any beer

Random Thoughts

Compiling my thoughts this morning and thinking about the day ahead. And the one thought that comes to my mind….

I’m happy to be alive.

Sometimes I can get caught up in all of the negative and bad things that I experience in a day. And sometimes I forget an important thing…

I’m happy to be alive.

So today, I’m trying something new. Thinking of the things that make me happy.

My family. My friends. My pets. My writing. A stranger’s simple, “Hello.” Puppy’s breath. A baby’s innocent cry. The rain. An ice cold glass of beer. Any type of grilled food. A laugh. A song. A lyric. And most of all…

The fact that I’m alive.

© andprose 2017
Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

The Fight

Warning: Angst


Dean was pissed.

 The car drove silently along the dark, empty road. Not even the sounds of Zeppelin played in the background. His knuckles were white. You knew you were in for it when you got home. You knew that you two were going to yell at each other until you were blue in the face and you were more than likely spending the night in your old bedroom. You had been spending a lot of time there recently. You were starting to wonder if maybe you should move your stuff back in there.

 You and Dean had been fighting more and more these past few months. It was about anything and everything. You didn’t pick up any beer. You forgot to pack an extra shirt and now I’m stuck giving you mine. It was everything. He had just started flirting with bartenders when you went out after hunts. It was only a matter of time until he forgot all about you.

 You were hurting. Dean was the love of your life. He was there for you when you needed him the most. He made your heart race and your knees weak. He brought out the best in you and sometimes the worst. He challenged you in the best ways. Now? Now it felt like you were the last thing on his mind unless he was pissed at you. You no longer felt like you were the girl he loved. You felt like it didn’t matter if you were there or not. You fought so much that you’d rather that than face life without him.

 Dean pulled into the garage and cut the engine. You were out of the car faster than you ever had been. You forgot about your bags and headed straight in, Dean hot on your tail. You weren’t ready for this fight. You weren’t ready for any of them. But this time, you were so close to your breaking point. You couldn’t handle it today. You didn’t want to have this fight. You wanted to feel your boyfriend’s arms around you, and just for once. Just once, have him tell you that everything was going to be okay.

 That was wishful thinking.

 “What was that back there?” he started, shrugging his jacket of his shoulders.

 “I made a mistake,” you admitted.

 “A mistake? You nearly got yourself killed Y/N!” he raised his voice.

 “Yeah I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” you practically whispered.

 “That’s what you said last time,” he scoffed.

 “Dean, I really don’t want to fight,” you said softly. “We fight all the time. Can’t we argue about this tomorrow and just go to bed?”

 “Fine. Don’t wait up,” he practically growled, grabbing his jacket. He was headed to the bar.

 “Dean!”

 “What?” He rolled his eyes.

 “What happened to us? We never used to be like this,” you breathed out.

 “You knew how hard this was going to be before we started-”

 “Of course I did, Dean! We’re hunters. We don’t know if we’re going to have tomorrow or not but that’s not what I meant. We never used to fight like this. Now it’s like every conversation we have, it turns into an argument,” you started. “Is this not enough for you anymore? Am I not enough for you?”

 “Can we talk about this later?”

 “No! No we can’t! I’ve been pushing this down for months Dean! MONTHS! Every fight! Every time you absentmindedly flirt with the bartender right in front of my face. You think I don’t feel it every time I sleep by myself? You think that this what I want hanging over my head every day? Constantly wondering if today is the day you kick me out or worse, tells me that you don’t love me anymore.”

 “Y/N, stop!”

 “You know, a part of me wished that I would have gotten seriously hurt on that hunt today. It’s a sad thought that I figured that if I got hurt that maybe my boyfriend would care. Maybe he would stop fighting with me to realize that I was hurting more than just physically.  But you don’t care and I can’t make you care. Just like I can’t make you fall in love with me again,” you sniffled, wiping away the tear that slipped down your cheek.  “I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you Dean. I can’t keep putting myself through this. I love you with all my heart, Dean and more. When we were happy together, you gave me some of the greatest memories. But I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.”

 “Don’t. Don’t walk away,” he pleaded.

“Give me one good reason not to.”

