should go and get some rest. His lids are heavy and if he’s not careful he’s going to fall asleep against her door. Just as he gets to his feet he hears it, she’s screaming, without even thinking about it he opens her door. Her bunk is almost in complete darkness only a sliver of light from the now open door prevents it from being pitch black. She’s covered in cold sweat, tangled up in her blankets, talking in her sleep pleading desperately with an invisible tormentor. “Please No” she begs, she’s terrified. Her voice is broken, he moves towards her, he needs to wake her up. She’s obviously having a nightmare, it’s not surprising he’s had a few in his time, even recently but he shakes that away she needs him. Tears stream down her face and she cries out again “Please don’t hurt him, I’ll do anything…please” she’s reaching towards someone or something. He flips on the lamp by the bed hoping it might rouse her but no luck. Then he hears it and he has to check to make sure she’s still asleep “Grant!!!” her voice somewhere between a scream and a sob. Crouching by the bed he strokes her face gently, he knows you’re not supposed to wake someone suddenly from a night terror. What he hears next breaks his heart because it confirms his suspicion about what torments her, it’s the same vision that torments him “Please don’t leave me, you have to hold on. You can’t leave me. I love you…please don’t go”. He does the only thing he can think of to reach her; he talks to her hoping that wherever she is she hears him.

“Skye I’m here, it’s not real OK you’re dreaming. You have to wake up, you have to come back to me because…I love you too” OK not how he’d envisioned telling her but she needs to wake up now. Oh to hell with this, her sobs are almost hysterical now. He picks her up out of the bed and sits back down with her in his arms; cradling her to his chest he rocks her. Whispering soothing words into her ear, he feels her stir and her sobs quieten it’s working “Come on Skye, come back to me now. I’m here OK, I’ll always be here” he kisses her temple tenderly. She jerks awake in his arms, looking around wildly till her eyes lock with his and realisation hits her. Then fresh tears fall, she buries her head against his chest as all the pain and heartache she’s been holding onto pours out of her. He lies them down on the bed, never letting go of her as she trembles in his arms. Holding her close, he strokes her hair.

“Shhhh” he soothes “I got you”

“I thought I lost you, he shot you and there was so much blood. I tried to stop him…but I…I couldn’t” he can barely make out what she’s saying but he got the gist before. Her voice is thick with tears, his shirt is soaked but he doesn’t care about that, he only cares about her.

“It was just a dream, I’m right here Skye…right here” as if to reinforce it to her he holds her tighter.

“But it felt so real” she stammers, looking up at him through tear stained lashes.

“I know but it’s not OK, it was just a nightmare” he breathes because he knows how real it feels. He wasn’t there when she was shot but his mind does a pretty good job of conjuring up the scene. She does something he doesn’t expect, she kisses him her lips a tender caress against his. He freezes it’s not like he doesn’t want this, in any other circumstance he’d be on top of the world but she’s incredibly vulnerable right now. He’d never want to take advantage of her; he knows what he heard but still…

“Skye I…” he starts.

“I’m sorry” she whispers “I just had to know I’m not still dreaming, I had to know I didn’t lose you”

“It OK” he offers her a small smile.

“I know you probably don’t feel the same way” she smiles sadly. What?! Fuck this he’s not having her think that, not after everything that’s happened.

“Skye I…I Love You. I just… you’re upset and…” he doesn’t get chance to finish that thought because she kisses him again. This time it’s not a chaste kiss, this time it’s raw emotion her lips are insistent against his. His body does the thinking for him this time; he responds kissing her deeply his tongue slipping through her parted lips. She moans against his mouth. She breaks the kiss to look at him, her smile is watery but it’s there.

“You Love Me?” surprise colouring her tone.

“Yeah” it’s barely a whisper.

“Grant…I…” he can tell she’s trying to get the words out but oddly he doesn’t need to hear them again because he already knows. He was just so worked up before he didn’t see it, how could it be anything else but love between them. He smiles at her reassuringly and then presses his forehead to hers.

“It’s OK Skye, I know, you don’t have to say it if you’re not ready. This isn’t exactly how I planned to tell you” he laughs softly. She nuzzles his nose with hers.

“How long?” she asks quietly.

“Since the first time I slept beside you…or at least that’s the first time I could admit it” she nods.

“You know when Quinn…when he…you know. All I could think about was you, how I’d screwed it up between us and I was never going to be able to put it right. I tried to get to you…” he strokes her cheek gently wiping away her tears just as he did the other night but this time he does press his lips to hers. He doesn’t want her to think that, they’d both made mistakes, neither of them were perfect but it doesn’t matter not when they’re together.

