The thing about anxiety and depression is that you can’t ‘just relax’ or ‘stop stressing’. It paints everything in shades of gloom until the pleasures of life become minuscule. Anything that used to excite or interest you comes to mean little. You may sit down to a movie but as the images flicker before your eyes, you fail to register any of it. If you were a reader like me then lines may become inscrutable blurs, words just keep appearing, one after another but you can barely grasp what’s going on. Meeting up with friends or even conversing with your own family becomes a chore as you manically think of things to say that make you sound at least partially enthused. It’s so unnatural to be normal and you feel fake mimicking conventions. You wish you could sit their silently without bearing an uncomfortable smile and not worry about keeping up appearances.
It’s a soul crushing experience. You feel stale inside carrying the weight of hopelessness. Do you still think someone would choose to feel like this?