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Stoned On You

A/N: Hiii. This is a collaboration with me and @minhosmeanhoe . We figured out  that we’re the same person with the same dirty mind and this was the outcome. This is the longest and most smut I’m sure either of us has ever written in our lives and I hope you guys love reading as much as we loved writing it ! The song that goes with this fic is Stoned On You by Jaymes Young

Warnings: smut; smoking (weed), drinking, mentions of violence, hair pulling; I’m sure there is more but idk rn

Word Count: 12,529

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The 10 Best Beer Gifts for Father’s Day

Beer isn’t just a beverage. When you’re into it, it’s really a way of life. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of products and gifts that exist to enhance this perfect way of life. No, you definitely don’t need some of the things here, but damn does it sure make beer more fun. From t-shirts to beer soap, theres a gift here for everyone who shares the same love of beer that you do. Check them out below. 

Beer Soap (6-pack…of course) 

If you’ve ever had a shower beer, you’ll know just how glorious it is to have a great beer while enjoying the warm water. Just imagine all of that in your soap…aside from the taste. “You smell like beer” will soon be the highest compliment you can achieve.

Get It Here


Wooden Bottle Opener

Second on the list is a sweet bottle opener that looks good in any man cave, dorm room or kitchen. The wood definitely gives this gift a rustic feel, and is the perfect price for a small gift. We’re definitely getting one for our shop!

Get It Here


Stoneware Growler

So at first the actual weight of the growler turned me off, but that thought was swiftly replaced by wanting one just based on how cool it looks. I found out that these clay-based growlers also keep your beer insulated, and therefore colder for a longer period of time. An awesome gift for someone who homebrews and spends lots of time outdoors.

Get It Here


Silicone Beer Caps

You want to savor your beer. So when you get that 22oz. 13% ABV Russian Imperial Stout, you want to drink it fresh, and drink it slow. With these silicone beer caps, you can pour yourself a small glass now, and keep the rest fresh for later. Any craft beer lover will truly appreciate (and continually use) this gift.

Get It Here


Beer Shampoo & Conditioner

Oh this is too good. Beer conditioner? You don’t drink it, which is literally the ONLY downside I see. For the person that thought beer soap was end of the road, this will blow their pretty little mind just one more time. Plus, it’s reasonably priced enough to be a truly unique stocking stuffer.

Get It Here


Diagram of Beer Poster

Over 100 styles of beer and over 600 specific beers dot this striking poster, giving any craft beer aficionado an exact style to many of their favorite beers. We have one up in our shop, and consult it on a weekly basis to give us inspiration on what to brew!

Get It Here


Mini Oak Barrels

This takes homebrewing and craft beer enjoyment to a new level. For any beer lover that partakes in barrel aged beers, or any homebrewer that has wanted to try this advanced technique, this is the gift for them! These barrels come in sizes from as small as 1L to as big as 100L, and everywhere in between.

Get it Here


Traditional German Beer Stein

Sure, this stein might be expensive, but it’s unbelievably cool. These steins are crafted using the traditional German methods passed down over hundreds of years. Everything is made out of pewter and is FDA food grade safe.

Get It Here


United States of Beer Tasting Map

If your beer lover also likes to travel, this beer cap map is the perfect gift. Every time they have a beer from a different state, or IN a different state, they can place that cap in that state’s slot, and write in what they had. Beer doesn’t erase memories, it creates them!

Get It Here


Brew Candles

All around, this is a really cool gift. The candle is made out of soy wax, the candle holder is a recycled 22oz. beer bottle, and the smell is based off of pleasant-smelling beer styles. What more could any beer lover want?

Get It Here


Hope you get inspired with some of the beer things and get your father a nice gift! If you have another ideas just let us know in comments. Reblog if you find this useful!

marino-kun  asked:

Do you take prompt? What about Stiles having a secret crush on Derek but when saw him, taking care Scott's son, he fell in love.

I’m not much of a kid fic person, so this took me a while, but I tried. Hopefully it’s kind of what you were angling for!

*

“Do you think I’m ready for fatherhood?” Stiles asks, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He’s not freaking out about this. He’s not.

