anywhere-but-home

I look at the hummingbird and the way she gracefully flies…”teach me,” I say. Teach me of the way you calmly rest upon a branch, unknowing if it will break. Yes, you are light, but your reliance on God is heavy. Oh little hummingbird, tell me why you settle in the tree when you have the whole world to journey through? You are small, but your wings are mighty. “Go,” I say to the hummingbird. You have this vast land all for you to soar through, yet you stay nestled right where you are. I watch you flutter your beautiful wings in all directions, flying forwards and backwards, but you always come back to this same spot.

The hummingbird looks back at me and responds, “while I am able to fly anywhere, this is my home. Yes, there are larger trees with more room for me to nest, but I am happy with this tree. Yes, there are many more beautiful places to go, but I am pleased with the beauty that surrounds me here. I am able to fly wherever I want, but I choose to stay…”

“It bothers you, doesn’t it?” Matt asks, chest heaving. He knows he shouldn’t press this, has absolutely no right to, but he can’t stop. “When I’m with Elektra. When you see me with her.”

Foggy is upset, uncomfortable, embarrassed; a flash of red and heat and quick, shallow breaths. “I don’t need this right now,” he says, grabs his coat and heads for the door, but Matt— god, how he wishes he could listen to that tiny part of his brain and just, stop— steps back and blocks Foggy’s path. “Matt.” It’s quick and sharp, barely precedes the hurt and wetness like flimsy saran wrap.

Foggy’s crying. Matt bites the inside of his lip until he tastes copper, lets that and Foggy’s tears remind him why he’ll never deserve Foggy. Selfish bastard, says the voice that promises to keep him company tonight, but Matt wills it into background noise, because he’s got more pressing matters at hand. “Foggy, please.” Matt swallows. He doesn’t deserve to utter his name. “I need to know.”

This is random but last year my dad got kind of shitty about Jake going to their house for our “family” Christmas like just with me and my parents and my brother. But my mom was like, “No, I’m making an entire turkey, Jake needs to come and help us eat it.”

My mom just texted me and said dad wanted to make sure I knew that Jake is invited to their house for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year :)

Missing
  • Missing
  • Evanescence
  • Anywhere But Home
Play

Evanescence – “Missing” (Anywhere But Home, 2004)

Please, please forgive me
But I won’t be home again
Maybe someday you’ll look up
And barely conscious you’ll say to no one
Isn’t something missing?

You won’t cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won’t try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you love me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me
But I won’t be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won’t try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you love me
I’m all alone
Isn’t someone missing me?

And if I breathe, I’ll bleed
Knowing you don’t care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I’ll wake without you there
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something…

Even though I’m the sacrifice
You won’t try for me, not now
Though I’d die to know you love me
I’m all alone
Isn’t something missing me?
Isn’t someone missing me?

Farther Away
  • Farther Away
  • Evanescence
  • Anywhere But Home
Play

Evanescence – “Farther Away” (Anywhere But Home, 2004)

I took their smiles and I made them mine
I sold my soul just to hide the light
And now I see what I really am
A thief, a whore, and a liar

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

I’m numb to you
Numb and deaf and blind
You give me all but the reason why
I reach but I feel only air at night
Not you, not love, just nothing

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

Tried to forget you
But without you
I feel nothing

Don’t leave me here
By myself
I can’t breathe

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

I run to you
And run away from this hell
Call out your name
Giving up, giving in
I see you there
Still you are
Farther away

Farther away
Farther away
Farther away
Farther away
Farther away