Okay, here’s the problem with the idea that oppressed groups can “alienate allies” by not being nice enough:
You shouldn’t be an ally because oppressed groups are nice to you. You should be an ally because you believe that they deserve basic human rights. Hearing “I hate men” shouldn’t make men stop being feminist. Hearing “fuck white people” shouldn’t make white people stop opposing racism.
Your opposition to oppression should be moral, and immovable. Your belief that all humans should be treated with equal respect shouldn’t be conditional based on whether or not individual people are nice to you.
Whenever I think about the Rey/o discourse, and the whole thing about people being attracted to villains above all, I wonder why, if this is the case, people don’t ship Buttercup with Prince Humperdinck? Because if we go by this logic everyone in The Princess Bride fandom should’ve ditched “boring” Wesley long time ago, and hopped onto the Humperdinck/Buttercup train. Their relationship dynamics are practically the same as with Rey/o.
A privileged white guy who has everything, but wants even more.
Genocide and random murders of innocents won’t stop him from getting what he wants.
Has a torture chamber where he tortures innocent people.
Not above abusing and torturing women.
All these bullet points can be applied both to Prince Humperdinck and Ky/o Ren. Yet, I’ve never seen a single H/B shipper. And that movie / book is a fairly popular one, even to this day, even on tumblr. However, for some reason, everyone loves and gushes over the blond blue-eyed “boring” Wesley, who was framed as a heroic protagonist by the narrative - vs. Humperdinck, the main villain of the story… So, where are all the H/B shippers?
Also, speaking of which, Finn gets so much crap from white feminists for “grabbing” Rey’s hand. But I have rarely seen people (including these same white feminists) being disgusted with Wesley’s sexism and very much transparent abusive behavior - for exapmple, a scene from the book:
“I’m very capable of love,” Buttercup said. “Hold your tongue, I think.” “I have loved more deeply than a killer like you can possibly imagine.“ He [Wesley] slapped her. “That is the penalty for lying, Highness. Where I come from, when a woman lies, she is reprimanded.” “But I spoke the truth, I did, I - “ Buttercup saw his hand rise a second time, so she stopped quickly, fell dead silent.
Sure, they’ve improved that gross scene for the movie adaptation, but Wesley totally does raise his hand to hit Buttercup even there:
How is ^this^ okay by white feminists’ books, but an innocent hand grabbing is seen as some volatile act of sexism and abuse? (A purely rhetorical question, because we all know the answer)
This is how Hook was written into the show. Getting emma for him was like some kind of conquest. As soon as he saw her he had the hots for her while she was like: “dude get off it -it aint gonna happen” Only then it DID. So it’s literally as if belle had married Gaston. Him getting her was never about her or what she wanted it was always about “i never thought i could love again so you WILL love me back”
There are cis women who grow beards. There are cis women who don’t get periods. There are cis women who are infertile. There are cis women without breasts. There are cis women with deep voices. There are cis women with broad shoulders. There are cis women without uteruses.
How do you define “woman”? There will always be one of your precious “woman born women” that won’t fit your definition.
You throw cis women under the bus at any chance just to hurt and harm trans women. You say you fight for women, but you are all just mysoginists in disguise. You are disgusting hyporcrites and I hate you all.