Boyd says flatly, “Stilinski, you’re twenty-one years old. You’re supposed to know how to use a condom by now.“

Stiles’ hand spasms and he accidentally squirts a huge glob of ketchup on his mound of curly fries. Fuck. He has the ideal ketchup-to-curly-fry ratio down to a science, and this is not it. “No, absolutely not what I meant. It’s just. Did you know Derek had a kid?”

Boyd meditatively takes a bite of his burger. “No. But the nice thing about Derek is that he doesn’t go in for personal talk.”

Stiles shoots him a weird look. Of course Boyd would think that was nice. Stiles, though, has been trying to break down Derek’s walls even just a little bit for months now—sitting with him in class, sharing his notes, studying with him in the library and getting late-night waffles together afterwards, little by little pulling Derek out of his shell. He’d thought he was getting somewhere, but obviously not, not if Derek failed to mention this kid even existed.

Which he does. Stiles knows, because he can see him right now, over by Prof. Martin’s pool. Apparently his name is Jamie.

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Deeper Than Ink | 01

P R E M I S E ⇒

Should you fall in love with someone, even in the slightest, your skin becomes marked with vibrant colors that depict the story of your emotions. A tattoo, per say. However, should they or you fall out of love, the bright hues dull to black and the feelings you once had for each other melt away. To many, it’s a blessing to not have to live with the pain of your past. But what’s the point when you have too many reminders–say 27?

P A I R I N G ⇒  namjoon x reader

G E N R E ⇒  angst, tattoo au, soulmate au

W O R D S ⇒  7.281

P A R T ⇒  one | two | three


Pebbles bounced against the sidewalk, caught between the concrete and the rubber soles of boots dragging across the pavement. The movement was slow and the sound was reminiscent of a modern romantic defeat, another tally to add to the chalkboard. Another inked reminder that would be incomplete on a pale skin canvas.

A single finger rose to itch at the back of a studded ear, scratching just above the intricate black swirls of patterned water that was splayed over a neck. The owner of this design–and the 27 others cluttering his skin–wasn’t a lost cause or a serial romantic as many had come to believe. But potentially the most unlucky man in the world.

There were many others like him, decorated in dozens of these brandishes to signify their accomplishments in a manner akin to a trophy shelf. Their skin was littered with these marks of past lovers who were only intended to become blackened symbols. However, hoarding tattoos of ones he adored was not a game to him like it was to others; he feared the attention and judgment that his ink gave him.

He was enamored by people and their stories, the things they had to say and the words that they would whisper to him. Falling for them was simply a side effect of his own curiosity that he had no control over, as the patterns would only appear when the emotions were mutual. People were drawn to him, not for the art etched into him, but for his elegant thoughts and charming words.

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anonymous asked:

Prompt: Dean punchs Sam for drunkenly kissing Cass and finding out only because there's a photo. He ignores Cass as well. In the end, he apologises and explains why he flipped out ;D

The hockey game had been Dean’s idea. Now he regrets even mentioning it.

“’Dollar Beer Night’, Sam,” Dean had said. “How can you say no to that? We all need a night out: you, me, Cas…” 

Sam had agreed to go, as had Castiel (even though the intricacies of organized sports tended to escape him most of the time). They piled into the Impala and headed to the nearby arena to watch the local ECHL team while getting hammered on cheap beer.

That had been the plan at least. 

Everything was going so well up until the end of the first period. Dean got up to drain the snake and get them all refills, leaving Cas and a visibly-tipsy Sam at their seats. He was standing in line at Concessions, watching the replays on the monitor above his head when the stadium began their “Kiss Cam” thing. 

It was cute: a young couple clearly on a first date, and elderly man and woman decked head to toe in team colors, A man and a woman who don’t seem to know each other very well but play along with a peck on the cheek, a shaggy haired guy and… Wait, is that Sam and Castiel?

“What the…?” Dean mutters, watching in horror as Sam cups a hand around Castiel’s jaw, pulling him in for a sloppy kiss. Castiel looks surprised at first then  relaxes. Dean’s veins seem to harden and fill with ice water. He barely aware of  the cups of beer tipping out of his hand or the shouts of the other attendees around him. 