“Stop” he’s stern “don’t do that, don’t ever do that because what happened before it doesn’t matter. None of it matters you don’t have anything to prove to me Skye. Everyone makes mistakes god knows I have” he laughs bitterly remembering his ill advised fling with May, the way he treat her after Miles, the way he spoke to her under the berserkers influence. All the things he’d said and done to push her away before. If she could ignore all that and she had ignored it all, then he’d never hold Miles against her again. “All that matters is us that we’re here together, now. That’s all I care about and maybe that’s selfish but you know what? I don’t care, I love you and all those reasons that I had before that said we couldn’t do this. They don’t matter either because I can’t fight against this anymore. I don’t even want to try. We both screwed up but we’ve been given a second chance most people, they don’t get that. I’m not going to blow it this time”. The conviction in his voice astounds even him, she’s speechless she just looks at him for a moment and then she smiles. Really smiles and the affect is breathtaking, she’s always been beautiful but when she smiles like that she stops his heart.

“You’re right, this is our second chance…let’s not screw it up this time OK? Because I…love you and I can’t lose you” all he can do is beam like some lovesick teenager. All he’d planned to do tonight was watch over her but here he was with her snuggled in his arms. He wished they could stay like this always, that he could hold her close, protect her from the world but he knew he couldn’t.

“Me either” she rests her head over his heart like she always does when he lies with her.

“Will you stay with me?” she murmurs sleepily. He smiles against her hair he’s glad she asked because he really didn’t want to leave her; he kisses the crown of her head gently.

“Sure” he whispers, he feels her smile against his chest “Whatever you need, remember. Always”. His fingers trail along her back, lulling her to sleep. She needs rest; they have plenty of time for talk in the morning. It doesn’t take long for sleep to pull her under, for a while he just watches her sleep. Thinking he has to be the luckiest SOB in the world to have the woman he loves in his arms knowing that she loves him too. He’s not some naive kid he knows this won’t be easy but it’s worth the risk, she’s worth the risk. He has a lot of regrets, probably more than anyone person should but he’ll never regret telling her this. He feels himself drifting into contented sleep, the weight he carries on his shoulders just that bit lighter with her by his side.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D appreciation Week Day 2 - Favourite Episode: The Magical Place

For me this was the strongest episode so far thanks to amazing performances by Clark Gregg and Chloe Bennett. As the team battle to find Coulson, Skye is forced to go off book when Victoria Hand orders her off the bus. Using tricks that Neal Caffrey would be proud of to follow the money trail that will lead her to Coulson.

Meanwhile Coulson who has been captured by the Clairvoyants henchmen is subjected to a rather strange machine. It helps him tap into memories of his time in “Tahiti”. What he discovers shakes him to the core. The repercussions of his discovery are likely to be felt at least until the end of this series. Especially now that Skye herself was given the life saving drug after being shot in 1x13. Coulson being Coulson always knew something wasn’t quite right about his miraculous recovery but he wasn’t prepared for the answers he found. The Clairvoyant unable to see what S.H.I.E.L.D used to resurrect Coulson is very interested to help him find the answers. Using Raina’s charm to gain his compliance.

Once Skye has tracked down Coulson’s location her team are there to back her up. Much to Victoria Hands disapproval and their are two possible reasons behind this 1) she thinks they are wasting their time or 2) She doesn’t want them to find Coulson, I think the show wants us to question her loyalty. Which given the link in with the marvel cinematic universe as a whole makes sense. Even more so when several agents loyalties are brought into question.

Once in the right place Ward and May do their usual kick ass thing to fend off the centipede soldiers. Whilst Skye goes hunting for Coulson, when she finds him he’s lost in a very painful memory. This scene between the two is the hands down best of the show, it’s touchingly beautiful. There has been a father/daughter relationship brewing between the two from the very beginning. I’ve always thought that Coulson see’s himself in Skye. They are both dedicated to the people they care about, compassionate and not afraid to break rules when necessary. Skye pushes him as well to see things he maybe doesn’t want to and like with Ward in 1x08 she has the ability to reach him, in dark places. Personally I think it’s Skye that is the lynch pin of the team, she’s the one that holds them together. Not with physical strength or extreme intelligence but with heart and soul.

Coulson saved and Raina captured the episode ends with the knowledge that the clairvoyant is still out there. That S.H.I.E.L.D have a lot of dark secrets and that Skye’s loyalty is no longer in question. Her tracking bracelet is removed with Coulson’s heartfelt thanks.

Coulson: I heard what you did for me. I think it’s time that we remove this. [speaks to bracelet] Disengage bracelet. 
Skye: Are you kidding me?
Coulson: I though you like that