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3. Tyra Drops By

Boy, the panel’s deliberation this week sure is contentious. Doesn’t it make you miss the old days when the judges would pretend their opinions mattered before Tyra picked the winner?

Speaking of Tyra, Rita Ora makes a case for India to win, saying they should select a model who can do it all like Tyra. Clearly, she wants to make sure the E.P. gives her a check before the lights go off on this production.

Ashley, who also wants her check, shuts down the slightest hint of a comparison between the two women. No one is as good as Tyra!

Similarly ready to get paid, Law concurs with Ashley. Keep India’s trash name out of the same sentence as Tyra!

Evidently, if you say Tyra’s name too many times, you can conjure her into the room. She walks in unannounced and the judges pretend to lose their shit.

While I don’t think they were expecting her, I also don’t think people who interact with far bigger celebrities on a regular basis would treat Tyra like the second coming of Christ. They’re literally calling her “queen” and begging her to help them because they couldn’t possibly make a decision without her (even though they’ve done precisely that the last thirteen eliminations.)  

Tyra plays it off like a casual visit, explaining that she just happened to be in the neighborhood. Remember when she promised the contestants at the beginning of the cycle that she would pop up again? Oddly, the models never got to see Tyra again (unless Tatiana’s attempt at an impersonation counts); she sure put off her next visit until the last possible second.    

Ashley wants to know if Tyra will be sitting with the judges, and Tyra confirms that she is.

Carefully watch this GIF. Initially, Rita maintains her middle position and it looks like Tyra’s going to sit between her and Drew, but then there’s a magical transition wipe that fast forwards us into the unspecified future where Tyra is now sitting in the middle seat.

Was there a diva showdown over who got to sit in the center that they had to edit around? The fan fiction practically writes itself in that scenario.

Tyra insists she’s been following the whole cycle to keep up with the contestants’ progress, yet the judges still feel compelled to breakdown the difference between the top two models. “They both have exactly what the other girl needs,” Law summarizes.

Tyra, psycho as ever, says:

She even catches herself getting a little crazy, which is why she clarifies, “But not hurt ‘em.” But trust, Tyra would absolutely put Naomi Campbell in a blender if she could.

Tyra wants the judges to find a girl who can WERK.

Somehow, Tyra decides that Kendall and Kylie Jenner are the perfect metaphor for India and Tatiana. Man, there was a point where Tyra would have been embarrassed to tie her ANTM brand to figures like that. I mean, that point obviously ended a long time ago, before ANTM gave the Jenner girls one of their first modeling gigs in that creepy adult baby photoshoot, but still!  

I’m going to unapologetically state that I don’t know the difference between the Jenner girls, so it’s all gibberish to me. But apparently Tyra is aware that Kylie has a successful cosmetics line, so Kylie ought to watch her back or a certain CEO of Tyra Beauty might throw her in a blender.

Tyra decides to give all of the judges an assignment to help determine a winner.

* Law is instructed to think about which girl he wants to dress the most. I take that to mean which girl he least wants to see naked.

* Drew is supposed to think about which model he wants to see on the pages of his magazine. [@markliddell​ compares Drew’s smile in this moment to the Grinch, and now I can’t unsee it.]

* Ashley needs to decide which model could be a real supermodel in nine months time. Apparently, the gestation period for birthing a supermodel is the same as a human baby.

Finally, Rita has to decide which contestant can do things other than modeling, which I think is Tyra’s way of shading Rita for not actually being a model.

And with that, Tyra peaces out - quite literally. The judges plead with her to stay, and Rita says, “That is how you make an exit!” As we’ve already seen, though, people inexplicably screaming in delight is the only way Tyra makes an entrance, too.

I’m kind of surprised Tyra doesn’t stick around to make the tie-breaking vote, since you know how Tyra likes to make a moment about herself, but I guess she really has passed the torch to the next generation of attention-seekers.

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