Seconds pass like hours as Dean’s eyes remain glued to the screen. Dean has seen so much horror and awfulness in his life but it doesn’t compare with the image of his brother kissing his, uh, his…

“Fuck…” Dean hisses under his breath. Without thinking, he moves down the passage way, heading back to his seats.

“Hey Dean,” Sam says cheerily, his words a little slurred. “Castiel and I were on the-” He’s cut off by Dean’s fist connecting with his jaw. Sam lurches back for a moment and before lunging toward Dean, plowing his entire weight into his brother. Castiel calls out Dean’s name and attempts to pull them apart as Security scrambles up the steps toward them.

“What the fuck, Dean!” Sam shouts as they walk toward the Impala after being thrown out of the arena. “What the fuck is you fucking problem?” Dean stomps toward the car, any buzz from the beer now gone. 

“I said I was sorry,” Dean says, not turning around. He was, too; He had no idea why he blew up that way at his brother. It was clear that the kiss had been a joke; just a drunken reaction to the Kiss Cam. Sam was laughing like an idiot the whole time he was doing it. 

Castiel stays strangely quiet, trailing behind the two men. Dean can tell he’s pissed, at him in particular. That was all Dean seemed to do nowadays- piss off people who care about him and drive them farther away. Dean couldn’t even bring himself to look at Castiel. 

“Why the hell did you punch me?” Sam asks again.

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean says. “Let’s just head back to the-”

“No, no!” Sam grabs Dean by the shoulder and spins him around to face him. “You’re going to tell me right now what-”

“Is it because Sam kissed me?” Castiel asks. Dean startles and looks toward him, his blue eyes cool and a little accusing.

“I… I uh… I,” Dean stammers. A denial hangs on his tongue, but he just can’t seem to get it out.

“Is that fucking why?!” Sam blurts out incredulously. He makes a disgusted noise and scrubs a hand over his face. “Godammit! As if I don’t have to deal with the two of you and your soap opera shenanigans enough. Christ, Dean, you could’ve said ‘hey, Cas is my boyfriend. Hands off, alright?’”

“Cas, isn’t my-”

“If you’re companionable to that idea, Dean, I think I can be persuaded-”Cas interjects. 

“But instead,” Sam continues, “You decide to punch first and ask questions later. That is not how healthy relationships work!” 

“Sam, it’s not like -” Dean frowns, noticing the disappointed pull to Castiel’s shoulders. “I mean, if you want it to be like that, we can Cas, but-” Sam grabs the car keys from Dean’s hand.

“I’m going to the car,” he says firmly, turning to leave, “You two get this sorted out. I don’t care what you do, just do it.” Sam’s grumbles echo through the parking lot as he walked away from them. Dean can’t lift his gaze to meet Cas’, too mortified and angry with himself. He starts to follow after Sam when Cas pipes up.

“Dean?” he asks. “Dean… Is that why you punched Sam? Because you were jealous and assumed him and I were in some sort of relationship?” Dean doesn’t answer, just continues to stare at the ground. 

“I can assure you,” Castiel continues, “that my interest in Sam is purely platonic.” Dean nods, but he can’t seem to shake the image of the kiss from his brain. “Unlike my interest in you which is… deeper.” Castiel moves forward, and Dean barely has time to react before Cas’ lips are on his. The kiss isn’t as quick or messy as the ‘Kiss Cam’ kiss, but there’s a level of need and intensity that has Dean sinking into Castiel’s embrace touch, his mouth opening willingly as Castiel’s tongue runs over the seam of his lips.

Dean’s hands come up around Castiel’s middle, pulling his closer and earning a soft groan. Castiel’s hand close around Dean’s chin, his cool fingers a counterpart to the warmth of his mouth. 

Dean pulls back first, catching his breath and resting his forehead against Cas’ temple. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m an idiot.”

“A little,” Castiel offers. “But you’re my idiot.” And then a little more hesitantly. “You are, aren’t you? Mine?” Dean leans his head on Cas’ shoulder. 

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I am.”

anonymous asked:

um could you do jake dillinger's party except jeremy realizes he's being an idiot and he goes to find michael in the bathroom and then he makes him feel better and just soft boyf riends

y aal l l ar et o oo good  to o me

AO3 Link

Jeremy stormed out of Jake’s bathroom, slamming the door behind him and leaving Michael alone.

