ANTM Recap, Cycle 16 Ep. 4: "Tumblr Ate My Homework"

Well, there was a good chunk of text to go along with these images, but Tumblr has had The Burps all day, and my first posting of this was lost to the Interwinds.  So, this episode, you get mostly pictures, but that’s not really a problem, is it?

Let’s just get this out of the way:

Licking was a theme this week?  Sure.

Also, I felt like Alexandria must have had some night terror that gave her a healthy fear of mortality, after episode three.  Because this episode, she gave some very reactionary, rage-against-the-dying-of-the-light, Baby Jane looks, amirite?

“I’m writing a letter to Daaaaaddy.”

The power amulet made an appearance again this week, signaling that Alexandria will live on to siphon the life force of another hapless ingenue. 

Also, “I radiate toward you” is so backwards, nonsensical, and ESL that I’m chalking it up as a randomly-generated Captcha phrase.

This episode gave some very good group reaction shots; just a bouquet of stankface.  Here’s Sara, Hannah, and Kasia reacting to the news that they’ll have to walk home from the challenge:

I like that Kasia’s just delighted that she’s still around, Sarah is not even playing the game at this point, and Hannah, per usual, gives her best Drew Barrymore, “Walking is sooo amazing, and I hope we walk by some flowers or maybe some labrador puppies!  What if those PUPPIES are just learning to walk too?  Wouldn’t that be amaaazing?”

I love these reactions to the fire lighting up the runway, because you see Sarah’s terror/mid-snart face juxtaposed with Jaclyn’s stonefaced acceptance of death. 

“Lord, I know it’s mah time.  I’ve made my peace.  Let’s walk.  See y'all on the other side of the River Jordan.” -Jaclyn

Hey are you feeling nauseous? 

Now you are.  

So, this episode was strange, not just for the janked-up coffee commercial shoot, but because there were actual displays of skill paired with practical, meaningful critiques from Miss J.  I have no precedent for this.  I mean, Brittani had a verifiable good look:

And when Kasia needed to work on her default sexymouth?

 Miss J actually did an approximation of that!  It wasn’t a cartoonish exaggeration, just something demonstrable from which Kasia could work.  Boring, I know.  But notable for having a modicum of sense.

Let’s bring it home with some nonsense.

Not only do I love that Hannah had to be told who Doris Day was, but “milk and cookies” … this is a descriptor we use for human beings?  I understand it conjures a notion of wholesome homeyness, but I’m just not familiar with that as a personal adjective.  Maybe it’s just slang they use at THE Smashbox Studios.

Speaking of cookies, Sarah found your Oreos!

Molly found Alexandria’s Book of Shadows.

And Sarah found herself applying for late registration.  Bye, boo!

To my bubblegum barbie solider;

Recognize that doll face? Why yes, it is Miss Hannah “doll face” Jones from ANTM Cycle 16! I’m taking the time to write this just so I could say thank you and express my appreciation to Hippie Hannah.

I messaged her once, and I didn’t expect her to reply but she did! and it made my heart smile. Thank you Hannah for giving the time to write and share this letter when you were inside the top model house,


Thanks for glittering me with inspiration and effervescent words. Amongst all the models out there, and there are a lot, you stand out for me. I don’t use the word beautiful loosely, I may use the word pretty for a pretty face but when I call someone beautiful in my own terms, they are truly beautiful inside and out, and you are. You are smart, you are lovely, and you are filled with so much spark. Remember when I messaged you before? That I’ll pursue my dreams of being a designer and you’re gonna be my model? I hung onto it and wishing to meet you someday when I travel (It’s already written on my bucket list hee hee). I just turned 18 this year and in a short time I will be graduating from college and off I go like a butterfly! I just want you to know that you are one of my inspirations and I feel like I have a friend from across the globe that’s there to give inspiration from her charming take on things. I love you bubblegum barbie soldier! 

(ps. I chose that photo of you for I love tie-dyes and you still look stunning in a simple shirt)

Love always,