anyway i'm probably gonna go drown in fic and cry for a while

Sinking Deep (Evan Hansen x Reader)

A/N: Hey all! Here’s a new fic! requests are open. please send some. I'm gonna be bored out of my mind tomorrow. anyway, hope you enjoy, love you all!

TW: depression, a-hole parents, maybe cursing? I forget.

Request: “ Request!!! Can I get a evan x Reader fic where Reader hides their emotions and sadness with happiness to try and focus on evan? But evan finds out and comforts Reader? Thank ilysm!!!! I have notifs on💖💖” Thank you for the request. hope this is what you had in mind. this means so much and love you too!

The world was drowning around and you didn’t know where to go or who to turn to. Your boyfriend had enough problems you didn’t want to add onto those. He crossed over to you and smiled. You put on a fake but realistic smile and hug him, “how are you doing?”

“Well. Only a minor breakdown last night.”

“That’s progress.” You say halfheartedly.
“You sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting weird all week. You think I’m weird don’t you? You want to break up? Look, i-it’s fine if you do… I’ll be okay…”

“Evan, it’s not that. I’m okay. I have to get to class. I’ll see you later?”

He nods and you walk to your class with dread. You hated lying to him, but it was the only way.

You try to take the notes in class to class, but you’ve been feeling so apathetic that you can’t even bring yourself to do that. You ask the teacher to go to the bathroom, where you stay for the last couple periods of the day.

_
“Hey Con, do you know where (Y/N) is? She said she’d meet me after school here and she’s not here.”

“No clue Evan, she went into the bathroom in math and I haven’t seen her since.”
“Do you think she’s still there?”

“Probably.”

Evan was starting to get really nervous about you and started panicking.

“Do you have any idea why?”

“Nope. Maybe drugs? Apathy?”

“I doubt that. She’s always cared so much about school. What the hell could be wrong?”

“Why don’t you go talk to her and ask her? I can’t answer all your questions about the girlfriend you have that I barely.” He could tell that Connor was getting annoyed.

“I will, bye Con.”

_

You didn’t know how long you’d been in there but you knew it’s been a while. You hear the door open and you hug your knees closer to your chest in the stall, hoping they don’t notice you. They knock on your stall for a moment, “someone’s in here.” You put your head down in between your knees and chest. You didn’t want anyone to see you look like this.

A pair of arms suddenly pull you close to them. You look up and see your boyfriend almost in tears as he holds you close. Goddamnit. You try to push him away but he keeps his grip on you tight, “I-I’m fine Evan. Really. Let’s just go home.” He nods and helps you up, “I’m driving.”

“I told you, I’m okay.”

“You keep saying that and don’t believe. People who are okay don’t stay in the bathroom crying all of last period.”

He helps you into the car and you look down. You hated it when he was right. You honestly didn’t know what to do anymore.

The drive home felt like an eternity, you walk upstairs and sit on the bed, still looking.

“(Y/N), please tell me what’s going on? I’m worried about you. This clearly isn’t nothing. Please, I want to help.”

You curl into him and he wraps you in warmth and security; something you’ve done for him a thousand times. He rubs your back and tries to soothe you.

“I-I’m sorry…”
“For what?”

“I… I don’t know… I just am…”
He nods and kisses your head, “can you maybe talk to me about what’s going on?”

You nod, “I just… I’ve been feeling down lately… the school psychologist says it’s probably depression but she can’t do anything about it since she well, she’s not a real therapist. My mom doesn’t believe in that kind of thing so I’m just kind of stuck. I didn’t want to say anything since I know you have issues of your own and I didn’t want to add to them.”

“Oh (Y/N), this isn’t adding to it at all. I just want you to be okay. Is there anything I can do?”

“Get my mom to think that mental illness is a real thing?”

He chuckles, “how about I put on your favorite movie and we cuddle instead?”

“Done”