Why did I do that?

“Because you wanted to.” The Squip replied.

No I- I didn’t. Jeremy thought back, walking into the living room. I didn’t want to, Michael is my- My best friend.

We both know what Michael is to you, and we both know that you need to leave that part of yourself behind.” The Squip insisted. 

For a moment, Jeremy nodded to himself, before almost slapping himself for thinking it. No, I- Whatever.  I would never want to hurt him.

Well you just did.”

I didn’t want to though.

“Did you not?”

No. Jeremy insisted, glancing around the room, Jake smiled at him from across the room, motioning for him to come over. Jeremy did.

“Do you want any beer? You haven’t had any all night.”

No.” The Squip urged.

“I’d love some.” Jeremy smiled, accepting the red solo cup that Jake gave to him in response. He downed it as quickly as he could and refilled it, downing that too. Maybe alcohol would make his guilt go away.

It didn’t make the guilt go away, but the drunker he got, the less he could hear the Squip yapping in his ear, and by the time he was buzzed, the voice was gone.

“Oh my god.” Jeremy said aloud, swaying to the music. “It’s gone.” He grinned, “It’s gone. I have to tell Michael!”

Michael.

Jeremy all but bolted to the bathroom, knocking on the door. There was no reply. “Michael? Are you still in there? It’s…Its me.”

Jeremy heard a faint sob.

“Michael are you…Okay?”

“Fuck you, Jeremy.” Michael’s voice cracked.

Shit.

“Fuck…Michael…I’m sorry. I- He’s gone…For now.”

There was a pause and Jeremy heard the click of the lock. He opened the door. Michael was in the bathtub, knees curled to his chest, tearstains on the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“Shit, Michael, I-”

“Just… Close the door.” 

Jeremy did, locking it behind him. He climbed into the bathtub, sitting in the same position as Michael. 

“I’m…Fuck, I’m…So sorry.” Jeremy began.

“Don’t…Don’t worry about it.” Michael wiped his nose on his sleeve and dried his eyes. “I’m…At least you came back.”

“Of course I-”

“So the Squip is…gone?”

Jeremy nodded and then shook his head, “I’m…A little drunk. I think it shut him off for a bit.”

Michael nodded. “Okay well…Uh…I kinda wanna…Tell you something?”

Jeremy rubbed his eyes and nodded, “go ahead.”

“I…Like you.” Michael paused. “A lot.”

Jeremy sat in silence for a moment, figuring out what to say. “You….Like…Me?”

Michael sighed, burying his head in his hands. “I know it’’s…”

Fuck, no, Michael I-” Jeremy tentatively reached over to touch Michael’s knee. “I- like you too.”

Michael lifted his head up. “Wait- you…”

“Yeah.” Jeremy smiled as their eyes met. “I.”

Michael chuckled, “Well that’s good.” He fiddled with his sleeve.

Jeremy moved closer, turning so that his side was leaning against Michael’s legs.

“We gotta figure out a way to get rid of this thing.” Jeremy said, “But until then…Can I kiss you?”

Michael smiled, “Not if I kiss you first.”

“That-” Jeremy began, but Michael had already closed the space between them, pulling him into a long kiss.

Jeremy grinned, who would have thought that getting drunk would be the best think to ever happen to him?

Friday Night Yikes

masterlist

pairing: hamilsquad x reader

word count: 2400

warnings: swearing, period talk!

summary: game night wasn’t quite going as planned.

a/n: for all you lovely people who may be going through that time of the month, this is for you (and me bc i had cramps all day n im suffering) enjoy


Friday was game night and movie night.

“Yo, Alex, where’d you put the Coke?” John Laurens called, his head stuck inside of the fridge.

“In the drawers with the vegetables,” Alexander Hamilton, who was finishing up an essay, answered from his bedroom.

John looked at you, perched on the countertop, and rolled his eyes. You laughed and swung your legs back and forth, leaning your head back against the cabinet.

