I will bet you all of the fifty-two cents in my pocket that Bruce has to resort to picking up his Robins by the cape when they’re misbehaving on patrol. Like you see Batman and Robin after they finish tying up the Joker and Batman clearly wants to leave, but Robin is busy trash talking Joker about how the purple suit was never in fashion and he’s seen cats who could rob a bank better than he can. And then you just see Batman sigh heavily before walking over, grabbing the kid’s cape, and dragging him away muttering something about being home in time for dinner or else Alfie will be pissed.
Highschool au where Jason leaves romantic book quotes in Tim’s locker almost every day, hoping that Tim’s smart enough to figure it out. Tragically, Tim is a clueless loser and thinks someone’s leaving love notes to their girlfriend in the wrong locker.
Things that happen after the Bat-family has seen the Lego movie:
They all go see it a second time. Several of them see it a
third time. Jason and Damian have each seen it five times.
Stephanie and Tim painted “Buttmobile” on the back of the Batmobile. The Batwing and the Batsub were given the same treatment. They both agreed that hand-washing every car/ all-terrain vehicle that Batman AND Bruce Wayne owned was a fair price to pay for it.
Jason and Damian will try to one-up each other with incorporating
movie quotes into their daily life. Unfortunately, for everyone around them, this leads to the unironic use of phrases such as:
“I’m blushing super hard under the mask” “No, it’s snake clowns!” and “Woohoo, I’ve been parented!”
Update: “Woohoo, I’ve been parented!” is always accompanied by a refusal to do whatever said parenting referred to.
Oracle is now referred to solely as ‘Puter. Dick falls over
laughing when Bruce accidentally says it on patrol.
They memorize all the lyrics to the song at the beginning of
the movie. The phrase ‘in the darkest night” will result in an eight-part
harmony and impromptu dance party. Even during patrol. Especially during
patrol. Double especially while fighting any number of villains. Tim can’t sing
but he beat-boxes to it.
The password to the Batcomputer was set to: IronManSux. Nobody will confess to it.
Dick has gone around to every camera in Wayne Manor and
whispered “Hello secret camera” to it.
Robin’s cape was coated in yellow glitter. Stephanie claimed
innocence. Cassandra didn’t even try to hide the glitter on her hands.
“Computer, overcompensate.” Is now an official command in
all auto-pilot systems. The Riddler laughed so hard he didn’t even try to stop
them from dismantling his techno-bomb the first time Duke used it in battle.
Bruce Wayne is asked no fewer than nine times on National Television if there is any truth behind the rumor that he and the Dark Knight are in a relationship.
Everyone took turns sliding across the dining room table.
Alfred was not pleased.
Update: Being called Grandpa by all of them restored Alfred’s
Bruce has been called Padre seventy nine times and counting
in the three days since they saw the movie. They have a bet going for who he
calls “hijo” first. Most of the money is on Dick. Stephanie thinks it will be her since she makes a point of calling him Padre twelve times a day. Damian steadfastly refuses to
believe it will be anyone but him.
Update: It’s Jason. He’s in a state of shock for forty minutes
after Bruce ends a lecture with, “So just… stop threatening government officials hijo.”
There’s a post-it on next to the elevator up to the manor that
says “to Batman’s attic.”
Joker sets up an enormous, ridiculously elaborate death trap
that puts all of his previous death traps to shame. Batman is fighting his way
out, but they’re all trapped and it doesn’t look like there’s any way out but
then everything freezes and Joker dramatically lowers down on a moving platform
and makes a big show about the whole “greatest enemy” thing and obsession and being the object of Batman’s hatred and it’s basically a summary of all the movie lines and
Batman just… sighs and shakes his head because of course Joker has seen it too
and what else can he really say at this point his kids are in trouble and he
just looks at Joker and says “I hate you” with as much feeling as he can manage
which is a struggle because he’s just so tired why couldn’t they have made a
lego Flash movie???
there’s an entire musical number based on mishearing a word (”I said ENGLAND!”)
Christian Borle plays basically every ensemble character
“My name is Lancelot. I’m big and strong and hot” *taps butt with shovel*
“Become a knight and you’ll go bald!” “Become a knight and you’ll go bald!” “In suspenders and a bra!” “In suspenders and…. a bra..???…”
“I saw a lady in a lake-” “dead?”
EXCAILBUR!! ahhhhh AHHHHHH!!!! *music stops*
“Please reveal to this Doubting Thomas-” “Dennis.”
