I did not follow you on social media to see your beautiful significant other. That is not what I signed up for, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t have a life outside of my slightly scary love for you. Or at least don’t make it so obvious. So that somewhere in my adorably warped mind I can still pretend I have a minuscule chance of licking your face, smothering you with my affection, and rubbing my preciously average body against your perfectly sculpted, godlike frame.
Comfortably Crazy Single Fan-Woman
P.S. - Just kidding lol…but not really