You had become friends with the boys your first year of university, although you didn’t quite see them as much as you liked due to your course load. You were taking five classes and spent every minute living in a state of constant stress and worry. You were at school from 9 to 6 every single day, with only a half an hour break at lunch, and when you got home you were either revising, writing essays, or sleeping. The guys tried to get you to go out with them, but you were always too busy. This was upsetting for every party in the situation, but especially you, because you just wished you hadn’t taken so many courses from the beginning. If you hadn’t, you would be able to spend time with people who made you feel genuinely happy and free. Finally, right after your finals in your second year, you had a breakdown (that Hercules Mulligan had to sop up your tears during) and decided that you would take two less classes your third year. By the time September rolled around, you were a lot less stressed. And yes, you still had a lot of work to do, but at least now you could spend some amount of time every week dedicated to your boys. Friday was the day that worked best for everyone. So Friday became your date night.

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To Me, You Are Perfect

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader
Rating: Unrated
Summary: Reader is stressed because of her work and especially her ruthless boss and Chris comes in to cheer her up.
Word Count: 941
Genre: Fluff!
Warnings: swearing, mentions of work overload, stressed Reader and mentions of alcohol, but it’s pure fluff with our favorite dork.
Author’s Note: I’ve written this as friendship, but you it can be read as a romance.
I’m always grateful for @punkrockhippiefromthefourties’ help. Because this fic wouldn’t be exactly like this if it wasn’t for her.

Originally posted by elsasexual

As you finally could see the familiar shape of your Bostonian building, you walked faster toward home, where you would finally let go of your frustration. You stepped inside the apartment you’d rented in the city and let down your jacket and your bag on the floor. You kicked off your shoes and went to the bathroom where you cleansed your skin nervously.

You had quite a lovely day at work until one man made you angrier than ever. Your boss. He had been on your case for the last six weeks, micromanaging almost to the point where your workload became unmanageable. You faced unreasonable deadlines and you felt as though you got set up for failure. As a result, a light stress overtook your mind and you even considered leaving your job behind you.

This past week had been very hard on you and your co-workers, so it was naturally that you put on your fluffiest pajamas, not bothering to clean up after you. You went to relax on the couch, having no motivation or energy to even try to do anything fun with your friends having dinner in town. You opted for a cozy evening, wanting to stay home and forget everything about these last days.

You watched a stupid and pointless show on the television, chewing on some snacks when your phone buzzed next to your thigh. You reached blindly for the device and smiled briefly when you eventually saw the name and the photo on the screen.

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  • ❝ you’re a dick! ❞ 
  • ❝ hey, bub, I’m not finished with you yet. ❞
  • ❝ every time. ❞   
  • ❝ c’mon, i’ll take care of you. ❞ 
  • ❝ got any beer? ❞
  • ❝ yeah, save it. ❞ 
  • ❝ i want you to leave. ❞
  • ❝ if we die, you die. ❞ 
  • ❝ holy shit. ❞
  • ❝ maybe it’s time for us to move on. ❞
  • ❝ do you ever shut up, pal? ❞
  • ❝ oh, this is a true story.❞
  • ❝ i come with you, i’m comin’ for blood. ❞
  • ❝ i’m the best there is at what i do, and what i do best isn’t very nice. ❞  
  • ❝ i’ll find my own way. ❞ 
  • ❝ go fuck yourself. ❞ 
  • ❝ i’d hurry if i were you. ❞   
  • ❝ a lot of people have tried to kill me, and i’m still here. ❞
  • ❝ don’t hurt my friends! ❞
  • ❝ hey! bub! ❞
  • ❝ so, you always were an asshole. ❞  
  • ❝ look past me. ❞
  • ❝ oh, i’m sorry. were you finished? ❞
  • ❝ patience isn’t exactly my strongest suit. ❞
  • ❝ what the fuck? ❞
  • ❝ and god made it last too long. ❞    
  • ❝ so, this is what it feels like. ❞
  • ❝ hey! not okay! ❞ 
  • ❝ what else did he tell you? ❞
  • ❝ i have nightmares too. ❞
Quarterback Comeback - Chris Evans

Request: Okay so you wrote the Falcon fan story, think you can write one where the reader is a Patriots fan? Because if I had been at that game I would have been flipping out right along side him! & 

Request: Hey, do you think you can write a Chris Evans x Reader at the Superbowl, she’s also a Pats fan, and sooo much into the game. And they both yell the same thing at the same time and Chris notices her and like immediate crush, please?