Sarah fucking Ramirez
“The Song That Goes Like This” being a perfect parody of just about every musical ever made
The absolutely fucking ridiculous expressions on Christopher Sieber’s and Sarah Ramirez’s faces
“Now we’re into E! … that’s awfully high for me.” “Everyone can see, we should have stayed in D.”
“For this is the song that is too loooooooong!” *yells at orchestra director* JESUS CHRIST, GOD DAMNIT
Sir Not Appearing In This Show(Don Quixote: “Oh sorry”)
“Why do they call it the middle ages when nothing yet comes after it?”
“What happens in Camelot, stays in Camelot.”
“Knights of the Round Table” keeping the silliness from the film intact
Patsy clapping the coconuts together because Arthur can’t tap dance
Lady of the Lake being a Vegas lounge singer and she pulls out a ridiculous microphone
“We’re knights of the round table, round table, round table!” (point to roulette table to make sure the audience gets its) “round table, round table, round table!”
The knights trying to spell out “Camelot” and spelling “Cameltoe” instead
John Cleese cameo
The lack of a fourth wall (”These people don’t have all night!”)
“The quail!” “No, grail. The vessel used at the Last Supper.” “They had a bot at the Last Supper?”
“God the Almighty and All Knowing has misplaced a cup?”
“We must look within ourselves.” “SOMEBODY’S SWALLOWED IT!”
“No body’s swallowed it. It’s a symbol.” *symbol crash**glares at orchestra*
“Find Your Grail” actually being a banger and a damn inspirational song all at once
The Lady of the Lake going all Mariah Carey on “Find Your Grail”
The Lady of the Lake holding a grail and standing inside a larger hand holding a grail
the two knights wrapped up in the background scenery and spinning around to make the the canvas move and change scenes
Galahad doing a clog dance when it’s the Alps
The “Scooby stack” when the French knights stick their heads out the door to investigate the giant rabbit
*French taunter speaks French* Other French taunter: … what?
The French people including a mime and Eponine
The French taunting being much more taunting when in song form
"Feche la can can dancers!” *screaming*
The musical keeping up with the double casting from the movie and certain knights are just inexplicably gone for some scenes
“Have a drink and a pee, we’ll be back for act threeeee!” “Two sir.” “Twooooo!”
“Dark and very expensive forest” *cha-ching sound effect”
Because of course “Always Look On The Brightside” is a tap number
Patsy being King Arthur’s sidekick and wanting to cheer him up
The Knights Who Say Ni joining in for a little kick line
Robin’s Minstrel (also played by Christian Borle)
“Arms for the poor! Arms for the poor!”
The mechanics of the Black Knight suit so he can have all his limbs cut off onstage
“You must put on a musical!” Sir Robin: YES! *minstrel band jump into place*
But not an Andrew Lloyed Webber!
David. Hyde. Pierce.
A 10 minute long musical number making as many Jewish jokes and references as possible
THE FUCKING BOTTLE DANCE USING HOLY GRAILS
“Hey!” *points to a bale of hay*
(honestly the use of visual puns in this deserved a Tony of its own)
The pure saltiness of “What Ever Happened to My Part”
The plot point of Lancelot being gay comes from the movie where Lancelot “rescues” Galahad from the girls in Castle Anthrax and Galahad just goes “bet you’re gay” and that’s what led to this whole plot point and a massive dance number that ends with Christian Borle in a fruit hat
(seriously tho we have all these fandoms who insist that their characters are gay (cough dear evan hansen cough) but it isn’t cannon when Lancelot is right here, there’s a whole dance number about it)
“How are we going to get to Broadway? It’s 1000 years in the future in a country that hasn’t been discovered.”
“I”m all alone. There’s no one here beside me,” Patsy walks up like wtf
“Sure, I’ve been offstage forfar too long”
“Actually I’m Jewish on my mother’s side.” “Why didn’t you say?” “It’s not the sort of thing you say to a heavily armed Christian”
THE KNIGHTS USING THE COCONUTS AS FREAKING CASTANETAS AND DANCING TO “AMERICA” FROM WEST WIDE STORY
Sir Robin shitting his pants and excusing himself aka the complete lack of trying to hide the fact that Sir Robin also plays Brother Maynard
the overall hilarious “low-budget” special effects, like when the ensemble knight’s head gets cut off by the rabbit
“No, skip a bit” *Brother Maynard skips* (again the visual puns)
The rabbit puppeteer being revealed and running offstage
“Oh Lord, we’re a bit stuck with the clue things. Would you give us a hand?” (literal hand of God comes down)
Lancelot in a flower crown
“Just think Herbert, in a 1000 years time, this will still be controversial”
“And I too have found my grail!” “WHAT’S THAT?” “Musical theatre!”