A/N: Sorry if this is a bit cramped or any sort of football terminology is off, I tried to be accurate as I could. I even watched highlights of the game and went on the NFL website to look up the players, lmao. I hope this is good for both requests! Lots of love - R .x 

people: Chris!SuperBowl - Reader ft. Scott Evans & Jeremy Renner

warnings: nope.


“Yeah! Fuck yeah! Is this was euphoria feels like? Cause I’m high as a fuckin’ kite, that was sick, man!” You gave a double high five to Renner before turning to take a sip of your beer, which was missing. 

What the fuck, who takes a beer at the Super Bowl? Are we savages?

“Chris, I think someone stole my beer, Imma go get another-” Just as you were searching through your purse you glanced up at your boyfriend to see him frozen, with a beer situated right on his lips.

Popping up, you snatched your beer out of the thieves hands. Putting it on your other side knowing Renner would spit it out any of the beer if he decided to steal it. It was Bud Light and Renner was too fancy for that shit, so he says.

“Hey! Asshole! Ain’t you got millions? Get your paws off my drink!” I poked at Chris’s Patriot covered chest and saw those blue eyes begin their trick of puppy dog eyes, the ones I never could resist from him, ever.

“I thought we share now? Besides, it’s like God is upon us now! We have a fucking lead we’re so close, babe. We’re gonna win. I know it. Forget the beer we are going to be champions again-” We swing our heads as Scott yells out for us to look out onto the field- oh fuck.

“BRADY! FUCK YEAH! OH, MY GOD! YES, YES YES!”

“BRADY! FUCK YEAH! OH, MY GOD! YES, YES YESSSSSSSS!”

You saw your second boyfriend (to be fair, Chris didn’t really care and actually would agree anytime you talked about how Tom’s ass looked damn fine in his uniform. 

“Are you two fuckin’ like psychic? What the hell?” You both turned to Renner and rose a brow to him,

“What do ya mean?” Chris took a swig of his own beer can, and let his eyes drift back and forth to the field as Brady got Pat’s for his slide into the 40-yard line.

“You two have been yelling the same thing at the exact same time for like twenty minutes, I’d think you’ll we’re from the shining if you guys weren’t fuc-” 

Punching his shoulder you just smirked at Renner and shook your head, “It’s called telekinesis, Jer. We get it whenever we watch sports. It’s like all of a sudden we share a brain-” You took a slow glare to Chris jokingly, “And apparently beer’s now too…”

Chris only laughed and grasped your waist, pulling you snug into his side as the team set up again. “You think they’ll come back from 3 to 28?” 

Scott asked nonchalantly, only to have you and Chris simultaneously tell him, “Yeah we fuckin’ arah! We turning this steamboat around.”

You giggled at this weird formation that only now you realized looked probably quite disturbing outside of your mind and Chris’s as well. “We’re weird, aren’t we?”

“Yup. Psychos whose team is about to lock this shit down.” You gave Chris a peck to his arm before turning back to the game, only to see a goddamn miracle happen as White took a dive, landing a touchdown but just inches.

“Yeah! Oh, my! God!” You and Chris looked at each other with eyes filled to the brim with joy. Except, normally the passion that was in between you was not because a sweaty guy just got sacked by a bunch of other sweaty guys and managed to still land a touchdown.

“Still worried we ain’t gonna win, Scottie?” You leaned over and looked at Scott as he gave you a fuck off smirk and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh good, god. I’m gonna have to have to Chris’s in my life now? Is this what it’s gonna be like, every time the Patriot’s get to the Super Bowl? Because if so, I’m gonna start charging you both for my additional weekly therapy sessions.” 

Chris just laughed loudly, clapping his heads as he threw his head back, obviously getting a bit Drunk Happy. You just chuckled to yourself and downed the rest of my beer, setting it aside and focusing back on the game.

                                                          …

You knew they were going to make a comeback, it was what New Englander’s did. We turned around in the last moments and came together to fucking smash the glass ceiling every time. We never stop and we don’t even let our minds wander in the final hours of the game. To see the ball make it across the white line, and into the zone, landing us Patriots, another. Fucking. Win.

Confetti went off as you and Chris jumped up and down, high from the electricity in the air of fellow Bostonians and Englander’s cheering the team for their miraculous victory. “Oh my god! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!” You shouted along with Chris as we roared with the fans. 

Taking in the victory of another win. Feeling Chris tug slightly on your arm made you turn towards him only to be picked up by the inward curve of your waist, and have a pair of beer tasting lips kiss you fiercely. Not bothering in holding back anything between you both as he kissed you with as much force as he could without pain. You draped your arms around his neck, letting your legs snake around his waist. Suddenly forgetting you were in public and people we most likely filming this. You frankly, give a damn, because your Quarterback was kissing from the victory. 

You almost pulled away from Chris with the love he poured into the kiss, feeling as if it was too much for your body to handle with all the excitement and beer running through you, right now. He pulled his head away and gave a dreaming, toothy grin that made you giggle softly into his neck while leaned in. You embraced the teddy bear of a man while swaying together back and forth in almost a hypnotic motion. Letting the cheers take you both different places. It was weird looking at everyone jumping and screeching, yet you’d just been that person who was tugging at their hair, grabbing anyone in sighting to tug them towards the scene below you, or even just shouting fuck over and over.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the chaos that surrounded you both, and the euphoria that laid in between are bodies, almost like we found a transportation device and we’re no longer at the stadium. We’re just together, loving one in another in a celebration of joy and love. After the last year, this win felt more than a victory for the Patriots, it felt like a win for you and Chris, personally. 

After the fights that you both went through together, united as one for the injustice that America was receiving these days, and much more to come, it sucked to believe tomorrow would resume normally. You kept in mind that in this moment, confetti popped and fell all around us, some catching even in your tangled locks.

“I mean, I hate to say this, Scott, but look how cute the Shining twins are? It’s like a football romantic dramedy!” Chris’s friend John teased you both as he pointed his camera towards us both, making Scott laugh and swat at John’s camera 

“Hey! It’s only during football season we become one. The rest of the time we are in a war together on who is better than the other at what. Let’s be honest, babe. I’m better, always.”

You slapped Chris on the chest and giggled, taking his unfinished Bud light from behind him, and slowly bringing it to your lips, “You keep telling yourself that, Buddy Boy. Just remember that we have film age of me kicking your ass all the way to Colorado in table tennis.”

“Shots already fired and we aren’t even out of the damn stadium yet!” Scott groaned, smacking his hand to his forehead. Jeremy let out a gruff laugh and patted my back as you situate yourself back on the ground again, fixing your top that had risen slightly.

“Congrats Scott on your newest sibling!” Jeremy teased to across at Scott who was smiling and shaking his head. “I’m in for a new hearing aid when they have a baby and becomes the ultimate super pat’s fan. Can you imagine?”

“Yes, I can, dork! And she’s also part of the team and is alongside all the best players and has gotten twenty super bowl rings so yeah!” You smiled at Chris delicately, as if he was suddenly made of glass. His voice never wavered when he replied to Scott, meaning he’d thought about our daughter in the NFL before. Not just making it up right now.

“Hmm, Baby Evans, Quarterback for the Patriots and winner of… a noble peace prize! I like that, babe. Let’s go start planning her future college fund, right now! Well, after we celebrate, then we can start her college fund and map out where she’ll play in college…”

Chris smiled and jumped for joy like a jumping bean suddenly made its way into his heart. Chris couldn’t help but dream about the perfection of you and him, crossed together to make the most amazing human being.

Chris knew that whatever gender, whatever personality, they’d have a Quarterback baby. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world to think about, though. He couldn’t help but smile more and more at the thought of a baby Evans wandering around during a future Super bowl, with a tiny Brady jersey on during the game.

Something to look forward too, in the next few years. 

At least that was Chris’s hope.


I can’t keep my Chris!Dad feels down, guys!!! I mean like look below, COME ONNNNN! They always come out in my writing, lol. I hope you enjoyed it! 

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